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Old 09-16-2010, 04:57 AM
Koxinga Koxinga is offline
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Could a vampire use a touch panel smartphone?

I'm thinking no. Since a vampire is inhabiting a dead body with minimal moisture in its fingertips, it'd have a hard time with a touch panel's capacitive sensing.

Along the same lines, are there other modern pratfalls and foibles that would trip up a vampire?
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Old 09-16-2010, 05:18 AM
Girl From Mars Girl From Mars is offline
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But in parts of Asia when it's cold they use frozen sausages to work their touch pads, instead of taking off their gloves.

So the question is whether vampire fingers are a suitable alternative to frozen sausages or hot dogs. (I prefer my vampire fingers with tomato sauce myself)
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Old 09-16-2010, 07:13 AM
Kobal2 Kobal2 is offline
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On the other hand, vampires could break into any building that relies on IR sensors for alarms. No life, no heat. Depending on which law of vampire physics they rely on not to show up in mirrors, security cameras could be out as well.
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Old 09-16-2010, 07:39 AM
Count Blucher Count Blucher is offline
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I guess that only begs the question: how many bars can You get 6 feet down in Forrest Lawn?

Of course, that'd be the end of The Verizon Guy.

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  #5  
Old 09-17-2010, 12:11 AM
Der Trihs Der Trihs is online now
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Depending on how the mirrors-don't-reflect thing works, those motion sensitive water faucets and urinals in public restrooms might not work. The same goes for the automatic doors at stores.

If cameras don't work then ATMs could be used as vampire detectors; if the ATM is accessed but no one appears on the security camera, it's a vampire!
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Old 09-17-2010, 02:24 AM
Balance Balance is offline
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As it always seems to in these threads, it depends on the type of vampire. In this case, it also depends on the type of screen.

If the screen works with a stylus, then even a dessicated-corpse sort of vampire should be able to use it. With a non-stylus-friendly screen, they're probably out of luck, but other vamps might still be able to use the phone. Most of them look relatively human, which means they shouldn't be all that dry under normal circumstances. Maybe they'd have trouble if they haven't fed recently, and the tank was running low, but that generally seems to bring more serious problems than unresponsive touchscreens.

As for IR sensors, one fairly common trope is for vampires to be warm and/or flushed after feeding. Assuming the mirror business doesn't interfere, a well-fed vamp should show up readily enough on passive infrared. Active infrared should generally spot them even if they're at room temperature; it's not looking for warm spots, it's looking for changes in IR reflection patterns in the room--and no one has ever suggested that vampires themselves don't reflect light, I don't think.
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Old 09-17-2010, 02:44 AM
Koxinga Koxinga is offline
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In this case, it also depends on the type of screen.
That's why I specified touch panel with capacative sensing.
  #8  
Old 09-17-2010, 03:15 AM
Der Trihs Der Trihs is online now
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A vampire could carry around one of those little packets of moist towelette thingies (their name escapes me at the moment), to moisten his fingers with. That would help with the touch screens I presume, and he could pass it off as being germophobic.
  #9  
Old 09-17-2010, 07:55 AM
goodie goodie is offline
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Touching his phone for him would be the least I could do for MY vampire boyfriend, my fingers are nice and warm...;-)
  #10  
Old 09-17-2010, 08:01 AM
Koxinga Koxinga is offline
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A vampire could carry around one of those little packets of moist towelette thingies (their name escapes me at the moment), to moisten his fingers with. That would help with the touch screens I presume, and he could pass it off as being germophobic.
I guess it would raise fewer questions than carrying around a frozen sausage.

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Originally Posted by goodie
Touching his phone for him would be the least I could do for MY vampire boyfriend, my fingers are nice and warm...;-)
Let me guess: is he sparkly?
  #11  
Old 09-17-2010, 09:36 AM
Unintentionally Blank Unintentionally Blank is offline
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Someone needs to turn these theories into a movie, STAT!

