Will Transformers 3 Not Suck?

[Justin_Bailey]

Look at the new additions to the cast:

* Alan Tudyk
* John Malkovich
* Frances McDormand
* Patrick Dempsey

Sure Megan Fox and Shia LeBeuf are still going to be in it, but they're not so bad. I guess if Michael Bay can come up with a better plot than the aneurysm-inducing Transformers 2, the awesome cast might be able to do the rest.

Or possibly the last movie has so thoroughly fried my brain that I don't remember just how bad it was.

[Kyla]

No.

[Zannen]

Originally Posted by Kyla

No.

Amen.

[AClockworkMelon]

Originally Posted by Zannen

Amen.

I'll double up on that.

[Sr Siete]

He's made bundles of money with movies that are all explosions and cgi with a barely coherent excuse for a plot and jokes that would be intellectually offensive to a five-year old. Why would he change the formula now?

[Grumman]

Fox and LeBeuf aren't the problem, Bay and his writers are. What they need to do is get rid of the fratboy "comedy".

In-character wit is good. Seriousness is good. Adding testicles to a giant robot for a one-off testicle joke is grounds for exile.

[Enderw24]

Robot or no, a one-off testicle is no laughing matter.

[Flander]

Originally Posted by Enderw24

Robot or no, a one-off testicle is no laughing matter.

[Alessan]

A cast is only as good as the script and the director.

[elfkin477]

Wow, you're saying the second one wasn't even as good as the first one? If that's so, then no, there's no way the third won't suck too.

[Chimera]

Transformers III will suck so hard that five Autobots including Optimus Prime will converge and form a giant vacuum cleaner in an homage to Spaceballs.

[Kyla]

Originally Posted by elfkin477

Wow, you're saying the second one wasn't even as good as the first one? If that's so, then no, there's no way the third won't suck too.

Yeah, I saw the first one and it was TERRIBLE. And I have no problem with spending a couple hours watching things explode if it's halfway decent. And it was just fucking BORING.

And then I heard from people who actually liked the first one that they second sucked, in comparison. It's actually hard for me to imagine a movie that bad, since the people who liked the first movie are obviously REALLY easily entertained. I'd rather stare at a dog turd for two hours that see the third movie. I'm sure it will be at least as edifying.

[Red Barchetta]

Originally Posted by Kyla

And then I heard from people who actually liked the first one that they second sucked, in comparison. It's actually hard for me to imagine a movie that bad, since the people who liked the first movie are obviously REALLY easily entertained. I'd rather stare at a dog turd for two hours that see the third movie. I'm sure it will be at least as edifying.

Obviously

I quite enjoyed the first one, despite realizing it's a silly, dumb movie. That in no way affects my judgement of other films, let alone everything else I might find entertaining.

[E-Sabbath]

I still want to know where the testicles came from. None of the robots involved had wrecking balls!

[gladtobeblazed]

Originally Posted by Red Barchetta

Obviously

I quite enjoyed the first one, despite realizing it's a silly, dumb movie. That in no way affects my judgement of other films, let alone everything else I might find entertaining.

Same here. I enjoyed the first because Transformers were the coolest thing ever when I was a kid. Watching them on the big screen with excellent special effects was quite a treat. Sure the script sucked and the acting wasn't anything special. By any standard it was a bad movie. It's a Michael Bay film about sentient robots from outer space for crying out loud. But it was more than that: it was a piece of my childhood come to life and I was thoroughly entertained by it.

It was about 15 minutes into the second film that I realized that I did not need to repeat the experience. One film would have been sufficient, it did not need a sequel. It certainly did not need a sequel which was inferior in almost every way: direction, acting, writing, cinematography, editing...etc. The one thing the sequel had going for it were the special effects, which again were excellent.

I don't have any hope that Transformers 3 will be good. I have no plans to watch it unless Rifftrax puts out a commentary for it.

[Covered_In_Bees!]

Originally Posted by E-Sabbath

I still want to know where the testicles came from. None of the robots involved had wrecking balls!

Wrecking balls. That is awesome. I must find a way to work that into a conversation and while referring to my own junk.

[Grumman]

The first one was watchable if you fast-forwarded through everything that didn't feature either transformers or the soldiers. The second one didn't even have that.

[elfkin477]

Originally Posted by Red Barchetta

Obviously

I quite enjoyed the first one, despite realizing it's a silly, dumb movie. That in no way affects my judgement of other films, let alone everything else I might find entertaining.

Ah, don't sweat it. As long as you know that your enjoyment of it doesn't mean it's not terrible, your taste isn't too suspect. At least that's what I tell myself - I love this movie, but it is dumb.

