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  #1  
Old 02-12-2011, 04:56 PM
SecondJudith SecondJudith is offline
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Have you never wanted to see or speak to someone again?

I'm looking for stories about people who you can't stand to be in contact with any more, for whatever reason.

I'm coming to realise that I have absolutely no interest in ever seeing or speaking to a former friend again. We used to be extremely close, until my getting engaged and married upset her for reasons that are still unclear to me and she spent four months crying and shouting at me about how I was ruining her life and that of everyone who knew me, her, and/or my husband. She's recently contacted me about trying to repair our friendship, but I just have no interest in seeing or talking to her at all. I would love it if she moved to Fiji or somewhere where I would never have to worry about unexpectedly seeing her - not somewhere horrible or unpleasant, just out of my social circle, my city and my life forever. I have felt a lot of anger towards her, but I think I now mostly feel a combination of pity (she was clearly very unhappy about something, and unable to deal with it) and resentment (for the negative effect she had on my mental health for those few months before I wised up enough to tell her to get out of my life).

I've never felt this way about anyone before - all my splits with ex-boyfriends have been amicable and I've never really "broken up with" a friend like this - so I'm not sure if this is usual, or how people deal with feelings like it.
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  #2  
Old 02-12-2011, 05:23 PM
aruvqan aruvqan is online now
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I had an ex break up with me while I was in hospital, had almost died. He called me on the phone. He gave me the usual line about wanting to remain friends. So after I got out, another friend and I went on a bar crawl and invited him along, with a couple more people in the usual gang that would do a bar crawl about once a month. We went to 4 or 5 of the usual ones, and ended the evening at The Liberty Pole, which was a gay bar with a killer dance floor and it was hopping as usual for a friday night. We left him very drunk on the dance floor and split. AH, the late 70s, he had such lovely long golden hair with the perfect amount of curl to it, and a very tidily groomed short beard. Yummy. <snicker> Stay friends my ass. Man up and break up with me in person.

I had to pack what I could into a dodge omni and leave an exfiance. It took me 3 months of scrounging small change and the occasional few bucks from covertly babysitting for the neighbors kid, and I had her hold onto all the money as the 3 months it took me to get enough went along. I went from a luxurious beachfront condo facing the ocean to a cheap little studio in a slum area, but it was worth it. To this day I detest roses and the smell of roses with the burning passion of a million suns. He would beat me and then get me roses and take me out to dinner as an apology. I was psyched when I heard that the place he liked to take me to burned down a few years back.
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  #3  
Old 02-12-2011, 07:19 PM
Kyla Kyla is offline
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I broke up with my best friend of many years several years ago. She was never fat, but at one point, she lost quite a lot of weight and started dressing fairly inappropriately to show off her new figure. (Like she would pick me up for a day of shopping and hanging out dressed in heels and a cocktail gown, and I'd be wearing jeans and a t-shirt. Her boss eventually had to speak to her about appropriate work wear.) She just became extremely vain and obsessed with bettering her physical appearance. She immigrated to the US from China when she was about eight, and she would tell me that for years after that, she was an outsider, still learning English, not dressing right, not understanding cultural cues, so I think she was really making up for lost time in trying to be cool now that she was an adult.

All of that was a little trying (especially because she refused to eat out anywhere for a few years because she had to have 100% control over her diet), but not in and of itself what ruined our friendship. I guess it was a symptom of the fact that she basically became extremely self-absorbed and a really crappy friend. She developed an obsessive crush on someone she could not ethically date and would spend literally hours talking about her feelings to me. As a good friend, I did what I could to help her and listen, but it was extremely one-sided. She was working on her doctorate in psychology at the time and diagnosed herself as being narcissistic and would use that as an excuse, like it was a cute personality quirk instead of a really negative trait. "Oh, sorry I wasn't paying attention, I'm a narcissist, ha ha!". I would ask her how she would be a good psychologist when she was only interested in herself, and she'd say "well, they're going to pay me!"

After all of this, she was really getting on my last nerve. But what broke the camel's back was when she accused me of being racist against Asians for indulging in an inside joke (online) with another friend, who was also Asian-American. That friend and I had had a long-running joke and I knew she wouldn't be offended, but my best friend saw it (this was on LiveJournal, and it wasn't aimed at her in any way) and made a snotty remark. I don't know about you guys, but I don't appreciate being called a racist. Especially considering I had been best friends with her - a Chinese-American - for so long, did she really think I was somehow bigoted against Asians? She couldn't have figured out that there might be some context she wasn't getting? I was absolutely furious and refused to speak to her until my temper cooled.

By the time it did, I realized that my life was much more pleasant without her presence in it. I have only spoken to her once since, several years later, when she called me and acted like everything was normal. I hung up on her.

That kind of abrupt split is really out of character for me, and I tend not to hold grudges. But it's been...wow, about seven years now, and I don't regret it. She was a lousy friend and it's too bad we couldn't have just drifted apart without hard feelings, but I don't miss her.
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  #4  
Old 02-12-2011, 08:29 PM
NinetyWt NinetyWt is offline
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Yes, there are a handful of people whom I'd be happy to never, ever see again. I'm the kind of person who would rather avoid you than confront you, so I make myself scarce and purposefully try to stay away from those folks. It's kind of like an "ignore" button for meatspace.

