Have you never wanted to see or speak to someone again?

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m looking for stories about people who you can’t stand to be in contact with any more, for whatever reason.

I’m coming to realise that I have absolutely no interest in ever seeing or speaking to a former friend again. We used to be extremely close, until my getting engaged and married upset her for reasons that are still unclear to me and she spent four months crying and shouting at me about how I was ruining her life and that of everyone who knew me, her, and/or my husband. She’s recently contacted me about trying to repair our friendship, but I just have no interest in seeing or talking to her at all. I would love it if she moved to Fiji or somewhere where I would never have to worry about unexpectedly seeing her - not somewhere horrible or unpleasant, just out of my social circle, my city and my life forever. I have felt a lot of anger towards her, but I think I now mostly feel a combination of pity (she was clearly very unhappy about something, and unable to deal with it) and resentment (for the negative effect she had on my mental health for those few months before I wised up enough to tell her to get out of my life).

I’ve never felt this way about anyone before - all my splits with ex-boyfriends have been amicable and I’ve never really “broken up with” a friend like this - so I’m not sure if this is usual, or how people deal with feelings like it.

2

I had an ex break up with me while I was in hospital, had almost died. He called me on the phone. He gave me the usual line about wanting to remain friends. So after I got out, another friend and I went on a bar crawl and invited him along, with a couple more people in the usual gang that would do a bar crawl about once a month. We went to 4 or 5 of the usual ones, and ended the evening at The Liberty Pole, which was a gay bar with a killer dance floor and it was hopping as usual for a friday night. We left him very drunk on the dance floor and split. AH, the late 70s, he had such lovely long golden hair with the perfect amount of curl to it, and a very tidily groomed short beard. Yummy. <snicker> Stay friends my ass. Man up and break up with me in person.

I had to pack what I could into a dodge omni and leave an exfiance. It took me 3 months of scrounging small change and the occasional few bucks from covertly babysitting for the neighbors kid, and I had her hold onto all the money as the 3 months it took me to get enough went along. I went from a luxurious beachfront condo facing the ocean to a cheap little studio in a slum area, but it was worth it. To this day I detest roses and the smell of roses with the burning passion of a million suns. He would beat me and then get me roses and take me out to dinner as an apology. I was psyched when I heard that the place he liked to take me to burned down a few years back.

3

I broke up with my best friend of many years several years ago. She was never fat, but at one point, she lost quite a lot of weight and started dressing fairly inappropriately to show off her new figure. (Like she would pick me up for a day of shopping and hanging out dressed in heels and a cocktail gown, and I’d be wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Her boss eventually had to speak to her about appropriate work wear.) She just became extremely vain and obsessed with bettering her physical appearance. She immigrated to the US from China when she was about eight, and she would tell me that for years after that, she was an outsider, still learning English, not dressing right, not understanding cultural cues, so I think she was really making up for lost time in trying to be cool now that she was an adult.

All of that was a little trying (especially because she refused to eat out anywhere for a few years because she had to have 100% control over her diet), but not in and of itself what ruined our friendship. I guess it was a symptom of the fact that she basically became extremely self-absorbed and a really crappy friend. She developed an obsessive crush on someone she could not ethically date and would spend literally hours talking about her feelings to me. As a good friend, I did what I could to help her and listen, but it was extremely one-sided. She was working on her doctorate in psychology at the time and diagnosed herself as being narcissistic and would use that as an excuse, like it was a cute personality quirk instead of a really negative trait. “Oh, sorry I wasn’t paying attention, I’m a narcissist, ha ha!”. I would ask her how she would be a good psychologist when she was only interested in herself, and she’d say “well, they’re going to pay me!”

After all of this, she was really getting on my last nerve. But what broke the camel’s back was when she accused me of being racist against Asians for indulging in an inside joke (online) with another friend, who was also Asian-American. That friend and I had had a long-running joke and I knew she wouldn’t be offended, but my best friend saw it (this was on LiveJournal, and it wasn’t aimed at her in any way) and made a snotty remark. I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t appreciate being called a racist. Especially considering I had been best friends with her - a Chinese-American - for so long, did she really think I was somehow bigoted against Asians? She couldn’t have figured out that there might be some context she wasn’t getting? I was absolutely furious and refused to speak to her until my temper cooled.

