Why don't they make People Kibble?

Factual Questions
1

I find myself getting jealous of my dogs. I mean, they’ve got this miracle foodstuff, that provides them with all the nutrition, fiber, vitamins, etc. that they need, and keeps their coat shiny and their teeth clean as well.

Now, I appreciate a varied diet. Every so often, I feel the urge to make a good beef with broccoli, or split pea soup, or chili; there’s a Thai restaurant down the road that amazes me constantly, and sometimes that craving for a fast-food burger is hard to resist. But for me, and from what I can tell, most people, most of the time eating is something done quickly, thoughtlessly, and in between bouts of doing other things. Most things I eat, I just don’t taste.

So why is it that, when I’m in a hurry, I have the options of stopping for fast food, or microwaving something, neither of which is probably not nutritionally complete, probably to the point of actually being bad for me? My dogs, meanwhile, are skarfing down a big bowl of crunchy goodness.

I want People Kibble. Can some of the board’s nutritionists let me know why this is difficult? Or, better yet, get out there and invent some? I’d like the Chicken flavor, or maybe Beef with Cheddar, or Honey Nut… mmm. Crunchy, nutritionally complete munchie nuggets. That’s all I ask for.

And as a bonus, it may solve some of the transportation problems that cause hunger in developing nations. That dog chow just never seems to go bad.

Thank you for your support.

Andy

2

Dude, how can you write so coherently when you’re stoned?

3

I’ve actually wondered this myself on more than one occasion. Hope someone is able to answer it.

4

Haven’t you ever heard of fast food?

5

Yeah, but dogs seem to be able to live on dog food alone and remain healthy. Can you say the same about humans and fast food?

I wonder if humans need a larger variety of nutrients, making it difficult to create such a food or have it last. Any experts out there?

6

Just eat dog food, it’s actually not that bad.

7

Hmm… I never thought I’d say this but it doesn’t sound too bad.

It would probably have to be a bit unhealthy to taste even remotely good.

— G. Raven

8

You could eat Total cereal. They got most of the healthy stuff you need in it.

9

sounds like you have found a business opportunity…just don’t name it soylent green.

10

They do- it’s called “Purina High Protein Monkey Chow”, available in 50lb bags from Purina (www.purina.com).

Supposedly, if a person just eats this food, he’ll won’t become overweight, but just eat exactly what is needed. This is in contrast to our so-called “cafeteria” diet, where we can choose among hundreds of different items.

Arjuna34

11

Don’t we see “Batchelor Chow” advertised in the beginning of Futurama?

12

The only reason your dogs eat kibble is that is all that is provided to them. I am sure if you put their kibble next to a nice medium-rare steak; they would rather eat the steak.

How do you know it is a bowl of “crunchy goodness”? Have you tried it, or are you taking the word of your dogs? “What kind of connoisseur licks his butt?” (Gallagher ) :slight_smile:

Caring for monkeys is a lot more involved than just tossing monkey chow into the cage. Zoos make sure that monkeys get fruit and a varied diet along with the monkey chow

As for the closest thing to People Chow, look no further than your cereal aisle in your grocery store. Is it any wonder why you see the Purina checkerboard on cereals like Chex?

13

A first-hand account of monkey chow, from http://www.salon.com/april97/food/zoo970430.html:

It seems that Monkey Chow is readily available at most pet shops. I guess it’s used as a parrot food. As far as cost… the one source I could find was buying Monkey Chow for $650 / ton.

(Did you know Purina also makes Rat Chow, Mouse Chow, and the very scary Chin Chow?)

And here’s a detailed description of what’s actually in Monkey Chow: http://www.labdiet.com/5038.htm (Oooh, ASH)

14

I think the High-Protein Monkey Chow is fed exclusively to monkeys when they’re being used for controlled scientific experiements, not at a zoo. This is done to eliminate food as an experiment variable across different labs.

Arjuna34

15

Chin Chow! What the freak is Chin Chow?!

Anyhoo, dogs are mostly carnivorous while people are omnivorous. A dog’s body can get most of what it needs to maintain health from a pure meat/carnivore diet. People, on the other hand, need nutrients from a variety of sources.

Think how boring your meals would be if all you had to do was pour a bowl of Bachelor Bitz (“No Cooking, Fills You Up! Goes Great With Beer”) every time!

16

You could stock up on those “health bars”, like nutrisoy or Clif bars or suchlike. And then drink only “Ensure”. That should keep you alive for a few years until you’re ready to blow your brains out from boredom.

The trouble is that humans evolved to be omnivores. We crave a varied diet instinctively. Cats and dogs are carnivores, they’d be perfectly happy eating just one species of prey for the rest of their lives. But humans need variety. I suppose you could get the variety via all the different flavors of bar…but it wouldn’t be the same, you’d soon be craving different textures…

17

Maybe High-Protein Monkey Chow IS the answer then!

Unless it was the Mouse Chow and Monkey Chow that caused cancer in laboratory animals. Hmmm maybe it wasn’t saccharin after all???

18

I perfected this years ago. It’s a combination of 4-5 Slim Jims in the car on the way to the bar and a basket of fries once you get there.

19

I think people are misinterpreting the OP… the question isn’t “Would you like eating this stuff?” but “Why doesn’t it exist?”

And I have to admit it doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all. When I’m not eating with my GF (and sometimes when I am) my diet basically consists of: fast food; microwaved Michelina’s entrees; canned pasta; canned and fresh fruit; juice, milk, and soda. Add in a couple nicer dinners a week at non-fast restaurants.

I probably would have better nutrition if I had some sort of people kibble. :slight_smile: Perhaps I’ll go down to my local GNC sometime and stock up on those Balance bars or whatever. I mean… I’ll still eat other, great-tasting but non-nutritious stuff, but some actual nutrition couldn’t hurt, right?

LL

20

[slight hijack]

Dogs are omnivorous, actually, not solely carnivorous.

See these:

[ul][li]http://www.ultimatelife.com/cgi-bin/eOneMore.asp[/li][li]http://www.dogs.mid-wales.net/doghealth.htm[/li][li]http://www.newcastle.edu.au/department/bi/birjt/marsupialcrc/marsupium3/dunnarts.html (and learn about dunnarts too, while you’re at it)[/li][li]Dog Owner's Guide: Building a balanced diet
Cats, by comparison, are pure carnivores.

[/slight hijack]

In regard to the OP, I think that a lot of food bars, like Balance, would keep you alive just fine. But I’m thinking you’d get tired of them pretty quick. Plus they’re not crunchy like a kibble should be! :slight_smile:

And while I’d love to have a human kibble option, I love eating a variety of food. Especially spicy Asian foods. I’d hate to miss out on that by limiting myself to a kibble.