I realize this may be a stretch for artistic talk but it is TV.
We’ve all been there. Either you can’t sleep, are up with the baby for a 3 a.m. feeding, are drunk, maybe you dropped the remote are too lazy to get up, or are just plain bored. What’s on? Infomercials.
Are there any that you watch regularly? I watched that “making money” one with the young guy talking about either selling real estate or ads in papers as a goof while doing a security job.
My 2 favorites that I still watch are the Dean Martin celebrity roasts and the classic country.
I used to be fascinated by the Red Devil gas-powered barbecue grill doohickey. I wanted one so badly, but I got over it. Still, I watched the commercial, spellbound, multiple times.
“The power of Oxygen will get those stains out!!!”
I’ve actually tried the stuff, but it really doesn’t work that well, however, I still love to see the guy put some Oxyclean into a big bucket of filth and watch the water turn white. It’s amazing!!
One day I almost bought the rotato or whatever it was called. It was a thing that cut potatoes and other veggies up. I actually had the phone and CC in my hand before the wife pulled in the driveway.
Back in the early days of the infomercial, I was some seriously hooked on the V-Slicer. The host was this wonderful stoner type who looked like he was slicing up everything in the house due to a serious case of the munchies.
I would watch this over and over, wondering how I could continue to live my life without razor-thin produce.
Sweet Jesus, have you seen the Infinite Dress? It’s the funniest damn thing you’ll ever see. I was watching it at 3 AM one night and couldn’t turn it off.
They act like it’s the only thing you need to pack, because it can make so many different configurations: micro-mini, ball gown, cool athletic robe(WTF?), etc.
They even show a woman at a baseball game in it, all sporty-like, and then they show her [supposedly later that night] at a gala affair!
Don’t they realize that people will know that something is wrong IF EVERYTHING YOU WEAR IS THE SAME DAMN FABRIC AND COLOR?
Anyway, they make you cry later, when they say “good for all ages” and then a nice old lady comes out wearing it. The look in the actress’ eyes make me sad. She didn’t need to be doing this, lying to other old ladies.
You have to see it. It hasn’t been on in a while though.
I love the one for the cookware that you heat up then leave unattended for whatever reason. The part where she puts it in the freezer to cook is so bizarre I can’t look away. Then when they make a potroast and a cake in the same pan – double bizarre! I was watching this once when I was drinking and thank god my husband was there to take the phone away from me. “But you can cook a roast and cake in the SAME PAN!!!” He said “Who wants to eat a cake that tastes like pot roast?!”
I also like the FoodSealer one. The part where they seal a pair of socks in a bag and the lady acts like it’s a brilliant idea are hilarious. (I do have a Food Saver though. It is useful for normal things.)
But have you seen the infomercial for the giant food-saver type bags, that you fill and then vacuum out the air with a vacuum cleaner? As in “turn all these blankets and sweaters into this (holding small jam packed bag)”. Of course, they never show you how everything probably stays in that shape two years later when you open the bag, but still. Anyway, those bags seem tailor-made for serial killers and dismemberers.
That’s AirCore, voguevixen, and I’m utterly hypnotized by it. It was on a lot around here about a year ago, and when I’d come home from working a late shift I’d sit up and watch the AirCore infomercial over and over. I know it can’t possibly work the way they say it does, but why would Caryl and Marilyn lie to me? They put an uncooked AirCore pot roast on the back of a courier bike for god’s sake!
The ones I watch regularly (it seems one of them is always on):
The Gazelle Freestyle - That guy has way too much energy. I love the 60 second speed scene where he shows how fast the heart rate goes up. Bowflex - I’ll gonna buy one someday, I can use it while I watch infomercials. Over 60 health club quality exercises. Phase 4 Orthonics - They should be arriving in about 3 more weeks. First thing I ever bought from an infomercial. Hopefully it doesn’t start a trend. Oxyclean - Powered by the air you and I breathe, activated by the water you and I drink. A Billy Mays classic. Turbo Tiger - Billy Mays again! He rocks. It picks up tables and bowling balls. Showtime Rotisserie (SP?) Barbeque - Set it and forget it baby!! Ron Popeil is a legend. He even has his own song (Weird Al). AirCore - The walk-away cookware. Send a pot of stew to your relatives via a motorcycle messenger. Cook food in your car while shopping at the mall. Classic. TurboCooker - Wanna-be AirCore. I don’t really like this one, I just watch it to see how much better the AirCore is.
There’s something oddly enjoyable about these shows.
I used to love the commercial for the Flowbee. Oh, man - was that thing bizarre! And just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder, THEY START USING IT ON THE DOG!! I don’t know about your dog, but you can’t get within five feet of mine with a running vacuum cleaner!
Oh man, what’s this new one that’s on? The one where Large Muscled Man hooks electrodes up to his bicep and cranks up the amps? For some reason, I don’t think that’s entirely ‘safe’.
Remember the memory one, with that shady looking guy? He had the fake CNN Larry King type set.
Ron Popeil is great. He’s so enthusiastic and believable.
Who’s the guy that wears the sweaters?
My favorite in the morning is for Blouusant. Gets me revved up for the day seeing these women as obsessed about their breats as I am. Kind of sad though.
Don Lapree (sp?) and his Making Money “package” always entertains me because he is so enthralled with his product. I imagine him being like this all the time. I doubt if he sleeps.
Tony Robbins makes me feel good because I can say, “wow, I feel better and I didn’t even have to buy the product.”
I laugh when I recognize Kevin Trudeau. Why is he hosting his own “talk show” when he’s the inventor of “Mega Memory?” Now people are telling him about new products they have created, but what about his invention? Do they think that “Mega Memory” has slipped our minds and we won’t recognize him? (I have “Mega Memory” in storage somewhere).
My favorite of all time is for “The Infusion Cooker.” It’s from France! The show was hosted by Florence Henderson and some soap opera actress, demonstrating to an ethnically-diverse group of paid friends how easy it is to make meals in minutes with the power of Infusion.
It’s pretty standard goofy infomercial stuff, but it has the best line ever. See, everybody in the “audience” is skeptical as to the real powers of infusion, and one woman reacts vehemently: “Soup from dried beans in 20 minutes? appfh ghf… That’s crazy talk!!!”
Although I like the George Foreman grill, my favorite is a tie between Chiwalla (sp?), a thing for washing your car, and the The Paint Stick. At the beginning of the Paint Stick one, there is a section in black and white, with the announcer saying “Remember the old way?” and these people trying to paint, but ending up with copious amounts of paint all over thier clothes, shoes, skin, hair, face, dog, etc. Who are these people?
I also like the part where the announcer says “The Paint Stick is so easy, even a child can do it!”. Yeah, that’s a good idea, let the kids paint the living room. I’m sure that will turn out fine.
The weirdest thing about this commercial is that it is hosted by this lady named Nancy, who doesn’t believe anything she doesn’t see with her own eyes. Not so weird in itself, but this woman gives new meaning to the word ‘ubiquitous’. She is in more infomercials than you can shake a stick at. What is with her?
The actress is Judith Light–Karen from One Life to Life and that wretched sitcom with Tony Danza. Anyway, I love the part where she dumps a box of dry spaghetti, a package of frozen hamburger and a jar of Ragu into the pot and 10 minutes later it’s the best pasta and “meat sauce” ever.
The rotisserie ad kicks also, especially the basket for trout and vegetables.
I also have to put a word in for Nads, especially the part where they have a hair removal contest on the beach…
I’ve always wondered if the people who make Nads realize that the word means something else. I like the part where the lady says “My daughter was having real trouble. I gave her Nads to help with her self esteem”. Umm, I’m not sure that would help!