Would a full spectrum lightbulb burn?
  #12  
Old 09-17-2010, 10:20 AM
RealityChuck RealityChuck is online now
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Originally Posted by Der Trihs View Post
Depending on how the mirrors-don't-reflect thing works, those motion sensitive water faucets and urinals in public restrooms might not work.
That's a good thing. Flowing water and all that.
  #13  
Old 09-17-2010, 02:17 PM
iamthewalrus(:3= iamthewalrus(:3= is offline
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Couldn't the vampire just lick his fingers?

I'm not sure I buy that his hands wouldn't have moisture, either. Vampires are usually described as cold, but they're not desiccated. They have a circulatory system, saliva, tears (sometimes of blood), etc.
  #14  
Old 09-17-2010, 02:45 PM
alphaboi867 alphaboi867 is online now
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...If cameras don't work then ATMs could be used as vampire detectors; if the ATM is accessed but no one appears on the security camera, it's a vampire!
Thing about this for a moment. So you decide to go the whole "vampires can't show up on camera route". That doesn't mean their clothing won't show on camera. Before CCTV this wouldn't have been much of a problem, but now security cameras are everywhere (especially in the UK). So you don't even need an ATM, just monitor ordinary cameras for footage of clothing walking around by itself. Yes, vampires would easily hide from the cameras by going nude, but that would make it very hard for them to blend in with living humans in public.
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  #15  
Old 09-17-2010, 04:06 PM
Der Trihs Der Trihs is online now
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Someone needs to turn these theories into a movie, STAT!

Would a full spectrum lightbulb burn?
I recall a novel, The Logical Magician that had that scenario. The hero held off a vampire by standing in a working jacuzzi - running water - and then one of his friends fried the vampire with sunlamps.

For movies, it's not "full spectrum" but UV weapons did burn vampires in Blade and Underworld.
  #16  
Old 09-17-2010, 04:12 PM
gnoitall gnoitall is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unintentionally Blank View Post
Someone needs to turn these theories into a movie, STAT!

Would a full spectrum lightbulb burn?
I recall a novel, The Logical Magician that had that scenario. The hero held off a vampire by standing in a working jacuzzi - running water - and then one of his friends fried the vampire with sunlamps.

For movies, it's not "full spectrum" but UV weapons did burn vampires in Blade and Underworld.
In the Super Nintendo Shadowrun video game, high-intensity photo flashes were painful, damaging, and (understandably) blinding to the vampire villain-of-the-moment.
  #17  
Old 09-17-2010, 04:19 PM
Freudian Slit Freudian Slit is offline
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Couldn't the vampire just lick his fingers?
Ewwwwww. Licking his fingers and then touching something? I hope that vampire doesn't visit my local library branch.
  #18  
Old 09-19-2010, 07:41 PM
mbh mbh is offline
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Someone needs to turn these theories into a movie, STAT!
Ultraviolet (the British TV series, not the Milla Jovovich movie) addressed some of them. In that one, cameras could not see them, and microphones could not hear them. In order to use a telephone, they had to use one of those keyboards that deaf people use.
  #19  
Old 09-19-2010, 07:44 PM
Skald the Rhymer Skald the Rhymer is offline
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On the other hand, vampires could break into any building that relies on IR sensors for alarms. No life, no heat. Depending on which law of vampire physics they rely on not to show up in mirrors, security cameras could be out as well.
The no-reflection thing, at least in the Whedonverse, does not extend to security camersas. I think it's an illusion created entirely in the person's mind and is not triggered by cameras. Admittedly, if you thought about it hard enough you might be able to cause it to, but why would you want to do that?
  #20  
Old 09-20-2010, 12:56 AM
The Scrivener The Scrivener is offline
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Depending on how the mirrors-don't-reflect thing works, those motion sensitive water faucets and urinals in public restrooms might not work. The same goes for the automatic doors at stores.[snip]
On a related note, do vampires excrete?
  #21  
Old 09-20-2010, 06:36 AM
auRa auRa is offline
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On a related note, do vampires excrete?
And on a related related note... From what I have gleaned from that new omnibus of vampire information, True Blood, vampires' bodily fluids are replaced by blood: they cry blood instead of tears, for example. (This also appears in a Stephen King short story, where a vampire at a urinal pees blood, so with two such formidable proponents of this theory I think we can say it's definitely fact. ) ....so...does this apply to all other body fluids and secretions as well? Like semen, for example? Having sex with a vampire must be like having sex on a heavy period. Sookie must go through sheets like tissues.

