My friend got hurt really bad last night.

[Tanaqui]

We were out drinking to celebrate the end of a few terribly stressful weeks (in grad school life.) We drank more than we should have.

It was around 1 and we were just about to leave the bar. I was going to crash at my friend's house. I put on my coat and she went to the bathroom. I waited in the bar. But the bathroom was down the stairs. She fell and hit her head. She was bleeding a lot and knocked unconscious. She started making a terrible moaning noise, but was not responsive.

The ambulance came. I held her hand and took her coat and bag, covered with blood, with me. I went with the ambulance to the emergency room and we waited for hours. They told us she has a severe skull fracture and possibly bleeding. We had to go home. It was 5 AM. I gave them her mother's number and her health insurance card so they know about her medical conditions. I didn't know what else to do.

I went to sleep and called them when I woke up. She's still unconscious and sedated apparently--intubated and on a ventilator. They told me her condition was "critical." She's in the ICU. I'm so scared for her. I don't know what to do now. She's one of my best friends here in Pittsburgh and I love her so much. I need to contact her mother and maybe let some people in our program know and I feel so sick to my stomach.

And I feel guilty. I know I didn't do anything wrong, but there were so many points when I could have said no--no more drinking, we have to go home, whatever. It's a wake up call for me. No more.

[dangermom]

I'm so sorry Tanaqui--hope she gets better.

[Freudian Slit]

Sorry, Tanaqui. I know the feeling of wanting to celebrate the end of a stressful period. It's terrible that it ended that way. Hope your friend is all right.

[Alice The Goon]

Holy shit. That's awful. Here's hoping things turn around and she gets better soon.

[Mosier]

Accidents happen, and it's nobody's fault. Don't blame yourself. You could not have predicted the future, so saying "I could have prevented it" isn't really true. Good luck and well wishes for your friend, and you're good for being there for her when she needed it.

[jjimm]

How absolutely awful.

I saw something very similar happen at a bar in NYC; it was a stranger but we checked on her vitals and waited with her until the ambulance came.

Really hope your friend makes a swift and full recovery.

And please try not to beat yourself up about it - this sort of thing is obviously much more common when drinking, but stuff like this can happen anyway.

[Johnny L.A.]

Originally Posted by Tanaqui

But the bathroom was down the stairs. She fell and hit her head.

One has to wonder about the thought process of opening a bar in a building whose toilets are downstairs from the main public area.

[jjimm]

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A.

One has to wonder about the thought process of opening a bar in a building whose toilets are downstairs from the main public area.

It's really common in older pubs - Dublin and London are full of them.

[Johnny L.A.]

I've seen them here, too. But with accessibility laws and a litigious society, they don't seem to be very common. (Of course, I don't get out much.)

[not what you'd expect]

Oh my goodness. I hope your friend recovers. Please keep us posted.

[jjimm]

Yes, please keep us updated.

[even sven]

I'm sorry.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Johnny L.A.

One has to wonder about the thought process of opening a bar in a building whose toilets are downstairs from the main public area.

I'm not one for putting personal responsibility onto an establishment, but I think bars that have their washrooms up or downstairs are asking for trouble - they call it "falling down drunk" for a reason.

I'm terribly sorry for your friend's misfortune, Tanaqui. Please don't blame yourself - it truly was an accident.

[Farmer Jane]

That must feel terrible! I hope she turns out all right.

[MsWhatsit]

How awful. I hope everything turns out all right. Don't blame yourself; this was not your fault. Accidents happen.

[Zulema]

People come back from horrible head injuries so keep positive, you got her to the hospital right away so you did all you could. Don't blame yourself, it was an accident.

[SnakesCatLady]

I hope your friend recovers. Do not beat yourself up for this; it was not your fault.

[lisacurl]

I'm so sorry. Head injuries are scary.

[rhubarbarin]

I am so sorry, what a terrible thing for both of you to go through. Please don't blame yourself, it was probably one of those freak accidents; I've fallen down the stairs plenty of times, but have been lucky enough not to hit my head in just the right way to get badly hurt. Thank goodness you were there to take care of her, and that she got to the hospital quickly, that was essential.

Her brain is swelling a lot right now, and possibly bleeding, and they are probably planning on keeping her in a medically induced coma (which requires intubation and staying in the ICU) for a while until it resolves - this prevents possible/further injury to the brain from inflammation. Yes, it's serious, and she might have some brain damage which will require rehab, but she has a very good chance of bouncing back from this due to being so young. I truly hope she has a fast and complete recovery.

Keep us updated, okay?

