Does gray hair make women look old, frumpy and not-sexy?

[chiroptera]

I am asking this because I've recently had a short-short cut and decided to let my color grow out and the gray come in.

I am 53 and have been coloring my hair (starting with henna) since I was 14 years old. Two months ago I decided to go au naturel - I'm at least 90 percent gray now - so I cut my hair punky-short. For the first month, it looked really dreadful with the roots one color and the rest another. I got a trim and now I am almost all gray.

Two months ago, I had shoulder-length auburn hair (my original color was red/auburn)...now I have short, almost all-gray hair. It is weird, let me tall you. Part of my persona has always been "sexy redhead with big boobs" so it is a huge paradigm shift for me to go gray. Shallow though it sounds, I feel like I am losing some of my persona. On the other hand, if feels cool because I am gaining another one - that of an older, wiser woman (still with a great bod and hopefully sexy - LOL) and somehow more authentic.

The really odd and unexpected thing: This never really happened before, but I am now, suddenly, getting unsolicited compliments on both my short hair and the silvery color. In abundance, sometimes from complete strangers. But only from women.

I polled both male and female friends before lopping off the red and going gray...reactions were mixed; from "oh no!" to "go for it!"

I figured if I hated it I could simply start coloring again but honestly I love not having to worry about my roots showing, I love the feeling of not "pretending" to still have youthful, auburn hair via chemical enhancements, and when I look in the mirror I don't feel that I look older or frumpy or dowdy. Or maybe I do, but I don't care that much.

[inkling]

Personally, I don't find gray hair to be a turn-off at all. My wife and I have plenty of it, so that's probably a good thing.

Now I am not saying this was the case with you, since I would not know you if we passed in the street, but many many people keep up a hair color while the rest of them washes out - it's not just hair that fades, but skin as well - so a color that looked great on a 25-year-old looks pretty weird on a 45- or 55-year-old. The most striking example of this I have seen is older Hispanic ladies whose cafe-con-leche skin has faded while the hair remains jet black. Only her hairdresser knows, sure.

A person who knows they are gray and carries it well and confidently is immensely sexier than one who is afraid of it, IMO.

[Rain Soaked]

Nope.

[Slithy Tove]

Men and women who "maintain" themselves are attractive. In my opinion, this is more strongly reflected by a healthy lifestyle including diet, exercise, and emotional maturity while keeping an open worldview; far more than artificial & superficial means such as hair dyeing, tanning, and other trendy affectations. (admittedly, what I include in with "trendy" as affectations is just my own taste: tattoos, pubic depilation, elaborate nail polish, and other things that perfectly nice people adopt to feel attractive).

But still (and this is hardly an original comparison) women dyeing their hair should be the same level of stupid as male combovers. That silver is you. You earned it, so own it. And get laid with it.

[BrotherCadfael]

Depends entirely on the person, the hair, and the look.

I've seen silver haired woman who have seriously got it going on (e.g: Blythe Danner) I've also seen some who look like washed-out dishrags.

In general I prefer gray to dyed.

[Yorikke]

To me, it very much depends on the person and the hairstyle. Grey can look great or terrible.

Joe

[AlienVessels]

Oh, I think if you aim close to this you're doing just fine. :-)

[monstro]

No. A person's body size and shape, manner of dress, way they carry themselves, and their hairstyle, may make them look old, frumpy, and not-sexy. If you've got it going on in these areas, then gray hair will either accentuate your look or not do anything at all.

I can't wait till I go all salt-and-peppery.

[Angel of the Lord]

Oh, come now. It's not an absolute that grey is always good--or even okay. I'm twenty-eight. I've been getting grey hairs since I was sixteen. They now sprout liberally around my part in the front. Not in solid streaks, mind, but rather mixed in with the dark brown.

Grey hair is great when it's mostly grey. But when it's just off-colored hair mixed in with dark hair, it looks like crap (unless you've got black enough hair and a short enough cut to pull off salt-and-pepper). And, believe me, I know. Four weeks after I dye, and I've got obvious roots. My sister comments--in all of her renowned tactfulness--that I'm going grey. Gee, thanks, sis. I missed that one.

People in these threads always make it about choosing between a head of colored hair, or a glorious silver mane. Or they assume that everyone dying is in their fifties, and look fake with it. Honey, I'm twenty-eight, and I've needed to dye for a good three-four years now. No way was I going for silver mixed with brown at the age of twenty-four! You'd notice, you'd think I looked careless and sloppy (it makes that area look oily!), and you'd certainly not think I'd "earned" any of my depigmentation, seeing as, aside from my hair, I actually look young for my age.

