Should "implied consent" apply to married couples?

[LinusK]

I’m not talking about forcible rape. I mean, like, if your spouse is drunk, or asleep

[Farin]

If the spouse is asleep? No. There is no way that person can consent. (This leaves out fringe cases like sexsomnia. I can make an exception there for mental illness of one party to do it in their sleep.)

If the spouse is drunk and awake and says “Yes” (or crawls all over you) then it should be acceptable if you are also in the mood.

If the spouse is too drunk to speak clearly enough to say “Yes” or cannot carry themselves enough to crawl all over you, then it shouldn’t happen.
That being said, every situation is different and your own intoxication may make you unable to act cohesively, especially in the second and third situations. Just don’t assume.

[Little_Nemo]

@Farin

If the spouse is asleep? No. There is no way that person can consent.

If the law says my wife or girlfriend can’t wake me up with a blowjob then we need a Constitutional Amendment.

[Farin]

@Little_Nemo

If the law says my wife or girlfriend can’t wake me up with a blowjob then we need a Constitutional Amendment.

There’s an easy way around this:

Say “Hey, I don’t mind if you ever wake me with a handy or beej, babe.” Instant consent.

I interpreted the question of “You come across your sleeping spouse and this has never been discussed before…”

[LinusK]

@Little_Nemo

If the law says my wife or girlfriend can’t wake me up with a blowjob then we need a Constitutional Amendment.

I always figured that’s why it’s never happened: because the law prohibited it.

[Little_Nemo]

@Farin

There’s an easy way around this:

Say “Hey, I don’t mind if you ever wake me with a handy or beej, babe.” Instant consent.

I interpreted the question of “You come across your sleeping spouse and this has never been discussed before…”

That wouldn’t work legally. There’s a duration to consent. You can’t claim consent to sex exists because somebody had agreed to it in the past.

[Farin]

@Little_Nemo

That wouldn’t work legally. There’s a duration to consent. You can’t claim consent to sex exists because somebody had agreed to it in the past.

What is the duration to consent? Honest question. I don’t see much in a lazy attempt at Googling.

[DataX]

@Little_Nemo

That wouldn’t work legally. There’s a duration to consent. You can’t claim consent to sex exists because somebody had agreed to it in the past.

Are you saying that I can’t say to my wife - sweetie - “I love being woken up by a blowjob - feel free to give me a hummer whenever you want” - and have have be good forever - or at least until you break up - or revoke the consent?

What has the world come to if this isn’t the case?

I think we should open up a separate thread so everyone interested can post their ongoing consent preferences

Or maybe have a universal color code on a bedpost type thing. Say black sock on bedpost on your side of bed gives person on other side of the bed permission to do whatever they want while you are asleep.

[robert_columbia]

@Little_Nemo

If the law says my wife or girlfriend can’t wake me up with a blowjob then we need a Constitutional Amendment.

I would guess that guys rarely, if ever, report these kinds of things to the police, “consent” or not.

[Northern_Piper]

Supreme Court of Canada said no, two years ago:

Supreme Court decision on sexual consent

Friday’s Supreme Court of Canada decision, which strikes down the notion that a person can give advance consent to sexual activity that takes place while that person is unconscious, does not radically alter the existing laws on sexual assault.

Still, legal experts say it is an important reaffirmation and clarification of those laws.

“It clears up any misapprehension that there is such a thing as implied consent, advance consent or continuous consent, particularly in the context of spousal or other intimate relationships,” says Melanie Randall, who teaches law at the University of Western Ontario in London. “The Supreme Court is really unambiguous that there is no special exemptions or exceptions in these contexts.”

[Doggo]

If one’s wife was of a mind to object, perhaps one shouldn’t be married to her.

[Cheesesteak]

@Little_Nemo

If the law says my wife or girlfriend can’t wake me up with a blowjob then we need a Constitutional Amendment.

@robert_columbia

I would guess that guys rarely, if ever, report these kinds of things to the police, “consent” or not.

Thank you for your statement, I think I understand what happened to you this morning, we will seek a warrant for her arrest.

Wait… I’m not pressing charges!

You’re not? Then why did you tell me about it?

I’m telling everyone!

Ultimately, it comes down to Doggo’s post. If your spouse is going to be angry enough about your sleepytime sexual activities to press charges, you should probably not do it.

[sandra_nz]

I can’t fathom wanting to have sex with my partner if he/she was either (a) too drunk to verbally consent or (b) asleep.

I fail to see what impact being married or not has on that.

[Bozuit]

Maybe I’m just ignorant on the subject (a real possibility) but I fail to see how your spouse having sex with you when you don’t give consent is necessarily a problem. That’s not to say I don’t believe marital rape exists, but if you’ve had sex with someone a thousand times before, have a normal sex life with them, etc., I don’t see how “surprise sex” needs to be rape, in the sense that at worst it would be an annoyance for the person being woken up by a horny spouse, not a traumatic experience.

[kayaker]

@Farin

You come across your sleeping spouse

Wait . . .a facial needs consent?

[IvoryTowerDenizen]

@LinusK

I’m not talking about forcible rape. I mean, like, if your spouse is drunk, or asleep

Hell no. I got married. I didnt give up the right to control what happens to my body.

[Mangetout]

@Little_Nemo

That wouldn’t work legally. There’s a duration to consent. You can’t claim consent to sex exists because somebody had agreed to it in the past.

Could such a consent be regarded as a contract, if properly framed?

[Farin]

@kayaker

Wait . . .a facial needs consent?

Of course. What if they stay asleep and roll over and get glued to the pillow and suffocate?

[Zoe]

I’ve been thinking that the laws were the same for a married couple and two unmarried people. I have no links to that, but it doesn’t make sense to permit sex with a woman who is not fully aware. Or a man either.

This is one of those examples of a man treating a woman like a thing.

A little foreplay can do wonders for waking up a sleeping woman and getting her consent. It’s still a no-no if she is drunk.

[Cheesesteak]

@Zoe

A little foreplay can do wonders for waking up a sleeping woman and getting her consent.

Do I need consent for the foreplay, or is it considered acceptable to fondle a sleeping woman? Do I have implied consent for 3rd base, or just 2nd?