Nonbelievers: If someone else's preteen child asks you if God exists, how do you respond?

[Skald the Rhymer]

Public poll, 5 day ending date, yawn.

For purposes of the discussion, let's assume that the child is under ten years old, that you and the child like one another, and that you are social but not professionally connected to the parents, and that the parents are believers.

Also, after answering, please note if it matters what religion the parents subscribe to--that if, if you'd give a different response to a Unitarian-Universalist, say, than to a Southern Baptist.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Some combination of 3 and 4. I wouldn't tell them I didn't believe in God, but I might tell them that nobody knows for sure. That's what I tell my own kids. I also tell them that it's something they should really think hard about, and that they're allowed to believe whatever they want. Depending on what I knew about the parents, though, I might also just try to skip the whole discussion and punt them back to mom.

[Attack from the 3rd dimension]

You left out "ask your parents" without any comment on one's own beliefs. Also, what about: " A lot of people think different things. What do you think, kiddo? ".

I should comment that as a Buddhist, I am technically not a non-believer.

[manila]

This scenario happened to me when I attended the RC funeral of a friend's wife who had died of breast cancer aged 30. Her younger of two daughters asked me if mummy was with god and the angels and would she really see her again. I told her that her mummy and the angels will always be looking down and loving and protecting her.

There are times when its best to keep my own personal non-beliefs to myself and shove them where the sun doesn't shine for a while.

[Ephemera]

Either "I don't believe in any god" or "go ask your parent(s)" depending on who's asking.

The religion of the person asking would not affect my answer.

[Acid Lamp]

I went with choice # 2. I'm not a rabid atheist but I don't think that it's fair to give a watered down answer either. So I would probably answer: " I don't believe in god because there is no evidence of one existing. Lots of people believe in different things though and you get to choose for yourself."
If mum and dad don't like it, they can stuff it as far as I'm concerned. I won't take it upon myself to spoil the party, but if asked I won't lie either.

[DianaG]

I voted "for god's sake, Rhymer" because

Originally Posted by Attack from the 3rd dimension

Also, what about: " A lot of people think different things. What do you think, kiddo? "

yeah, that.

[ToeJam]

I answered this Q as a non-christian answering a Christian. Though I now wish i had put other, cuz I like the "what do you think, Kiddo" answer too. But I also like the Agnostic answer of "We don't know at this time".

[Markxxx]

I would say something similar to what Samantha told Tabitha about Santa Claus

Tabitha) But Sidney said that Santa doesn't exist.

Samantha) I told you before Tabitha, when it comes to Santa, everyone has a right to believe what he or she chooses

OK I watch too much TV, but it's a pretty good answer none-the-less

[Superhal]

I tell them "ask your parents." I would never tell a child something that may be contrary to what their parents want them to believe. I believe a parent has a divine right to raise their children the way they see fit.

Finally, a poll with a choice I can pick!

[Mr. Excellent]

Eh - I've no obligation to encourage children to believe fairy tales. I'd probably say something like, "Many people believe there's a god. Some believe there are many gods. There is no evidence for the existence of any gods at all - however, it is rude to point this out socially. It's sort of like telling your classmates there's no Santa Clause, only for grownups."

[Superfluous Parentheses]

I'd probably respond with I don't think so and see where that leads; probably to answer 2 if the subject remains interesting to us both. I'd probably start of answer 2 if the child is a bit older than pre-teen.

By the way, are you all assuming that the child is from a religious family? Even children who grow up without religion generally have heard of the concept of god, you know. Not that the family's religious opinions matter to me in this case.

Oh, and I absolutely disagree with Superhal.

[Lobsang]

I answered the second one. I once had a conversation with my niece (by definition - someone else's preteen child) about the existence of God. I told her I am an an Atheist and Atheists are people who believe God doesn't exist.

But I wouldn't want her to 'talk to her parents about this' because I know that one of them (not my brother) is most definitely not an Atheist. (She is, in many ways, a loathsome human being)

I hope that all my nieces (and eventually, when they exist, my own children) grow up to be Atheists.

[Lobsang]

Originally Posted by Attack from the 3rd dimension

You left out "ask your parents" without any comment on one's own beliefs. Also, what about: " A lot of people think different things. What do you think, kiddo? ".

I should comment that as a Buddhist, I am technically not a non-believer.

It is my grossly uninformed understanding that the question of the existence of a Deity is irrelivant for a buddhist. So, enlighten me (grasshopper)

[Voyager]

My answer has been "some people think so." It is a correct answer, can't get you in trouble with the parents, but will plant the idea that not everyone does - which is what a lot of kids think. I did, and we were not particularly religious.

