Everything can be completed in 3 easy steps.
Yes, everything really IS as it seems.
When it seems too good to be true, you’ve got a good deal in your hands. Take it!
If you wait till the end, you’ll get extra as a bonus.
Ron Popeil = Einstein
Steam comes from water.
Rolling food makes it fully marinated in JUST NINE MINUTES!
Operators are standing by!
Can’t they afford chairs?
But wait don’t call yet!
The old way of doing anything is, by definition, inferior, and will lead to gouged fingers, gouged wood, and/or gouged eyes.
_______ has happened to me MANY times! If only there was a better way!
Any process, no matter how simple and routine, is better and easier to complete if it is part of a “system.”
If you call in the next 30 minutes you’ll be entitled to the same price that you can get online 24/7 (or twice the price you can buy it for in a discount store a few months from now if for any reason you want it).
Until now it would have cost you $905 to get all of things this waffle-maker/curling iron/garden tool/coffee-bean-roaster combo does, but because we like you- I mean really like you- you can get it now for just 3 payments of $19.95, AND we’ll throw in 2 more free of charge (all you pay is $90 s&h). (In fact they’re actually losing about $30 on every unit, but it’s worth it to bring it to you.)
Ex-Three’s Company stars really need work. Surprised about Tom Bosley though- he was on HAPPY DAYS for 42 years, you’d think he’d have plenty socked away.
IF YOU YELL ABOUT EVERYTHING. YOUR PRODUCT MUST WORK BETTER.
(I’m looking at you Oxy clean guy)
Every product is the be-all and end-all. Until it’s the new improved be-all and end-all.
There is no problem so small and subtle that a high priced specialized product can’t be invented to “solve” it.
It’s only $19.99 if you call now!
John Wayne had 40# of impacted fecal matter in his colon.
Kevin Trudeau is a fine upstanding person and “they” are trying to bring him down.
There’s never been a better time than right now
And if they give it away for free, it must work.
The audience is always right, even if the “host” is doubtful. For example:
Host: “You mean that if I order right now, I can get not just one but two Turnip Twaddlers, plus the cookbook, the bamboo steamer set, and the chef’s knife, all for only $49.99? Wow! Isn’t that a great deal?”
:: audience claps and nods with approval ::
Host: "That seals it; I want one.
Inventor: “Get two. They make great gifts.”
:: audience claps and nods with approval ::
Host: “You are so right!”
A Doper once referred to him as the “Oxy moron guy.”
All of the worlds gold was kept in the basement of the Trade Towers but luckily was moved seconds before the towers fell thus giving you a lifetimes worth of coins to mint.
Anyone without a [insert product here] is an inept idiot who can’t successfully operate a knife/can opener/garden tool/exercise machine without inflicting self injury, anyone without a [insert a different product here] is a total slob who can’t organize a pantry/closet/bathroom or fold clothes properly and whose wood/tile grout/ stainless-steel appliances/carpets/windows/clothes/silverware are utterly filthy.
Performing such tasks as cutting hair, greasing a panor cutting food into little pieces by hand will result in existential despair hair pulling and eventually suicide.
The primary purpose of knives is to cut up shoes and tomatoes, in that order.
Regards,
Shodan
Don’t forget the common task of cutting cans in half!
I learned that the human hand can cut a board… but not a tomato!