Transformers movie series is worse than I imagined

Cafe Society
1

I finally watched all three of these.

1 is easily the worst of the bunch, rather than show us warring sentient robots from space the main focus is a horny frustrated teenager.

2 is better than 1, but only marginally since they finally figured out people are coming for the robots not the stupid faced teenager. Lots of crass digital color manipulation and cinematography, occasional annoyingly crude jokes and characterizations.

3 is like a retool of 2, no joke it is basically the same goddamn movie(how many fucking ancient weapons from the Cybertron war ended up on earth anyway?) and at this point I just wanted it to end which is sad. Lots of vaguely uncomfortable humor, awkward laugh.

I almost thought they were going for some kind of social commentary with how Optimus is always spouting off in this bizarre stilted super patriotic speech, but it went no where.

What a waste of time.

2

Hey, that thing you like? It sucks.

3

I always thought these movies would work a LOT better as silents. Just replace most of the dialogue with expository title-cards, and dub over some old-time piany music.

There, done. The action visuals are kept, and all the horrible mugging becomes underplayed comedic wit.

4

The sad thing is I LIKED the giant warring robots, one of my favorite scenes was the opening of 3 on Cybertron during their war.

But the movie insists on fucking with me, it won’t give me what I want! It keeps shoving that fucking idiot Bouf down my face, or apparently thinks I came for more earth based scenes.

I made up a plot for these movies in my head, having watched the end of 1 where the spark thing brings electronics here on earth to life I assumed the trailers for 3 showing giant worms burrowing through buildings was the post apocalyptic remnants of earth after a sort of grey goo ending started in the first movie. Yea the plot I made up I liked better.

5

Congratulations. You are no longer 17 years old, and the big explody-type films are not being made for your interests or attention.

6

The films collectively grossed $2bn, which means its not just “17-year-olds” going to see them. I know some people have this quasi-hipster need to show off how much they hate things with mass-market appeal, but they made a shitload of money because a shitload of people found them entertaining.

Deal with it.

7

Although I’m not 17 years old, it seems obvious to me that for a summer popcorn big explody-type film a movie about giant fighting robots that transform into cool cars and such should be the ABSOLUTE PERFECT SUBJECT MATTER.

Because I am not 17 years old, I recognize that a summer popcorn big explody-type film can be good if the creative team puts some imagination and cleverness into it.

So, I am neither in the “Explody-Type Film = teh suxx0r” camp . . .
nor am I in the “Explody-Type Film- C’mon! What more do you want? Shit blowz up!” camp.

These movies could have been good. I wanted them to be good.
Even in the early days of CGI, smooth surfaced angular objects were the easiest subjects to render. So, with as advanced as CGI had become- even as early as the first of these movies- the big screen realization of the Transformers had potential to provide some of the greatest spectacle ever put on the big screen.

I had read prior to the release of the first film that Michael Bay was insistent that the transformations are such that they would actually work, and that proportions be faithfully observed- no cheats like the cartoon. Well . . . I actually wanted to see this. Everything rushes by so fast, the camera never stops moving, the specatcle of the transformations is really never showcased- so, why go through all the trouble in the first place?

I also really didn’t like how indistinguishable the robots were- especially the Decepticons. There’s a pretty full Transformers mythology to draw from and a lot of interesting character dynamics that could have been explored. I could often never tell Megatron from Starscream, and while there were some times I knew I was watching Megatron on screen there were hardly ever any times I really knew I was watching Starscream. This is a major failing as far as I’m concerned. Starscream was always a great character in the original series and that Megatron/Starscream dynamic could have added so much.

As far as showing people rather than robots, grude, actually the only thing I really liked from any of the movies: Sam’s parents in the first movie- especially Sam’s mom, she was hilarious. She’s so funny in the scene when she’s simultaneously proud and flabergasted at her son bringing home such a ridiculously hot girl.

The movies were spaced out enough that by the time the second one came out I thought to myself “Well there were some things I liked about the first one, maybe this one will be better” and when the third one came out I thought to myself “Well there were some things I liked about the first two, maybe this one will be better.” I got reeled in each time. Other than providing Megan Fox with the security and comfort of not having to be pimped out by her husband (yet), these movies really didn’t accomplish much.

8

What really saddens me is that they could have done so much with Soundwave.
He was, by far, the coolest transformer ever.

9

Well, that’s just crazy talk.

10

If the Transformers movies had been made to appeal to the simple pleasure of watching living war machines beat the tar out of each other - and the occasional human vehicle - I would have loved the trilogy. Instead, Bay & Co filled them with unfunny, racist, stupid, cringeworthy crap.

11

Indeed. I actually didn’t have a problem with the first one. Not a bad as far as summer time “Explodey” movies go.

2 was so freaking horrible I didn’t even give 3 a chance.