That being said, my grandma was white-haired by the age of thirty, and looked awesome doing it. A nice head of consistently grey hair--a sort of lustrous silver--can look awesome, too. It depends.

[twickster]

Since you're looking for opinions, I'll move this to IMHO.

twickster, MPSIMS moderator, who does not color her silvery "natural highlights"

[pancakes3]

as is with most appearance questions, it's case-by-case. if you feel bold enough (i don't expect you to. i personally wouldn't) link a picture and i'm sure the board will be more than happy to both dote you with compliments and pepper you with "suggestions"

[CrazyCatLady]

Gray hair doesn't make you look old, but it does make you look a certain age. Fortunately, you're that age, so it doesn't look inappropriate or aging. Gray hair ages the shit out of me; it makes me look nearly your age, when in fact I'm 35. When looking 50 becomes age-appropriate, I'll most likely quit coloring my hair.

And asking if gray hair makes you look frumpy is kind of like asking if these pants make your ass look big. No, it's the frumpy-ass hair cut or big fat ass that's the culprit.

[JoThrive]

I'm grey, and I'm comfortable with it. It's your choice - do whatever makes you happy!

[CoffinMan]

I have seen many attractive women with grey hair and their hair color did not take away from their sexiness quotient.

Being perceived as sexy is not soley a physical appearance thing - I think it is mostly who you are and how you carry yourself.

I know that Britney Spears, for example, is supposed to be "attractive" by general physical standards, I find her to be horribly unsexy and would feel the same way no matter what color she dyes her hair.

[kunilou]

Originally Posted by chiroptera

Part of my persona has always been "sexy redhead with big boobs" so it is a huge paradigm shift for me to go gray. Shallow though it sounds, I feel like I am losing some of my persona.

Perhaps all you need is a role model.

[Eats_Crayons]

I think streaks of grey are sexy and I really like the greys hairs that are coming in on my noggin.

It's a "distinguished sexy" about them. It's the difference between George Clooney sexy, and one of those idjots from Twilight "I hear that kid is supposed to be sexy" sexy. I'd go for the distinguished sexy every time.

[The Flying Dutchman]

Look, I'm sorry to be brutally honest, but grey hair makes you look older .

I'm a little slow. Just recently, being 60 years old, I was wondering why the women my age look so much younger and attractive than the 60 year old women of my youth. And most women look so much younger than their husbands. Take Hillary Clinton for example. She's still sexy looking in my book. Then my wife explained to me that she herself dyes her hair to cover the grey and most women our age do as well.

Do you think Hillary would look better au naturel ?

[monstro]

Originally Posted by The Flying Dutchman

Do you think Hillary would look better au naturel ?

I don't mean to hate on Hillary, but I don't anything would make you her look better. She is what she is.

Gray hair works on lots of women, though. I can't imagine Jamie Lee Curtis without her gray hair now.

Like everything, it's a case-by-case situation. Like short hair cuts. Some women can get away with it, while others can't, for whatever reason. There isn't a general rule.

Sometimes dyeing can make an older woman look weird, IMHO. If you have the face and the wrinkles of a 69-year-old and your hair is just as dark as it was in your youth, you just look strange. (I'm thinking about a particular individual in real life...I hope she's not reading this thread!)

[brainstall]

I saw a woman at an outdoor event last summer with long silver grey hair. It was so striking and looked great on her, I couldn't stop staring.

[Two Many Cats]

I'm 48, and my gray hair is just coming in, and damned if it doesn't look cool! I have hair that's just on the borderline between blonde and brunette, and silvery threads here and there really sets it off nice. I'm hoping for a salt 'n' pepper type of mix like my dad had until he was 60.

[j666]

Gray? Yes. Silver? No.

Most women start coloring their hair before they need too, just for fun, and keep doing it long after they should stop, just out of habit.

Going au naturel does not make a woman look any younger, but it frequently is a lot more attractive.

Unnaturally strong hair color frequently makes a woman look haggish.

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by The Flying Dutchman

Look, I'm sorry to be brutally honest, but grey hair makes you look older .

I'm a little slow. Just recently, being 60 years old, I was wondering why the women my age look so much younger and attractive than the 60 year old women of my youth. And most women look so much younger than their husbands. Take Hillary Clinton for example. She's still sexy looking in my book. Then my wife explained to me that she herself dyes her hair to cover the grey and most women our age do as well.

Do you think Hillary would look better au naturel ?

