Having a boner in public is illegal. Just thought you'd like to know.

[Milossarian]

I was doing some internet research for my job today, and while looking for something on the U.S. Supreme Court on a search engine, I came across the amazing information that a guy sporting wood in public, even if he is fully clothed, is technically violating the law in at least the State of Indiana.

Indiana state law 35-45-4-1, enacted 1976, amended 1984, section 1b, defines for the purposes of indecency:"the showing of covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state."

Schwing!

Santa Monica, California's Municipal code 9.44.030 10 C similarly deems indecent "human male genitals in a discernably turgid state, even if completely and opaquely covered." Although there, the code is part of the planning and zoning laws regarding adult-oriented businesses.

Schwing!

A few points, uh, spring to mind:

* Why does this information, uh, come up, when searching for U.S. Supreme Court info? And does Clarence Thomas have anything to do with it?

* This is an outrage! Don't we have a constitutional right to keep and bear wood, so long as we don't bare wood?

* This law seems highly discriminatory. What about women in tight blouses in highly air-conditioned rooms? That's legal? (Wait; did I just complain about that? Uh, never mind.)

* "Discernably Turgid" would make a killer band name.

Remember, kids, keep it limp. It's the law.

Hey, what you packin' there, convict?

(Or, in Mr. Cynical's case, "Move along, folks. Nothing to see here.")

[[hijack]]

I love the paintings of Brueghel, with codpieces erect at a wedding reception.

[handy]

I believe it's to protect children from being exposed to this sort of thing.

[Fretful Porpentine]

I used to work for a legal tech firm that processed transcripts from a malpractice lawsuit involving inflatable penile prostheses. One of the most common complaints was "spontaneous inflation" -- usually triggered by coughing or sneezing.

One wonders how the courts in Indiana would deal with that one.

[Milossarian]

Don't we have Alan Greenspan to prevent spontaneous inflation?

[Enderw24]

Ah, but the US Federal Government overrides state law. So, all we have to do is convince Clinton to lobby Congress for a mandate that it be illegal NOT to sport wood in public. I have no doubts that it would be an easy sell to Slick Willy.
If only Viagra Dole was still on board...

[SanibelMan]

I know listening to or looking at Alan Greenspan for any length of time keeps my inflation rate down.

[Fairy Princess Kitty]

Oh dear! I do believe that means that I've been an accessory to a crime. *ducks and hides*

Kitty

[Rysdad]

What was really embarrassing was breaking the law in front of your Civics class in 9th grade. Damn hormones.

[magdalene]

LOL - when I saw the subject line my first thought was "Did Milo get arrested?"

I guess you can cross Indianapolis off your list of potential "Big Cities", or else resign yourself to life as a career criminal. However, I don't believe that Chicago (just for example) has any such laws...

Does that search engine have any info about the legality of T_ittyH_ard-O_n?

[nashiitashii]

Originally posted by Fairy Princess Kitty
Oh dear! I do believe that means that I've been an accessory to a crime. *ducks and hides*

Kitty

Don't worry sweetie, I've done it too, and well, making it go away is the hard part.

[Guinastasia]

ehehe..ehehehe...you said 'hard'...

[Fairy Princess Kitty]

Originally posted by ssskuggiii
Don't worry sweetie, I've done it too, and well, making it go away is the hard part. [/B]

Oh, making it go away isn't really what I'm interested in, that's usually his problem. Of course when you're being told to "Keep your hands to yourself" on a regular basis during class, making it go away could get rather important.

Kitty

[nashiitashii]

But the process of making it go away is kinda fun when the end result is in place. [Some people make the most amusing orgasm faces.]

[TVeblen]

Is anyone else entranced by the image of Milo wailing along to "[i]Indiana wants me; Lord, I can't go back there"?

For non-US Dopers or those lucky/sophisticated enough not to catch the reference, it's from a dweebish old pop song (worse than Western Union!) about a youthful offender who breaks Da Law and but yearns to go back home anyway. The song ends in a chorus of police sirens.

Oh, well, back to the OP--why did this have to made a law? Didn't their mamas teach 'em it was rude to point?

Veb

[dpr]

I KNEW I was a lawbreaker....

Which means I can be a bastard which means I can get more women!!!!

Woo!


And is making it go away then the equivalentof a citizen's arrest. Or civic duty perhaps....

[NothingMan]

yeah dpr, you let me know if that works for you . . .

Sheesh, as if 16 year old guys don't have enough to worry about :

"Would you please come up in front of the class and work this problem on the board ?"

"Uhhhhh, I can't - I'd be breaking the law."

I wonder what the police code is for that particular offense.

"I got a hard 6.5 in progress !!"

[nebuli]

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just in violation of Municipal code 9.44.030 10 C?"

[Typo Negative]

Cripes, it's almost impossible for a male not to be in violation of law in Santa Monica in the summertime.

