While listening to the on-going discussion about the Trayvon Martin case, one thing that I’ve heard mentioned more than once is “the talk” that some African American parents have with their children when they reach a certain age, where they tell their children how to not raise suspicion when in public. One example I’ve heard is “Don’t run in public.” or “Don’t run in public with anything in your hand.”
Being neither African nor American, this was a revelation to me and I wanted to see how common this “talk” is. So, if you’re African American, did you have this talk with your parents. If you’re a parent, have you had this talk with your children, or do you plan to. What is usually mentioned in this talk and is it different for boys and girls?
I’m white but I have a biracial 12-year-old daughter and haven’t considered it necessary to teach her any different than I’d teach a white kid: don’t act like an asshole in public, and don’t assume the police are there to help you.
I do think it’s different with boys though. Even by the standards of a racist asshole, my daughter wouldn’t look threatening, even in a hoodie.
I assume then, that the other parent of you daughter is black, and what do they have to say about it? “Don’t act like an asshole in public” is good advice, but I wouldn’t consider running in public holding a bag of skittles to be assholish behaviour. And the consequences for acting like an asshole in public are certainly not the same for a white person as they would be for someone black.
As far as I know, my daughter’s father hasn’t said anything to her about it. He probably would if she was a boy. From what I hear, black women and girls are more likely to, say, be followed around a store by security, which sucks, but it’s nothing like being shot. With pretty much anything short of a situation where you could be killed or seriously injured, the best advice is to try not to escalate a situation if it does start, and never talk to the police without a lawyer. I don’t think my daughter has a higher chance of being shot than anyone else. I may have to rethink that if she gets older and starts hanging out with black guys who wear hoodies or something, but for now she hangs out with other young girls who ironically wear T-shirts with cartoon characters on them, not realizing they barely look old enough for the irony part to be obvious.
Being neither African nor American can I ask what your interest in this case is?
As for your question, I’ve never heard of anything of the sort. Least nothing more than a general “don’t act like a fool in public” sort of thing. But I’m white and perhaps not privy to this sort of thing…
White father of a 21 year old daughter and a 17 year old son. When they were toddlers, I taught them that the police were good people who they should confide in and respect. A couple years later I gave them each their own ACLU Bust Cards and told them never to talk to the cops without a parent or attorney present.
My interest is mainly in understanding how other people live. I’m a white, middle class Canadian and I always find it interesting to find out about things that other people have to be aware of that I’ve never had to consider. I hadn’t heard anything about this talk either until it was brought up, for example, in this piece by Jonathon Capehart, discussing the Trayvon Martin case.
I may have made it seem like more of a “thing” by putting it in quotation marks, but it’s certainly a different discussion than when white parents teach their children proper behaviour.
It would be a good place to start, but what I was mainly looking for, and why I posted in IMHO, was the personal stories of African American board members.
I have had an African-American friend I was driving in a car with get freaked out when we passed a patrolman by the side of the road (my friend was groggy in the passenger seat late at night on a road trip) and say “DUDE - get your ass over to the slow lane or you WILL get pulled over!” only to then stop, look at me (white guy driving) and then say “oh yeah, it’s you - well, at least slow down a bit.” (nothing happened, btw)
Don’t know if my friend got “the talk” when he was growing up, but he certainly was reacting to a double-standard he had experienced…
I’m white, but I have a number of black friends with sons. Most of them have given some version “the talk” appropriate to their boys’ ages. Like the other “talk”, it’s not really something you do once, it’s an ongoing educational conversation.
You know, I was going to ask you what you believed the relevance was, but then I did a search of your posts, and… well, never mind. Question answered.
My former professor, who is black, informed his students that it was common to give children ‘‘the talk’’ but also added the depressing detail that they were also taught how to take a bullet. This would be in Philadelphia, what used to be the Black Bottom but is now the University of Pennsylvania.
And BTW, his son did end up taking a bullet, and his Dad’s advice saved his life.
I think if you look at some of the ‘unnatural’ behaviors according to some, that Martin exhibited in his encounter with Zimmerman; such as not wanting to run and not calling 911 for example… it makes sense in regards to ‘the talk’.
The fundamental rule is to always keep moving and never call attention to yourself.
As a ‘normal’ looking white woman, I have been stopped or questioned many, many times just ‘because’. I’m neither hot nor skanky, but apparantly I just draw…attention for some unknown reason. (And I’m serious; you would only pick me out of the crowd because I apparantly remind EVERYONE of their aunt/2nd grade teacher/supervisor/whatever. I am BLAND.) I am a stone’s throw from the Mexican border, in an area where EVERYONE goes to Mexico all the time for anything, and I won’t. Why? Because I don’t have a passport. “So?” the people here say. “Nobody asks for them, just show your ID”. I am thoroughly convinced I would be the first ever white woman arrested for trying to cross the border without a passport. Shit like that just HAPPENS to me. And yet…
And yet, I too find myself wanting to know how to take a bullet. You know, just in case.
And I can’t fricking wait until I actually LOOK my age. I’ll be able to pull off the harmless old lady thing with eeeeaaase.
Can’t seem to pull that off with red hair though.