One in particular is an ex-boss. He and I had worked together years before at a different company; I didn't realize what a pompus, passive-agressive jerk he was until I worked directly for him. He never did any one big egregious thing; it was just relentlessly aggravating day in and day out.

There are some others but I won't bore you with those details.

I don't think it's unusual, and I don't think you ought to spend too much time fretting about it. It's over, move on.
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  #5  
Old 02-12-2011, 09:18 PM
Trubie Trubie is offline
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I don't talk to most of my family.

I don't talk to my mom's siblings and have no desire to. My mom's family is full of leches. They also like to "tell it like it is", but when you tell them how they are you're rude and insensitive. My mother and I are supposed to have deep endless pockets for them and their children, but they don't give us gifts and say "times are tough". Basically, there's one set of rules for them and one for us. They also think it's cool to act like a stereotype of our ethnicity. They're embarassing to take around friends, coworkers, and neighbors. They like to have parties and get together and "forget" to remind us about them. Then, we're at gatherings they like to talk about the events we weren't invited to. So, I got tired of playing damed if I do, damned if I don't. My mom also stopped talking to them. They accused me of putting a wedge between them and their sister. However, they still talk about so.

I actually talk to my parent uncle and grandparents. However, I don't talk to my dad and have no reason to want to. He's one of those people that when people met their like "Oh, your dad seems cool. You're making something out of nothing". You don't see he's an asshole until you've known him. He also thinks he's the only person in the world with problems. Thus, when he hurts you, you're suppose to forgive and forget. As much I love my grandparents and uncle, I blame them. Every time he screws up they forgive him. I'm not talking about he forgot their 70th birthday screw up, I'm talking way worse.

I don't talk to former friends or exboyfriends. Honestly, if we can't be friends I don't see a point in talking with them. Exboyfriends just irrate me and make things awkward.

The more I think about it, I tend to hold grudges. However, I think in the end it keeps me from being hurt.
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  #6  
Old 02-12-2011, 09:19 PM
Trubie Trubie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NinetyWt View Post
Yes, there are a handful of people whom I'd be happy to never, ever see again. I'm the kind of person who would rather avoid you than confront you, so I make myself scarce and purposefully try to stay away from those folks. It's kind of like an "ignore" button for meatspace.

One in particular is an ex-boss. He and I had worked together years before at a different company; I didn't realize what a pompus, passive-agressive jerk he was until I worked directly for him. He never did any one big egregious thing; it was just relentlessly aggravating day in and day out.

There are some others but I won't bore you with those details.

I don't think it's unusual, and I don't think you ought to spend too much time fretting about it. It's over, move on.

I find, it's usually easier to move on if it's one thing. A ton of small shit kind of seals the deal. If it's more than one thing, it shows he has a shitty personality. I.e. it's not you.
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  #7  
Old 02-12-2011, 10:41 PM
maplekiwi maplekiwi is offline
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I'm feeling that way about a former friend of my daughter's.

At times she was a very good friend, but the bad started to outweigh the good. She would agree to be the driver, accept money for petrol & then back out leaving my daughter & other friends stranded. & she was a student, trying to run a car without a job. So the car deteriorated to the point it didn't have a warrant or registration. This girl (I'll call her Zora) was still driving the car & running up parking tickets which she didn't pay. She got kicked out of one flat, so moved in with one of my daughter's cousins, then another. The second cousin was happy to have her, but was unhappy in the flat he was living in. They decided (with Tom's partner) to look for a place together, but every weekend they wanted to look, Zora would go back to her hometown (my hometown too) to stay with her mother. So finally Tom & Sal got sick of this & found a place on their own. So she moved back with the original cousin.

Up till this point Zora hadn't paid rent or expenses at either place - occasionally she would pay her share for food or takeaways. But after a couple of months my daughter moved in & she is a far stronger personality than Hannah. She insisted Zora had to pay - but it was slow & hard to get the money out of her. & another tenant moved in - a stranger to all the girls. & also a strong personality.

& over the Xmas holidays Zora found full time work. But she was still slow to pay her share. & Hanna (the cousin) lost her job, so could no longer carry Zora. This didn't make Zora any better at paying up. Where her money was going - who knows. She was still running up parking tickets, the Ministry of Justice was (finally) chasing her for them & she wasn't repairing the car. Plus there were other bills coming in for her.I got worried if the bailiffs came round the other girls' assets could be seized (I'm in NZ - if any Kiwi posting here knows if thats the case I'd be interested) as the car wasn't worth anything. I will say - Zora wasn't living high off the hog or anything. Possibly bills had come due she wasn't able to ignore. My own suspicion is that she owed her mother money as well - & that her mother needed the money back.

