Morons in SUVs - not worth a Pitting

Listen, fucktard. You are driving a vehicle that has 11 inches of ground clearance. You are entering the grocery store parking lot, so I know you don’t have eggs in the back seat. So why, why do you insist on crawling over the speed bumps like they were the Himalayas? You’re holding up traffic all the way back to the street! Move it, before I lose my calm and placid demeanor and ram a jack handle up your ass. Sideways.

This would be the same cretin in the Yukon that I was following down a residential street with “speed humps” the other day at the blazing speed of 9 mph?

Oh maybe not, I killed that one.

Ever occur to you guys that regardless of vehicle size, the driver was possibly on the way home from hospital with broken ribs, or a had passenger in some kind of pain that they were trying to be extra careful not to jostle? :frowning:

Well, no it never did. How thoughtless of me.

Unless of course there’s a hospital located in the shopping mall I followed her out of.

And of course that would have been a very short person, since I saw no other heads in the truck.

So - a very tiny person, with her mother, just leaving the mini-hospital located in Macy’s?

I’m so slow, all that never occurred to me.

Of course not. Nothing should stand in the way of an American’s God-given right to get where he’s going as quickly as humanly possible.

My SUV has only 9 inches of ground clearance. I guess I get your drift, but suspension costs money. It’s one of the things I sell that almost can’t be bought aftermarket. Sounds like someone wise to damage to me. YMMV.

Yes, someone in pain would never think to lie down in the back seat.

No, because they do the same thing in my parking garage, and then quite ably walk to their building. They are people who don’t need an SUV nearly as much as they think, and certainly don’t understand what SUVs are designed for if they think they have to baby it over the speed bumps on every ramp.
It’s not like the damned things have any trade-in value now that obviates the need to be babied and pampered.

Hmmm, an SUV demolition derby. Could be fun…

Vlad/Igor

I think I prefer the sort of SUV moron that slows down to cross speed bumps to the sort that hurls 3.5 tons of mass over them at 40mph in a school zone because he’s got good suspension what makes that sorta thing comfortable.

How thoughtless of me. Of course people with healing bone breaks, injuries or cancer never need to run errands or buy anything at shopping areas. And if they try and can’t bounce over speedbumps like a monster truck, then jam a jackhandle up their ass. Fuckers!

My college roommate had a Land Rover. He told me that all those commercials that show pickup trucks charging over ruts and bouncing along dirt roads are garbage. I was with him once when he drove up an incline that felt like 45 degrees. I know damn well my car wouldn’t have made it up. He did it by shifting into first gear, low range, and it was slower than a walking pace.

11 inches of ground clearance will get you over a 10-inch log, but it won’t help you do it quickly.

We’re not talking about the wilds of the Rockies here - we’re talking about parking lot speed bumps, that my little Corolla can take at parking lot speeds without hesitating. If anyone’s SUV can’t do parking lot speed bumps at 15 kph, you need a better vehicle.

If the “fuctard” was driving a little 4 cyl coupe, would that make you feel better?

Bigger vehicles often have stiff suspensions when not under load and taking speed bumps at the posted speed limit can really hammer you and your vehicle.
I lived on an Indian reservation for several years, and the band had to remove their speed bumps because emergency vehicles (big trucks) refused to go over them.
The fact is, driving faster can often be easier on the vehicle, but given parking lot condition, you’re bound to get a lot more people angry at you.

You know the average parking lot speed limit is 10 miles per hour right? Most drivers ignore it. That’s a really slow speed. It could be the “fucktard” was actually close to the speed limit give or take a couple of mph. If that’s the case…

Eh, I just didn’t want to spill my coffee…

Tell your friend he is right, very right and that I’m sorry, I’m part of the conspiracy…

I.E. a few months ago I worked on a TV commercial for an SUV, the usual pap about negotiating hard terrains, going up and down mountains, avoiding giant rocks falling from the sky, you know, normal everyday drive situations. At the shooting the damn front suspension was puverized when they made a jump off a 60 cm ramp. They had to put ballast on the back to level the vehicle for the last shots.

Nah. This bitch was sneaking up to the bumps, stopping, and inching over them like they were going to bite her. If she’d been driving a lowered Impala, I’d have applauded her care with her husband’s car. But this was just a chicken-shit driver behind the wheel of a beast she couldn’t drive, holding up about a dozen cars and blocking traffic on the street. I don’t need her to go 20 mph. Fuck, 5 mph would be an improvement! It’s a fucking 4Runner. Use it like one or leave it at home.

Damn these people!

When they’re not forcing innocent people off the road in their behemoths, they’re taking it easy over speed bumps!

No matter what they do, they’re just plain Evil.

Welcome to the Dope, Broken Hoe. You’re a fucking idiot.

Huh. Never seen a pot calling a teapot black before.

Awesome. Every one of your posts is like an orgasm, Q.