...and when Edward Cullen pees, does it sparkle?
  #22  
Old 09-20-2010, 07:15 AM
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^All newly created fluid in his body is Vampire venom. The only reason he was able to get Bella pregnant is because he was a virgin who never masturbated, and thus had a little stored up "seed" left.
  #23  
Old 09-20-2010, 07:57 AM
Der Trihs Der Trihs is online now
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^All newly created fluid in his body is Vampire venom. The only reason he was able to get Bella pregnant is because he was a virgin who never masturbated, and thus had a little stored up "seed" left.
Really? And I guess that means he never had erotic dreams, either. One wonders that someone like that would actually be attracted to anyone, ever.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Logic and Twilight, oil and water.
  #24  
Old 09-20-2010, 03:53 PM
StusBlues StusBlues is offline
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On the other hand, vampires could break into any building that relies on IR sensors for alarms. No life, no heat. Depending on which law of vampire physics they rely on not to show up in mirrors, security cameras could be out as well.
Nah. One of the folkloric characteristics of a vampire body (that hasn't made its way completely into fiction, so YMMV) is that it's still warm--at least warmer than ambient. See Paul Barber, Vampires, Burial, and Death.
  #25  
Old 09-20-2010, 04:17 PM
StusBlues StusBlues is offline
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Depending on how the mirrors-don't-reflect thing works, those motion sensitive water faucets and urinals in public restrooms might not work. The same goes for the automatic doors at stores.[snip]
On a related note, do vampires excrete?
Only when played by Christopher Walken.
  #26  
Old 09-20-2010, 07:47 PM
iamthewalrus(:3= iamthewalrus(:3= is offline
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^All newly created fluid in his body is Vampire venom. The only reason he was able to get Bella pregnant is because he was a virgin who never masturbated, and thus had a little stored up "seed" left.
Just when you think you can almost stretch your suspension of disbelief far enough...
  #27  
Old 09-20-2010, 10:03 PM
Apollyon Apollyon is offline
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^All newly created fluid in his body is Vampire venom. The only reason he was able to get Bella pregnant is because he was a virgin who never masturbated, and thus had a little stored up "seed" left.
Just when you think you can almost stretch your suspension of disbelief far enough...
Yeah.. I mean, *sparkly* vampires OK... but a teenage boy (before he became a vampire) who hasn't masturbated... come on...
  #28  
Old 09-20-2010, 10:49 PM
Der Trihs Der Trihs is online now
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Just when you think you can almost stretch your suspension of disbelief far enough...
Yeah.. I mean, *sparkly* vampires OK... but a teenage boy (before he became a vampire) who hasn't masturbated... come on...
And who never has erotic dreams leading to night emissions, which is what normally happens when you don't masturbate. Not for a century or two, however old he was. Yet this neuter falls in lust with a teenager?
  #29  
Old 09-20-2010, 10:52 PM
chorpler chorpler is offline
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^All newly created fluid in his body is Vampire venom. The only reason he was able to get Bella pregnant is because he was a virgin who never masturbated, and thus had a little stored up "seed" left.
Is this really specified in Breaking Dawn?
  #30  
Old 09-21-2010, 11:16 AM
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Yeah.. I mean, *sparkly* vampires OK... but a teenage boy (before he became a vampire) who hasn't masturbated... come on...
And who never has erotic dreams leading to night emissions, which is what normally happens when you don't masturbate. Not for a century or two, however old he was. Yet this neuter falls in lust with a teenager?
Obviously, it just took the right girl.
  #31  
Old 09-21-2010, 03:28 PM
Spectre of Pithecanthropus Spectre of Pithecanthropus is offline
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Well, I use the stylus that came with my phone, and it works fine...

