What if Shakespeare had written “The Big Lebowski.”
“The Knave abideth.” I dare speak not for thee, but this maketh me to be of good comfort;
Wow. That’s actually very well written, I was expecting typical internet crap, but that has some serious work.
Hmm, That may have come out wrong, not insulting the OP I hope. I open the links posted on this board expecting them to be pretty funny and totally worth it, just not that much of an effort by the original writer. I was kind of schocked
I had tears in my eyes from:
*I’ll stain it thus; ever thus to deadbeats.
[He stains the rug]*
Great fun and a friend only gave me a copy of the original a few days ago. I will watch it yet again with even greater interest.
Yea, well, that be, forsooth, thy opinion, sir.
I’m dyin’ here, this is great!
This is brilliant. They need to do a full performance in costume at this year’s Lebowskifest.
“That rug, in faith, tied the room together, did it not?”
I’m having trouble breathing!
“Hold thy tongue, Sir Donald”
This befalleth when thou firk’st a stranger ‘twixt the buttocks, Laurence! Understand’st thou? Dost thou attend me? Seest thou what happens, Laurence? Seest thou what happens, Laurence? Seest thou what happens, Laurence, when thou firk’st a stranger ‘twixt the buttocks?!
That IS Stewie isn’t it?
All I did was read the character list and I’m laughing. I hadn’t considered The Dude as a Falstaff type but now I’m disappointed I’d never thought of it.
I’ve just read a few lines, but this awesome. I’m printing it out and will be reading it on my 15 hour train journey tonight!!
I love it:
I’m about halfway through, and yeah, that rug speech is probably the best part. I also like the prisoner exchange scene:
It looks like there are references to all of Shakespeare’s plays in here in the form of partial quotes and parody quotes and such. I’m not keeping track but I remember seeing lines from Hamlet, Macbeth, Romeo & Juliet, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, Twelfth Night, The Comedy of Errors, and the Jesus character swears by Coriolanus (I guess because it has anus in it and nobody is going to recognize any other reference to Coriolanus). And the title is a takeoff of Two Gentlemen of Verona.
The site is down for me. Can someone please email it to me? My address is in my profile (and if it isn’t, PM me for a fool and I’ll get it to you posthaste).
DONALD
Wherefore thou playest not at ninepins on Saturday, Sir Walter?
WALTER
On our most holy Sabbath I am sworn
To keep tradition, form and ceremony.
The seventh and the last day rests the Jew;
I labour not, nor ride in chariot,
Nor handle gold, nor even play the cook,
And sure as Providence I do not roll.
Hath not a Jew rights? Hath not a Jew hands,
Organs, bowling-balls, Pomeranians?
If you schedule us, must you not do right?
If we step o’er the line, do we not mark it nought?
The Sabbath; I’ll roll not, God-a-mercy.
THE KNAVE
Thou art an ass! A stupefying ass!
WALTER
Apologies.
THE KNAVE
Thou hast ruin’d all again!
Thou makest all a travesty of pain!
WALTER
‘Twas accident! I meant not for the breeze.
THE KNAVE
Thy statement, man! The stuff on jungle war.
What signifies thy foreign conflict here?
What signifies thy deadly-standing speech?
I’ll have no more; thou art a raging fool.
WALTER
I stand before thee tainted with remorse, and beg thy mercy; I am overcome. A pox upon’t, Knave; let us play at ninepins.
[Exeunt]
Brilliant!
Maybe, just maybe, one of the actors in the film or the Coen brothers will read this and get the group together and do this as an opening bit for this years Independent Spirit Awards.
I really have to hear Sam Elliott intone, mustache a’twitching:
In wayfarer’s worlds out west was once a man,
A man I come not to bury, but to praise.
His name was Geoffrey Lebowski called, yet
Not called, excepting by his kin.
Someone mentioned a link to it at “Dr. McNinja”, which worked for me after the primary link crashed.