One more thing - I know it will be hard for you to see her that way, but if you can, visit her and talk to her and touch her - even before she is truly awake/coherant (she might be significantly sedated for a while yet). Many people recovering from brain injury can remember loved ones being there, and what they said, even when they were still extremely foggy. It can be a huge comfort.

[Digital is the new Analog]

I hope she recovers quickly, Tanaqui. I'd choose to view it as your friend was lucky you were there to react quickly and make sure she got to the hospital as quick as possible.

-D/a

[Tanaqui]

Thanks for your kind words, everyone. I've been in touch with my friend's mother, who is flying in tonight. Being able to help her with her plans and organize transportation and a place for her to stay has helped me feel a bit more stable. We're going to go get her at the airport tonight and should hopefully be able to stay in the loop and here about what's going on. They're running some tests on her now--I believe they've taken her off sedation and her sister has told me she's starting to come awake and she can move her arms, etc. which is a good sign. Because her mother isn't here, we're not sure if we're allowed to go visit her or what, so for now we're waiting to hear more. We just have to wait. Luckily her mother seems wonderful and was very kind on the phone; hopefully we'll be able to support her during this.

[rhubarbarin]

How sweet of you to help her family during this time. It's indeed a very good sign that she is already awake and able to move!

[velvetjones]

That's so scary. Best wishes to you and your friend and I hope she heals soon and completely. Please keep us updated.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

Luck to her Tanaqui.

[Digital is the new Analog]

Originally Posted by Tanaqui

Because her mother isn't here, we're not sure if we're allowed to go visit her or what, so for now we're waiting to hear more. We just have to wait.

You could try to visit. The worst the hospital does is to tell you no.

-D/a

[BlueKangaroo]

Best wishes to her & you, Tanaqui.

It is not your fault, it was simply an accident. Please remember that.

[King Bobo]

Tanaqui,

You are a good friend. You have done lots of great things for her and her family.
The accident was NOT your fault.

Stay with your friend - she will need your love and support as she gets better. She will appreciate it onwards.

[PandaBear77]

**hugs** Head injuries are terrifying but you'd be AMAZED at what the brain can bounce back from!

Try to visit, even if the hospital "rules" say you can't. Staffers will bend the rules at times

[Plan B]

So sorry for you and your friend and all those close to her.

I think the thing to remember is that driving is not the only thing that's dangerous when we drink too much. There are studies that show that it's more dangerous to walk home drunk than to drive home drunk.

Let's hope she recovers quickly

[Tanaqui]

Thanks for your kind words, everyone. We picked up my friend's mother at the airport tonight and went to visit her immediately. She was conscious and responding and was able to recognize me and my friend and her mother, of course. She seemed pretty cognizant and was able to respond to many questions and know the name of the city she was in, her own name, date of birth, etc. She was confused and repeated herself over and over, but as they only took her off the drugs this morning they said it might still be that, or maybe a result of the trauma. She has swelling in her brain and they're doing more tests later. We're waiting to see the results. I really just wish we'd gone and seen her earlier now. We hadn't realized she was awake and I feel so terrible thinking she was conscious and afraid and alone. We were just all in shock, I think. They wouldn't tell me anything when I called at first so I didn't know what to do. I couldn't think. But we're there now and her mother is with her, and we were able to get her some groceries and supplies and arrange for her mother's transportation, etc. tomorrow so at least we managed this much.

[King Bobo]

Hang in there Tanaqui, it is in the coming days that your friend will need you.

You did your best up until now so don't beat yourself up about the "could" haves and "should" haves and "maybe if I only" sort of stuff. Chances are you would not have been allowed to see her earlier as you are not immediate family.

Sudden trauma is when we get to know what we are capable of and it seems to me that you have acquitted yourself well. You got her mother to her side promptly and with as little fuss as possible; indeed you helped her get to her daughter.
You sound like a good and loving friend. I wish I had more folk like you in my life.

[Ruby]

Wow, that sounds promising. In my youth I would get drunk and by sheer luck I was never hurt or hurt anyone else. This isn't your fault. You didn't force her to continue to drink and she's a big girl able to make her own decisions.

Take gentle care of yourself.

[Gagundathar]

My best wishes to your friend and to you as well.
Don't be too harsh on yourself.
There is a reason why they call these events, 'accidents'.
Good luck!

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Ruby

Wow, that sounds promising. In my youth I would get drunk and by sheer luck I was never hurt or hurt anyone else. <snip>

You're very much not alone in that - it's a bit of a wonder that most of us make it out of young adulthood relatively unscathed.

Glad to hear your friend is awake and alert - fingers crossed for minimal damage.