[NinjaChick]

If you take the second film, and take out everything that's not Optimus Prime beating the shit out of another giant space robot, it's a passable (albeit short and exceedingly mindless) bit of entertainment.

Unfortunately, there seems to be a mentality that you could not successfully market "Optimus Prime Blows Shit Up and Tears Apart Evil Space Robots and then delivers a short lecture about morality". I'd personally pay to see just that in the theaters, but alas, they're going to continue trying to shoehorn things that aren't Optimus Prime, giant fighting robots, and big explosions in there. So it's probably going to suck. The magnitude of suckage will be determined by the ratio of Optimus Prime kicking ass and/or things exploding scenes to all other scenes.

(I honestly do think that if they made, basically, "Autobots fight Decepticons and in the course of it everything explodes," they'd make a killing.)

[Simplicio]

I can't find it now, but there was a pretty good review somewhere about how Transformers 2 was the best movie ever because of how aggressively it eschewed any sort of plot. The only way to make Transformers 3 not suck will be to make it more insanely non-sensical and over the top then Transformers 2. Micheal Bay needs to basically make the movie he so obviously wants to, a surreal two hour music video where giant robots blow up famous world landmarks for reasons that not only make no sense, but are designed to actively go against any possible explanation.

Optimus Prime should tell someone that they must protect the Eifflel Tower at all costs, then he needs to turn around and blow the Eiffel Tower up, transform into a dump-truck and fly away. Meanwhile we can flashback to Shia Labeouf's adolescence in medieval France, where he was raised in the Sultan's harem by scantally clad woman. While there, we see he attended a suburban Highschool where the students were Hugenot Peasants, but the teachers were Autobots. At somepoint, due to a hilarious mixup, Shia will try and seduce a teacher, but end up accidently having sex with a regular non-transforming motorcycle. Eventually his Chem teacher will help him invent a super-weapon which he must race to bring to New York City to keep the Decepticons from blowing up the Taj Mahal.

The second movie was pretty close to this anyways, if they just went that extra step, they could have a summer blockbuster that would make the whole genre obsolete.

[magnusblitz]

I liked the first one, and while the second one was ... entertaining, it was also terribly by pretty much any other measure of quality.

The main problem is Michael Bay. He's like George Lucas on cocaine - some good ideas, can do some amazing stuff with a camera, but damn if he doesn't come up with some absolutely retarded ideas. With no one to control him, you get a hodgepodge of random garbage. Random shots of dogs humping? Extra screentime to vaguely racist caricature characters with no redeeming qualities? Robot girl with extendable tongue? Incoherent plot? Giant combiner testicles? Pointlessly long military armament montages?

I mean, I'm a huge Transformers fan, so I like seeing 'em on the screen, and I'd love to get some good characterization, good characters, and some great plotlines. It won't happen, not with Bay. So I'm totally down with just turning it into "Optimus Prime Blows Shit Up and Tears Apart Evil Space Robots", since that's really the only good part of the series.

(Oh, and less damn shakey cam)

[Lunchy]

Originally Posted by magnusblitz

I liked the first one, and while the second one was ... entertaining, it was also terribly by pretty much any other measure of quality.

The main problem is Michael Bay. He's like George Lucas on cocaine - some good ideas, can do some amazing stuff with a camera, but damn if he doesn't come up with some absolutely retarded ideas. With no one to control him, you get a hodgepodge of random garbage. Random shots of dogs humping? Extra screentime to vaguely racist caricature characters with no redeeming qualities? Robot girl with extendable tongue? Incoherent plot? Giant combiner testicles? Pointlessly long military armament montages?

I mean, I'm a huge Transformers fan, so I like seeing 'em on the screen, and I'd love to get some good characterization, good characters, and some great plotlines. It won't happen, not with Bay. So I'm totally down with just turning it into "Optimus Prime Blows Shit Up and Tears Apart Evil Space Robots", since that's really the only good part of the series.

(Oh, and less damn shakey cam)

Racist caricature characters?

[Bartman]

Originally Posted by gladtobeblazed

The one thing the sequel had going for it were the special effects, which again were excellent.

Really? Between the shaky-cam, the constant quick cuts, and the blinding lens flairs, I never really could focus my eyes long enough to see much in the way of effects. I would have loved to watch a bunch of cool robot fight scenes. Instead I got a bunch unintelligible noise and fury. That was ok (not great but ok) in a movie like Cloverfield where that was part of the point. But it was terrible in the Transformers movies. Michael Bay managed to even screw up even the "good" parts of the movies as far as I am concerned.

