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View Poll Results: Have you ever pulled a muscle while wiping after using the bathroom?
Yes. 15 10.71%
No. 100 71.43%
I take the 5th. 5 3.57%
It was somebody else's. 6 4.29%
I like cookies. 14 10.00%
Voters: 140. You may not vote on this poll

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  #1  
Old 01-04-2013, 07:34 AM
Superhal Superhal is offline
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Have you ever pulled a muscle while wiping your butt?

My ribs hurt.
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  #2  
Old 01-04-2013, 07:39 AM
Loach Loach is offline
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No. But currently I have a pulled muscle in my side from coughing. Ouch.
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  #3  
Old 01-04-2013, 08:14 AM
misstee misstee is offline
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I didn't even know this could happen.
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  #4  
Old 01-04-2013, 08:38 AM
Siam Sam Siam Sam is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superhal View Post
My ribs hurt.
My ribs are hurting from laughing so hard at this question.
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  #5  
Old 01-04-2013, 08:45 AM
Superhal Superhal is offline
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Originally Posted by Siam Sam View Post
My ribs are hurting from laughing so hard at this question.
Take it like a man, biyatch!
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  #6  
Old 01-04-2013, 08:49 AM
LawMonkey LawMonkey is offline
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How... I don't even... what?
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  #7  
Old 01-04-2013, 08:52 AM
Superhal Superhal is offline
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Originally Posted by LawMonkey View Post
How... I don't even... what?
Take it! I sed take it!
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  #8  
Old 01-04-2013, 10:27 AM
John DiFool John DiFool is offline
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My left heel just started hurting like hell yesterday at work-I swear I didn't do a single thing to set it off-now I can barely stand to put any weight on it.
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  #9  
Old 01-04-2013, 10:28 AM
woodstockbirdybird woodstockbirdybird is offline
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I can't even imagine how out of shape you'd have to be for this to happen. Or maybe just how bad at wiping your ass.
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  #10  
Old 01-04-2013, 10:29 AM
Sicks Ate Sicks Ate is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misstee View Post
I didn't even know this could happen.
Well, that's not very hygenic.

Re: the poll. Nobody likes cookies??!!

Last edited by Sicks Ate; 01-04-2013 at 10:30 AM..
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  #11  
Old 01-04-2013, 10:52 AM
NinjaChick NinjaChick is offline
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Not wiping, but I did once pull a groin muscle while sneezing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sicks Ate View Post
Well, that's not very hygenic.

Re: the poll. Nobody likes cookies??!!
I do!
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  #12  
Old 01-04-2013, 10:55 AM
tdn tdn is offline
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Not to the best of my knowledge. But I did pull muscles inmy sides last year, twice, and I have no idea how. It very well could have happened while wiping my butt. Or reaching for cookies.
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  #13  
Old 01-04-2013, 10:58 AM
Finagle Finagle is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by woodstockbirdybird View Post
I can't even imagine how out of shape you'd have to be for this to happen. Or maybe just how bad at wiping your ass.
In about 20 years when you've got a few herniated disks in your back and your flexibility is gone, you're going to look back at this post and cringe.
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  #14  
Old 01-04-2013, 11:09 AM
Kevbo Kevbo is offline
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Doing so would indicate some seriously tough shit.


Am I really the first to post that?
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  #15  
Old 01-04-2013, 11:35 AM
aruvqan aruvqan is offline
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I did but mainly because I was in the really microscopic toilet in a sail boat, and it made a funky sort of corkscrewy swirl as I was trying to get positioned to wipe and it tossed me sideways into slamming into the sink. I was not a happy person and could barely move the rest of the weekend.
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  #16  
Old 01-04-2013, 11:37 AM
Procrustus Procrustus is offline
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we're supposed to wipe?
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  #17  
Old 01-04-2013, 12:47 PM
Donnerwetter Donnerwetter is offline
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I stick to a grueling regime of strength- and flexibility exercises to prepare for this demanding task. That's why I've never been injured. Proper technique is important, too.
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  #18  
Old 01-04-2013, 12:59 PM
cochrane cochrane is offline
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Originally Posted by Procrustus View Post
we're supposed to wipe?
[Worf] Klingons do not wipe after using the head! [/Worf]
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  #19  
Old 01-04-2013, 01:02 PM
lieu lieu is offline
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No, but I did get whiplash once from a really big fart.

Last edited by lieu; 01-04-2013 at 01:02 PM..
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  #20  
Old 01-04-2013, 01:05 PM
tdn tdn is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cochrane View Post
[Worf] Klingons do not wipe after using the head! [/Worf]
Not true. They wipe, but with cheese graters.
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  #21  
Old 01-04-2013, 08:08 PM
Siam Sam Siam Sam is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NinjaChick View Post
Not wiping, but I did once pull a groin muscle while sneezing.
Sneezing. So that's what they're calling it now.
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  #22  
Old 01-04-2013, 08:37 PM
Mr. Accident Mr. Accident is offline
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Can't say that I have. I've pulled chest muscles just by breathing, and threw out my back picking up a piece of cardboard though.
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  #23  
Old 01-04-2013, 09:01 PM
blondebear blondebear is offline
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No, but I did have a hard time wiping my butt when I fractured my elbows. (very minor fractures, but still...)

Not that it counts, but I had a friend who threw his back out making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Last edited by blondebear; 01-04-2013 at 09:02 PM..
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  #24  
Old 01-04-2013, 09:02 PM
Siam Sam Siam Sam is offline
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No, but I did have a hard time wiping my butt when I fractured my elbows. (very minor fractures, but still...)
Who wipes their butt with their elbows?
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  #25  
Old 01-05-2013, 12:12 AM
Superhal Superhal is offline
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Speaking of freak injuries, I also injured my back because of a cheese-related incident.

What does "throwing out your back" actually mean? I've had a variety of back injuries from sprains, tears, subluxations, etc. but I have no idea what "throwing out your back" actually means.
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  #26  
Old 01-05-2013, 01:15 AM
GameHat GameHat is offline
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No.

I'm out of shape, but not that out of shape.
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  #27  
Old 01-05-2013, 05:07 AM
Siam Sam Siam Sam is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superhal View Post
Speaking of freak injuries, I also injured my back because of a cheese-related incident.
Please tell us it involved a giant grater.
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  #28  
Old 01-05-2013, 05:34 AM
Superhal Superhal is offline
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Originally Posted by Siam Sam View Post
Please tell us it involved a giant grater.
Nope!
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  #29  
Old 01-05-2013, 06:32 AM
brazil84 brazil84 is offline
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I learned a month or two ago that they actually make a "butt wand," i.e. a reaching device to let people with mobility problems wipe their butts. Apparently it's normally for fat people but I imagine it's also handy for people with flexibility issues.
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  #30  
Old 01-05-2013, 07:07 AM
Mops Mops is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by aruvqan View Post
I did but mainly because I was in the really microscopic toilet in a sail boat, and it made a funky sort of corkscrewy swirl as I was trying to get positioned to wipe and it tossed me sideways into slamming into the sink. I was not a happy person and could barely move the rest of the weekend.
I meant to answer 'of course not', but then I read this post - the exact same thing happened to me once. It's the situation where you are most helpless - if you do not want your pants falling down to the wet floor you have no hand to spare for hanging on.
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  #31  
Old 01-05-2013, 08:54 AM
Súil Dubh Súil Dubh is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Accident View Post
Can't say that I have. I've pulled chest muscles just by breathing, and threw out my back picking up a piece of cardboard though.
Great username/post combination!

I have a bum shoulder. In high school, while play wrestling, my friend threw me over his back and I landed square on my shoulder. It popped out of joint, then popped back in. I don't know if you'd call it a true dislocation, but the pain was unbelievable.

For several years after that if I sneezed, yawned, or stretched! it would momentarily pop back out of joint. My shoulder muscles gradually got stronger, so now I can sneeze and yawn normally again (thankfully). But those first few years were rough.

ME: *wipes nose* ah ah ah...
FRIEND: Caught a cold?
ME: Yeah, ah ah, since ah Thursday...
FRIEND: That sucks.
ME: Yeah... ah, ah, ah, achoo OHMYGODJESUSCHRISTTHEPAINARRGGGHHHHHH!!!
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  #32  
Old 01-05-2013, 10:42 AM
pravnik pravnik is offline
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No, I always make sure to get a complete stretch and a warm-up in beforehand.
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  #33  
Old 01-05-2013, 11:27 AM
Mr. Accident Mr. Accident is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superhal View Post
Speaking of freak injuries, I also injured my back because of a cheese-related incident.

What does "throwing out your back" actually mean? I've had a variety of back injuries from sprains, tears, subluxations, etc. but I have no idea what "throwing out your back" actually means.
For me it means that something in my back goes wrong, and leaves me writhing in pain and unable to sand straight for a couple of days afterwards.

I couldn't tell you what is wrong though, since every doc I go to about says my back is fine.
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  #34  
Old 01-05-2013, 01:43 PM
Enter the Flagon Enter the Flagon is offline
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Originally Posted by brazil84 View Post
I learned a month or two ago that they actually make a "butt wand," i.e. a reaching device to let people with mobility problems wipe their butts.
Why, don't fat people own tennis rackets?
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  #35  
Old 01-05-2013, 03:27 PM
Honey Honey is offline
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No, but I did break a rib once while coughing.
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  #36  
Old 01-05-2013, 04:31 PM
Ferret Herder Ferret Herder is offline
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I pulled a muscle - to the point where I needed muscle relaxants because I was in such pain - while washing my back. We were camping and I was in the shower the last morning, before getting ready to pack up. I reached my right arm up over my shoulder, trying to get soap on my upper back and - bam, it felt like someone plucked a tendon in my neck like a bowstring. I damned near fell over from the intense pain. I rinsed off, managed to towel dry and get dressed, and helped pack up while holding my neck at a funny angle the whole time. God, that was terrible.
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  #37  
Old 01-05-2013, 05:39 PM
Baker Baker is offline
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You should have had one more option: "Almost"
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  #38  
Old 01-05-2013, 06:04 PM
Fear Itself Fear Itself is online now
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Sounds like you need more dietary fiber.
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  #39  
Old 01-05-2013, 08:04 PM
Superhal Superhal is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Baker View Post
You should have had one more option: "Almost"
Actually, the one that is missing:

Not since I got the Comfort Wipe (TM) by Jobar!


Note that it's in the "Toys and Games" section.

Last edited by Superhal; 01-05-2013 at 08:05 PM..
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  #40  
Old 01-06-2013, 12:17 AM
Magiver Magiver is offline
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I once started coughing while brushing my tongue and threw out my back. I was bent over the sink. It was the perfect storm of bad posture and muscles convulsing.
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  #41  
Old 01-06-2013, 12:30 AM
elfkin477 elfkin477 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Superhal View Post
Speaking of freak injuries, I also injured my back because of a cheese-related incident.

What does "throwing out your back" actually mean? I've had a variety of back injuries from sprains, tears, subluxations, etc. but I have no idea what "throwing out your back" actually means.
I recently asked this in GQ.

And as for the OP not that I'm aware of. I've caused myself agony in the general area of my kidneys reaching around a carseat more than once, though.
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  #42  
Old 01-06-2013, 07:23 PM
Superhal Superhal is offline
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So, we're not going to hear the stories about people who injured themselves wiping somebody else's butt?
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  #43  
Old 01-06-2013, 07:42 PM
Fear Itself Fear Itself is online now
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No, because that would be gross.
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  #44  
Old 01-06-2013, 09:51 PM
applebetty applebetty is offline
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No, but I occasionally pull a groin muscle trying to empty the right side pocket of my bladder.
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  #45  
Old 01-07-2013, 11:35 AM
cjepson cjepson is offline
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I'm not sure "pulled a muscle" is the right term, but I sometimes get muscle spasms in my lower back from doing the most trivial moves, and that's one of them.
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  #46  
Old 01-07-2013, 11:50 AM
pohjonen pohjonen is offline
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Originally Posted by Siam Sam View Post
Who wipes their butt with their elbows?
Try wiping yours without bending your arms and get back to us.
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  #47  
Old 01-08-2013, 09:07 AM
Siam Sam Siam Sam is offline
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Originally Posted by pohjonen View Post
Try wiping yours without bending your arms and get back to us.
Or backside to you.
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  #48  
Old 01-08-2013, 10:12 AM
Delta-9 Delta-9 is offline
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Cookies!
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  #49  
Old 01-08-2013, 12:22 PM
Revtim Revtim is offline
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No, but sometimes a pull a muscle while washing my ass in the shower.

No, not that muscle... I usually pull that one later in the day.
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  #50  
Old 01-09-2013, 02:52 AM
Mona Lisa Simpson Mona Lisa Simpson is offline
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I have been hurt while wiping someone else's butt. But I am a nurse that works with patients with BPSD (biological and psychological symptoms of dementia and basically have had patients that will beat the crap out of you... while you are wiping the crap off them.

But no, never got hurt wiping my own but, never!
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