By the time it did, I realized that my life was much more pleasant without her presence in it. I have only spoken to her once since, several years later, when she called me and acted like everything was normal. I hung up on her.

That kind of abrupt split is really out of character for me, and I tend not to hold grudges. But it’s been…wow, about seven years now, and I don’t regret it. She was a lousy friend and it’s too bad we couldn’t have just drifted apart without hard feelings, but I don’t miss her.

4

Yes, there are a handful of people whom I’d be happy to never, ever see again. I’m the kind of person who would rather avoid you than confront you, so I make myself scarce and purposefully try to stay away from those folks. It’s kind of like an “ignore” button for meatspace.

One in particular is an ex-boss. He and I had worked together years before at a different company; I didn’t realize what a pompus, passive-agressive jerk he was until I worked directly for him. He never did any one big egregious thing; it was just relentlessly aggravating day in and day out.

There are some others but I won’t bore you with those details. :slight_smile:

I don’t think it’s unusual, and I don’t think you ought to spend too much time fretting about it. It’s over, move on.

5

I don’t talk to most of my family.

I don’t talk to my mom’s siblings and have no desire to. My mom’s family is full of leches. They also like to “tell it like it is”, but when you tell them how they are you’re rude and insensitive. :rolleyes: My mother and I are supposed to have deep endless pockets for them and their children, but they don’t give us gifts and say “times are tough”. :rolleyes: Basically, there’s one set of rules for them and one for us. They also think it’s cool to act like a stereotype of our ethnicity. :mad: They’re embarassing to take around friends, coworkers, and neighbors. They like to have parties and get together and “forget” to remind us about them. Then, we’re at gatherings they like to talk about the events we weren’t invited to. So, I got tired of playing damed if I do, damned if I don’t. My mom also stopped talking to them. They accused me of putting a wedge between them and their sister. :rolleyes: However, they still talk about so.

I actually talk to my parent uncle and grandparents. However, I don’t talk to my dad and have no reason to want to. He’s one of those people that when people met their like “Oh, your dad seems cool. You’re making something out of nothing”. You don’t see he’s an asshole until you’ve known him. He also thinks he’s the only person in the world with problems. Thus, when he hurts you, you’re suppose to forgive and forget. As much I love my grandparents and uncle, I blame them. Every time he screws up they forgive him. I’m not talking about he forgot their 70th birthday screw up, I’m talking way worse.

I don’t talk to former friends or exboyfriends. Honestly, if we can’t be friends I don’t see a point in talking with them. Exboyfriends just irrate me and make things awkward.

The more I think about it, I tend to hold grudges. However, I think in the end it keeps me from being hurt.

6

I find, it’s usually easier to move on if it’s one thing. A ton of small shit kind of seals the deal. If it’s more than one thing, it shows he has a shitty personality. I.e. it’s not you.

7

I’m feeling that way about a former friend of my daughter’s.

At times she was a very good friend, but the bad started to outweigh the good. She would agree to be the driver, accept money for petrol & then back out leaving my daughter & other friends stranded. & she was a student, trying to run a car without a job. So the car deteriorated to the point it didn’t have a warrant or registration. This girl (I’ll call her Zora) was still driving the car & running up parking tickets which she didn’t pay. She got kicked out of one flat, so moved in with one of my daughter’s cousins, then another. The second cousin was happy to have her, but was unhappy in the flat he was living in. They decided (with Tom’s partner) to look for a place together, but every weekend they wanted to look, Zora would go back to her hometown (my hometown too) to stay with her mother. So finally Tom & Sal got sick of this & found a place on their own. So she moved back with the original cousin.

Up till this point Zora hadn’t paid rent or expenses at either place - occasionally she would pay her share for food or takeaways. But after a couple of months my daughter moved in & she is a far stronger personality than Hannah. She insisted Zora had to pay - but it was slow & hard to get the money out of her. & another tenant moved in - a stranger to all the girls. & also a strong personality.

