Inappropriate things make some people angry. Others, embarrassed. Well, I find most inapproriate things funny!
Here are a list of my favorites…
Ice cream trucks driving at dangerous speeds. That’s one of the last kind of vehicles you would want to see speeding, right? Some of the most fucked up people drive ice cream trucks. I’ve now learned there’s a stigma associated with that job for a reason. Well, there’s this guy who drives one in my neighborhood who is a real goofball. He jokes about pulling out his pistol to random customers, and he sings nasty raps songs while serving ice cream. And then there’s this hill. This driver loves going down the hill at high speeds. The truck is in bad shape, it looks tacky and makes weird noises. And, of course, it’s an ice cream truck. To see this truck speed down that hill cracks me up. Thankfully there’s no houses, so no kids will bust out into the street.
Mean old teachers with sagging boobs. I had this very mean teacher when I was little. I constantly got in trouble in her class. Whenever I got in trouble, she would pull me aside, bend down, yell, and shake her finger in my face. Well, she would always where these v-necks with loose bras. Everytime she bended over to yell at me, I saw her saggy boobs flopping in her shirt. It was so distracting and I desperately had to hold back any laughs.
Puddles of piss. Last summer, I delivered pizzas way past midnight. On early Monday mornings, until 7 or so, everything was closed. One night, I had to pee really bad, so I parked my car next to a garbage dump. I peed between the two. It was dark, so I was relieved that it was not visible to the naked eye, and would probably be dried up by morning. Well, I was wrong. As I pulled away, I noticed that the July full moon reflected off my freshly released stream of golden beautitude. My embarrassment quickly changed into amusement and I drove around in the neighborhood giggling.
Children visibly experiencing gastrointestinal discomfort while leaving ethnic restaurants. Apparently, there are asshole American parents who feed their kids rich and spicy foods, that are too much for their little systems. Whenever kids go from eating tater tots, mac n’ cheese, and pb&j to spicy curry chicken, things are not going to end well. The other night, I was at an ethnic restaurant and as a family exited the restaurant a little girl grabbed her stomach and complained about a “tummy ache”. The parents looked confused, and started questioning her to figure out what was the cause. It never occured to the dumbass parents that it could’ve possibly been the food.
Frozen vomit outside of nightclubs. If you happen to slip and break your arm, would people actually believe that story?
Dozens of tire skid marks near curves. Dumbass people out on the roads, there’s never a shortage of them. But, it is super ridiculous whenver you approach a curve and you see all of these skid marks where cars have previously lost control.
The words “skid marks”. Speaking of…
Severely overweight people getting angry at people throwing away food. There’s this new popcorn shop in a mall, in my city. Awesome stuff. One time this guy served it to me pretty carelessly. He filled it up way pass the top, and mashed it down into the paper bag with his bare hand. Ew. God knows how many times he jacked off since he last washed his hands. When I approached a bench to sit and eat, I dumped like the top inch of popcorn into the trash can. I turned around to sit down and noticed a very very heavy woman giving me the death stare.
Idiots who try to beat severe storms and tornadoes. I was in that scary tornado that striked the St. Louis area in April, 2011. I was at the casino, and they made us go into the most interior room in the building. Some people refused. Guess why? They thought they could get in their cars and drive away from the effing tornado! A few days later, there was another severe storm and the sirens went off again. That time, I was in the library, and they made us go into the basement. Again, there were people who wanted to leave because they thought they could’ve beaten the nearly approaching storm!
Excessive visible car fumes. What a grand way to make your mark. It’s funny when everyone is minding their own business and some redneck drives by leaving a huuuuge cloud of exhaust. You can’t see 10 feet in front of you and people start coughing and gagging. Man, I miss the 80’s, when people could get away with this stuff. Before people got all hippie and shit, trying to save the earth in the 90’s and 2000’s.
What inappropriate things do you find funny?