[Sir T-Cups]

Originally Posted by Lunchy

Racist caricature characters?

The twins. Caracaturing the dumb black stereotype.

And not even Jazz from the first movie "I'm black and cool" stereotype; but the "yes massa right away massa" stereotype.


I have high hopes for the third movie because I loved the second one better than the first. The main problem with the second was the degradation of the script from Shia and Megan doing some light improv as they did in the first movie, to toilet humor and lowest common denominator humor like the second.

But overall I will choose the second movie over the first. And yes I know I am the only one.

[Superhal]

I'm going to predict it now: they're going to shoot in 2d and convert to 3d, thus making it suck almost by definition.

[jackdavinci]

Who knows? The first one was actually pretty good (except for the overly complicated Transformer designs). The second was sucky (except for splosion!). So if whoever was responsible for the non sucky parts of #1 is back in charge, it might not suck.

[Alessan]

Originally Posted by jackdavinci

So if whoever was responsible for the non sucky parts of #1 is back in charge, it might not suck.

That would be executive producer Stephen Spielberg - all the sense of wonder and earnestness of the first film is generally attributed to him. He had little to do with the second film, and will have nothing to do with the third.

[Gangster Octopus]

Well, they could make transformers 3 about a Tranformer warrior coming to terms with his robosexuality and how it might his ability to fight alongside his comrades. There could be a lot of shots of the Transformer looking off into space in deep thought while sappy music plays. It could be very full of emotion, a really dramatic character study with lots of deep conversations and an important message about acceptance and lving ones life.

Ang Lee could direct.

[Declan]

Originally Posted by Justin_Bailey

Look at the new additions to the cast:

* Alan Tudyk
* John Malkovich
* Frances McDormand
* Patrick Dempsey

Sure Megan Fox and Shia LeBeuf are still going to be in it, but they're not so bad. I guess if Michael Bay can come up with a better plot than the aneurysm-inducing Transformers 2, the awesome cast might be able to do the rest.

Or possibly the last movie has so thoroughly fried my brain that I don't remember just how bad it was.

It does not have to suck or be oscar award winning, it simply has to make the equivalent of a medium size country's GDP or there will be no T4.

This will be the movie you take your kid(s) and or your girlfriend/wife/mistress for the date movie or the family bonding.

All I need to see is Megan Fox in her usual pose and the movie is an automatic win, followed by giant robots beating the shit out of each other, followed by the US military , when not posing with frivolus tight tee shirt poses, cleaning up the transformers messes.

Declan

[phreesh]

There is zero chance it won't suck. It will also make about $500 million for whatever studio produces it.

Such is life.

[Justin_Bailey]

The latest sign it might not suck: Megan Fox has been kicked off the movie. Happy days will be here again when Hollywood's obsession with this bimbo is over.

Although lately they seem to have latched onto Christina Hendricks while all asking the same dumb question: "Does having big boobies make it hard to be successful?"

[Grumman]

Originally Posted by Justin_Bailey

The latest sign it might not suck: Megan Fox has been kicked off the movie.

I feel the opposite. This just gives them an excuse to not confront the reason why her character sucked.

[Gangster Octopus]

Originally Posted by Justin_Bailey

The latest sign it might not suck: Megan Fox has been kicked off the movie. Happy days will be here again when Hollywood's obsession with this bimbo is over.

Although lately they seem to have latched onto Christina Hendricks while all asking the same dumb question: "Does having big boobies make it hard to be successful?"

As long as it is a photo-journalistic essay I think it is a very valid question.

[DCnDC]

"Chaka: This movie is gonna make House Party look like House Party 2!
Chaka's Production Assistant: Or House Party 3.
Chaka: Shut the fuck up!"

[Declan]

Originally Posted by Justin_Bailey

The latest sign it might not suck: Megan Fox has been kicked off the movie. Happy days will be here again when Hollywood's obsession with this bimbo is over."

I'm tryin to read between the lines and am gettin the impression that this is an unhappy group of people. If it was just fox, I'd write it off as the usual, but Shia has also made some comments.

I guess Megs was expendable while Shia was not, but I would not be surprised if he dies, heroically, but dead none the less. I will have to await the movie to see who the replacement looker is, and how she does, before I comment on if dumping Megs was a good franchise move.

Any one notice or hear who the replacement will be , and will she be a separate character or same character , just different actress.

Autobots roll out

Declan

[Astroboy14]

Originally Posted by Grumman

The first one was watchable if you fast-forwarded through everything that didn't feature Megan Fox bending over.

FTFY.