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  #1  
Old 12-02-2013, 12:44 PM
Clothahump Clothahump is offline
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The Death of Bullwinkle

You may have heard that Bullwinkle the Moose was found dead. And a special prosecutor was appointed to investigate the mysterious circumstances of the moose's death.
Most people are aware of the fact that the moose was found crushed to death by a 16-ton anvil dropped from a great height. And of course, everybody was certain that the moose's live-in companion (and isn't that an interesting euphemism?) a certain hyperactive flying squirrel, was the most likely suspect.
But further investigation revealed a number of things. First, JPL did a computer simulation and determined that a flying squirrel could not achieve airspeed while carrying a 16-ton anvil, so that cleared Rocket J. Squirrel.
But the coroner reported that the _expression on the moose's face showed absolutely no fear, so obviously the anvil hit him unexpectedly, or he was completely trusting of the circumstances -- which could implicate Rocky after all. The _expression on the moose's face was the biggest smile ever seen on a Toon.
Clutched in the moose's baseball mitt -- which he always wore when he caught Rocky -- was a tiny statue of Krishna. The religious significance of this is not immediately clear; neither is the eyewitness report of a rabbi on a pogo stick rapidly leaving the scene.
So...if we summarize the clues in Bullwinkle's death, what we have is: wee Vishnu, a merry crushed moose, and a hoppy Jew near.
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  #2  
Old 12-02-2013, 12:51 PM
Marley23 Marley23 is offline
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"And now, here's something we hope you'll really like!"
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  #3  
Old 12-02-2013, 01:18 PM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is online now
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It's Badenov you left out Bullwinkle's middle initial (J.), but it's worse that I can't Ward off the envy I feel at being unable to match this heroic effort. Hey, Wossamatta U!

Last edited by Prof. Pepperwinkle; 12-02-2013 at 01:18 PM..
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  #4  
Old 12-02-2013, 01:19 PM
Son of a Rich Son of a Rich is offline
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Quiet you.
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  #5  
Old 12-02-2013, 01:25 PM
Bumbershoot Bumbershoot is offline
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A tip of the Kirwood Derby to you for that one, sir.
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  #6  
Old 12-02-2013, 01:26 PM
Voyager Voyager is offline
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Never underestimate the power of a shnook.
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  #7  
Old 12-02-2013, 01:57 PM
VunderBob VunderBob is offline
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Originally Posted by Bumbershoot View Post
A tip of the Kirwood Derby to you for that one, sir.
Only if it's full of Hush-A-Boom.
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  #8  
Old 12-02-2013, 02:17 PM
Maus Magill Maus Magill is online now
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My Father always said that a pun is the worst form of humor... unless you thought of it first.

Well done, sir.
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  #9  
Old 12-02-2013, 02:57 PM
silenus silenus is offline
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Judge Cameo: The defendants are charged with grand theft auto: 1 count; breaking out of jail: 1 count; impugning the character of a prison guard: 1 count; reckless driving: 4 counts; talking to the audience; five counts; criminally bad punning: 18 counts.
Bullwinkle: And three dukes and seven earls.
Judge Cameo: Make that 19.


Make that 20.
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  #10  
Old 12-02-2013, 02:58 PM
J-P L J-P L is offline
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If the anvil has "ACME" written anywhere on it, you can be sure that dammed coyote had something to do with it.
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  #11  
Old 12-02-2013, 03:29 PM
Amateur Barbarian Amateur Barbarian is offline
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I read that and all I could think was wassamatta you?
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  #12  
Old 12-02-2013, 04:17 PM
Greg Charles Greg Charles is offline
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Did anyone have Bullwinkle in the death pool? There'd have to be some conversion for the scoring I suppose. What's 54 in moose years? Cartoon moose years actually.
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  #13  
Old 12-02-2013, 05:16 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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Three minutes of my life just passed.
I'll never get them back.
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  #14  
Old 12-02-2013, 05:45 PM
Chefguy Chefguy is online now
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"And now, here's something we hope you'll really like!"
Fan mail from some flounder?
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  #15  
Old 12-02-2013, 05:51 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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Boris! It says here "Do NOT kill Moose and Squirrel"!
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  #16  
Old 12-02-2013, 08:17 PM
OttoDaFe OttoDaFe is offline
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Boris! It says here "Do NOT kill Moose and Squirrel"!
Hoo boy . . .
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  #17  
Old 12-02-2013, 08:19 PM
blondebear blondebear is online now
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A sad day for Frostbite Falls and Moosylvania.
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  #18  
Old 12-02-2013, 08:20 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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Boris! It says here "Do NOT kill Moose and Squirrel"!
Fearless Leader will spend rest of life with ten dissidents in two room walk up apartment with no toilet.
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  #19  
Old 12-24-2013, 06:59 AM
Klytus Klytus is offline
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Originally Posted by terentii View Post
Boris! It says here "Do NOT kill Moose and Squirrel"!
Well then, good think it was NOT Moose and Squirrel got killed.
It was ONLY Moose.
Clever. No?

