What is your personal best puke-a-thon record?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Inspired bythis , I thought a reversal of vomit stories might be in order.
I’ve never had the flu or hurled from drinking too much. I’ve also never had a hangover, either.

But I can tell three pukefest stories:
Third Place. Altitude Sickness. First time skiing in Colorado, I puked from about 10pm steadily until about 4am. Fell asleep and woke up two hours later and skiied like nothing happened. 1995

**Silver Medal : Migraines and flying don’t mix. I had a menstrual migraine and an international flight . I puked from Gander, Newfoundland ( our fuel stop from Detroit) to about 15 minutes out of Frankfurt. You know you look like utter shit when the guy at Passport Control looks at your passport photo (which is some of the crappiest photography in the universe) and comments that you look worse than your photo. It was this intimate experience in an airplane lavatory and laying on the ground outside the john for 90% of the flight wishing for death that made me realize that I had to get help for my menstrual migraines. July 1994
The Gold Medalist Vertigo/ possible micro stroke. August 1, 2004. Hit from out of nowhere and I puked for 4 days consistently. Any movement of my head during the first 48 hours guaranteed barf. After an assload of shots and meds, I was down to only once a half hour of barfing. I couldn’t walk because I had major balance issues. So I would crawl to the bathroom, puking into a wastecan the entire way. Going downstairs, with my husband trying to help me, step by step on my butt, I vomited with each slow drop onto the next step. That is 14 steps. By the time I made it down the stairs ( probably 25 minutes, it was endless.) I was pretty sure I would be barfing up coffee grounds., which would be bad.
I’ve been to hell. It was Vertigo World.

2

Heh. This thread was made for me. I developed a mysterious illness that lasted two years. Every morning I would wake up nauseated and usually puke. I became an expert puke artist. I even knew how to find the best places to puke and the best foods to eat before puking. Finally, after two years of misery I figured out that one of the medicines that I was taking was the culprit. I’ve since quit taking it. But even to this day I can pretty much puke on command. How’s that for a skill?

3

Get yourself an agent. There must be a career for you in movies. We wouldn’t have to suffer the half hearted efforts usually shown on film where someone merely leans over and the vomit falls out.

I can see it now, “And the winner for Best Original Puke goes to** Always Brings Pie**”

4

The worst vomiting of recent memory happened yesterday. From now on, I’m only putting nose drops in while in the shower.

I didn’t mean to buy nose drops, and was somewhat surprised to discover yesterday that I had. I didn’t even know they made them for adults, considering I haven’t had them since I was four or so. I decided that I should give them a shot, because I felt awful yesterday. It’s totally unfair that a bad cold and bad period should collide. Double jeopardy, and all.

TMI (no blood, though)

[spoiler]I suppose I should have realized that there was a possiblity of disaster because bad periods make my stomach iffy, but it didn’t occur to me until much too late. So I decided to put in the drops while seated on the toilet for the 5th time of the day. The drops are worse than a nose spray, I discovered. And they drop right down your throat, making you choke a bit. A bit too much.

Do you remember Ghostbusters? And Slimer? Well, if you throw up everything that was in your sinuses and half-digested vanilla instant breakfast, it’s like that. Except more clear with white specks than green. Having to immediately take an unplanned shower, wash the clothes I’d been wearing and wash the floor did nothing to help me feel any better, but on the plus side my sinuses were clear for several hours afterwards.[/spoiler]

Since this incident, I want to make a remixed trailer for Cloverfield and have the creature be the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

5

Well, I wasn’t puking every minute of every hour of the worst flu I ever had, but I did puke so hard that I burst the blood vessels in both my eyeballs.

And it was the night after I had a nice meal of slightly overcooked, kinda greasy, mango sausages, and with nausea so severe I couldn’t even keep down a glass of water. So I was basically getting a sinusload of burning oils every hour or so.

Fun.

6

While my story isn’t exactly a puke-a-thon, I think it’s noteworty. I was at a party at my husband’s house (back in 1972…before we were even In-laws and before I’d ever actually met him) and a boy who had a crush on me was following me around the party, chatting me up and such.

I was feeling woozy and walked outside to get some fresh air, and this boy followed me out, chat, chat, chatting away and I kept telling him I didn’t feel well and I really wanted to be alone, but he wouldn’t listen. Then I puked on his shoes.

Kid Kalhoun had an ear infection when he was about 3 years old. This all came on at the mall. He told me he was going to puke, so I quickly picked him up and held him over a mall trash receptacle. He puked, and started making our way to the exit. I picked him up and held him over each receptacle we passed, and he puked in nearly every one of them.

7

Not quite a personal puke-a-thon but close.

For a few months I worked as a pilot for a company (now defunct) which flew tourists though the Grand Canyon. This site (warning: auto-starting video + narration) http://www.airgrandcanyon.com/ is a similar company; the video gives you some idea of the experience.