I have to agree here. While a streak or two of silver running through an otherwise gray-free head of hair might occasionally be sexy and appealing, like it's been said already; not many can pull it off. And a lot, or all gray is simply old. Again, it may look "cool" and novel but it does nothing to enhance your sexual appeal.

[j666]

Originally Posted by jamiemcgarry

Again, it may look "cool" and novel but it does nothing to enhance your sexual appeal.

It does help to weed out the callow youths.

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by j66

It does help to weed out the callow youths.

I should have figured on such a response. Just because I'm young, my opinion is immediately dismissed as nothing more than "immature" and "unknowing". Uh huh. My post was in agreement with that of a 60yr old. Is he "callow" as well?

[j666]

Originally Posted by jamiemcgarry

I should have figured on such a response. Just because I'm young, my opinion is immediately dismissed as nothing more than "immature" and "unknowing". Uh huh. My post was in agreement with that of a 60yr old. Is he "callow" as well?

Yes.

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by j66

Yes.

So in your view, a man lacks maturity and adult sophistication if he doesn't generally find gray hair sexually attractive. Am I reading you correctly?

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by j66

Yes.

Then why did you decide to jump on me instead of the 60yr old? The 60yr old who voiced the sentiments you described as immature before I did?

[Starving Artist]

IMO, it's a pretty rare thing that a woman with gray hair looks hot, as in "I want to have sex with her" hot. Women with gray hair can look "cool", or like they'd be fun to know or hang out with, and they can be what I would call a "handsome" woman, but rarely somebody I'd find sexually attractive. Even Helen Mirren, IMO, is much sexier with a darker hair color. I recently saw her playing a frumpy, beaten-down-by-life housekeeper in Gosford Park, but her hair was a medium-brown, and in my opinion she was sexier even in that role than in the bikini shot kunilou linked to.

If you enjoy being a big-boobed, redhaired sexpot, then I'd go back to red. On the other hand, if you're cool just being yourself and are ready to relinquish your former sexy self and the hair-coloring and trouble that goes with it, then by all means keep the gray. But I think you'll be disappointed if you hope that in going gray you'll still get the same admiring glances from men that you've always gotten with your red hair.

Just my .02. Others' mileage will certainly vary.

[Robot Arm]

Originally Posted by BrotherCadfael

I've seen silver haired woman who have seriously got it going on (e.g: Blythe Danner) I've also seen some who look like washed-out dishrags.

That's not a fair comparison. Before going gray, Blythe Danner started out with a three lap head start on the rest of the field.

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Starving Artist

IMO, it's a pretty rare thing that a woman with gray hair looks hot, as in "I want to have sex with her" hot. Women with gray hair can look "cool", or like they'd be fun to know or hang out with, and they can be what I would call a "handsome" woman, but rarely somebody I'd find sexually attractive. Even Helen Mirren, IMO, is much sexier with a darker hair color. I recently saw her playing a frumpy, beaten-down-by-life housekeeper in Gosford Park, but her hair was a medium-brown, and in my opinion she was sexier even in that role than in the bikini shot kunilou linked to.

If you enjoy being a big-boobed, redhaired sexpot, then I'd go back to red. On the other hand, if you're cool just being yourself and are ready to relinquish your former sexy self and the hair-coloring and trouble that goes with it, then by all means keep the gray. But I think you'll be disappointed if you hope that in going gray you'll still get the same admiring glances from men that you've always gotten with your red hair.

Just my .02. Others' mileage will certainly vary.

Why isn't this guy called "callow"? He's basically saying the same thing as I did.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by jamiemcgarry

I should have figured on such a response. Just because I'm young, my opinion is immediately dismissed as nothing more than "immature" and "unknowing". Uh huh. My post was in agreement with that of a 60yr old. Is he "callow" as well?

I'm finding as I age that the physical traits of older people are not a turn-off for me; they just look like normal people to me. You might find the same thing as you age. And you might not - who knows?

Originally Posted by Robot Arm

That's not a fair comparison. Before going gray, Blythe Danner started out with a three lap head start on the rest of the field.

Blondes all have a leg-up on going grey - it's not nearly as stark as on us brunettes.

I've occasionally let my salt-and-pepper grey grow out a bit before dying, and it really does age me - I think it makes me look about 10 years older. There will be a point in the future when I don't care, but 44 isn't it.

[Starving Artist]

Originally Posted by jamiemcgarry

Why isn't this guy called "callow"? He's basically saying the same thing as I did.

The most likely reason is that I only said that less than an hour ago and this is the middle of a Friday night, which is typically a slow time here at the Dope.