Last edited by Klytus; 12-24-2013 at 07:00 AM..
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  #20  
Old 12-24-2013, 09:12 AM
BubbaDog BubbaDog is offline
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The culprit was probably the same person who smashed the fairy in the Fractured Fairy Tales Book.

I suspect Edward Everett Hoton
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  #21  
Old 12-24-2013, 12:12 PM
Yllaria Yllaria is offline
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Horton. Having grown up with him as the narrator of Rocky & Bullwinkle, I was surprised to discover that he had an actual acting career before that. I loved the scene where Boris tied and gagged the narrator to keep him from talking about his plot. Then later . . . hey! Did anyone question the narrator about the anvil dropping incident? He always saw everything.
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  #22  
Old 12-24-2013, 01:03 PM
picunurse picunurse is offline
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That's too bad. I'm having a bad hair day and needed to use Moose AND Squirrel.
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  #23  
Old 12-24-2013, 02:01 PM
Wile E Wile E is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by J-P L View Post
If the anvil has "ACME" written anywhere on it, you can be sure that dammed coyote had something to do with it.
I was no where near that moose! He lives in some cold place and I live in the desert and we're not even in the same Cartooniverse! That stupid bird is probably trying to frame me! That bastard!
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  #24  
Old 12-24-2013, 06:04 PM
Siam Sam Siam Sam is offline
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No worries. Dudley Do-Right is on the case.
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  #25  
Old 12-24-2013, 06:15 PM
randompattern randompattern is offline
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Whoever dropped the anvil didn't know his own strength.
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  #26  
Old 12-24-2013, 06:34 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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No worries. Dudley Do-Right is on the case.
We're doomed..
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  #27  
Old 12-24-2013, 09:04 PM
outlierrn outlierrn is online now
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I dunno, maybe it was 2 flying squirrels, supporting it on a line.
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  #28  
Old 12-24-2013, 09:16 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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Perhaps an African flying squirrel.
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  #29  
Old 12-24-2013, 09:28 PM
simster simster is offline
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I heard moose finally managed to pull that wabbit out of his hat - that wascally wabbit.
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  #30  
Old 12-24-2013, 09:50 PM
dogbutler dogbutler is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by carnivorousplant View Post
Perhaps an African flying squirrel.
Are you suggesting anvils migrate?
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  #31  
Old 12-24-2013, 09:59 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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Originally Posted by Yllaria View Post
Horton. Having grown up with him as the narrator of Rocky & Bullwinkle, I was surprised to discover that he had an actual acting career before that. I loved the scene where Boris tied and gagged the narrator to keep him from talking about his plot.
EEH narrated Fractured Fairy Tales. William Conrad (he of Cannon and radio Gunsmoke fame) narrated the R&B episodes. Charlie Ruggles, also a veteran actor, supplied the voice of Aesop.
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  #32  
Old 12-25-2013, 07:20 AM
Bumbershoot Bumbershoot is offline
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I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Ponsonby Britt was involved in Bullwinkle's demise. The famous moose and the fictional Executive Producer never got along.
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  #33  
Old 12-25-2013, 07:44 AM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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Are you suggesting anvils migrate?
Not at all. They could be carried.
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  #34  
Old 12-25-2013, 07:47 AM
picunurse picunurse is offline
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Not at all. They could be carried.
By that skinny armed coyote? I don't think so.
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  #35  
Old 12-25-2013, 03:38 PM
ruh-roh ruh-roh is offline
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Does the Way-Back machine have a lower limit on how far back it can go? Maybe Mr. Peabody and that dumb-ass kid Sherman could just pop back in time a bit and see who dropped the anvil. My money is on the frog Hoppity Hooper trying to take out the competition and dropping the anvil from out of The Traffic Zone.
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  #36  
Old 12-26-2013, 07:56 AM
Klytus Klytus is offline
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Originally Posted by outlierrn View Post
I dunno, maybe it was 2 flying squirrels, supporting it on a line.
Look, even two flying squirrels could not maintain the airspeed velocity to carry a normal anvil, let alone a 16-tonner.
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  #37  
Old 12-26-2013, 08:55 AM
Siam Sam Siam Sam is offline
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What do you mean? African or European flying squirrels?
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  #38  
Old 12-26-2013, 09:09 AM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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There is another possibility.
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  #39  
Old 12-26-2013, 12:22 PM
Clothahump Clothahump is offline
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One word: Trebuchet.
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  #40  
Old 12-26-2013, 01:40 PM
Aquadementia Aquadementia is offline
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This is all a bunch of bunk!
Bullwinkle wants you all to know that he's alive and doing well. He will be appearing in a new theatrical short in front of the Mr. Peabody and Sherman movie in early 2014. It's too early to say but this may be a prelude to a new R&B movie. So things are looking up for the ol' Winkster and he would like to offer his best wishes to you and yours this holiday season.