The tour took 1.2 hours to fly from Las Vegas, drop down inside the western part of the Canyon & cruise along seeing the sights, then pop out before we go too close to the area where the hotels & hikers are, then land at the Grand Canyon Airport.

We flew planes like this Piper PA-31 Navajo - Wikipedia and the wind & turbulence down inside the canyon most days was quite an experience, even for a professional pilot. Noise, vibration, and heat levels were also well below (!!) big airliner standards.

We carried Hong Kong- & Taiwan-based tourists who were traveling on a packaged 10-day whirlwind tour of the US. Due to the tour iternerary they were all jet-lagged & had just been up all night gambling & then were fed a Vegas buffet breakfast before being brought to the airport on a 1970s-era former Greyhound bus that belched black smoke like a steam locomotive. Your blood would test positive for Diesel if you got within a block of the damn thing, much less rode very far on it.

The plane carried one pilot (me) and 9 passengers.

From those 9 passengers my personal best was 32 bags of puke on a single flight.

And I only did it from Feb through May of one year. In May the temps were just stating to break into the 90s. I can’t imagine what August must have been like.

The other downside was that part of my job was to clean up the mess after each flight. The Chinese were very fastidious & rarely missed the bag. That was good. Unfortunately they liked to try to hide the used bags to avoid embarassment. That was not so good.
Aaah, the good old days.

8

12 years old or so. One of my thrice-yearly bouts with tonsillitis or something. The doctor put me on some kind of antibiotic, I got to stay at home for a week or so and play Atari (yay!). I was a nerdy little kid, not prone to trouble, so my mom felt comfortable leaving me at home alone.

Said 'bye to my mom as she went off to work at 6 in the morning, popped in Snoopy and the Red Baron on my 2600… felt queasy, went and threw up. No problem, I had migraine-induced vomiting at least once a week, so throwing up was nothing. Shot down the Red Baron once or twice, felt queasy, went and threw up. Crap. My stomach began to hurt. I cooked and ate some broth. Fired up the Atari, felt queasy, went and threw up.

Dug around in the medicine cabinet-- felt queasy, went and threw up-- found some Mylanta, took a dose. Went and sat hunched over in front of my Atari, queasy and afraid to look up or move. Finally, went and threw up. Minty foam this time, a pleasant break from stomach acid. Started to go back to the living room, felt queasy, went and threw up. Stayed in the bathroom, threw up a couple more times. Stood up to leave-- queasy, threw up. Sat down on the bathtub edge, felt queasy, threw up. Repeat a few more times. Eventually I collapsed to the floor out of sheer weakness, struggling to hoist myself up to throw up into the toilet each time. A bitter, acrid, thick mixture of acid and mucous.

Finally, the throwing up was replaced with dry retching-- no more mucous or stomach acid to be had-- and I could no longer move. My mom came home around 5 pm and found me on the floor of the bathroom, after nearly 12 hours of non-stop puking; retching as she hauled me up, retching in the car, retching in the waiting room and examination room. The eventual diagnosis-- just one of those things antibiotics do sometimes. Oopsy.

I did get the chance to master Snoopy and the Red Baron later that week, so it wasn’t time wasted.

Ever since then, I’ve been wary of puke-a-thons; a bout I had a couple of years ago with apparent solanine poisoning (thank you, Wendy’s baked potato!) came close-- maybe once an hour for half a day-- but I was at least able to rouse myself the next day to go to work… queasy and reeling, but upright and mobile.

9

Oh, Jesus, you’ve brought back some bad memories. There aren’t direct flights from Beirut to the US, so when I lived there, I would have to connect through Europe. I went through this period, lasting about 2 years, where flying gave me a migraine. So I would fly 5-6 hours to Frankfurt or London, land with a migraine, and then get on a 10-hour flight to the US. The worst part was the trapped/helpless feeling–you are at 35,000 feet above the Atlantic, and NOBODY CAN HELP YOU. There is no hospital, no pharmacy, no doc in the box–no aid from any quarter. That always magnified the suffering.

My worst had to be drug withdrawal. I had been taking a prescription medicine for around 15 years, and when I changed doctors, he told me it was worthless crap that had been superceded by vastly superior medicines and I should quit taking it. I did. First day passes okay. Second day, blinding headache and violent vomiting come on like a freight train. I puke for 6 or 8 hours until I figure out what is going on, and take a dose of the medicine. I feel pretty much recovered an hour or so after taking (and somehow managing to keep down) the pill (it’s actually pretty hard to puke up a single pill). But my entire upper face around my eyes and my forehead is a road map of broken blood vessels from my vomiting, and I had burst blood vessels in both my eyes. I seriously worried I had done brain damage by popping blood vessels in my head. I still haven’t been able to get off of that med.