[Der Trihs]

"No deity of any sort exists or possibly can exist, except as a product of human imagination." - I'm not going to lie to a kid just to make their superstitious parents happy. It's a leftover superstition created by barbarians, and should have been discarded centuries ago.

[akennett]

My answer would be along the lines of "Does which god exist? Many people have made up many different gods, but they only ever seem to consider the one they worship as being real." I'm an instigator, what can I say.

[The Tooth]

"No deity of any sort exists or possibly can exist, except as a product of human imagination." is closest. I'd be a bit less terse, maybe.

And it doesn't matter to me what religion the kid's parents are.

[stpauler]

I voted for number 2, but would have edited it as such: "I know of no evidence that any god exists."

I'm of the opinion that it's ok and actually necessary to expose children to different ways of thinking. I don't understand why one wouldn't want to do that with their children. I think back to our recent trip to India where we stopped off at a Sikh Temple and learned about the religion, then a Hindu temple, and saw a bunch of Muslim icons as well. We can't properly go there without explaining some of the tenets of the beliefs held by the worshipers. (FTR, I'm an atheist, my SO is a Jewish atheist and the kids are being raised Jewish.)

[Springtime for Spacers]

I voted other as I would ask the kid what they thought then say what I believed without bringing their parents into it.

[Leaper]

I wonder if the results would be similar if the OP stipulated that you also had to answer any follow-ups, like "But Mommy and Daddy says God does exist."

I mean, if nothing else, you might be concerned about what the parents would do to you, depending on what you think of people of that religion (or any religion, for that matter).

[Der Trihs]

Originally Posted by Leaper

I wonder if the results would be similar if the OP stipulated that you also had to answer any follow-ups, like "But Mommy and Daddy says God does exist."

"They're wrong. But don't tell them you doubt God exists, or they'll probably hate you and punish you."

[mnemosyne]

I think it would depend on the wording the child used, but it would be a combination of "I don't believe in god", "you should talk about this with your parents"(if I believed the parents were people who would discuss the issue fairly), "There is no evidence for the existence of a god, but many people believe different things, and what do you think/why do you ask?"

Sometimes kids just want to confirm something, like "true or false, some people don't believe in god" and sometimes they need to discover/explore new ideas, so I'd gauge my response based on the way the question was asked and on the child's response to my first answers.

[panache45]

"Look kid, they lied to you about Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, remember?"

[Attack from the 3rd dimension]

Originally Posted by Lobsang

It is my grossly uninformed understanding that the question of the existence of a Deity is irrelivant for a buddhist. So, enlighten me (grasshopper)

I am happy to enlighten your grasshopper. You are correct that deities are not of paramount importance in Buddhism. I've heard it phrased as 'They exist (or, they may exist) but they just aren't that important".

My disclaimer was to address the word 'Nonbeliever' in the thread title. I am a technically a believer, in that I espouse a what many people consider a religion, although Buddhism lacks many of the attributes of most mainstream religions. I didn't want Skald to release the acid-spitting bat-winged clone monkey army over a failure to disclose.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

Originally Posted by Der Trihs

"They're wrong. But don't tell them you doubt God exists, or they'll probably hate you and punish you."

This is too much. Not all theistic parents get upset if their kids don't believe. Mine didn't. I've known plenty of atheists whose religious parents did not hate them or punish them for it.

There are obviously some who do, but I think those are the great exception.

[DiosaBellissima]

Originally Posted by Attack from the 3rd dimension

You left out "ask your parents" without any comment on one's own beliefs. Also, what about: " A lot of people think different things. What do you think, kiddo? ".

This.

I work at a religious school and more often than not, the kids ask me about stuff where my personal view conflicts directly with the party line. Rather than saying a bunch of hooey I don't believe, I usually engage the kids in discussion. "I dunno, what do you guys think about XYZ".

For what it's worth, kids are smart. Usually, if engaged in discussion, they come to the logical end themselves (whatever that might be).

[Rhodes]

I am a recently confessed atheist, but my wife and I are at peace with the issue. It's already awkward though as my 4-year-old is starting to ask all sorts of questions. I find it rather anoying that people everywhere are teaching my kids that God and Santa are real. I will not teach the small children of believers that there is no God, and I'd appreciate if the believers would show the same respect.

[TWDuke]

Originally Posted by Attack from the 3rd dimension

" A lot of people think different things. What do you think, kiddo?