[jayjay]

I'll keep your friend in my thoughts. Remember one thing: You're both adults. You are not responsible for how much she drank. She is responsible for that. Telling yourself "If I'd just put a stop to it earlier" doesn't help anything, and is highly inaccurate, because it's up to HER to put a stop to drinking for her. It's not up to you.

I hope she recovers fully.

[Tanaqui]

Again, thanks for the support, everyone. I spent all day at the hospital today and am kind of exhausted. She's doing a lot better now though and was sleeping peacefully when I left. She's talking a lot and remembers everything, so she doesn't seem to have any damage there. She's still confused though which is a bit worrying. We know she has 2 fractures in her skull and a few tiny fractures as well, but I think she's doing really well. She's been moved to a "normal" unit out of the ICU and that's a really good sign.

We're trying to think about organizing things now, in terms of rides, etc. and trying to support her mom. She doesn't have any family anywhere nearby so it's just her mom here in a strange city. We have a good bond which is great, but we're really the only support she has here in Pennsylvania so I feel very responsible.

I keep being worried about my work, which is stupid, but I'm in grad school, and as I'm sure you guys have experienced, you don't get ANY breaks in grad school, and I've spent less time doing work this weekend than I have all year. It's like a terrible kind of vacation. I know my professors will all be very understanding but I'm still worried about my finishing my work and classes this week. But supporting my friend and her mother is the most important thing, so yeah. It's stressful, but we're holding up pretty well!

[Two Many Cats]

It's a very, very good sign that your friend is now out of the ICU, and in a "normal" unit, considering what a head injury can do. Her prognosis must be vastly improved from when she entered the hospital. Just focus on that, and don't worry about school and work. Those things will take care of themselves for now.

[rhubarbarin]

How is your friend and how are you, Tanaqui? I hope you've been able to feel calmer, get back into the swing of things and catch up with your work, since it seems like she is healing well and has a good prognosis.

[purplehorseshoe]

Hey, Tanaqui - I'm sure you're swamped and busy as all hell, but if you poke your head back in here, just know that there are random anonymous strangers out there wishing you and your friend all the best. Good luck, and don't forget to take a long, deep breath every now and then.

[JustinC]

You're obviously a brilliant friend, Tanaqui, and have done so much to help her. Now her mother is there she'll have all the support she needs to fully recover. Any visits you make will be a bonus, but I'm sure your friend would not like you both to miss too much grad school and how are you going to help her catch up when she's able to?

Good luck to you both.

[Tanaqui]

Aww, hey everyone, thanks for the good wishes! My friend is doing well and has actually been released from the hospital already (on Wednesday). We arranged rides for her to get home, etc. and her mom is staying with her indefinitely to take care of her. She was really lucky in terms of her injuries, I think. I'm starting to move into a phase of moving on and I went to class for the first time this week yesterday. Then had to teach teach today. It was weird not seeing her and her mom all day. A friend of hers has arrived from out of state and is staying with them, which is good since her mom is understandably eager for company and it lets me and my friend, J. (who was awesome and supported me and my injured friend throughout all this) get a little bit of rest and do some schoolwork. My friend is still a little confused, easily exhausted, and still in a neckbrace, and will need to make a lot of doctors visits over the next few weeks, but she's glad to be home. It's so good to see her back to her normal self a little bit. It was really scary and I honestly thought her injuries were going to be much worse, so this has all been wonderful news.

[pulykamell]

That's wonderful news. The brother of a good friend of mine died this way (more or less. It was a drunken tumble down the stairs in a bar due to a fist in the face), so I understand how scary and serious these things can be. Thank goodness things worked out for your friend.

[Rhiannon8404]

Thanks for sharing the good news. I am glad to hear she's doing better.

[BlueKangaroo]

That's excellent news. I hope her recovery is full & fast.

[carnivorousplant]

I'm glad that she is well.

[not what you'd expect]

Excellent news. Thanks for the update. Take care of yourself.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

I'm glad she's getting better.

[gwendee]

I am happy for your friend's progress.

In addition to you not being responsible for how much she drank, I would like to point out that people also fall an injure themselves without drinking, so really, her accident was in no way shape or form your fault, or preventable by you. Really. Let that go.

Speaking as a mom, if something scary happened to my child in another city I would be very grateful for and to someone who stepped up and stayed with him, and did all the caring and contacting you did. I'm sure her mom is glad you were there for her daughter, and also her.

I will continue to hold a good thought for your friend, and also for you. Good luck in your studies.

[Shirley Ujest]

You are a good friend.