I’m hoping there’s a proven scientific explanation for this. You’re out in public, maybe at a park or standing in line at the grocery store, and all of a sudden, for no particular reason, you sharply turn or raise your head to look at something, and it happens to be a person (usually not exceptionally close) who clearly did the exact same thing with you. Then you make awkward eye contact and quickly look the other direction (unless you find the other person attractive, in which case you marry them and tell your grandchildren a slightly creepy story about how you met).
What the hell is going on here? I can’t be the only one this happens to. It doesn’t happen often; maybe about as often as déjà vu… maybe once a year or so. It’s really weird and a little unsettling.
Confirmation bias. You don’t remember the times you turned and looked in a direction to look at something, and nothing interesting happened. You don’t remember this precisely because it wasn’t interesting.
This is also why you tend to think a lot of coincidences happen to you, more than you think should be the ‘average’.
Whenever I’m walking and I arrive at a crossroad and a car comes just in time to stop me from crossing (even on a quiet road) I always think “GRRR that always happens to me!” but deep down I know it happens as often as it statistically should, but I only remember it when it does happen so I’m left thinking it always happens.
yep. That’s about it.
Profound, eh?
But the reason for the OP’s worry is simple: the only people who look directly into each other’s eyes are:
young lovers
creepy people
So when it happens to you by accident and you lock eyes for a second, your mind says “which one am I?—need answer fast!”
And since it’s unlikely that the other person is your lover…
I’ve read that making eye contact with people who pass you in the street is the most effective way to convey invulnerability when passing through a rough neighborhood. Criminals know that only two types of people make eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk: cops and crazy people. Criminals don’t want to initiate an encounter with either class.
I’m willing to entertain the confirmation bias theory (and that’s usually the first place I go, but somehow that didn’t seem to explain what was happening here), but Andy L, it’s definitely not that. As I mentioned, it doesn’t usually happen with people in the general vicinity.
chappachula, I’m too old to be a “young lover”, haha… so I guess it’s option #2 for me…
If it happened while you were talking, I would say it was mirroring. But, otherwise, all I have is chance and the idea that whatever made you turn your head did the same to them, like a noise or something.
Of course it happens every so often. Wouldn’t it be really weird if it didn’t?
Think about it. You spend most of your time looking around at other people. Other people do so, too. What mysterious force do you think would prevent people from occasionally looking at each other?
We’re also hardwired to look for faces; it’s much easier to spot a face out of the corner of your eye than it is with just about anything, meaning that you can see faces where you don’t really expect yourself to be able to see much at all, probably causing the sensation of looking at something that was outside of the field of vision before. It’s evolutionary sensible – whatever’s got a face that you can see, can see you, too, which most often signals a situation you should focus your attention on. So quite often, what probably happens is that you see a face, out of the corner of your eye, which means that some pre-conscious processing occurs that finds something that’s likely a face at the edges of your visual field, and initiates you turning your head in order to get a better look. Add a dash of confirmation bias, and I think you’re set.
Several bodies of advice, from flirting and salesmanship to assertiveness and confidence-building tell us to maintain eye contact. Avoiding eye contact can show modesty, submissiveness, rejection, nervousness, or fear of temptation.
I’ve been told by gay males that eye contact is a common method of cruising. Straight guys will look away from contact. The ones who hold it are the ones who might be interested.
