Am I an idiot for being bothered by this?

In My Humble Opinion
1

At my place of business, we have an employee association (EA). Every month, a different couple of floor reps from the EA organize an event for the entire building. Like, last week we had a Cinco de Mayo thing with tacos and stuff.

The representative for my floor just quit her job. She volunteered me to be her alternate. This was months ago, before I had any idea that she was going to be leaving. I consented only because I couldn’t think of an excuse why I couldn’t be her alternate. But it’s not my kind of thing, and if I had any idea that I’d actually have to carry out my duties, I wouldn’t have agreed.

Anyway, now I’m the floor rep. And what do you know? Next month is my floor’s turn to do something! For hundreds of people! It’s the floor rep’s job to get everything together for the event, by any means necessary. The theme for this event is “tapas”, so my floor is supposed to produce a quadrillion types of houre’doevrs. Oh yeah, they have to be room-temperature or crock-pot friendly, since we don’t have access to a stove.

I don’t even know where to begin. Put up a sign-up sheet on the refrigerator, asking people to sign up if they want to bring something and in huge quantities? Ask for money donations so I can buy some things? A couple of people on my floor sensed my helplessness and said they would help me figure things out, thank goodness. There’s another floor rep who I’m paired with for this event, but her floor only has literally six people (it’s the instructional and mailroom floor). They will only be able to do so much.

Anyway, back to the reason why I’m posting. At the Cinco de Mayo event, I was brainstorming with the other floor rep about the kinds of things we could hatch up. A co-worker sitting beside me, who has a habit of chomping on my nerves, said, “You could get a few crudités.”

Now, I know I’m not a stupid person. I may not be the most sophisticated or well-traveled person, but I’m not stupid. Yet this person always seems to go out of her way to try to make me feel that way. She calls fruits and vegetables not by their common names, but by their fancy-pants name (like “Gala” instead of “apple”). She references people on esoteric food channel TV shows by first name, even when she knows I don’t watch the food channel or even have cable TV. My reponse is always a very nonchalant, “Who is this person now?” or “What is that?” When I first met her and didn’t know all of her irritating ways, I told her I bet she thought I was dumb since I’m always asking her to clarify.

So now she’s throwing yet another word at me that I don’t know, but this time I have a distinctive feeling it was chosen just for that purpose because she knows I’m not a food maven like she is, and she was trying to show off in front of others.

For the millionth time, I asked her define the fancy word she was using since I couldn’t just play off my ignorance. It turns out it’s just a vegetable tray. I think 99% if people would have just said “vegetable tray”. It’s not like we’re hosting a dinner party for the Queen of England. I don’t know. Maybe it’s used more commonly than I think it is, but I have never heard that word before in my whole life. And it’s presence in our conversation annoyed me. It is still annoying me.

Am I an idiot who just doesn’t like “fancy” words? Or was my co-worker just being an ass by using a word she knows I wouldn’t know?

2

I wouldn’t assume she was trying to be a jerk. Crudite is a pretty well known term, IMO.

3

It might not be meant as a jerkish thing. Sometimes people just don’t realize that outsiders won’t be as familiar with their jargon. She might even be worried she’d look patronizing if she didn’t use what she considers the “proper” term around you.
Anyway…since she is apparently such a foodie, she sounds like the perfect person to be your alternate, at which point you will then conveniently need to step down from your post due to undisclosed health troubles or family obligations or something.

4

Yeah, it’s a fairly common term where I’m from as well.

Mind you, she could still be a jerk :wink:

5

I hadn’t heard the word before today either.

6

Perfect. My guess is she’s a little insecure herself - I have a huge vocabulary, and I judge my audience and use the word I’m sure they’ll know, because I don’t need to show off my vocabulary or make anyone feel stupid.

7

It’s a common term here, too. Vegetable tray is acceptable. 40/60, I’d say.

We also go out for cocktails (though I’m in it for tha booze).

8

From you general description, she souns like she’s either deliberately trying to assert some kind of weird superiority or socially clueless and has no idea that she’s being rude. However, in the interests of being fair, is she by any chance not from your area? I’m from the UK and would have no idea what you mean by vegetable tray (I’d get that it was vegetables on a tray, but that could just as easily mean roasted, tempura or some other form). Crudités on the other hand I would understand instantly.

9

I guess I’m an idiot then.

Though, it seems to me that she could have guessed I wouldn’t have known what “crudité” means. If I’m ALWAYS asking her to define her terms and clarify things when it comes to food, then it seems to me that it wouldn’t be that far of a stretch to assume I wouldn’t know what “crudité” means. I don’t want her to dumb-down her language to me, but it would be nice for her not to always put me in the position of not understanding what’s she saying. I don’t have such communication problems with anyone else. Everyone else seems to speak on the same level that I do.

I have no problem handling “big” words. I have a pretty good vocabulary, and an even better ability using context clues. But there were no context clues to grasp at in this situation. So that’s why I guess I felt annoyed. (IMHO, using an uncommon word in the absence of context clues indicates a gratitious use of that word.)

