The travesties, the shams, and the mockeries-remakes

With Steve Martin & Co. having the gall to not only do one Pink Panther remake, but two, with the upcoming release of the 2nd one this week, thought it was appropriate to ask everybody what they think are the worst, the most unnecessary, and the most insulting (to the originals) film remakes of all time are.

Sellers was Clouseau; having someone like Martin trying to replace him is like having Arnold Schwartzenegger groomed as a double for George W. Bush, and expecting everyone to be fooled when the original dies.

The GusVanSant shot-for-shot contemporary remake of Psycho.

What an utterly pointless excercise. He somehow managed to take a true classic and suck all the greatness out of it. And every contemporary change he made to it just furthered the damage.

I still have not forgiven Ron Howard or Jim Carrey for their total desecration of one of my most loved books – “How the Grinch Stole Christmas”, If one must view a version, the animated Grinch stays true to the spirit of the book.

Speaking of Steve Martin, remaking “Cheaper by the Dozen” and doing a sequel was not very nice.

It is best not to watch big-screen adaptations of Dr. Seuss. They only annoy.

Steve Martin in Sgt Bilko

Tim Burton’s Planet of the Apes was not necessary.

I liked Grinch, loathed Cat.

My own offering, besides “Cat in the Hat”, Nicolas Cage & Ellen Burstyn’s pissing on Edward Woodward & Christopher Lee in THE WICKER MAN.

This was what I was going to post. Almost verbatim too.

On the other hand, The Maltese Falcon was a remake.

Not really, though. They weren’t remaking the earlier film, they were doing their own adaption of the novel. If the earlier film had never existed, they’d probably still have made The Maltese Falcon.

Quite true. Moreover, count me in the minority that thinks that Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was enormously better than Willie Wonka (not merely in special effects, but in general sensibility and in the music); it too is an adaptation of the common source material rather than the earlier film.

I’ve read reviews of the 1989 Batman which called it a remake of the Adam West movie, and of Batman Begins which called it a remake of both. In each case the reviewer was clearly oen of the common clay of the Old West.

I agree with the already mentioned Mark Wahlberg “Planet of the Apes” was a waste.

For some reason, american remakes of french films seem to be pretty lame:
The Bridget Fonda “Point of No Return” remake of “La Femme Nikita” was terrible. It tried to copy the original scene for scene, but totally missed the mark (no pun intended).

Similarly Tom Hanks’ “The Man with One Red Shoe” was no where near as good as the original “Tall Blonde Man with One Black Shoe”.
I was pretty surprized to see that a second “Pink Panther” with Steve Martin was even being made. I thought the first sucked so bad, it would have ended that franchise. Sadly, I was wrong.

In 2010, I’ll bump this thread to say:

Steve Martin in Topper

And if they had to re-make it,all they needed was Iggy Pop with some green makeup.

Except for The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T. And, with the right people involved, it could make a good remake.

Noooooooo!:eek:

As long as everyone’s bashing Steve Martin, I’ll throw in Father of the Bride (and the sequel).

How about Tom Hanks and Dan Ackroyd in Dragnet?

I know I’m tired of unnecessary, (relatively) big-budget, slick studio remakes of what were innovative, independent low-budget pictures of the 1970s and early '80s. We’ve had Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Hills Have Eyes, now Friday the 13th is coming out. Remakes that totally lose the grungy sincerity of the original. Heck, they’re even remaking Race With the Devil. Why does that have to happen?

Although they weren’t, strictly speaking, necessary, I liked the above remakes. Especially the first. I’d been afraid the sweet quality of the original would be lost, that the Banks family would be portrayed as disfunctional or something.

Compare Steve Martin’s “remake” movies (The Pink Panther and sequel, Father of the Bride and sequel, Cheaper By The Dozen and sequel, Sgt Bilko, Pennies From Heaven, Little Shop of Horrors, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels, The Out-of-Towners) with his original movies (Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid, The Man With Two Brains, The Jerk, LA Story, Roxanne, Bowfinger, All of Me, Planes, Trains & Automobiles, Grand Canyon, The Spanish Prisoner, Shopgirl). If I were Martin, I’d fire my agent if he brought me any more scripts for a remake.