Before anyone comments, I understand how idiotic this contest is. No need to point it out to me. But I agreed to this bet about 4 months ago. My two younger colleagues, aged 29 and 32, always argue about who drank more on a particular night. We typically go drinking together twice a week, so we’re definitely not amateurs. So I proposed that they have a contest. I eventually agreed to participate as well. I’m regretting that decision. We decided on today, since we leave work early before a long weekend. We’ll begin at 4PM and end at 9PM ~ a 5 hour contest. The 2 losers will have to buy the winner a very expensive dinner.
We agreed that we’ll each drink our “regular” drinks: Johnnie Walker Black and club soda for me, Jack Daniels and coke for Dan and and Absolute and club soda for Dave. Yup, I’m competing against Dan and Dave, and we’ll be a different type of decathlete today.
I turn 39 in a week, so I’m already disadvantaged. I would love to hear any advice that would help me win. C’mon dopers, I’m all ears!
My best advice would be to carefully pace yourself, bribe the bartender to weaken your drinks considerably, accept the fact that you are going to be buying half a dinner, and make sure that your friends get home safely afterwards. There is no way you should want to, or are going to, win this one. Cheat to save your own liver, then admit it to save your honor.
Howzabout you see if you can change the rules of the game: Sip glasses of Fernet Branca or Unicum. First guy to make a face or say “Eeeuurrghhh!” loses. That way you’ll probably all be out in about thirty seconds, and your livers will be a lot happier.
How many drinks do you typically have when you guys go out to a bar? When you stop, is it because it’s time to leave for some reason or because the next drink will cause more misery than pleasure?
Drink moderately until 8:50. Tell the waitress to bring enough drinks at that point to beat out Dan & Dave. Chug.
Oh sure, you’ll probably be retching in the bathroom by 9:45. In the hospital by 11:15. In a coma by 12:30. But by 9 PM you’ll not have felt any of that except the sweet sweet embrace of victory.
The rules do allow you to cash in that expensive dinner through an IV, right?
The story is told of a man who waited patiently for a driver to back out of his spot in a crowded parking lot, only to have another driver zoom in and poach it. He honked angrily, but when the poacher got out of his car, saw that he was a much bigger, younger and stronger man than he himself was, and that he knew it, too. “You wanna make something of it, tough guy?”
The man considered the matter for a while, then said, “You think you’re so tough, when really it’s just that you’ve got 50 lbs. and 20 less years than I do. But I could prove I’m tougher than you if I had to.”
“Oh really? How’s that?”
“Instead of trading punches, let’s trade nut kicks. I’ll kick you in the nuts, then you kick me in the nuts, until one of us gives up!”
“All right, you’re on!”
The two men face off. The “poachee” takes a few steps back, then does a toe-first punt kick right into the larger man’s crotch. He doubles over in pain, gasping and holding on to the trunk of his car, but he does not cry out. After a long several minutes, he stands up, fixes his opponent with a steely gaze, and says through clenched teeth: “Right. Now it’s my turn.”
“Ahh, you know what? You can have the parking spot.”
A drinking contest is not too dissimilar to a nut-kicking contest. Do you really want to win and at what cost?
Thanks for the advice so far. Rest assured, there will be no driving. I’m in NY, so we’ll cab it at the end. I live in NJ, and took a taxi to my train station this am, and will take one home at the end.
As far as paying for dinner, it’s the least of our concerns. This is more about bragging rights. Oh, and there is no puking allowed. You puke, you lose. And to anyone wanting to use Enderw24’s advice, we will remain together 1 hour after the contest to ensure the no puking requirement.
I would tell these dweebs that you’ve had a spiritual experience since the bet was made, got some sense, grew up and don’t want to be involved and suggest they call it off too. There is no shame in acting like a thinking ADULT!
All three of you are too old for such foolishness!
Maybe I’m jaded but my younger brother nearly died from alcohol poisoning after a similar stupid stunt… In his case, this asshole, who was in his 40’s, filled a vodka bottle with water and challenged my then 19 year old brother to a drinking contest with a bottle of Jack Daniels. You don’t always puke or pass out before alcohol poisoning ensues!!! I was there, it was a party at my house and I was oblivious to what was going on in my kitchen. I only happened to walk in to the room where my brother was passed out, on his back, vomiting and was in time to turn him over so he didn’t asphixiate on his own vomit and when he became non responsive I called 911… The ER doc said he was lucky to be alive. I then proceeded to attempt murder on the asshole with the vodka bottle of water. It’s just STUPID!!!
Seriously, I can’t think of the last time I hung around with someone who talked about how much they can drink. We all did it in high school, but that shit was over by Sophomore or Junior year of college. The only people I’ve heard brag about such things are usually the biggest nerds in the room.
I live in the South, and drinking is a huge part of the social scene down here. It isn’t as though I’m hanging around a bunch of teetotalers.
I don’t understand how anyone smart enough to use the internet can be stupid enough to make a bet like the one the OP describes. You list adult ages but teenage behavior; there’s a disconnect somewhere. Any bartender who would knowingly participate in a drinking contests risks his license and rightfully so.
The only good advice you’ve had to win a drinking contest is not to play, but you seem like you will so, just drink and have fun, you could wind up winning just by not trying too hard, the no-puke rule could really be important for you. Are your weights similar? Body fat percentages close? and according to Happy Days, drink a gulp of Olive Oil.
Good thing everybody read that suggestion, otherwise this thread wouldn’t have any replies. :rolleyes:
Here’s what you do. You don’t want your stomach to be too full, otherwise it’s going to be hard to get the volume in your belly. Eat a pretty big lunch, so you won’t be hungry. Have your first 4 drinks pretty quickly, then eat something light. Contrary to popular belief, food’s don’t absorb the alcohol. What they do is close your pyloric valve so that the stomach has to absorb the alcohol into your blood stream, which is about four times less effective than the intestines.
I’d go with a water about every three drinks; as much to keep your headache away now as to keep it away in the morning.
Sheesh. Whatabuncha prudes here. Bread and rice are they key. For one thing, it makes it so the alcohol is absorbed slower. It can save you later too. If you a truly in competition, you could always force a nice de-alcoholing puke after the contest, and then the fact that you slowed the absorption could spell win. I would drink water too, just for the sake of tomorrow’s hangover. People die from alcohol poisoning. So puking up the alcohol after the contest might have some wisdom to it. Drink water beforehand and don’t break the seal until your bladder is about to burst. And if at some point you realize you are falling way behind, resolve yourself to pay for half a dinner and just enjoy yourself.