Teaching is wonderful, but sad(kind of long)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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I recently had the “Ask the Public School Teacher” thread here.

I’m into the new school year about 6 weeks now, and I’m glad to say I have the best set of 7th Graders I have ever had. They are wonderful, friendly, intelligent, excellent writers(I’m an English teacher), and I’ve come to love them tremendously. They are everything 7th Graders should be. Hormonal, annoying, but essentially innocent and eager to become young adults. :slight_smile:

Then there is Lisa(not real name, of course).

She joined us 2 weeks ago. She looks sad, melancholy, depressed, whatever you want to call it. She isn’t rude or disrespectful, but she looks like she has had more “life” lived than the average 7th Grader.

She wrote in her earliest journal about being tired of the world and feeling useless. She wrote about giving up and running away into the darkness.

I know; she sounds like a typical “emo” 7th Grader.

She isn’t.

We’ve learned she comes from a home of terrible abuse. Physical., emotional, and sadly , far far worse. She’s experienced things no person should have to go through. Yes, she has been removed from her home, which is how she came to our district(and why she was a month late for school). Both parents are in drug rehab now and she has twin brother she is no longer to see(long story).

She’s 12 and looks burned out. Burned out on life by 12. :frowning:

I and my other teachers immediately adopted her as our own. We have reached out to her, shown extra attention and kindness, and Lisa has responded immediately. I’m fortunate to work with 2 amazing women and another great guy and we have all made school her home. Our stated goal is to make school a happy, positive place for Lisa. Positive experience over academic achievement. It’s what she needs.

But teachers only have kids for one year. One year, and they leave us. It’s as it should be, but it is hard.

Lisa smiles when she sees us now. She responds very well to positive I doubt we can truly rescue her and make her life better. She even drew the face on my pumpkin for Halloween. Sadly, she will, I assume, eventually leave us and either go back to live with a parent or shift to somewhere else. Probably before the end of the year. Kids like this come and go quickly, like pinballs being bounced around.

I wonder about her future.

I wonder if she’ll turn to drugs, alcohol, or something else to cope.

I wonder if she can escape the cycle that has enveloped her family.

I wonder what will happen to her when she gets lost in the mess of high school.

I wonder if her mind will ever clear and she can find someone who can be there for her.

I wonder why things like this happen to kids.

I wonder what she’ll be like in 20 years, when she’s 32(my age now). I’ll still be teaching, God willing. Will she even be alive?

I wonder if I’ll ever even find out what happened to her in the future.

I didn’t become a teacher to teach English. I didn’t become a teacher for the salary(heh). And no, I didn’t do it for the summers off. Now that I think of it, I’m not sure I knew why I became a teacher when I entered the profession.

I do now, though. I became a teacher for kids like Lisa.

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Welcome to the group.

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My ten year class reunion is this year. I’m not going but a lot of people have tracked me down on facebook and it is amazing to see what has become of people. One of my friends from from high school who was sort of into drugs and had no real place of his own so to speak is now a family man who is working to become a minister. Another one of my friends also ended up in NYC with me but is an actress/bartender. Another one of my friends who grew up basically impoverished is now married to the love of her life who just happens to be richer than sin. Your childhood doesn’t automatically determine where you go and what you do with your life. When you start feeling sort of hopeless about kids like Lisa try and remember that.

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Maybe you can keep in touch with her after she leaves through facebook or something like that. I had a junior high math teacher who was legendary for being a mentor to the kids.

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I work in juvenile court, defending kids like Lisa. It’s a tough row to hoe, but entirely worth it when you can work with a kid and get them focused and working hard to get out of the life that got handed to them. 90 percent of the time I fail, but the 10 percent gets me out of bed in the morning.

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Mahaloth, I hope you never start questioning whether you are making a difference. I don’t believe that kindness is ever wasted even though we may not see the direct results ourselves.