10

Halloween party, this past year. Dressed up like a firefighter and downed more than half the bottle of Absolut. It’s not uncommon for me to get sick no matter how much I drink, probably from some hardcore partying days back in high school when I used to make myself puke before going to bed to avoid the spins. My stomach just expects it at this point.

I puked into some bushes on the way to the car, and puked when we got home. Passed out on the couch. No big deal, I figure, except while recouping the next day I come to the conclusion that every television show features someone taking shots or drinking beer and every commercial is alcohol related.

I figured everything was okay except that I felt roughly like shit, until I started puking again. Alright, still no big deal. Until I began puking steadily every 20 minutes until 3pm. The worst part was that I did not feel sick other than that, and would repeatedly believe that the worst was over and try to eat something, because dammit I was hungry!

Five minutes later it would all come out again. First time I got to use “Okay, well hey I gotta go puke again so I’ll talk to you later,” as a sign-off from a phone call.
The non-drinking-related puke-a-thon happened after I got my tonsils out when I was 11, and discovered that I had an intolerance to the morphine they gave me in the hospital. Three days of non-stop puking, and I lost 13 pounds. Really, non-bulemic bouts of vomiting are the ultimate workout. Decreased caloric intake, coupled with intense abdominal exercise. If you didn’t feel like such complete shit afterwards, it might be worth considering. :wink:

11

For my Eighteenth birthday my older friend bought me a bottle of Smirnoff. We went into the cities as I drank and drank and drank. Don’t remember puking on my shoe, in the back seat or all over the gas station parking lot. I do remember getting up that morning in the puke I slept in, walking to the shower to clean myself off as I dry heaved yellow bile into the drain. I remember toweling myself off while puking water into the toilet, and taking another shower to wash off the blow back from puking in the sink again. The fun wasn’t over while I spent the rest of the day with a bucket by my bed side.

Good times.

12

One particular research fishing trip, every single morning - wake up, drink tea, throw up, carry on - for a month. A different trip, I was only sick once, but it’s notable because I had to use the crew’s bathroom. It was the only time in my life I had to *clean *a toilet before I could throw up in it.

Pregnancy, weeks 9-30, a good day would involve throwing up once on the bus going to work (I kept a stash of plastic bags with me and a large handbag, through which I would “rummage” at the vital moment. Perhaps another bout if someone was wearing too much perfume or eating a sausage roll.
A bad day would be projectile vomiting every hour or so from daybreak to exhausted bedtime.
I only had about half a dozen bad days, but my midwife noted that I lost weight in the first three months, stayed steady until week 30 then, when I stopped throwing up, put on 15kg in ten weeks. It was only a 3.5kg baby! :eek:

13

Yanno, after hurling for several days straight, I pretty much started eating interesting foods just to see what they would look like when I hurled them.

I can honestly say that having a sinusload of burning oils would have been exceptionally diverting, to say the least.

14

Well, like in Student Driver’s case, puking back up the one strawberry juice bar—actual juice, not one of yer run of the mill popsicles, either—that I finally managed to choke down over the course of an hour was the best part. I’d never thought that I could ever appreciate vomit residue before that moment; but it was sweet, soft ambrosia compared to what had been battering it’s way through my gullet.

15

Christmas 1998. Started vomitting 2 days before. Couldn’t keep anything down. Even water. I spent Christmas Day in the emergency room getting liquid via IV.

16

Been there, done that, got the Hiatus Hernia to prove that I very nearly puked my guts outs :smack:

Well - I blame the chunderthon rather than my genetics.

Si

17

What a comedy.

Puking Japanese Tourist. Band Name!

18

I work in the bar industry and people in this line of work are known for doing drugs…whether it’s drinking with Vicodin or snorting coke or lighting a bong, name your illegal yet pleasurable drug of choice–and so I’m always asked why I don’t “at least” smoke weed.

In college I gave it the ol’ college try. Not a drinker at that point, but at 19 went to a bar after work where my people “knew the bartender.” Drank 2 Long Islands and three shots of Cuervo in about 45 minutes.

Too drunk to drive.

Co-worker drives me to her house. Passes me a pipe full o’ pot. I’ve never tried it.

I hit it three times as it revolves around the room.

Looking back, it isn’t the projectile-vomiting that I did over her balcony for the following six hours that scares me.

It’s the fact that I finally crawled inside and passed out on her sofa, only to find a large trash-can next to my head the next day that hadn’t been there before.

Her roommate had come home at five or six in the morning and found me, blacked out and choking on my own vomit.

He held my head over that trash-can for over an hour.

I don’t remember any of it, and yet it could’ve been my last memory.

I’ve vomited a lot more with stomach viruses and food poisoning, but that remains the most appalling incident in my history.

19

Chinese, not Japanese. Them’s fightin’ words in that part of the world.

20

I just took that Grand Canyon flight in November, and the pilot noted that HIM taking the puke bags off the fight was not included in the price! :stuck_out_tongue: