What are the bizarre things people say to you when you tell them what you do for a living?

[mengvs]

I'm a veterinarian. I stopped saying "vet" after three consecutive people responded with, "But you look too young to have served."

The other response I get is, "Boy, you must really like animals, huh?"

A friend of mine is an audiologist. She gets, "What?" a lot, but she says that she has to take it seriously on the off chance someone really didn't hear her. The last time she laughed, thinking the "What?" was a joke, the person asking was actually hearing-impaired, and got really offended. (And people wonder why your health care provider seems so humourless!) She's also had a drunk guy in a bar ask if being an audiologist meant she could fix his stereo. She studied linguistics as an undergraduate, and the most common question back then was, "So how many languages do you know?" ("All of them," was generally her answer.)

It's nice when you can have some fun with your answers. A few of my husband's patients like to badger him about when we're going to start having children (we're not), and in the right context he sometimes shrugs and says, "We can't, my wife had me spayed."

[UncleRojelio]

"Great, now I guess you have to kill me."

[antonio107]

I was a musicologist. I got "what instrument do you play?" more times than I count, which was annoying, right up there with "what the hell is that?" I suppose I was overly defensive about having to explain my career path, but well, there you have it.

[applebetty]

I was a paramedic. The usual first question was "What's the worst thing you've seen?" Like I want to re-live that or even speak of it to a civilian. I usually try to divert with good stories like delivering the New Year's baby or funny things that happen when the shit goes bad, like loudly farting when bending over when treating someone in church.

[WhyNot]

"Oh, hey, let me ask you something..." followed by a question about, in order of frequency: rashes/eczema, heart conditions, Mom's medications, bum knees, asthma, urinary tract infections, bowel movements or This Weird Thing I Noticed Last Week.

I should carry assessment forms with me. And billing invoices.

(nurse)

[ZipperJJ]

I'm a web developer. I often get questions about computer problems. Cuz I work with (a) computers.

I was hanging out in a suite at a baseball game with a guy who is the Indians ex manager and player, and had paid a lot of money to charity to be there. At one point in the night, the manager dude, who is generally quiet, asked me to troubleshoot his laptop

[Fuzzy Dunlop]

I work in the renewable energy industry. I also do a fair amount of work with smart grid and sometimes regular old high voltage power distribution. Usually I just say renewable energy though.

I told someone that once, evidently on a rainy day, and she replied with "oh but you won't work today will you, in the rain?"

Obviously it's possible I do installations but I always thought it was really weird of her to assume I do, and couldn't work in the rain.

[Little Nemo]

"Do you beat up prisoners?"

I got that one several times.

My answer depended on my mood:

"Not since they gave me a taser."
"Only if they ask me a stupid question. Like that one."
"I'm the guy in charge so I have other people beat up prisoners for me."

[Mr Downtown]

"I draw maps."

"Oh, you're a cardiologist!"

"A cartographer, yes."

"But with Google Maps and GPS, what's left to make maps of?"

[Namkcalb]

Originally Posted by WhyNot

"Oh, hey, let me ask you something..." followed by a question about, in order of frequency: rashes/eczema, heart conditions, Mom's medications, bum knees, asthma, urinary tract infections, bowel movements or This Weird Thing I Noticed Last Week.

I should carry assessment forms with me. And billing invoices.

(nurse)

Do you beat up prisoners?

[maggenpye]

Yes I get paid - even though I work with volunteers.

[Queen Tonya]

I'm an industrial electrician at an auto plant. You'd be amazed the number of people who figure that means "You put the wires in the cars."

[Nava]

Chemical Engineer: "oh so you're one of those horrible people who put weird genes in stuff!" No, those are Genetic Engineers; they're Biologists.

"But girls can't be engineers!" "*checks ID* is 40yo still a girl?" (that's the last time I got that one)

Consultant: "don't get me fired!" Apparenly the only consultants out there are the kind who prepare mass firings.

[markdash]

Chemist: "Do you know how to cook meth?"

[zoid]

Originally Posted by markdash

Chemist: "Do you know how to cook meth?"

Well?

[Little Nemo]

Originally Posted by Nava

Chemical Engineer: "oh so you're one of those horrible people who put weird genes in stuff!" No, those are Genetic Engineers; they're Biologists.

Just tell them, "No, those genes take years to kill people. That's why I prefer putting poisons in stuff."

[Mangetout]

I'm in IT. Yes, maybe I could fix your computer, but I am trying very hard to have a life outside of work.

[Nava]

Originally Posted by Little Nemo

Just tell them, "No, those genes take years to kill people. That's why I prefer putting poisons in stuff."

Poisons? Dude, I spent most of my college years learning how NOT to blow things up. If I was going to start killing anybody it wouldn't be with no mincy poison!

[Jragon]

Okay, I'm a student, but when I say my focus I get some "nice" responses.

Here's the most common:

"I do Machine Learning"
A. *BLANK STARE*
B. "That sounds boring" (REALLY?)

"Y'know, AI?"

Then the Robot Uprising jokes start coming in, my "Skynet Development Team" shirt probably doesn't help .

[Gagundathar]

Back when writing software was something exotic, I got quite a number of strange questions.
"Do you work with those tape things I see on TV?"
"Can you really get killed by typing the wrong thing on a keyboard?"
"How much do you make and do they pay you in real money?"

I now tell people that I am a gardener.

[Simple Linctus]

Originally Posted by mengvs

The other response I get is, "Boy, you must really like animals, huh?"

Er, this is the kind of thing I would say - what's wrong with it?

[mengvs]

Originally Posted by Simple Linctus

Er, this is the kind of thing I would say - what's wrong with it?

Upon reflection, I think it's mostly the delivery. Usually that question is accompanied by guffaws of laughter or the wink-wink-nudge-nudge that's meant to signal sexual innuendo. That, and I've always wondered whether they're expecting an answer other than, "Yes."

[hogarth]

Back when I was studying math:

"What's 12874 plus 34879?"

[FairyChatMom]

For some reason, when people find out I'm an engineer, they don't say much of anything. I like to think it's because they're awestruck, but more than likely they just have no idea what an engineer does so they're at a loss.

I had a year of saying "I'm retired" but I'll be going back to work next month, mostly as a draftsman with the potential for some engineering down the line. (Frankly, I just wanted to get out of the house, but I wasn't desperate enough to go into retail... )

[Joey P]

Originally Posted by hogarth

Back when I was studying math:

"What's 12874 plus 34879?"

I'm a math major (nothing to do with my job) so I get that a lot. I usually just tell people that being a math major doesn't mean I spent 4 years doing arithmetic so I'm not a human calculator (I'm not that bad either, but that's just a coincidence). I think it's an honest mistake though, since the last math class most people take is Algebra and since they don't remember it from 15 years ago in high school they seem to picture a bunch of college kids sitting around in dorms doing flash cards all day. My normal 'comeback' is to ask them what their major is and if it's any thing along the lines of English or Journalism or something like that I'll ask them if they're a human dictionary. But in a very jokingly way just to get the point across that I didn't spend 4 years doing arithmetic just like they didn't spend 4 years memorizing the dictionary.

[Loach]

"Ever shoot anyone?"

More often than that I here about every ticket everyone has been given. And given their totally truthful and unbiased account I have to agree that each one was innocent.

[ASanders]

I am the executive director of a writers' organization. I am frequently asked "what do you write?" Nothing, I say. I already have a full-time job in association management.

[RealityChuck]

"Where do you get your ideas?"

[Iggy]

My careers have been eclectic.

My formal training is in genetics.

Originally Posted by Nava

Chemical Engineer: "oh so you're one of those horrible people who put weird genes in stuff!" No, those are Genetic Engineers; they're Biologists....

Why, yes. Yes I am one of those horrible people who put weird genes in stuff.


I've also worked as a scuba instructor.
"What's the most unusual thing you've seen underwater?"
- A very terrified, and quite alive, woman who was trapped in an air pocket inside the hull of a sailboat that flipped and sank a few minutes before.
- For fish life, a Caribbean Torpedo Ray. Extremely rare. And ugly. The tourists weren't interested and went off to chase the ubiquitous parrotfish.


And now as a 9-1-1 center supervisor.
"I saw Jay Leno do a comedy bit about stupid 9-1-1 calls. People don't really call about McDonald's running out of McNuggets, do they?"
- No. They don't. It is usually Wendy's running out of Frosty mix. Or Burger King not serving fresh onion rings. Or Pizza Hut delivering a Pan pizza when you ordered Thin and Crispy. Or KFC running out of their extra cripsy. Or..."

"What was your stupidest call?"
Me: 9-1-1, where is your emergency?
Caller: Just send the police.
Me: But where should I send them? What is the address?
Caller: They'll find out when they get here. <Disconnects>

It they ask about the worst call they just get the Stare of Death in return. We do hear a lot of bad stuff.

[Dogzilla]

I'm an editor.

"How do you spell [____]?"

My response: There are 800,000 words in the English Language. I do not know them all.

"How do I use semicolons?"

If you have to ask, just don't use them.

[muldoonthief]

I write software for cable set top boxes.

"Can you get me free HBO ? "

Sure, I can, but the loss of a job + civil suit + jail time isn't worth it.

[Sigmagirl]

Among other things, I write book reviews. People tell me how lucky I am to get all those great free books.

1. I don't get free books. That's unethical.
2. Many of the books are unreadable crap.

[EinsteinsHund]

Here's a dialog between me and a lady I met in a bar some weeks ago (who turned out to be my next door neighbor I had never seen before, but that's another story):

Her: "What do you do?"
Me: "I'm a software developer."
Her: "What's that?"
Me: "I write computer programs."
Her: (light bulb appearing above her head) "So you're a hacker!"
Me: (sobbing into my glass) "Yeah, sure."

