"What a lovely necklace!" Do you compliment strangers?

[Eve]

On the subway last night I said to a woman, "I love your ring," as I was leaving the car, and she brightened up like I had just handed her $100. I would never comment on someone's personal appearance, but I do sometimes remark on shoes, a skirt, a ring, etc., and invariably, the recipient smiles in surprise and says, "oh, thank you!"

Mind you, I only do this honestly, and I have to bite my tongue not to add, "that blouse, however, needs to be burned."

[Joey P]

If there's anything I recognize on the Dope, it's a thread title by Eve. I didn't even have to read the name to know it was by you. But then, I think you've mentioned a few times that you do this. At least this was a better then "Cooking with Poo" as I was about to eat breakfast or the last thing I had seen from you which was a Pink Flamingos reference.

[Anaamika]

Yes. It's been one of my resolutions for the last couple of years - if I see something I like about someone, I will compliment them, even if I am feeling cranky or whatever. It puts them in a good mood, and then puts me in a good mood.

[pbbth]

Yes I do but I run things through my head first and think about how it might be interpreted before I say anything. I would have no problem saying, "I love that purse" or something like that but anything regarding clothing, hair cut or color, behavior of any kind, etc. must run through a filter first.

Is this going to potentially sound sarcastic? Is this something that could be taken more than one way? Is this something I would be comfortable being complimented on by someone else?

I've been on the receiving end of enough compliments that I try very hard not to say something unless it can only be construed as positive.

[moi]

I do this. Mostly got into the habit because I have some front-of-house experience (both work and volunteering) and found such compliments (when honestly given) made people smile and were a good way to make conversation when a system (computer or filing) was being slow.

Plus, I get a kick out of the affectionate look older couples share when the complimented piece is something the husband bought the wife. Feels like my one compliment creates a domino-effect of good feelings.

[chela]

Some of my best moments are spent on strangers!

I tend to get chatted up on occassion by elderly ladies, we share quips and smile a little bit. Last night in the mega grocery store pushing our carts up and down the aisles was a young woman in Riding/jockey gear, small spurs on her boots.red thick hair, with a very determined walk, I believe she was almost trotting. We had a slight verbal exvhange, she was friendly and courteous. I'd move on ahead of her on the corners, but she'd catch right up in the straightaways. That stride thought she'd roll me over. ahhhh...what could I compliment? guys you would have been smitten, I was smitten....

[kayaker]

Isn't that how carjacking evolved?

[Sudden Kestrel]

I envy people who are able to do this. I think compliments about people and/or their possessions, but I'm unable to get up the nerve to express them. Too bad, because I think it generally makes people feel good to hear them.

[Eve]

I, of course, enjoy receiving compliments myself. I have a vintage handbag, c. 1960, round and lipstick-red. I know it is widely admired, as wherever I go, I notice people pointing to me and saying, "look at that old bag!"

[Maastricht]

I do. But I do so in passing, or I wait untill I leave. Or the other person leaves. I find it awkward to stay too long near a person once I complimented them.

[Joey P]

Originally Posted by Eve

I, of course, enjoy receiving compliments myself. I have a vintage handbag, c. 1960, round and lipstick-red. I know it is widely admired, as wherever I go, I notice people pointing to me and saying, "look at that old bag!"

Reminds me or a running joke from Arrested Development.

Michael: Get rid of the Seaward. (Referring to a boat called "The Seaward")
Lucille: I'll leave when I'm good and ready.

[MostlyClueless]

Originally Posted by Maastricht

I do. But I do so in passing, or I wait untill I leave. Or the other person leaves. I find it awkward to stay too long near a person once I complimented them.

This.

[Leaffan]

I guess "nice ass" is not suitable, eh?

[LurkerInNJ]

All the time.

[FairyChatMom]

Leaffan - Only at a donkey show...

[Bob Ducca]

I'll compliment any stranger on their choice of t-shirt, if it's a good one.

Last night I saw someone wearing this amazing Mitch Hedberg shirt (it had this design on the front). First time I'd ever seen one in "the wild." He seemed happy to have recognition/validation of his good taste.