I'll make this short. There were a lot of rows in Dec/Jan. & Zora left Hanna stranded our town when the buses were full, so another friend had to come & get her. & the landlord was getting annoyed at the slow rent payment & threatening to kick them all out. He said he was going to inspect the flat. Which other than the new girl's bedroom was a mess. They divided up the work. Zora was meant to clean the bathroom & her room. She made a half hearted attempt at the bathroom & then disappeared as usual to her mum's home. The other girls inspected her room which was smelly & a mess. I'm not sure if they cleaned the room or just told the landlord they would be getting rid of Zora . & I had a phone call from my daughter that they had decided to kick Zora out in Feb. But 3 days later my daughter rang my husband absolutely enraged about something Zora had done. & that night the 3 girls packed Zora's stuff up. As usual when Zora realised there was a problem she had gone back to her Mum's. But they phoned her & said get your gear we are kicking you out now! She turned up with her mother & her mother had a cheque for most of the money owed from this second stay (not the hundreds still owed for the first time.) They said too late, the mother got abusive, Zora tried to push past the cousin into the flat, they called the police - who, unbelievabely came. It must have been a slow crime night. & basically they evicted Zora.

For my daughter - no consequences so far. Most friends have sided with her, except for one boy who is trying to stay friends with both. For me, its a bit more awkward as I'm in the same small town as her Mum. But so far I have seen Zora a couple of times & she has ignored me. As yet I haven't seen her Mum.

But its a sad end to a friendship.

Last edited by maplekiwi; 02-12-2011 at 10:44 PM..
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  #8  
Old 02-12-2011, 10:54 PM
evilbeth evilbeth is offline
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Yes, only recently.

A friend turned from a thinking, respectful Christian individual who had no time for evil, hate-filled judgmental Christians into an evil, hate-filled, judgmental Christian who believes that thinking, respectful Christian individuals are misguided at best and hell-bound at worst.

Dropped him from every aspect of my life, hope to never encounter hm again during my lifetime.
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  #9  
Old 02-12-2011, 11:59 PM
Gus_Handsome Gus_Handsome is offline
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Sure, my brother, Have not spoke or seen him going on 3 years, and 2 ex-friends who I could live the rest of my life and not care if I never see them again.

I've always been a bit of a magnet to energy vampires, they suck the life out of you and I need to stay away from these types of people for my own sanity.

There's no point having a relationship with someone who doesn't respect you, or betrays you at every opportunity, that's really what it comes down to.

I would rather be alone than settle for the above.

Regards
Gus
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  #10  
Old 02-13-2011, 12:17 AM
Rushgeekgirl Rushgeekgirl is offline
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There are a few but I don't like dwelling on them. It just brings that old anger up in me again.
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  #11  
Old 02-13-2011, 12:52 AM
ZipperJJ ZipperJJ is online now
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I am generally friends with my exes. We're even friends on Facebook. But I have two exes that I could care less if they lived or died. Well, one of them - I am friends with his mom. I'd be sad for her that her asshole son died. But I would not mourn him.

I have an ex-friend who stopped being my friend when she started dating my brother. Then started being my mortal enemy when she cheated on him with his best friend, sent my brother in to emotional ruin and sent the best friend into financial ruin. Bro and best friend patched up nicely, but the thought of this woman makes my blood boil. Ever since we've stopped being friends (maybe 13 years ago?) I've thought she was a despicable human being. Ugh. I won't go in to my rage for her here. But it's deep.
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  #12  
Old 02-13-2011, 01:07 AM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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I'm not much of a grudge-holder, but once someone has crossed the line with me, I'm done with them. My brother-in-law the real estate agent has decided to cut *us* out of *his* life, and I wouldn't care at all (he isn't much of a guy) except he has also cut us off from my sister and my two nieces as well.

Last edited by Cat Whisperer; 02-13-2011 at 01:08 AM..
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  #13  
Old 02-13-2011, 08:24 AM
Bam Boo Gut Bam Boo Gut is offline
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There was always drama with Sandra. I don't know where she digs up her men from but the last one she bailed out of a huge drug charge. She then supports this guy until he beats her up and leaves. She pleads for him to come back, but tries to keep the relationship secret from everyone except me. He beats her up again, knocks out her front tooth, perforates her eardrum etc. She asks me to come over, I say no, you come over to my place. I tell her to go to the police, the women's unit, a counselor etc. I'm totally amazed when she does. She calls me for marathon phone sessions, she's getting on well with the therapy.

All of a sudden she doesn't call. I call a few times, I send her a text, I email, I facebook. No response. I wonder whether to call the police - is her lifeless body lying on the kitchen floor? I find out from another friend that she's out and about.

At some point during all this she had discovered $1,200 had been taken from her house (she thinks). The boyfriend denied taking it, but tried to pay her back even though he hadn't taken the money. Now she's telling my other friend she realizes I took the money. And that's why the boyfriend was so angry and hit her. She's accusing me of stealing her money - not to me of course, but to various friends.

Like my other friends say "a good friend to lose".
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  #14  
Old 02-13-2011, 08:41 AM
enipla enipla is offline
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My Brother. He abandoned/disowned my Mom because he can't act like an adult and sit down and discuss things. Our Mom was concerned about his welfare and told him so. He was making some VERY bad decisions.

I tried for months to get the relationship repaired. We all used to be very close.

Nope. He would rather just hurt Mom because she dared to question some of his choices. Ya see, in his eyes he is never, ever wrong or ever made a bad choice. The fact is, he kept fucking up again, and again and again. The crack addict ‘girlfriend’ living in your basement? As an example, and one of many, Yup, we think that it was a bad choice. (he’s not into drugs, that much I know)

Listening to mom cry is very, very difficult.
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Old 02-13-2011, 08:58 AM
LegsAkimbo LegsAkimbo is offline
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Here's another vote for a brother--my younger one. We used to be close but he's gotten very strange in middle age, I think a lot of anger has gotten the better of him. I don't see us repairing a rift that occurred a little over a year ago, which works out ok because at that time he told me not to ever contact him again for any reason. Works for me!
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  #16  
Old 02-13-2011, 09:05 AM
salinqmind salinqmind is offline
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Yes. Just about everyone I know during this endless winter. We're all suffering, somehow, and who do they vent to? Me!

Maybe it's my personality. I'm avoidant, anti-social, prone to anxiety and depression, and would go live in a cave like a hermit if it was wired for electricity. Throughout my life I've been badly, badly hurt by many people and some have thankfully disappeared, and others are still here. I can't avoid them because "they're faaaammmilllyyyyyyyy". They heap their many, many problems on me. They ache, they pain, they want this, they want that, they're desperately unhappy with their living conditions, they need a drive here, they need a drive there, they want my car, they want me to do their shopping. They call me up, crying. Always crying in despair. Hey, I accommodate. I'm as helpful as I can be, up to a point.

I want to yell 'I CANNOT MAKE YOUR FUCKING MISERABLE LIFE BETTER. I AM NOT A MIRACLE WORKER WHO CAN SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS'. And so I get calls and listen to tales of woe-is-me and do the best I can. But....why me? I was the one always abused, so I guess I'm still seen as the go-to doormat. OK. But now,only up to a point. I draw the line now. Whine on the phone for an hour, and I'll 'um-hmm' for an hour. Need a ride? I'll take you to the store or the mall or whatever when it's convenient for me. I will not drive over in a blizzard and sit there because you're bored and your life isn't moving along fast enough.

Sincerely, I would be overjoyed to "never see or speak to" these people again. It's getting to the point everyone in my life is stressing me out so much, I just want to drop off the map and go hide.
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  #17  
Old 02-13-2011, 10:32 AM
Count Blucher Count Blucher is offline
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Two of three sisters. One for stealing from my mother when she was alive and trying to gain control over / steal all of Mom's estate when she died. The other for helping her. I'll just leave all the racism and all the other toxicity that made them a pleasure to be around as icing on the cake. I posted about them many times several years ago as EBS1 and EBS2.

The funny thing is that they used to just hate each other and let the Really nasty epithets fly between them. They live on opposite coasts in the US and virtually every hateful spiteful nasty disrespectful thing that a person on one coast can ignorantly accuse a person on the other coast of, I've heard (at 30+ decibels) over the course of the years. It was like a fireworks of angry words, arcing somewhere over Nebraska.

They keep away from me (now) and because of that, their toxicity is kept away from my kids. Its a small victory, but I'll take it.
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  #18  
Old 02-13-2011, 11:13 AM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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Honestly, if you're over 30 and cannot think of at least one person that you never want to see again, you probably don't do enough to protect yourself from toxic people. Or you have this odd idea about being a good person that precludes you from knowing when to walk away from evil.
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  #19  
Old 02-13-2011, 01:51 PM
Superhal Superhal is offline
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There's a bunch of bullies I would like to "meet" again.
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  #20  
Old 02-13-2011, 01:53 PM
NinetyWt NinetyWt is offline
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Chimera: well said.

Last edited by NinetyWt; 02-13-2011 at 01:54 PM..
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  #21  
Old 02-13-2011, 02:24 PM
Eyebrows 0f Doom Eyebrows 0f Doom is offline
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Originally Posted by Chimera View Post
Honestly, if you're over 30 and cannot think of at least one person that you never want to see again, you probably don't do enough to protect yourself from toxic people. Or you have this odd idea about being a good person that precludes you from knowing when to walk away from evil.
Or you just don't get involved with these types people in the first place.

All the stories above are of people that posters were at one time really close with. I've of course met people here and there who I never want to have any dealings with again, but as to those who were close friends or family? No, I can't think of any offhand who have done anything wrong that would make me want to cut off all contact with them.
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  #22  
Old 02-13-2011, 04:25 PM
pepperlandgirl pepperlandgirl is offline
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My mother's parents. I just had a 90 minute discussion with my uncle about how toxic and poisonous they are, and he revealed a few "family secrets" that I was unaware of, but which strengthens my conviction that I don't need to speak to those people ever again. Like the fact that my grandpa waited a full year before taking my grandma to the doctor when he noticed she was getting a bit "silly." Which explains why her Alzheimer's diagnosis was such a shock. He knew she was getting sick, but he liked it because that meant he could have more control over her and the house. Of course, now he owes tens of thousands of dollars in back taxes, he's cash broke, none of his grandchildren will speak to him or visit him voluntarily, and he doesn't even bother to hide his casual cruelty, selfishness, or racism. At this point, I think everybody's just waiting for them to die so we can split up whatever is left (it won't be much) and put them in the ground where they belong. It sounds cold, I know. I know it sounds absolutely awful. But the damage they've inflicted on their children and grandchildren is incalculable, and in some ways, permanent.

To give an example of what they're capable of. They along with my uncle and my mother started a business. It went on to be a very successful business, but in the early days, my uncle owned part of the company (though not my mom. She's a girl, so fuck her). Anyway, my uncle set aside money every month to pay his share of the taxes, though my grandparents assured him that it was fine, they were handling it, no problems here. He believed them. Until the government came calling and he learned that the IRS believed he owed $40,000 in unpaid taxes and the matter was so serious that he had a warrant out for his arrest. When he went to the bank account so he could pay off a portion, it was completely cleared out. They knew full well what they were doing and they nearly destroyed his life. And when he protested this treatment, as a reasonable person would do, they called Child Services on him, claiming he was neglecting their baby daughter (which is so ridiculous on so many levels that of course nothing ever came of it). I wasn't even that surprised when I learned all of this. I was just surprised that my uncle still spoke to them after that (all this happened around 25 years ago. He should have cut them out of his life at that moment, but he persevered because he's a good person).
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  #23  
Old 02-14-2011, 03:58 AM
EvilTOJ EvilTOJ is offline
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The kids' mom could fall down a hole and die and I wouldn't miss her one iota. The kids would, so that idea is out.

There's my uncle Mike and my cousin Mike. They are like clones of some bad seed somewhere. My uncle was always getting on with some get-rich-quick scheme and a manipulator, my cousin is a bully and thinks he's king of the world. For some reason my grandma was in financial straits and in danger of losing her house, and rather than go to one of my more successful aunts or uncles, chose him to give power of attorney. Then he decided to start charging his own mother rent on her own house. Then when she wouldn't pay he threatened to evict her. His other siblings took him to court and got the house back, and basically told him not to ever darken any of their doors ever again.
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  #24  
Old 02-14-2011, 04:15 AM
Superhal Superhal is offline
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Interesting family story here:

My aunt is kind of a sucker. She always seems to get swindled. One time, she loaned her friend a sizable sum of money, I believe over $10k. My aunt asked her to sign an IOU, and the friend did. Later, my aunt went to collect the debt, and her friend said she doesn't remember borrowing that money, and asked to see the IOU. When my aunt showed the IOU, the friend took it and tore it up in her face, saying now there's no evidence.

I think she got cleaned out 3 other times too.
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  #25  
Old 02-14-2011, 07:08 AM
SecondJudith SecondJudith is offline
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Thank you for the responses. Most of them sound like good people to be will shot of. As a follow-up question, how do you handle it when circumstances mean you have to see each other every so often, whether because they're family members or because they live in the same town and move in the same social circle?
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  #26  
Old 02-14-2011, 08:22 AM
Crackrat Crackrat is offline
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Shortly after breaking up a girl, she told me she was pregnant. It came to light that she had lied about the pregnancy so that I would stay with her. I cut off all contact with her after that. In the years afterward I received an email and a facebook friendship request, but I didn't respond to either. I still haven't seen her, and have no desire to do so.
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  #27  
Old 02-14-2011, 08:51 AM
Sigmagirl Sigmagirl is offline
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I divorced my sister after our father died. After I got married, she started contacting my husband, telling him all kinds of lies about me (I used to beat up our father, I'm a lesbian, I swindled her in the division of the estate). We had our lawyer draw up a cease-and-desist letter, but she stopped before we sent it. Apparently found a new victim. She's dead now, but in answer to SecondJudith's question, my sister lived in Florida while I live in Ohio, but I still kept "seeing" her places and sometimes found myself hiding behind pillars in department stores. My mother-in-law, a therapist, told me I had PTSD, and I was quite taken aback, but I realized it was true.

People would ask me "Have you heard from your sister?" and when I answered "No!" some would say "What a shame!" It took me a while before I could say, "No, it's not a shame. I'm finally happy and free, and if I did hear from her, there would be legal action."
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  #28  
Old 02-14-2011, 09:15 AM
Bam Boo Gut Bam Boo Gut is offline
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Originally Posted by SecondJudith View Post
Thank you for the responses. Most of them sound like good people to be will shot of. As a follow-up question, how do you handle it when circumstances mean you have to see each other every so often, whether because they're family members or because they live in the same town and move in the same social circle?
Well funny you should say that ..... she was in the bar last night - with the dude who knocked her tooth out. I was chatting with a friend and all of a sudden she's yelling in my ear a bunch of drunken gibberish but I turned my back. My bewildered friend was happy with my brief explanation "She's fucking crazy"

You know what's sad? She's having a bit of a field day with this instead of getting on with her own life.
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Old 02-14-2011, 09:21 AM
Bam Boo Gut Bam Boo Gut is offline
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Originally Posted by Sigmagirl View Post

People would ask me "Have you heard from your sister?" and when I answered "No!" some would say "What a shame!" It took me a while before I could say, "No, it's not a shame. I'm finally happy and free, and if I did hear from her, there would be legal action."
It's so much better when you can do this. A friend was preparing for her mothers visit and when it came to the actual day she put her head in her hands and said - I'm dreading it - my mother's a raging bitter alcoholic and I don't like her. It was so much easier to support her through the visit once she'd told me that.
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Old 02-14-2011, 09:28 AM
salinqmind salinqmind is offline
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Originally Posted by Eyebrows 0f Doom View Post
Or you just don't get involved with these types people in the first place.

All the stories above are of people that posters were at one time really close with. I've of course met people here and there who I never want to have any dealings with again, but as to those who were close friends or family? No, I can't think of any offhand who have done anything wrong that would make me want to cut off all contact with them.
If you "can't think of any offhand who have done anything wrong that would make me want to cut off all contact with them" - gads, do you know how very LUCKY you are???
It's close friends or family that often turn out to be real stinkers, and if you go through your life, tra-la, with good folks all around, count yourself LUCKY.

And how do you "just don't get involved with these types in the first place"? Do you have some sort of ESP, warning you away? They don't wear signs saying "I will harm you."

I know of a family friend who made a huge amount of money, I mean she became extremely wealthy. Who did she pick to 'handle' her money? Her brother, a straight-arrow lawyer. They grew up together in the same house. They were close. She trusted him, he was family. And he ripped her off, used her money for jewelry, trips abroad, cars, gambling, and loads of drugs, just about cleaned her out. And she didn't know until it was too late, because this was her own dear brother that she lived with for much of her life. She shouldn't have gotten involved with that type? What type?
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  #31  
Old 02-14-2011, 09:34 AM
Scumpup Scumpup is offline
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My second wife's lawyer during our divorce. He was such a needlessly condescending, needling, insulting jack-ass every single time he spoke to me that I genuinely wanted to physically harm him. My lawyer, who was entirely businesslike through the proceedings, cautioned me that she knew him from previous cases and that he always behaved that way. He apparently considered it "scoring points" for his clients and part of giving them good value. In any case, never interacting with the man again sounds just fine to me.
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Old 02-14-2011, 10:22 AM
Anaamika Anaamika is offline
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Of course...but sometimes I wish I could see them again, on specific terms. I would like to see my family, but I'd want to be the distant cousin that only shows up now and then. But they are all soul-sucking leeches and I don't need them hanging on to me.
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  #33  
Old 02-14-2011, 10:38 AM
Electric Sky Electric Sky is offline
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There's a few people I'd rather not see again, and one or two I'd gladly sign up for a trip into a black hole. Mostly, I only know them online, and I've left their usual hangouts, but they keep showing up here and there like some sort of digital herpes outbreak.
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  #34  
Old 02-14-2011, 11:39 AM
lindsaybluth lindsaybluth is offline
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Originally Posted by Sigmagirl View Post
After I got married, she started contacting my husband, telling him all kinds of lies about me (I used to beat up our father, I'm a lesbian, I swindled her in the division of the estate).
I'm sorry, but a lesbian? To your husband? That's just....something else. Bitch is craaaaazy.
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Old 02-14-2011, 11:46 AM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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Originally Posted by Scumpup View Post
My second wife's lawyer during our divorce. He was such a needlessly condescending, needling, insulting jack-ass every single time he spoke to me
My ex-wife's attorney, who was her father-in-law's attorney and not specifically a divorce attorney, did this to me intentionally. Because she had sold him on this idea that I was a violent psychopath who was completely unable to control my temper. When he served me the divorce papers in the family court building (in front of tons of county deputies and security officers) he did his level best to bait me into violence, even following me around the building and into the restroom to pick at me.

Unfortunately for him (and her), I wasn't the one with the anger management problem. The entire reason we were there was that I had served HER with an Order-for-Protection, and the thought of violence never entered my mind, nor did I lose my temper at him at all.

Sounds like your wife's attorney had something of the same idea. Engage in hostile and unprofessional behavior to attempt to provoke you to losing your temper, at which point "Gosh, your honor, he is clearly dangerous!" and you lose.
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Old 02-14-2011, 11:59 AM
Sigmagirl Sigmagirl is offline
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Originally Posted by lindsaybluth View Post
I'm sorry, but a lesbian? To your husband? That's just....something else. Bitch is craaaaazy.
She enjoyed telling that to a lot of people. If I denied it, she made it into a "methinks thou protests too much" kind of thing. The thing was, if I had had such a past, whose business would it have been? I guess it might have been my husband's to a point, but all I would have had to do would be to tell him either 1. Nope, or 2. Before your time, doesn't concern you.
Fortunately, my husband knows enough people who knew her, and knew even before he got these freaky letters that she was totally unbalanced. She accused her sister-in-law of sordid promiscuity and confronted our uncle at his sister's funeral and told him he had no right to be there.
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Old 02-14-2011, 12:39 PM
maplekiwi maplekiwi is offline
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Originally Posted by SecondJudith View Post
Thank you for the responses. Most of them sound like good people to be will shot of. As a follow-up question, how do you handle it when circumstances mean you have to see each other every so often, whether because they're family members or because they live in the same town and move in the same social circle?
Ha! Saw Zora yesterday for the second time since the bust up. I work in the only major supermarket in this town, so it will be unavoidable. The first time she walked past me. Yesterday she was shopping in my section with a young woman I've never seen before. I went & found something to do "out back." Obviously I won't always be able to keep doing that, but she was just kicked out of the flat around 3 weeks ago, so feelings may still be high.l

What really is a drag is that her mother is a good florist & after the abuse she hurled at my daughter, I can't use her anymore. But I only buy flowers once or twice a year anyway.

& just to clarify - I don't hate Zora. She always got on my nerves a bit because of her know all personality but I don't hate her. I think she is probably mentally ill.
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Old 02-14-2011, 12:48 PM
lindsaybluth lindsaybluth is offline
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Originally Posted by Sigmagirl View Post
Fortunately, my husband knows enough people who knew her, and knew even before he got these freaky letters that she was totally unbalanced. She accused her sister-in-law of sordid promiscuity and confronted our uncle at his sister's funeral and told him he had no right to be there.
This is a case of the truth being stranger than fiction. Man.
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  #39  
Old 02-14-2011, 01:29 PM
perfectparanoia perfectparanoia is offline
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I have one ex-boyfriend that I pretend doesn't exist. We were living in the same house (different rooms, this was university) at the time of our break up. We weren't getting along so I called it off. This happens sometimes and all my other exes and I were on good terms so I thought little of it.

Then he started banging on my bedroom door for hours at a time. Sending me threatening notes. Pretending he had committed suicide. (I called the cops that time.)

Now, even though some of my friends still talk to him and I have been in the same room with him, I pretend he doesn't exist.
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Old 02-14-2011, 01:42 PM
Superdude Superdude is offline
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I used to date a girl named Rebecca. She was completely batshit crazy. We dated for four years. While we were together, she accused me of:

1) Cheating on her with a co-worker of mine. Rebecca and I had went out one Friday night, and I asked her if she wanted to do anything the next day. She said okay. She had a part-time job on the weekends, and I knew she had to work. I told her to call me when she got done, and we'd work it out. The next day rolls around, and I don't hear from her. I left my apartment for about 20 minutes to go get cat food (this is before I had a cell phone). When I returned, I had no new messages in my voicemail. I never heard from Rebecca. Around 5 or so, a girl that I worked with called me and asked me what I was doing. I replied that, apparently,I wasn't doing anything. We went out and got a pizza, and went to her house and watched a movie. NOTHING HAPPENED. I get home, there are over 20 messages on my machine. When I called Rebecca, she accused me of cheating on her. She still thinks that, despite knowing that nothing happened, I cheated because I was with a friend instead of her.

2) One of my best friends called me one night (this is after I got a cell phone), just devastated. His live-in fiancée revealed that she cheated on him, and wanted to be with the guy she cheated with, so he was kicked out of his apartment. I left Rebecca's house, and went to be with him. Over the next few weeks, I tried to hang out with him more so that he wouldn't feel as alone. This meant less time to spend with her, and she accused me of cheating on her with my best friend because I preferred to be with him over her.

Rebecca and I split up, and she went off the deep end there, too. About halfway through the relationship, she realized that we didn't have a future, so she decided to withhold sex and the like. When we broke up, it was at my apartment. She thought I dumped her because she had decided to "cut me off." So she stripped down and told me to have sex with her. I told her I'd call the police if she didn't put her clothes on and leave.

We ended up being friends many years later. Until I met the girl who is now my wife. When Rebecca found out about the age difference (Whit was 21 when we met, I was 33), she hit the ceiling. I was accused of being a child molester and a rapist, among other things. She and I fought all the time about my relationship, it she got so incensed by it that, one day, she called my phone and left a voicemail saying that wished that Whit would die. She went into this rant for a few minutes.

I've pretty much written her off after that.

Another anecdote:

Her sister, Dawn, cheated on Dawn's husband with a guy that Dawn worked with. Dawn ended up pregnant from the affair, and divorced her husband to marry the baby's father. Dawn's parents (and Rebecca's) disapproved of the ethics, but accepted the baby, as it wasn't HIS fault. Rebecca was so offended that she was subsequently refused to have any contact with her parents for condoning the affair, since they accepted the baby. She doesn't even know what her nephew's name is.
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Old 02-14-2011, 01:47 PM
Vinyl Turnip Vinyl Turnip is offline
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My father. It's been 20 years, and from what I hear about his health, "never again" isn't too far off.
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Old 02-14-2011, 02:25 PM
Alice The Goon Alice The Goon is offline
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I haven't spoken to my father in 15 years, and I never will again. Which is good for me, because apparently, he is even worse now than he ever was. He's always been a mean, domineering, and nasty person, but it sounds like he doesn't even have the thinnest of filters anymore in his old age, and will just say the meanest things that come into his head. It sounds to me like some kind of psychosis when my brothers imitate him. There's only about 3 people in my family that still speak to him, and I'm so glad I'm not one of them.
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Old 02-14-2011, 02:27 PM
Cat Whisperer Cat Whisperer is offline
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Some interesting stories here, and some stories that make me go, "WTF, man? How many times do you need to learn your friend/family member is a nutcase before you put some boundaries in place?"
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Old 02-14-2011, 03:04 PM
lindsaybluth lindsaybluth is offline
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At least in the experience of my relationship with my father - married to my mom and a decent husband but a shitty father - it seems like I will remember the pain he caused and hold out for years, only to forget and slip up and give him another chance.