Originally Posted by Voyager

My answer has been "some people think so."

Good answers, but my initial response would probably be "Why do you ask?" Partly because I'd be genuinely curious why any 9-year-old would ask me such a question, but also because his response might influence mine.

[Der Trihs]

Originally Posted by Diogenes the Cynic

This is too much. Not all theistic parents get upset if their kids don't believe. Mine didn't. I've known plenty of atheists whose religious parents did not hate them or punish them for it.

There are obviously some who do, but I think those are the great exception.

And I think that the ones who value their religion more than they value their child are the norm. I'm unwilling to lie to kids, but I'm also unwilling to send the child blind back to his parents, not realizing what he might be in for. What if it turns out his parents are the sort that send him off to one of those out-of-the-country religious camps where the kid will be starved and beaten until he praises Jesus?

Religion is barbaric, and it tends to produce barbaric behavior. That should always be kept in mind when dealing with believers.

[Voyager]

Originally Posted by TWDuke

Good answers, but my initial response would probably be "Why do you ask?" Partly because I'd be genuinely curious why any 9-year-old would ask me such a question, but also because his response might influence mine.

For me it came up when I was taking my daughter, then about 9 or 10, and a friend trick or treating. The friend said something about being scared of the devil, and I blurted out that she shouldn't worry, since there was no such thing. Then she asked about God.

I hope people realize that the parents have the kid all the time, and no assertion that no god exists, however emphatic, is going to be very useful. My answer - which is absolutely true - will do better in the long run.

The answer is totally different for my kids of course. My daughter's opinion of her question was that it was sad that her friend still believed in fairy tales. But she was good about not giving the non-existence of Santa away also.

[Voyager]

Originally Posted by Der Trihs

And I think that the ones who value their religion more than they value their child are the norm. I'm unwilling to lie to kids, but I'm also unwilling to send the child blind back to his parents, not realizing what he might be in for. What if it turns out his parents are the sort that send him off to one of those out-of-the-country religious camps where the kid will be starved and beaten until he praises Jesus?

Religion is barbaric, and it tends to produce barbaric behavior. That should always be kept in mind when dealing with believers.

You really are giving us a bad name. First, even in the unlikely event that your ranting is going to have any effect on the kid (and religion is good at indoctrination at least) at the best you'd sentence him to an extra round of Sunday school and at worst the camp you mentioned - which is not exactly used by a majority of believers.

Second, you seem to be assuming that the parents are lying to the kid. They most likely truly believe what they are saying. They also very likely believe that religious indoctrination is in the kid's best interest. They believe in the hellfire crap, we just believe that having religion is wasting a bunch of Sundays.

Third, and you don't get this not being a parent, but when nothing directly harmful is going on it is not a good idea to get between a parent and a child. If any evangelists tried to push their crap on my kids before they were old enough to laugh in the faces of preachers they'd get serious shit from me. Let's just give the kid a hint - there is plenty of time for him to find the facts later.

[Mr. Kobayashi]

I've actually faced this exact situation, but I was teaching about Hinduism at the time, in particular their concept of avatars and Krishna. One of them asked me if Krishna actually existed. As I recall I replied that it was what Hindus believed.

[Diogenes the Cynic]

My 10-year-old, who is currently an ostensible, batized, practicing Catholic going to a Catholic school, has in the last year or so become increasingly interested in Hinduism, Hindu deities, and Hindu mythology. I think she finds it more entertaining and engaging than Catholicism.

[Wesley Clark]

My brothers 4 year old daughter is asking about that at times. She asked if I believe in Jesus. When I said no she started talking about how only believers in Jesus get to go to heaven and what a nice guy Jesus is. I'm sure she'll get the lecture about all non-christians and hell soon too.

So I don't know how to handle it. Let my brothers kids be tormented with delusions of me going to hell, or lie and pretend to believe in Jesus so she doesn't have to worry someone she cares about is going to be tortured.

I never really gave much of a damn about religion. But I know my brother's kids are going to be told by religious figures that I (as a non-believer) am going to be tortured for all eternity for not believing in their religion if I talk about my non belief with them. Not letting me into heaven, I am ok with that. But they are going to be told that people like me (agnostics) are going to hell on top of it.

I'm with Daniel Dennett, we should mandate an objective study of all religions in schools. Explain what they believe, arguments, counterarguments, etc. This issue bothers me.

[GuanoLad]

For under 10 yr olds, definitely "Discuss this with your parents."

