Reid Stowe, age 58, spent 1152 days aboard his ship. His girlfriend, Soanya Ahmad, now 26, originally was on the boat with him but left the boat when she suspected she was pregnant. They both agreed that he would continue without her. Before they started on the trip, they had made the agreement that if she had to get off for any reason, he would continue the trip. His girlfriend says that if he had stopped when she had disembarked, he would have just done the trip later.
From the article, it isn’t clear what his goal was: to break the record of most days on a boat, or to sail around the world.
In any case, when he finally came back, his son was 23 months old, and Reid Stowe had never seen his son yet.
Was Reid Stowe a jerk?
I am of two minds on this subject. There are some things I could justify to myself for not seeing your son for the first two years of his life (e.g.: being on military duty during wartime), but just for the sake of completing a sailing trip? On the other hand, if he would have done the trip at some time anyway, he was going to miss 2 years or more of his son’s life at some point, so maybe missing the first two years was the best choice.
But I have to say (I probably would have thought differently before I was a father), I think he made the wrong decision.
If he were 26 years old, I would say to postpone the trip for another time. But he’s 58 and may not be in physical shape to do it again after a few years. So if he absolutely had to do the sailing trip, it was probably the best time.
On the other hand, he’s 58 years old and his child is 2years old. I’m not usually bothered by older men having children, but when you mention that he’s already missed 2 years of his child’s life and he’s already 58 years old, it gives me pause.
Offhand I’d say he probably missed some serious bonding time that cannot be recovered. It wouldnt suprise me if the kid doesnt end up with the same level of emotional bonding with his dad that he would have had the dad been around. Its my understanding that a lot of important and not highly understood things go on in the first few years of childs life.
I don’t know it its jerkish, but I can’t see how its a good thing either.
I dunno, I know some people who have adopted kids that were around the same age as this kid, and they seem to have a very close emotional bond with their children.
After giving this a little thought, I’m going with “not a jerk.” I would think he was a jerk if he had done it against his girlfriend’s wishes, but since she was apparently on board (ha!) with his decision, I think it was fine.
He’s an utter jackass who does not deserve to be a dad.
It’s one thing to be separated from your child for reasons beyond your control. But to voluntarily skip out on the first two years of his life, just to get in the goddamn record books?
Asshole all the way.
According to the linked article, he calls his trip a voyage of love. He anthropomorphizes his ship and is proud of it.
I don’t doubt that. Its probably a statistical thing anyway. Even if on average its bad, you’d never know if it was in his particular case or not. And I guess you could even argue a long separation LATER would possibly cause more damage.
I would just hesitate to think along the lines of “hey, its an infant, they don’t have a clue as to whats going on, so how can it hurt?”
Yes. He missed out on the first two years of his kid’s life for a pointless endurance feat, which is just plain selfish. And the wife was stupid to agree. I’m trying to refrain from comment on senior citizens and near-senior citizens who have children, but I think that’s pretty thoughtless, too.
From the little I know about human development, the first two years are probably the worst time even if the son won’t remember it. If he was gone for two years when his son were grown, wouldn’t it have had a much smaller effect on his life? And yes, I know the guy is pushing 60.
I don’t think he was a jerk either for this reason.
Besides, in pictures I’ve seen they seem like a pretty happy family. Given that this might have been a life-long dream of his and his wife probably understood that, I’d say completing the trip could have been conducive to that family happiness, given the possibility that he might have harbored resentment towards his wife and son if he hadn’t done so. I know his responsibilty had he cancelled his voyage would be to his family but we’ve all heard stories about resentments festering over thwarted dreams.
Besides, though the articles say he’d only seen the son for the first time, I’m wondering they meant “in the flesh” and if (a) his boat had any electronic way of communicating with his family (email, pictures, etc.), or (b) if his wife made a special effort to talk about him to his son and show him pictures (like one would if someone is off to war).
I think his priorities are screwed up, but that’s just me.
Eventually some other thrillseeker is going to come around and break his record, and he’ll be an unknown nobody once again. So I think it’s kind of assholey that he traded what amounts to a few moments of trivial glory for the once-in-liftime chance to experience his child as an infant.
This pretty much sums it up for me. I cannot think of many things that justify a father essentially abandoning his child for 2 years, and this does not make the list.
I’d say marrying someone more than thirty years your junior already makes you kind of suspect, not to mention having a kid at an age when that kid is probably going to have to deal with your physical decline when he is just in his teens. Dude seems like the kind of guy who takes what he wants and doesn’t really worry about what that does to other people’s lives.
But missing two years- meh. It’s not ideal, but few childhoods are. Anyway, we honestly don’t know how committed this relationship is. It’s playing well on the camera now, but we don’t know if they ever intended to stay together in the long run in the first place.
Why was it not possible for his wife and son to meet him occasionally as he stopped in the ports to refuel/grab groceries/check email/etc… for TWO YEARS straight this was not possible?? The first two years, of course the kid won’t remember him not being there, but any parent knows these are some mighty precious moments that don’t come around again. First smile, first step, first words… and he couldn’t pop for a couple of plane tickets to meet up with them every once in awhile?
What a dick. Lets be honest, he missed out on his kids infanthood because of some sailing feat that 100% of the worlds populations doesnt give a sweet fuck about.
Oh you sailed around the world for a few years, who gives a fuck, go hug your baby you selfish prick.
I think giving him a dressing down for his footloose ways isn’t giving much leeway for the fact that he may have felt he was over the barrel.
By and large, when she let the cat out of the bag, he may not have been particularly buoyed up by the thought of fatherhood, and overwhelmed by not knowing the ropes.
Being between the devil and the deep blue sea, at least he didn’t cut and run, and the decision he and his girlfriend had originally made was above board, since neither mentions being three sheets to the wind at the time. At the bitter end, the son of a gun toed the line.