And I hope that throughout your life enough people remember to thank you (and it may not happen at the time the gift is given) that you never abandon your trust in your skills. :slight_smile:

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Hey, she’s 12. Your one year with her is 1/12 of her life. Nearly 10%. No, you can’t undo all the damage of the other 90%, but you can do a lot. A whole lot more than you know now, and you may never know. I do hope she remembers to tell you sometime, whether it be in a letter or email or a classroom visit when she’s so much bigger and more mature you won’t recognize her when she comes through your door. But even if not, she’s telling you now, in the only way she knows how - in that smile. In the little things she lets you let her do. You’re making a HUGE difference in her life. Thank you.

Now. If you’ll excuse me, I have a few letters to write to my old Mr and Mrses Mahaloths. :slight_smile:

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Thanks, folks.

I am by no means depressed about the situation or anything. I care for all my students, but kids like Lisa are rare.

I hope she remains with us the entire school year. If she does stay in our school district for next year, I’m sure I’ll be able to call the teachers she’ll have next year.

I just feel so bad for her. She can be so much more if she just hadn’t had so much bad stuff thrown on her.

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Kids have teachers for life, though. My parents were shite at motivating us; most of my teachers… well, let me just say that my mother finally admitted I’d gotten way more flak than normal at school when she heard one of my old classmates say so two summers ago. But the good ones, I remember them still and will remember them until the day I die, and I remember them a lot better than I remember the “meh” ones and the immense majority of the bad ones. And by “good ones” I don’t mean the ones who taught me tons academically, I mean the ones who were good people (poor Mother García had no idea how to deal with a girl who couldn’t sew straight to save her life, and I still can’t, but she was nice about it).

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I volunteer tutor at a school that was created for "Lisa"s: foster kids. This is a special academy that houses and schools kids from foster homes. So basically these are kids that either went through the foster program and were never adopted, or for whatever reason, they are no longer living with their real parents.

Their stories are as heartbreaking as Lisa’s. I’ve only come across a couple that were as sad as you describe Lisa. But all the kids share this one common “scar”: a severe lack of trust in adults. It takes me most of the schoolyear (and it often never happens) for the kids to even want to talk to me. Those that I am able to help, tend to warm up. And I try to be as fun/informative as I can so as not to come across as just another “authority figure”.

The fact that this Lisa has warmed up to you is huge, and you should feel good that you have made a change in her life. The one thing I’ve picked up on with the kids I tutor is how resilient they are. Most have been through some pretty bad shit, and though it has left a mark/scar, they persevere. So by being an example of someone who cares, and someone Lisa can trust, you’ve shown her that there are good people out in the world. And that you’ve made her smile may also show her that life is worth continuing.

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Ah… got another one of those darn specks in my eyes… excuse me :frowning:

Thank you Mahaloth for all that you do. The world needs more teachers like you.

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You’d be amazed how long you have kids for. I’ve been teaching twentysomething years, and I have people at Walmart, the mall, etc., coming up and telling me about their kids, their SO, their dogs, all because I taught them English long ago. I always say I’m the mom to the whole high school, because I’m the only mom some of them have.

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I remember every act of kindness a teacher showed me during a very troubled and lonely adolescence. Those memories saved me during dark times. You’ll be with her well into the future.

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I am still friends with one of my high school English teachers. (and I’m 56)
I have a background too similar to the one you are talking about, but no one rescued me from it. School was my safe haven. Clearly defined rules, positive reinforcement, a way to feel better about my life.
Thank you for making a difference in “Lisa’s” life. You are showing her what most of the people in the world are like, what “normal” is.

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Awesome Maholoth… I’m not sure if its professionally appropriate, but perhaps you and some of Lisa’s other teachers can have a meeting with her caseworker. It might assist in continuing to benefit this young lady…

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Working with kids like Lisa reminds me why I couldn’t be in any other profession than teaching. Everything else just seems so unfulfilling to me.

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Just keep in mind what one of us said before she took a fateful ride:

“I touch the future. I teach.” - Christa McAuliffe