If they were in their early teens, then I'd encourage them to think for themselves, though in wishy washy terms that didn't sound like I was pushing my own beliefs on them.

[Grumman]

I'd ask them why they're asking. If it's not because someone just died/is dying, I'd tell them the truth.

[MrDibble]

I voted for the first one, although I wouldn't be so pompous in my phrasing. I'd probably just stick with "God isn't real, kid. Do you wanna know how I know?" and if he/she does, I'll lay it all out for him, specially tailored for his parent's faith, be that Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Shinto, New Age... I'm an equal-opportunity little anti-theist.

Originally Posted by Voyager

You really are giving us a bad name.

Who's "us"? Not "atheists", because that's a set that includes me, and I don't agree. So who?

Third, and you don't get this not being a parent, but when nothing directly harmful is going on it is not a good idea to get between a parent and a child.

I think you and DT may differ on what constitutes "direct harm", no? I say this as a parent. One who's going to answer his own daughter's first God question exactly as he would a friend's kid.

[Der Trihs]

Originally Posted by Voyager

Second, you seem to be assuming that the parents are lying to the kid.

Lying or deluded, by definition. And they will lie, if it serves the faith. The typical believer has no principles at all on anything that serves the faith; look at all the parents who let Catholic priests get away with molesting their children. For most believers, the welfare of their children is a distant second to their religion; they'll do much worse than lie.

Originally Posted by Voyager

Let's just give the kid a hint - there is plenty of time for him to find the facts later.

Actually, no; once people are thoroughly religiously indoctrinated as a child their judgement is generally permanently crippled. That's the whole point of indoctrinating them while young and defenseless, and shielding them from any hint that there is any other point of view; to warp them to the point they cannot unwarp themselves.

[DianaG]

DT, I think maybe you should double-check the meanings of "typical" and "most", or perhaps your blood sugar.

Also, don't parent other peoples' children. It's rude.

[Der Trihs]

Originally Posted by DianaG

DT, I think maybe you should double-check the meanings of "typical" and "most", or perhaps your blood sugar.

If *most* parents hadn't been willing to sacrifice their children to the welfare of the Catholic Church, the molestation scandal would have broken decades earlier. That's the pattern I see everywhere; most believers consider their religion more important than anything else.

Originally Posted by DianaG

Also, don't parent other peoples' children. It's rude.

And lying to a kid isn't? A kid asks me a question, I'm going to answer it honestly. I'm not going to lie to help their parents' self indulgence.

[ianzin]

"No, of course not."

[Dioptre]

Another vote for the final option, with a "What do you think?".

I'd be happy to tell the kid what I believed and why, but as a skeptic myself I prefer to encourage the kid to think rather then tell them what I think.

[Blake]

Final option: I feel perfectly comfortable discussing it, and here are the reasons why I don't believe in God. Your/Your parents MMV

[shiftless]

Nope, sorry. But please don't tell everyone that I said that because christians become angry at anyone who doesn't beleive the same as them. Have you asked your parents?

[DianaG]

Originally Posted by Der Trihs

That's the pattern I see everywhere; most believers consider their religion more important than anything else.

Well yes, you see that pattern everywhere, because you are, if you don't mind my saying so (or, for that matter, if you do), not entirely sane on the subject.

Originally Posted by Der Trihs

And lying to a kid isn't? A kid asks me a question, I'm going to answer it honestly. I'm not going to lie to help their parents' self indulgence.

No, you're going to subject them to your own self-indulgence.

[Der Trihs]

Originally Posted by DianaG

No, you're going to subject them to your own self-indulgence.

The typical believer's definition of honesty.

[DianaG]

Except that I'm not a believer. I just recognize unhealthy fixation and self-indulgence.

[MacTech]

I'd say mine is a mix of the first two, I see no evidence that a deity exists, the chances of a deity existing are nonexistent, such an entity is a figment of the imagination (like the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, and Santa), but I can't make up your mind for you, you'll have to come to your own decision.

In short;
No deity exists, except as a figment of the imagination, there is no such thing as "god", that's my view on the matter, you'll have to make up your own mind, I'm not going to force my "beliefs" (or lack thereof) down your throat, make up your own mind based on the evidence at hand.

okay, so it's not exactly short, how about;
I "believe" that there is no "god", but you'll have to make up your own mind

[Clothahump]

If they are old enough to ask, they are old enough to understand this response:

If someone asks "Is there a god?", the correct answer is "Nobody knows".

But if someone says, "There is a god," then they are passing on a lie.