& over the Xmas holidays Zora found full time work. But she was still slow to pay her share. & Hanna (the cousin) lost her job, so could no longer carry Zora. This didn’t make Zora any better at paying up. Where her money was going - who knows. She was still running up parking tickets, the Ministry of Justice was (finally) chasing her for them & she wasn’t repairing the car. Plus there were other bills coming in for her.I got worried if the bailiffs came round the other girls’ assets could be seized (I’m in NZ - if any Kiwi posting here knows if thats the case I’d be interested) as the car wasn’t worth anything. I will say - Zora wasn’t living high off the hog or anything. Possibly bills had come due she wasn’t able to ignore. My own suspicion is that she owed her mother money as well - & that her mother needed the money back.

I’ll make this short. There were a lot of rows in Dec/Jan. & Zora left Hanna stranded our town when the buses were full, so another friend had to come & get her. & the landlord was getting annoyed at the slow rent payment & threatening to kick them all out. He said he was going to inspect the flat. Which other than the new girl’s bedroom was a mess. They divided up the work. Zora was meant to clean the bathroom & her room. She made a half hearted attempt at the bathroom & then disappeared as usual to her mum’s home. The other girls inspected her room which was smelly & a mess. I’m not sure if they cleaned the room or just told the landlord they would be getting rid of Zora . & I had a phone call from my daughter that they had decided to kick Zora out in Feb. But 3 days later my daughter rang my husband absolutely enraged about something Zora had done. & that night the 3 girls packed Zora’s stuff up. As usual when Zora realised there was a problem she had gone back to her Mum’s. But they phoned her & said get your gear we are kicking you out now! She turned up with her mother & her mother had a cheque for most of the money owed from this second stay (not the hundreds still owed for the first time.) They said too late, the mother got abusive, Zora tried to push past the cousin into the flat, they called the police - who, unbelievabely came. It must have been a slow crime night. & basically they evicted Zora.

For my daughter - no consequences so far. Most friends have sided with her, except for one boy who is trying to stay friends with both. For me, its a bit more awkward as I’m in the same small town as her Mum. But so far I have seen Zora a couple of times & she has ignored me. As yet I haven’t seen her Mum.

But its a sad end to a friendship.

8

Yes, only recently.

A friend turned from a thinking, respectful Christian individual who had no time for evil, hate-filled judgmental Christians into an evil, hate-filled, judgmental Christian who believes that thinking, respectful Christian individuals are misguided at best and hell-bound at worst.

Dropped him from every aspect of my life, hope to never encounter hm again during my lifetime.

9

Sure, my brother, Have not spoke or seen him going on 3 years, and 2 ex-friends who I could live the rest of my life and not care if I never see them again.

I’ve always been a bit of a magnet to energy vampires, they suck the life out of you and I need to stay away from these types of people for my own sanity.

There’s no point having a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you, or betrays you at every opportunity, that’s really what it comes down to.

I would rather be alone than settle for the above.

Regards
Gus

10

There are a few but I don’t like dwelling on them. It just brings that old anger up in me again.

11

I am generally friends with my exes. We’re even friends on Facebook. But I have two exes that I could care less if they lived or died. Well, one of them - I am friends with his mom. I’d be sad for her that her asshole son died. But I would not mourn him.

I have an ex-friend who stopped being my friend when she started dating my brother. Then started being my mortal enemy when she cheated on him with his best friend, sent my brother in to emotional ruin and sent the best friend into financial ruin. Bro and best friend patched up nicely, but the thought of this woman makes my blood boil. Ever since we’ve stopped being friends (maybe 13 years ago?) I’ve thought she was a despicable human being. Ugh. I won’t go in to my rage for her here. But it’s deep.

12

I’m not much of a grudge-holder, but once someone has crossed the line with me, I’m done with them. My brother-in-law the real estate agent has decided to cut us out of his life, and I wouldn’t care at all (he isn’t much of a guy) except he has also cut us off from my sister and my two nieces as well.

13

There was always drama with Sandra. I don’t know where she digs up her men from but the last one she bailed out of a huge drug charge. She then supports this guy until he beats her up and leaves. She pleads for him to come back, but tries to keep the relationship secret from everyone except me. He beats her up again, knocks out her front tooth, perforates her eardrum etc. She asks me to come over, I say no, you come over to my place. I tell her to go to the police, the women’s unit, a counselor etc. I’m totally amazed when she does. She calls me for marathon phone sessions, she’s getting on well with the therapy.