Plus I'm 62, so I no longer qualify for the "immature" label.

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

I'm finding as I age that the physical traits of older people are not a turn-off for me; they just look like normal people to me. You might find the same thing as you age. And you might not - who knows?

Blondes all have a leg-up on going grey - it's not nearly as stark as on us brunettes.

I've occasionally let my salt-and-pepper grey grow out a bit before dying, and it really does age me - I think it makes me look about 10 years older. There will be a point in the future when I don't care, but 44 isn't it.

This discussion is about gray hair, not a broader discussion about the "physical traits of older people".

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Starving Artist

The most likely reason is that I only said that less than an hour ago and this is the middle of a Friday night, which is typically a slow time here at the Dope.

Plus I'm 62, so I no longer qualify for the "immature" label.

Well, I was labeled as callow after I had echoed the sentiments of a 60yr old poster. The first poster (the 60yr old) was conveniently overlooked by j66 (or whatever his name is). I just think some here don't like ME and they trash anything I post automatically.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by jamiemcgarry

This discussion is about gray hair, not a broader discussion about the "physical traits of older people".

Okay, I think grey hair looks fine on many people, and you may find that also as you get older. Or not.

You got a bit of a hair-trigger temper there, sonny.

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

Okay, I think grey hair looks fine on many people, and you may find that also as you get older. Or not.

You got a bit of a hair-trigger temper there, sonny.

LOL, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound angry. And I totally agree, gray hair looks just fine on many women as they age. Just fine, however, doesn't translate into sexy.

[devilsknew]

All I can say is that I saw recent pictures of an old flame, and she was just that much more sexy with letting her grey come out from under the basket with which she hides her light. RRRowr... gave me a familiar feeling in my scrote..

[Starving Artist]

Originally Posted by jamiemcgarry

Well, I was labeled as callow after I had echoed the sentiments of a 60yr old poster. The first poster (the 60yr old) was conveniently overlooked by j66 (or whatever his name is). I just think some here don't like ME and they trash anything I post automatically.

To be honest, I think you're being just a tad thin-skinned here. This is a subject that a certain number of women/people are going to take offense at whenever someone says younger looking is better. (I blame feminism. ) Anyway, only one poster called you callow. It's not like the board is ganging up on you. And FWIW, Cat Whisperer's post was perfectly in line with the conversation, and typical of the back and forth that often occurs when someone asks for opinion about appearance. You're a cool guy in some ways but, IMO, a tad defensive and combative in others. It might serve you well to just chill for a while and observe the give and take on this board without doing much posting yourself. I think you're prone to take too many things too seriously, and by familiarizing yourself more with how things transpire around here, I think your board experience would be both more rewarding for you and for the board in general. You have a lot to contribute, but you need to tone down the defensiveness and combativeness or that side of you is going to overwhelm the side of you that posters here value.

Just my .02. No offense intended.

On preview I see that you and Cat Whisperer have reached a denouement. Good on ya! I'm going to let my post stand uncorrected though, as I think the point is still valid. Again, no offense intended.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by jamiemcgarry

LOL, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound angry. And I totally agree, gray hair looks just fine on many women as they age. Just fine, however, doesn't translate into sexy.

Well, it can.

[Capitaine Zombie]

I'd be curious about answers from the same question asked about guys.

[chiroptera]

I think mostly what feels good about going gray is not caring, actually, whether I look sexy. Regardless of hair color, most men in their 20s or 30s aren't going to find 50-something women that attractive. (Except maybe women who look like Helen Mirren, Jamie Lee Curtis, Emmy-Lou Harris, etc.) Clinton looks great as a blonde, but many older women look hasrsh and aged with dyed hair, especially if done out of a bottle without low- and highlights.

It also feels great not to spend about $80 a month getting my hair done and worrying about roots showing.

I tried the same thing about 11 years ago - cut my hair short, planned to let the gray grow in. Back then it was more salt and pepper and brown...it looked awful and I re-colored after about a week. Now it's mostly silver. It looks great with my tan.

I like it! I've reached an age where I care more about what I'm comfortable with, rather than caring what random mens' opinion of how I look. jamiemcgarry - I'm OK with you not finding me attractive, LOL. (We're practically neighbors, BTW....maybe we've passed eachother by at Kroger or back when you were going to Hurley.)

I spent quite a bit of time lurking around this site before taking the plunge.

[BigT]

Gray hair is fine by itself, but it's usually combined with other features that indicate age. And while I wish I could look past it, I still tend towards the natural trend of finding younger women sexier.