[Avarie537]

I like to compliment people on something specific when I can. Just a week ago, I told a lady at the grocery store that I loved her shirt, and she cracked up laughing. It said, "We never really grow up; we just learn how to behave in public." Still makes me giggle!

[purplehorseshoe]

Originally Posted by moi

...Plus, I get a kick out of the affectionate look older couples share when the complimented piece is something the husband bought the wife. Feels like my one compliment creates a domino-effect of good feelings.

This put a really sappy smile on my face. *gently reaches up to touch earrings bought by Other Shoe, which draw compliments all the time*

Hey waitaminnit .. we're not old, dammit.

Originally Posted by Sudden Kestrel

I envy people who are able to do this. I think compliments about people and/or their possessions, but I'm unable to get up the nerve to express them. Too bad, because I think it generally makes people feel good to hear them.

Awww. Try it. Maybe you've walked right past MEEEE and didn't say anything about that skirt I thought was so kick-ass but nobody said a word so I never wore it again ...

Seriously, though. I've never given a quick passing compliment ("that's a beautiful necklace" "love those shoes!" etc.) and not had the interaction go positively.

Originally Posted by Bob Ducca

I'll compliment any stranger on their choice of t-shirt, if it's a good one.

Last night I saw someone wearing this amazing Mitch Hedberg shirt (it had this design on the front). First time I'd ever seen one in "the wild." He seemed happy to have recognition/validation of his good taste.

That's awesome. I would SO have said something, or at least given the ol' "smile/nod" acknowlegement. That was one of my favorite jokes of his.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by pbbth

Yes I do but I run things through my head first and think about how it might be interpreted before I say anything. I would have no problem saying, "I love that purse" or something like that but anything regarding clothing, hair cut or color, behavior of any kind, etc. must run through a filter first.

I do the opposite. I compliment the instant I notice the interesting thing. That way it's truly genuine.

[Sunspace]

I very rarely compliment strangers... it would be perceived as creepy.

[purplehorseshoe]

Are you saying that if a stranger complimented you, then YOU would perceive it as creepy? Cuz that's a helluva lot of projection.

[jsgoddess]

I don't do it often, but if something strikes me, I say it. The other day I sat down on the subway next to a woman in a beautiful purple caftan, so I said, "What a lovely color of purple!" She beamed.

A few months ago, I was crossing a street toward a woman who was directing traffic and I smiled at her and she told me what a great smile I had. It was a nice exchange and it was memorable enough that I still remember it.

I, generally, probably wouldn't comment on someone's smile since it might feel personal, but if they are wearing something pretty or notable, I will.

[Soylent Juicy]

I compliment strangers all the time. I figure if I can brighten someone's day I'll do it because I enjoy having my day brightened too.

Once while walking my dog downtown around Christmas time I complimented a woman on her earrings. She said "Thank you! My daughter bought them for me at Ardene......you know what? Here, you have them. Merry Christmas." and this woman took out her earrings and handed them to me!

[Leaffan]

I think only women can get away with this. If I (male) tried to compliment a woman, she'd think I was trying to pick her up. If I tried to compliment another male, well guess what he would think?



Not that there's anything wrong with that.

[Eve]

Originally Posted by Soylent Juicy

Once while walking my dog downtown around Christmas time I complimented a woman on her earrings. She said "Thank you! My daughter bought them for me at Ardene......you know what? Here, you have them. Merry Christmas." and this woman took out her earrings and handed them to me!

OK, that raises more questions than we will ever have answered about this woman's relationship with her daughter . . .

[Dewey Finn]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

I think only women can get away with this. If I (male) tried to compliment a woman, she'd think I was trying to pick her up. If I tried to compliment another male, well guess what he would think?

Well, you can compliment a guy, just not on his appearance. Like there was a visitor here with a fully-restored 1960s era Cadillac and I complimented him on the cool car.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Dewey Finn

Well, you can compliment a guy, just not on his appearance. Like there was a visitor here with a fully-restored 1960s era Cadillac and I complimented him on the cool car.