  #32  
Old 09-21-2010, 10:16 PM
alphaboi867 alphaboi867 is online now
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Yeah.. I mean, *sparkly* vampires OK... but a teenage boy (before he became a vampire) who hasn't masturbated... come on...
And who never has erotic dreams leading to night emissions, which is what normally happens when you don't masturbate. Not for a century or two, however old he was. Yet this neuter falls in lust with a teenager?
Vampires don't sleep in Twilight. The author is also a Mormon.
  #33  
Old 09-21-2010, 10:25 PM
Der Trihs Der Trihs is online now
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Vampires don't sleep in Twilight.
Apparently he never slept before becoming a vampire either.

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The author is also a Mormon.
I'm well aware of that; that's how I first heard of the series, as "that horrible Mormon vampire series".
  #34  
Old 09-23-2010, 06:47 PM
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Just when you think you can almost stretch your suspension of disbelief far enough...
Yeah.. I mean, *sparkly* vampires OK... but a teenage boy (before he became a vampire) who hasn't masturbated... come on...
Well that nicely answers the question. If just a little moisture on the finger is required to activate the touch screen, and virgin vampires in Twilight have stored up, 200 year old juices, at least the males would have a "stylus."
  #35  
Old 09-23-2010, 09:42 PM
Regallag_The_Axe Regallag_The_Axe is offline
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On the other hand, vampires could break into any building that relies on IR sensors for alarms. No life, no heat. Depending on which law of vampire physics they rely on not to show up in mirrors, security cameras could be out as well.
Don't vampires need to be invited inside anyway, thus making it impossible to for them to break into anything?
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  #36  
Old 09-23-2010, 09:49 PM
Freudian Slit Freudian Slit is offline
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Don't vampires need to be invited inside anyway, thus making it impossible to for them to break into anything?
By that rationale, what if you accidentally let a vampire in to your house once but then you legally declare a room of your house in a different zone or something? Can you keep the vampire out that way? Can you keep a vampire out of an outdoor area like a field if you own it by forbidding it to enter? How do you define "owning" an area for a vampire? Hmm.
  #37  
Old 09-23-2010, 10:12 PM
Koxinga Koxinga is offline
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Don't vampires need to be invited inside anyway, thus making it impossible to for them to break into anything?
By that rationale, what if you accidentally let a vampire in to your house once but then you legally declare a room of your house in a different zone or something? Can you keep the vampire out that way? Can you keep a vampire out of an outdoor area like a field if you own it by forbidding it to enter? How do you define "owning" an area for a vampire? Hmm.
I think there has to be a hearth involved.

What's a hearth?
  #38  
Old 09-25-2010, 11:29 AM
Lust4Life Lust4Life is offline
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Another one here who raises the question "What kind of vampire?".

Lately they seem to be Emo's with superhuman powers who aren't particulary vampirish.

Then theres the religious version where they can't be seen in a mirror because of having no soul.
And the whole cruxifix, holy water, inviting in thing.

Personally I think that Vampirism is an infectious disease (possibly a mutation of the Zombie virus; or vice versa), that animates corpses, giving an appearance of life and allows the host body to exist and function for an extremely extended period at the cost of suspended animation for so many hours each day and severe tissue damage and blindness if exposed to U.V..

And also of course the strength etc.

As to flying I think that is a confusion caused by association with vampire bats and that Human host Vampires can't do it, just as eagles fly and eat meat but wolves eat meat but can't fly.

That said I don't think that they masturbate or have sex.

And as to mobile phones old people don't tend to take to new technology, so if you're seven hundred years old I don't think that you'd bother getting one.
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