_{We got pretty, scantily clad girls here.}

[handy]

Recently on some spanish tv I saw a candid camera like show where they gave this guy a permanent hardon & he went around asking people to do things for him, pick up bags, weights, etc. That was the funniest candid camera like skit that I have ever seen.

[Shirley Ujest]

Originally posted by Fretful Porpentine
I used to work for a legal tech firm that processed transcripts from a malpractice lawsuit involving inflatable penile prostheses. One of the most common complaints was "spontaneous inflation" -- usually triggered by coughing or sneezing.

One wonders how the courts in Indiana would deal with that one.

***snort****

[vague memory zone, but along the same lines]

Wasn't their a headache medicine or something like that that women took and one of the side effects oif they yawned or sneezed was an orgasm? This wasn't that long ago, say in the last year that I read this...really....somewhere.

[/vague memory zone]

[Ayesha]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Shirley Ujest

[vague memory zone, but along the same lines]

Wasn't their a headache medicine or something like that that women took and one of the side effects oif they yawned or sneezed was an orgasm? This wasn't that long ago, say in the last year that I read this...really....somewhere.

[/vague memory zone]

If this drug is still being made I want it ! Now !

[tiggeril]

I know what Iwant for Christmas.

[wring]

gee, is that a felony or misdemeanor or are ya just glad to see me?

[Persephone]

Magdalene: Yep. That was my first thought too. Thought for a second there we'd have to start an SDMB Erection Defense Fund. Then I thought "wait, we'd never be able to keep enough cash in the coffers for that."

[Mockingbird]

Um... schwing?

[Ad Noctum]

wonder how many people they have detained for that.

wait, let me re-phrase that.

Wonder how many 15y/o's they have detained for that.

[Silo]

I could like S0 break Indiana law.

[madmark]

Well, at least we know Mr. Bobbit won't be breaking that law

[Nymysys]

I suppose if I *must* I'll do my civic duty that I've solemnly sworn to <ahem> uphold.

[Ad Noctum]

boy, those standards are pretty High for a hormone-enriched teen as myself; but I always do.... Arise... to meet a challenge

[Odieman]

Originally posted by Silo
I could like S0 break Indiana law.

I don't think Indiana cop cars come equipped with microscopes

Keith

[nashiitashii]

Originally posted by dpr
And is making it go away then the equivalentof a citizen's arrest. Or civic duty perhaps....

Well, technically the procedure required to make it go away involves another illegal action: indecent exposure. Down here [Florida] it results in a $200 fine for each person involved. [Don't ask how I know, I wasn't caught being involved like that.]

[Persephone]

Well, technically the procedure required to make it go away involves another illegal action: indecent exposure. Down here [Florida] it results in a $200 fine for each person involved.

Boy, that just sucks!































Oh come on. Someone had to say it!

[Talkinsquirrel]

I for one will not partake in such juvenille humor...


























What? I wont!

[pluto]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ayesha

Originally posted by Shirley Ujest

If this drug is still being made I want it ! Now !

That reminds me of an old joke:

1st Woman: "I went to the doctor because every time I sneeze I have an orgasm!"
2nd Woman: "What are you taking for it?"
1st Woman: "Pepper!"

I heard it was an anti-depressant, an SSRI, like Zoloft or Paxil. They usually reduice sexual feelings but for some people they have a paradoxical effect.

What do you say to someone who's troubled(?!!) by this after they've sneezed? -- "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Oh God bless you!"?

[Mr. Cynical]

(Or, in Mr. Cynical's case, "Move along, folks. Nothing to see here.")

Those of us with small penises need love too.

[oldscratch]

as long as they're citing the discernably turgid, they sjhould just go out of their way slightly and cite every man who wears sweat pants in public.

[nebuli]

By the way, anyone else wonder what would have happened if the GOP convention had been in Indianapolis? Remember this threat- http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...threadid=33366 ?

[wring]

Originally posted by Hastur
Um... schwing?

Just in case this was a real question, plus it allows me to tell a story:
The word "Schwing" I believe, when used in this context was a reference to an ongoing gag on "Wayne's World" both SNL version and the movie. The lads would say the word "Schwing" loudly while moving their pelvic areas in response, generally to either visual stimulus or verbalization of a "babe" (ie, really good looking woman), suggesting verbally, that the penis had become erect.

My very, very proper sister in law (she refuses to mention things like underwear in mixed company), loved the Wayne's World scenes, and thought "Schwing" was just the funniest line she'd ever heard, so she'd repeat it, a lot, in front of various folks, including her minister. Of course, this was before she found out what it referred to.

[AHunter3]

*AHEM* !!

Such gender disparity is intolerable; the statutes, in their current form, impose a standard for regulating public arousal for men while failing to address public arousal on the part of women.

Infofar as this is patently unfair, it shall herewith be made a punishable act for women to become aroused in public either.

To aid in proper and equitable enforcement, I shall personally volunteer to check for illicit public moistenings.

[Guinastasia]

Hehehe...that's what panty shields are for!