Exactly. That's a little less uncomfortable than "Say, Bob. Nice sweater!"

[Dangerosa]

All the time. But I'm female. And I'm complementing women...cute shoes...great haircut. I love your sweater. I do think that opposite gender compliments are much more likely to come off as creepy...and I don't compliment strange men....but I'll compliment male coworkers with "I like that shirt". And I like the generic "I love that color" compliment.

Strangely, the complement I have given strange men is "nice art". I'm not a fan of tattoos at all, but if something has been executed well, I can appreciate it. And most of the guys I complement take one look at soccer mom middle aged and greying me and realize that I'm not hitting on them, just giving a random compliment.

[Taomist]

My last job was within an office full of nothing but women. Women who, for the most part, dressed to the nines; 6-inch heels were not uncommon. On the rare occasion *I* got out of my combat boots and into some nicer clothing, I almost always was complimented; even had a couple pair of shoes/boots that the lovely gazelles envied!! It always felt good. And so I loosened up myself and am now quite blabby to people if I like something they're wearing, no matter who they are. It's nice

To compliment men, you have to be a little more generic. "Hey, Sam, that sweater looks really good on you!" Not "Hey Sam, you are lookin' good in that sweater, mmm-hmmm!"

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

Exactly. That's a little less uncomfortable than "Say, Bob. Nice sweater!"

I get complimented on my neckties all the time, and mostly by a guy.

I have some pretty fuckin' awesome neckties.

[neuroman]

It would be quite rare for me to compliment a true stranger. I'll compliment friends and co-workers though (even if I don't know them well).

[garygnu]

When I'm working the cash register at my store, I will compliment jewelry that I like the look of. (I keep a mental register of possible designs for future gifts for my wife, a jewelryholic.) Women seem to universally like this, with reaction ranging from a simple thanks, to a long story of how and why they got it.

[Brynda]

I love paying compliments, and do it all the time. I am surprised (and pleased) that not one person has come in to say "I hate getting compliments from strangers! Wah!," as that usually happens in these threads.

[NoClueBoy]

Went to a friend's college commencement over the weekend. Walking hand in hand with my lovely bride, there was another couple keeping step with us. We are white, they were black. She had the most perfect color of blonde hair (in a fetching short cut) that I HAD to compliment her. My wife is smiling, the lady is beaming, her man looks confused at first, then smiles, too.

My wife says later, "One of these days, some guy is gonna beat the crap out of you" with a wink, because she knows no one can take me, being the macho god of studly man that I am.



.

[Covered_In_Bees!]

I rarely compliment strangers on just a nice piece of clothing. The item in question would need to be really bad ass before I actually say something.

[akwally1]

I do try to compliment people, both men and women, when I notice something about them, but, as a 43 year old man, I have to be pretty careful about who I compliment, especially if I'm not with my wife. I complimented a young woman (20-ish probably) in a mall once on her earrings (Very cool pyramid-y looking, kind of like these) when I was alone and you would have sworn I tried to molest her. She actually almost ran away and kept looking over her shoulder as she went.

It really kind of sucks sometimes how much we've acclimated people to be afraid of strangers. I get it, but sometimes it's annoying.


Mark

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

I'll pop out a compliment if it leaps sharp to mind on first observing the nice thing. I've complimented a bank teller and (another occasion) a fellow bank customer on their hairdos -- the teller because it was a fabulous braid job instead of her usual processed hair, and the customer because she had a tight tight gold-dusted cut. She told me she did in fact get her hair dyed that awesome shade when she cot it buzzed back to skull-hugging (and what a wonderfully shaped skull she had, oh yeh), and the dusted effect developed as it grew out. It was fabulous!

Hmmmmmmm............ I'm white; both of those women were black; both of them basked in the compliments. Guess I didn't come across as patronizing, probably because they were sincere blurts.

I also complimented a mother of a young child on his lovely manners during a subway ride, with appreciation for how hard she must work at it. Her tired face lit up.