However, Commander McBragg, he's lost in the Himalayas and hasn't been seen for months.

Last edited by Aquadementia; 12-26-2013 at 01:43 PM..
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  #41  
Old 12-26-2013, 01:43 PM
Yllaria Yllaria is offline
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Originally Posted by terentii View Post
EEH narrated Fractured Fairy Tales. William Conrad (he of Cannon and radio Gunsmoke fame) narrated the R&B episodes. Charlie Ruggles, also a veteran actor, supplied the voice of Aesop.
Thanks. These are interesting to know.
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  #42  
Old 12-26-2013, 02:30 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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This is all a bunch of bunk!
Bullwinkle wants you all to know that he's alive and doing well.
That's good news, but what of Boris and Natasha, what with the fall of the Soviet Union?
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  #43  
Old 12-26-2013, 03:33 PM
Fear Itself Fear Itself is offline
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Homicide investigators have determined the death of Bullwinkle was no accident. It occured outside of an antique store in Frostbite Falls. Video from the security camera captured this exchange shortly before the deceased was hit by the anvil:
Rocky: Bullwinkle, this ship is covered in rubies and look what's written on the side! O-Mar Khay-yam. Bullwinkle, do you know what this is?

Bullwinkle: Well, if you're waiting on me to say it, I won't.

Antique Dealer: Me neither.

Rocky: OK, then this must be...

[pause]

... "The Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam".
Investigators believe the actual target was one Rocket J. Squirrel, but hiis lightning reflexes allowed him to evade the falling anvil, and Bullwinkle was the innocent victim.

The antique dealer is pleading temporary insanity.
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  #44  
Old 12-26-2013, 03:53 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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Rocky has a high pitched, falsetto voice.
Was it a lover's quarrel taken too far?
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  #45  
Old 12-26-2013, 05:46 PM
Dano83860 Dano83860 is offline
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The answer is simple. RJS put upsadayzium on the anvil which floated out of sight. RJS than launched and discarded the upsadayzium and it fell on his unsuspecting friend.

The squirrel did it!

Very nice Clothahump.
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  #46  
Old 12-26-2013, 05:47 PM
cochrane cochrane is offline
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Perhaps a seance will reveal the culprit?

"Eenie, meenie, chili beanie, the spirits are about to speak!"
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  #47  
Old 12-26-2013, 06:21 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dano83860 View Post
The answer is simple. RJS put upsadayzium on the anvil which floated out of sight. RJS than launched and discarded the upsadayzium and it fell on his unsuspecting friend.

The squirrel did it!

Very nice Clothahump.
If Upsadaisium is involved, somebody better check the alibi for one Capt. Peter "Wrongway" Peachfuzz.
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  #48  
Old 12-26-2013, 06:29 PM
Hottius Maximus Hottius Maximus is offline
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I actually don't believe Rocky the Flying Squirrel would ever make a foray into such territory.
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  #49  
Old 12-26-2013, 07:13 PM
cochrane cochrane is offline
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I actually don't believe Rocky the Flying Squirrel would ever make a foray into such territory.
I can't believe you got away Scott free with that one.
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  #50  
Old 12-26-2013, 09:42 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is online now
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I can't believe you got away Scott free with that one.
He surely did.
Please explain it to me.
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