All of a sudden she doesn’t call. I call a few times, I send her a text, I email, I facebook. No response. I wonder whether to call the police - is her lifeless body lying on the kitchen floor? I find out from another friend that she’s out and about.

At some point during all this she had discovered $1,200 had been taken from her house (she thinks). The boyfriend denied taking it, but tried to pay her back even though he hadn’t taken the money. Now she’s telling my other friend she realizes I took the money. And that’s why the boyfriend was so angry and hit her. She’s accusing me of stealing her money - not to me of course, but to various friends.

Like my other friends say “a good friend to lose”.

14

My Brother. He abandoned/disowned my Mom because he can’t act like an adult and sit down and discuss things. Our Mom was concerned about his welfare and told him so. He was making some VERY bad decisions.

I tried for months to get the relationship repaired. We all used to be very close.

Nope. He would rather just hurt Mom because she dared to question some of his choices. Ya see, in his eyes he is never, ever wrong or ever made a bad choice. The fact is, he kept fucking up again, and again and again. The crack addict ‘girlfriend’ living in your basement? As an example, and one of many, Yup, we think that it was a bad choice. (he’s not into drugs, that much I know)

Listening to mom cry is very, very difficult.

15

Here’s another vote for a brother–my younger one. We used to be close but he’s gotten very strange in middle age, I think a lot of anger has gotten the better of him. I don’t see us repairing a rift that occurred a little over a year ago, which works out ok because at that time he told me not to ever contact him again for any reason. Works for me!

16

Yes. Just about everyone I know during this endless winter. We’re all suffering, somehow, and who do they vent to? Me!

Maybe it’s my personality. I’m avoidant, anti-social, prone to anxiety and depression, and would go live in a cave like a hermit if it was wired for electricity. Throughout my life I’ve been badly, badly hurt by many people and some have thankfully disappeared, and others are still here. I can’t avoid them because “they’re faaaammmilllyyyyyyyy”. They heap their many, many problems on me. They ache, they pain, they want this, they want that, they’re desperately unhappy with their living conditions, they need a drive here, they need a drive there, they want my car, they want me to do their shopping. They call me up, crying. Always crying in despair. Hey, I accommodate. I’m as helpful as I can be, up to a point.

I want to yell ‘I CANNOT MAKE YOUR FUCKING MISERABLE LIFE BETTER. I AM NOT A MIRACLE WORKER WHO CAN SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS’. And so I get calls and listen to tales of woe-is-me and do the best I can. But…why me? I was the one always abused, so I guess I’m still seen as the go-to doormat. OK. But now,only up to a point. I draw the line now. Whine on the phone for an hour, and I’ll ‘um-hmm’ for an hour. Need a ride? I’ll take you to the store or the mall or whatever when it’s convenient for me. I will not drive over in a blizzard and sit there because you’re bored and your life isn’t moving along fast enough.

Sincerely, I would be overjoyed to “never see or speak to” these people again. It’s getting to the point everyone in my life is stressing me out so much, I just want to drop off the map and go hide.

17

Two of three sisters. One for stealing from my mother when she was alive and trying to gain control over / steal all of Mom’s estate when she died. The other for helping her. I’ll just leave all the racism and all the other toxicity that made them a pleasure to be around as icing on the cake. I posted about them many times several years ago as EBS1 and EBS2.

The funny thing is that they used to just hate each other and let the Really nasty epithets fly between them. They live on opposite coasts in the US and virtually every hateful spiteful nasty disrespectful thing that a person on one coast can ignorantly accuse a person on the other coast of, I’ve heard (at 30+ decibels) over the course of the years. It was like a fireworks of angry words, arcing somewhere over Nebraska.

They keep away from me (now) and because of that, their toxicity is kept away from my kids. Its a small victory, but I’ll take it.

18

Honestly, if you’re over 30 and cannot think of at least one person that you never want to see again, you probably don’t do enough to protect yourself from toxic people. Or you have this odd idea about being a good person that precludes you from knowing when to walk away from evil.

19

There’s a bunch of bullies I would like to “meet” again.

20

Chimera: well said.