Doggone it, but it feels good to make someone's day like that.

[BigT]

Mostly when I'm in the mood to talk to new people. Such a compliment is a good conversational opener. Otherwise I'm unlikely to notice. I people-watch, but it's usually their behaviors I'm focussing on. Unless they are hot--but then I keep quiet unless I'd actualy be interested in dating. Most women seem to pick up quickly if you find them attractive, and then they tend to interpret the compliment as me hitting on them.

[Renee]

I do this a lot, but yes, mostly with women. I feel like if I complement a man, it will make him think I'm available or something, and I don't want to create confusion or an awkward situation. Everybody likes to be told they look good and/or have good taste. Hard to go wrong with complements.

[chela]

Originally Posted by Eve

I, of course, enjoy receiving compliments myself. I have a vintage handbag, c. 1960, round and lipstick-red. I know it is widely admired, as wherever I go, I notice people pointing to me and saying, "look at that old bag!"

old handbags! Turned old on my birthday two weeks ago,went shopping by myself for some retail therapy and found a vintage Corde' clutch with a lucite pull in the "flea market". $10!

[kayaker]

Sure, but handbags turn to glad rags, and you know how that goes.

[HazelNutCoffee]

Originally Posted by NoClueBoy

Went to a friend's college commencement over the weekend. Walking hand in hand with my lovely bride, there was another couple keeping step with us. We are white, they were black. She had the most perfect color of blonde hair (in a fetching short cut) that I HAD to compliment her. My wife is smiling, the lady is beaming, her man looks confused at first, then smiles, too.

That reminds me of a compliment I once got from a dude who was out with a woman I assume was his girlfriend or his wife. It threw me for a moment but the girl was smiling at me and she looked sincere enough. It did make my day.

I wouldn't compliment a stranger in Korea but I've done it in the US. Usually other women.

[Soylent Juicy]

One day I was on the bus and there was family sitting near me. They looked "poor" (I'd seen them around before) and it was winter (snow & cold out) and the parents were wearing light jackets and shoes but the kids were bundled up in winter clothes. The kids were SO WELL BEHAVED and when I got off the bus I complimented the mom on how well behaved her kids were - and I generally don't like kids, so that's a huge compliment coming from me. The mom looked at me like I was nuts but the one little girl's face lit right up and you could tell she was so happy to get that compliment.

I like complimenting parents about their well-behaved children, you can tell it makes their day.

[Annie-Xmas]

All the time. My standard opening is "I really want your...."(shoes, ring, whatever). When the person says "Thank you," I say "I would so wear that."

[Asimovian]

I am very prone to making such comments, but as others have pointed out, it requires being choosy to avoid coming off as Creepy Guy, so I probably don't say 90% of the sorts of compliments that occur to me when it comes to strangers.

However, I've done OK in some cases. I once complimented a woman I saw every day on the train/subway on her hair color because she changed it weekly in these neat, neon colors. I also complimented a woman on my work shuttle bus once because she had a truly beaming, lovely smile. Both ladies are now friends/lunch buddies.

[UntouchedTakeaway]

Eve:

I do this, too, and frankly, I love it when someone compliments something I'm wearing.

UT~

[Risha]

I do this fairly frequently, generally very spontaneously without thinking about it when something catches my eye.

I started dying my hair hot pink last September, and now I seldom go out in public without receiving at least one random compliment on it.

[ioioio]

I was in a store line behind a guy I didn’t know but recognized because I often saw him in the morning waiting with his kids for the school bus, and a couple of times I’d seen him eating out with the kids at a nearby restaurant. I introduced myself and told him that I recognized him because I’d seen him with his kids and always thought what a great dad he was. I don’t think I’ve ever said anything that made someone so happy.

[limegreen]

I compliment women's jewelry a lot if it is interesting, and then say I design jewelry myself, and will often pick one facet to comment one: the ear wire, the stones, etc. often they perk up and will discuss, Oh, I like X but Y seems a bit stiff, which gives me ideas for my own work.

[Beastly Rotter]

That duct tape gag really sets off your eyes.