[Soylent Juicy]

When I worked at Rogers Cable for a short time as a temp: "So can you get me free cable?"

When I worked at a Pet Store for many years: "You're so lucky, you get to play with puppies and kittens all day!" Yeah, let me tell you about the 10 shepherd-cross puppies with liquid diarrhea on Christmas morning.

When I worked for the Provincial Ministry of Environment: "Oh you have to get me a job there! I've done landscaping before."

[bouv]

Pretty much all I get is

Then I say, "I work with medical equipment...testing and repairing it."

Them: "Oh, so like...wheelchairs and gurneys and stuff?"

Me: "No, monitoring equipment, surgical devices, that sort of thing...my specialty is in anesthesia machines."

Them: "Oh......." (Indicating they probably still don't understand, but are afraid to keep asking.)


(I'm a biomedical technician, BTW.)

[Qadgop the Mercotan]

Nobody finds my job interesting at all. They just look at me blankly when I tell them.

[campp]

We had a "salesman" (traveller cough) wanting to sell us a bunch of "extra meat". I explained we were vegetarians.

He spotted a Masonic emblem on a relative's car "Wow, don't you get hungry being a stone mason and not eating meat?"

[Kimballkid]

Originally Posted by ZipperJJ

I'm a web developer. I often get questions about computer problems. Cuz I work with (a) computers.

Programmer here and I get the same thing. The really dumb ones are the questions about hardware problems. People hear the word computer and expect you to know every thing about every computer every where.

[Gagundathar]

Originally Posted by Dogzilla

I'm an editor.

"How do you spell [____]?"

My response: There are 800,000 words in the English Language. I do not know them all.

"How do I use semicolons?"

If you have to ask, just don't use them.

You could carry this poster around with you:
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/semicolon

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Nava

Consultant: "don't get me fired!" Apparenly the only consultants out there are the kind who prepare mass firings.

That's when you frown, shake your head, write down their name, and walk away.

[enipla]

Originally Posted by Mr Downtown

"I draw maps."

"Oh, you're a cardiologist!"

"A cartographer, yes."

"But with Google Maps and GPS, what's left to make maps of?"

Me too.

"I'm in GIS."

"Google Information Search?"

"Um, no"

I started way back when it was call AM/FM. (Automated Mapping and Facilites Management). I didn't ever try to explain it other than "I make maps on Computers".

[Kimballkid]

When I worked cleaning a bank: "I'd love to have the keys to a bank." Um, why? It's just another building. Also got: "Can you get me some money/Get into the vault?" Sure, they have oodles of money laying out in the open for me to pick up/I can just waltz into the vault any time and scoop up money.

Now that I work with the student loan collections department: "Can you cancel out my loan?"

[Rachellelogram]

Most of the time, my job is not an object of interest. "Oh, a call center? That's cool. So, how 'bout them Cubs?" Unless the person I'm talking to has ever worked in a call center. Then, we exchange battle scars!

[August West]

Originally Posted by Qadgop the Mercotan

Nobody finds my job interesting at all. They just look at me blankly when I tell them.

Well you have to admit that Mercotanning isn't that well known!

[August West]

Old job: Brewery Quality Lab Supervisor - "So you drink beer for a living?"
Current job: Quality Manager for an adhesives/chemical company - usually something about horses being turned into glue.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Kimballkid

When I worked cleaning a bank: "I'd love to have the keys to a bank." Um, why? It's just another building. Also got: "Can you get me some money/Get into the vault?" Sure, they have oodles of money laying out in the open for me to pick up/I can just waltz into the vault any time and scoop up money.

When I told people that I was a bank teller, they would be incredulous that I wasn't rich. Because of all that money I handled, of course.

[Lemur866]

Originally Posted by Kimballkid

Programmer here and I get the same thing. The really dumb ones are the questions about hardware problems. People hear the word computer and expect you to know every thing about every computer every where.

But you at least know how to use the flowchart. So when someone says "my frombitzulator is quaffled", you know to google frombitzulator to see what the fuck that is. You can reboot their machine. You can check to see if they are connected to the internet. You can run malwarebytes.

[Lsura]

Librarian:

"oh I'd love to be able to read all day and get paid for it"


Me too. Most of the time I manage not to laugh in their face.


Also, "did you have to read ask the books in library?

[tapu]

I have two ways I can go:

"I'm a linguist."
"Do you speak a lot of languages?"

"I'm an editor."
"Really? Because I have some poetry right here that I wrote down and...."
(I tell them that I'm a very expensive editor.)

Every once in a while, to amuse myself, I just say:
"I steal small electronics from Target and resell them on eBay."

[tdn]

Originally Posted by Lsura

Librarian:

"oh I'd love to be able to read all day and get paid for it"

A former coworker's GF had just gotten a settlement for something like $20,000. They made plans to use the money to buy a bar. He thought that that meant that he'd be able to do nothing but sit around and drink all day.