Well, unless their joie de vivre makes up for it.

[KinkiNipponTourist]

Originally Posted by Capitaine Zombie

I'd be curious about answers from the same question asked about guys.

I've always had a thang for youngish guys with grey hair. I don't really know why; I guess I love the dichotomy of young features and grey hair.

[Daerlyn]

I'm 29, and have a similar gray distribution to Angel of the Lord. Unlike her (him?), I love my gray hairs. VThey give my hair a sort of gilded look that I find really interesting. It actually prompted me to stop dying my hair (which I used to do for fun in a variety of colours), because I was sad about losing the silver threads.

[elmwood]

I live in a very hippy-dippy town, and one of the first things I noticed when I moved here was the number of women with gray hair; so many more than anyplace else I've ever lived. Women here just do not dye their hair.

However, I also noticed women in their 20s and early 30s with gray hair, something I've never seen anywhere else in great numbers. I've been told that many younger women of the crunchy persuasion actually dye their hair gray, because it makes them appear more "natural" and "earthy". Does this happen anywhere else?

[Capitaine Zombie]

Originally Posted by KinkiNipponTourist

I've always had a thang for youngish guys with grey hair. I don't really know why; I guess I love the dichotomy of young features and grey hair.

You would have loved me then.

[No umlaut for U]

At what age is it "normal" to start showing gray? My mother started dyeing rather early, and kept on very late. It looked silly, because she was very wrinkled.
On the other hand, I have great skin and think I would look younger dyed--but just don't know what age is normal to be gray.
What's coming through is more white than gray, if that's more of an issue.

[ugly ripe tomato]

Originally Posted by No umlaut for U

At what age is it "normal" to start showing gray? My mother started dyeing rather early, and kept on very late. It looked silly, because she was very wrinkled.
On the other hand, I have great skin and think I would look younger dyed--but just don't know what age is normal to be gray.
What's coming through is more white than gray, if that's more of an issue.

It varies, because I've seen people in their 60s who still have dark hair but most everyone in my family started getting gray in their late teens/20s. I'm lucky enough to have ashy blonde hair so the gray blends right in.

As to whether it's attractive, if the shade of gray works with your skin/eye coloring, it's styled nicely, and not brassy, I'd much rather see that than obviously dyed, overprocessed, scraggly hair with roots showing.

[beartato]

Originally Posted by CrazyCatLady

Gray hair doesn't make you look old, but it does make you look a certain age. Fortunately, you're that age, so it doesn't look inappropriate or aging. Gray hair ages the shit out of me; it makes me look nearly your age, when in fact I'm 35. When looking 50 becomes age-appropriate, I'll most likely quit coloring my hair.

And asking if gray hair makes you look frumpy is kind of like asking if these pants make your ass look big. No, it's the frumpy-ass hair cut or big fat ass that's the culprit.

Everything in this post +1.

chiroptera, reverting to your natural grey hair may make you look like you're in your fifties, but you are in your fifties. And you say you've still got a kickass body, so you must look like a woman in her fifties who takes great care of yourself and looks good for her age. Keep the red, and you might look like an attractive redhead who's starting to look... not so fresh.

There's a difference between "looking good for your age" and "trying to look good for an age you're not". Helen Mirren is 65 - looks like a genetically blessed woman in her mid-sixties who takes great care of herself, we should all be so lucky. Madonna is 52 - she doesn't look good for 52. She looks a haggard 42. Some things you can't hide.

But where I'm going with this is, wouldn't you rather people think you look incredible for 53 than think you look really old for forty-something? And only frumpy, dowdy people look frumpy and dowdy.

[Pyper]

Originally Posted by elmwood

I live in a very hippy-dippy town, and one of the first things I noticed when I moved here was the number of women with gray hair; so many more than anyplace else I've ever lived. Women here just do not dye their hair.

However, I also noticed women in their 20s and early 30s with gray hair, something I've never seen anywhere else in great numbers. I've been told that many younger women of the crunchy persuasion actually dye their hair gray, because it makes them appear more "natural" and "earthy". Does this happen anywhere else?

I doubt that they are dyeing their hair. Many women in their 20's, including myself and several other women in just this thread, have gray hair. It just isn't noticed because most women that age color their hair, not to cover gray, but as part of their beauty routine the same way they would wear makeup or get a stylish haircut. Starting at age 16, I dyed my hair red, then later very dark brown. I stopped coloring it a few years ago because I like the way my gray streak is growing in in front.

I think the phenomenon that you are observing is hippie chicks who DON'T dye their hair, as opposed to the typical population of young women.