I might ask her if she wouldn’t mind being the floor rep, but then that means subjecting myself to a story of woe about how horrendously over-burdened she is at work and how she doesn’t have the time. And about how small and poverty-stricken her kitchen is. And how no one likes her anyway. It may not be worth it.

10

Born and raised in the ghetto. According to her, she was poorer than dirt and will remind you of this at every opportune and inopportune moment. Everything she knows about food is from the food channel. Literally. She does not read about food and has never taken a culinary class. She just likes to watch TV and then regurgitate what she’s learned from it. She doesn’t even cook because her kitchen is too small, she says. (She’s a big girl, so she’s obviously eating something).

So I guess that’s another reason why she works my nerves. Rightly or wrongly, I see her use of words as a compensatory mechanism. And I perceive her lording her foodie knowledge over me because she’s culturally and intellectually insecure. But maybe I’m projecting. I don’t know. I just know she annoys me.

11

I don’t know about crudité. I’d think that that word is safe enough for general audiences. But referring to celebrity chefs by first name only? That would annoy the hell out of me.

12

“Crudité” is used frequently? Sounds unecessarily snob to me.

13

Yeah, I agree with this.

It sounds like a lot of the things she does could either be meant innocently or meant really passive-aggressively, depending on the type of person she is. I mean, if I said “crudité” I wouldn’t be trying to lord my foodie knowledge over someone. But the thing is, I had never heard that term myself until I met my husband, and he suggested we “chop some crudités” for a party we were hosting, and I was like “chop the what now?” But now it’s just part of my vocab, and even though I had to be told what that word meant, I just assume that everyone else already knows. Maybe that doesn’t make sense, but that’s how I think.

The “oh, I was watching Nigella” thing would drive me bats, though.

14

Okay, so this woman’s an asshole for using very common terms and talking about stars on a very popular tv network. But if she constantly re-evaluated and made sure to use tiny little words so you’d understand, she’d also be an asshole. If she’s fucked if she does and fucked if she doesn’t, she might as well say “fuck it” and talk as comes naturally to her.

15

If you don’t feel up to this “bonus” assignment, give it up early. Don’t wait to be a failure and affect you main job. Do that job well and opt out of this job. Maybe volunteer the job to that busybody who knows so much about food.

16

Response: Please use common usage English. We’re not all into esoteric jargon.

I’m also for tell management you don’t need this shit.

17

Hol’ up.

Crudité is now “very common”? I understand now that it is more common than I thought it was, but “very common”? Come on now. Am I really that unsophisticated? I guess I DO need to get out more. :frowning:

Seems to me if you 1) know a person does not watch a particular TV channel 2) does not even have cable, and 3) is always clueless whenever you reference things that happen on the TV channel or cable, then YES you are an asshole if you continue to pull them down this conversational back-alley. I’m secure enough in myself to have no problem admitting when I don’t know something. But when it happens all the time, then I just don’t want to talk anymore. I don’t want to hear that person’s fucking voice. Communication about SHIT THAT DOESN’T MATTER just isn’t worth it to me.

It’s not a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” thing. If she had said, “You could make some crudités, you know, with vegetables and dip,” then that would have made me feel like she at least respected me enough to remember my weakness in this area and while not embarrassing me in front of other people. I still wouldn’t have known what a crudité is, but I could have at least rolled with the ancillary information. Instead, I was forced yet again to ask her to “dumb it down” for me. Who would like to be in that position? Even the strongest of egos couldn’t take it after awhile.

But I’ve already conceded that I’m an idiot who shouldn’t be bothered by this. Happy now?

18

I would have been annoyed too, rightly or wrongly. But then again I have a hangup about people not trying their best to communicate clearly.

“Crudité” is perfectly fine if you’re a wedding planner talking to prospective clients about their reception menu. Talking about “crudités” in an office where people analyze numbers and test results all day is stupid.

If people don’t like her in the office, habits like talking above their heads could be part of the reason. Might want to find a way to point this out to her, if you’re feeling charitable.

19

This shouldn’t bother you. She’s not doing this to upset you. She’s doing this to make herself feel better.

Chances are that knowing about food is something that makes her feel special. She might have put a lot of effort into being the all-important-knowledgeable-about-food person. In order for people to respect her, she has to let people know how much she knows about food. Using food jargon is a great way of doing this.

The reason you feel bad is because you’re assuming that she thinks everyone who doesn’t know about food is an idiot. I wouldn’t make that assumption. The more likely and less cynical explanation is that she wants to feel special.

She’s not doing this to make others feel bad. She’s doing this for herself. I say let her have it.

I would guess that is exactly the reason she’s doing this. But the reason you feel bad about it might have something to do with your own insecurity about not having enough food knowledge. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be upset if someone tried to expose your ignorance on food.

Is it possible that she has the same insecurities that you do? She thinks that if she doesn’t use food jargon with you then you’ll think she’s stupid. And you think that if you don’t understand her food jargon that she’ll think your stupid.

20

I’d step down from the position if I were you. Too much stress. Some people love doing that sort of thing. I’d detest it. Maybe Ms. Crudité would step up.

Crudité - common word, just like using hors d’oeuvres or canapes instead of appetizer. Don’t worry about not knowing it; you had no reason to up until now.