I think it's hard to maintain the energy required to ignore someone if other family members you love are associated with them. I assume one friend out of a group would be hard to ignore as well.
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Old 02-14-2011, 03:22 PM
maplekiwi maplekiwi is offline
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Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer View Post
Some interesting stories here, and some stories that make me go, "WTF, man? How many times do you need to learn your friend/family member is a nutcase before you put some boundaries in place?"

In my case - it was daughter's friend not mine. I found her irritating & certainly I could never live with her, But its not my call to tell my adult child who she can be friends with. & this mooching stuff only started last year.

The only things we said directly to her about her behaviour was about being on the road in ansafe unwarranted car. & you could see the walls go up where Zora didn't want to hear it. & I said my son wasn't to be a passenger in that car to my daughter.

& I emailed my daughter a NZ Herald article that collection on debts was going to get tougher here.
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  #46  
Old 02-14-2011, 03:45 PM
Malthus Malthus is offline
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Sometimes, one has no choice.

I'd love to never deal with my wife's disfunctional sister and her abusive husband again, and if it were up to me, I would not ... but they have two children who are my son's first cousins, and he's very attached to them. They are so young that to cut off the sister would effectively mean to cut off them as well.
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Old 02-14-2011, 03:50 PM
maplekiwi maplekiwi is offline
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Originally Posted by maplekiwi View Post
in an unsafe, unwarranted car.
Sorry this typo was bugging me
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  #48  
Old 02-14-2011, 09:13 PM
Rachellelogram Rachellelogram is offline
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I cut my father off after my grandmother (his mother) died. He sexually abused me and my mother (and verbally/physically abused us and my sister), but I was reluctant to sever the tie until I felt comfortable severing ties with his entire side of the family. I'm not big on family ties in the first place, though, and my aunt (my dad's sister) is an alcoholic xanax-aholic prone to multi-hour phone calls who's married to a supercilious workaholic. So I'm disinclined to communicate with any of that side of the family, regardless.

After my grandma died, it was easy to stop returning his calls. And after I moved, I finally stopped getting birthday cards. I don't miss any of them. Needy psychic vampires, or just plain bad people. I am convinced there's a "Bad Seed" gene in that side of the family (EXTREME mental illness, EXTREME alcoholism, agoraphobia, escapism, and generally just addiction-prone, WAY more intelligence than motivation), which I also inherited. I am reluctant to have children because of it. It's best if the seed dies with me.
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  #49  
Old 02-14-2011, 09:50 PM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer View Post
Some interesting stories here, and some stories that make me go, "WTF, man? How many times do you need to learn your friend/family member is a nutcase before you put some boundaries in place?"
That goes back to the whole "good person" thing I said earlier.

They're "Family", and a whole lot of guilt, shame and culture pushes us to maintain contact with bad people merely because they ARE family.
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Old 02-14-2011, 10:22 PM
SeaDragonTattoo SeaDragonTattoo is online now
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My best friend from when we were freshmen in high school until we were 30. I loved her like a sister, we went through so much crap together. We were very different, but complemented each other in so many ways we just got along so well for so many years. She did some screwy stuff, I saw her through two accidental babies, one aborted and one subsequent mis-marriage on account of the baby. Then divorce, then another marriage that I dropped a ton of money and time on, that lasted just over a year. I got her through a lot of life crises. Then I had one when I re-examined my own life at age 30 and made some major changes, moved cities, quit a well-paying great-benefit job that was actually smothering me, and when I really needed support it just happened to be when she was getting married for a THIRD time. Since I couldn't put my depression and my own needs on hold for once, and really needed her to support me for once, and I couldn't make everything about her THIRD marriage because I needed therapy, well we "broke up."

My decision to cut her out of my life was sealed when she sent marriage announcements - announcements mind you, NOT invitations - to 250 people. WITH REGISTRY INFORMATION at the two places where she had registered. Seriously expecting presents for her THIRD marriage to which she invited 6 people to a destination wedding across the country. I haven's spoken to her since before those announcements went out and that was 11 years ago. I miss the close friendship. I don't miss her. It's sad.

She was the gregarious one, so all the nightlife, hanging out, and other activities turned out to be mostly instigated by her. I haven't really managed to develop a new set of close friends who I hang out with a lot, and I miss that a little, but sometimes I look around the home I've made for myself and feel very content and happy. I think things would be much more chaotic for me if I had gotten in contact with her again.
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