12

So what, the OP shouldn’t criticize a movie that was popular?

Sometimes things make a lot of money and still kind of suck. Sometimes even the people going to see them would admit that parts of them suck, they just maybe place a greater priority on “OMG Giant Robots!” than, say, dialog or plot. So box office receipts don’t even necessarily indicate that most people would disagree with the OP’s criticisms, just that maybe they don’t care so much about that stuff.

I saw Star Wars Ep. 1 about 10 times in the theaters, because I was 18 and “OMG, double-bladed lightsaber!!!1!”, but even at the time I would have admitted that the dialogue, plot, acting, humor, etc. were all kind of shit. I just didn’t care that much. Now that I’m in my thirties, I’d probably see it once and then gripe about it on the internet. I want different things from a movie now.

13

I enjoy a lot of the popcorn explody films. The Avengers and all of their prequels, the new Batman trilogy, 300, Sin City, SpeedRacer, Real Steel, Avatar, Fast Five, Clash/Wrath of the Titans, etc. Some better than others.
That being said, I’d watch any of these multiple times over than having to sit through a Transformers movie. Utter crap those movies are. They give me a headache. Every dialog scene is like watching a Jerry Springer show with everyone yelling over eachother sounding like morons. The humor crude and juvenile. The editing done in ADD fashion. Horrible trash of films.

14

The worst thing about the Transformers movies is that you couldn’t tell which robot was which. You’d have a battle scene of one giant robot punching another giant robot, but was it the good robot that punched the evil robot, or the evil robot that punched the good robot?

“Giant robots punching each other” is absolutely the basis for a good movie. That’s a first quality premise, and I’m not being sarcastic. But you have to care about the giant robots, you have to be able so say, “Yay, the good robot punched the bad robot! Oh no, the bad robot punched the good robot! But now the good robot punched the bad robot!” You wouldn’t have a boxing movie where all the boxing scenes you couldn’t tell which boxer was the protagonist and which one was his opponent? And these are giant robots, so it’s not hard to design them distinctively. Like, make Rocky white, and Apollo Creed black. It’s not that difficult.

And this is already built into the premise. Each giant punching robot transforms into a unique cool vehicle. So when the evil cop car robot turns into a robot, he should look like a cop car turned into a robot. When the fighter jet robot turns into a robot, he should look like a fighter jet turned into a robot. And you give them bright paint jobs, and when they’re robots–get this–they keep the same paint job! Optimus Prime is red white and blue when he’s a truck, yes? So when he’s a robot, maybe make him red white and blue, and have his truck parts folded out of the way but clearly visible all over his body. This isn’t exactly a difficult concept.

15

This is what happened to me. I thought the first one was decent military porn. The second bored me (how can you bore someone with a movie about giant fighting robots?) And I didn’t bother with the third.

16

Disclaimer: I have not seen any of the Transformers movies.

Pulling off a complex CGI effect in the context of Jerky-Cam style filming is far, far harder than making it look good in a nice clean, still camera shot. You have to make sure the effect tracks perfectly with the moving camera, so the robot doesn’t seem to jitter in space, you have to make sure the focus is in the correct plane to match the surrounding objects, and that may be changing on the fly, etc. A 2-second shot of a robot transforming in the background while your human is being filmed with a Steadi-cam running down the road could potentially be the most expensive effect in the film, even though, watching it, you barely notice it. I think the mindset has become, it’s really difficult and expensive, therefore it’s better than the more simple still or linear tracking shot that shows the robot in its full glory, so we’re not going to bother with those. There is so much wrong with that idea - heck, I realized that building theater sets in high school, that the scenery that takes the most time and energy is almost never what is going to impress the audience the most. It’s great that they’ve reached the point where they can make the mundane shots actually look mundane, but it’s still a movie, and they still need the spectacle.

17

The first is just pretty bad but 2 and 3 are aggressively, insultingly bad.

18

I saw the first on TV, missed the second, and saw the third on Netflix. My five-year-old loves the Transformers and really wanted to see the third and doesn’t quite understand why I said it’s such a bad movie and is not for kids. Fortunately, he’s got his toys and all the cartoons on Netflix to watch, so he’ll survive.

The effects and CGI are impressive, but everything else in the movies are so juvenile and jaded. Optimus Prime says all the catch phrases of his character about freedom and helping all sentient beings and all that, but then he goes ape poopy and tears all the Decepticon’s heads off which really doesn’t seem in character to me. Add in that all the Autobots look like they just rolled off the autoshow floor and have about as much disregard for collateral damage as the Decepicons do, that the movies just seem off to me, even ignoring the fact that it’s Michael Bay directing.

19

Something I posted on another forum right before the 2nd one came out:

I never saw 2 or 3.

20

I agree, this was the worst thing about the movies.

No, wait … THIS was the worst thing about the movies.

Can they both be the worst?