Hello friends. I have been sent to you by The Devil Himself to advocate his position on topics of your choosing. Because you were created by God, you all naturally have a tendency to view situations through His own morality. My Master wishes to have it better understood among you that, while The Creator’s morality certainly has a well-deserved place in your world, it is by no means the only effective system of judgement.
So please, for subjects of morality to which you feel there is no viable counter-argument that would validate them as in fact moral, please post them here and I will answer on behalf of His Most Unholiness. If I take a while to answer some of your querries it will be bcause I had to go to hell to as The Devil Himself his position on the matter.
Are Ronald Reagan, Jerry Falwell, and Jesse Helms the three residents of the inner circle of Hell? What happened to Brutus, Cassius, and Judas? Will there be enough room for Tom Delay, Karl Rove, and George W Bush upon their deaths?
Yes, but to a different set of specs. His initial creations were imbued with a simple Free-Will morality code. Subsequent creations, among them The Earth and its inhabitants, were given equal parts of Free-Will morality and Obedience morality. The idea was to observe the results when stimulus was given to organisms which would invoke contradictory responses between the two moralities–relenquishing self-preservation in favor of benefitting a larger population, for instance. Posessed solely of Free Will morality, my master feels no obligation to adhere to the will of The Creator except inasmuch as he does what He wants.
Due to recent privacy legislation I am not at liberty to divulge the current disposition of souls currently in Hell. Further I am not at liberty to discuss the actual layout of the Abyss, amenities available within any potential sectors or possibility of movement between any supposed sectors, the existence of which I will neither confirm nor deny.
As for Tom, Karl and George. I have been instructed as the advocate of Himself to suggest that they are not in fact Hellbound, but have had the misfortune of receiving an unpleasant life calling assigned to them by The Creator. I can say that Himself and The Creator are both very pleased with the performance of these three gentlemen, as they have executed their purpose flawlessly.
Judgement awaits them, naturally, but as judgement is highly confidential it has not been divulged whether they will be judged as having exercised an excess of free-will to their own benefits, or if they have in fact followed The Creator’s commands to the letter and merely given the appearance of having abandoned obedience.
Well, everyone knows that it’s immoral to eat babies, even as midday snacks. The tasty, calorie-rich benefits are greatly outweighed by the harm this habit does to society (and the babies, to a lesser extent).
What possible counter-argument does your contingent offer?
This is a climate-related question. Typically the weather prior to Memorial Day is unpredictable and there is a high probability of moist soiling agents being present on roads, sidewalks, lanes, etc. The agents are detremental to the finish of lightly colored footwear and can easily ruin them. Non-white shoes with white garments is widely believed to have an adverse effect on your judgement session with The Creator, ergo one will naturally be avoiding white garments, handbags and gloves merely for the sake of preserving one’s footwear from undue soiling.
That said, there are plenty of climates which are perfectly suitable to white footwear, and coordinated accessories, prior to Memorial day. In these climes it may be perfectly acceptable to stow the dark clothes and present oneself in light and cheery spring fashions with no ill effect.
My Master loves him some Democracy, alas Democracy is self-destructive so the point is moot.
Himself wishes to advise you: Avs over Wings by 3 in 2009 for the mug. The only river that matters to Holik, Rolston or Gomez for that matter…is Styx
Asimovian, this was covered on a small scale by Mr. Swift in 1729 with respect to Irish babies. There are very clear social and economic benefits to pedophagy so long as the nutriment is selected from the proper stock. Further, babies, having received minimal life investment relative to an adult, are also the more spiritually sound choice for dinner as well.
Did your employer truly ride a tank in the generals rank when the blitzkrieg raged and the bodies stank? And what the Hell is that about “traps for troubadours who get killed before they reached Bombay?” Your Boss would undoubtedly garner some good will if he would clear that last bit up once and for all.
It has been said that hell will freeze over before the Chicago Cubs win the World Series again. What does the long-range (say, late October 2008) weather forecast for hell say? Will it be cold there? (By “there” I mean “hell” and not “Chicago”.)
One of the ads I have is about lawyers.
But that’s not what I’m posting about.
It seems the guy doesn’t post on Shabbes. On the one hand, we make very good lawyers. On the other, we don’t believe in his Boss.
babygirl has recently had surgery for a herniated disk in her neck. I have been the good husband and tried to take care of her and still excel at my job. This combination leaves me tired, but I do it because I love her and I know that by successfully managing both, I will be better able to provide for us both. I really believe that I am doing the right thing, but there is never enough me time.
To piggyback: did you do a second year summer associateship with the devil? How many billable hours per year does the devil require? Does the devil allow any percentage of hours to be devoted to pro bono work? Does the devil have offices outside of Hell? I assume the devil has organized as an LLP, is that correct? How is the devil’s softball record against other firms?
