Ways you've messed with a telephone scam artist

Last weekend we got a call from the IRS telephone scam warned against here. Ours wasn’t nearly as sophisticated as the one warned against in the link. The woman on the other end of the phone told me that I owed money to the IRS and that I needed to call a number to speak to her superior (we later realized it was the one she was calling from, in fact, which was weird).

I asked why they hadn’t sent a letter and she said they had sent a letter by certified mail a week ago (which IMO was the best touch of the whole thing). Anyway, I hung up, we found that it was a scam on the internet, and that was that.

I always wish I’m a little quicker on the uptake and could play with their minds a little, though. Like say enthusiastically, “Oh, my lawyer would love to talk to you about this! He has lots of experience with this kind of thing!” or something like that. But I never think about it in the moment.

Surely there are Dopers out there who are better at this kind of thing than I am, and I can live vicariously through you. Tell me about a time you played a scammer!

I’ve gotten the calls from the people with a heavy Indian accent that tell me that there is a problem with the computer.

I tell them that they are right, I’m sick and tired of the damn thing and would they please come and get it, the sooner the better. The try to continue with the shtick and I tell them I want to give them the POS and would they please come and get it. Line goes dead.

I just pretend to be so happy to hear their voices after so long. Proceed to enthusiastically ask the scammer about his/her children, significant other, parents, that car they bought, their new house, their job, all in a very excited tone of voice. Whenever they try to fall back on their script, I ask them more questions as if we were long-time friends. They always hang up after a while

You can’t really do that to them. It’s not like they’re going to say “Sure Mr Hunter, have him call me and I’ll be happy to talk to him”. Either they get your banking information/credit card and start making regular withdrawals that you won’t question because you think you’re paying off your IRS debt or they just hang up and they’re on the phone with the next person while you’re still thinking about how clever you were.

They’re not out to play the long game, they’re there to rake in as much money as they possibly can and get it into off shore accounts before they get shut down.

I can’t be bothered to mess with them; I simply say in a bleak neutral tone:
“This is a security number. You should not have called this number. Please hang up now.”
Then hang up the phone.

I only have a cell phone now so don’t tend to get crap like this but back when I didn’t, I started doing this:

Person with skeevy company: Hi, I wonder if you have a few minutes to talk with me about your life insurance needs. We have some great deals for you!
Me: Oh, yes, absolutely! Can you hold for a moment?

Then wait until they hung up…eventually.
Then I figured that wasn’t really fair to the poor shmoe trying to make a buck, so I started saying “put me on your no-call list and fuck off.” Because why waste the shmoe’s time. And it seemed to work.

I saw an advert for an apartment being rented cheap…
had a look at the details … “no inspections, just pay a bond and we send the key”.
Fee upfront scam, right…

And it was an apartment at some suburb …well it was near Canterbury.

So I searched for the email address they provided, and that was also associated with an advert for a cheap Mitsubishi Canter. And I realized the Canter, Canterbury connection.
So I emailed them and asked about the apartment.
Is the apartment near Canterbury ? yes it is .
Can I park a truck there ? yes you can…
etc
One email at a time.
Then
"So I could buy the Canter from you, that you are also advertising, and drive it around Canterbury ? "

There is a scam very common around here (Jakarta) where they call you and tell you that your spouse or child was in an auto accident/accident at school, and you need to pay for the hospital so they can receive the necessary emergency treatment. You get a bank transfer # or a place to go meet someone to hand over cash. (This probably sounds like an odd set-up, but it is consistent with life here).

I always think that one of these days I’ll pretend to believe them, get all the info needed to hand over the money, and simply not do it. But usually I just jerk them around for a minute or two before shrieking “penipu!!” at them (it means cheater/scammer) and slamming down the phone.

I had someone on the phone a few months ago who claimed to be calling from the police about my husband. I feigned puzzlement - “really? Are you sure? Because I didn’t think my husband could possibly be in the car right now, he’s at an all day meeting. What did you say his name was again? Wait, you are calling from the police, you know I’m his wife, and you don’t know his name? That doesn’t make sense!” Blah blah blah.

If money is involved, I always say, “You need to talk to the Foundation. Only they can authorize disbursements.” My best (I think I posted this years ago) was back when you got telemarketers calling trying to sell you long-distance service. “No, sorry, I don’t have a phone…”

This goes way back, to the mid-90’s when I worked in the IT department of a regional bank. The main receptionist/operator had been instructed to forward all calls that asked for something like “the person in charge of computers” to me, a senior secretary. I got frequent calls from people trying to sell us their special keyboard cleaner. They finally stopped calling after I began replying brightly, “Oh that’s OK, we like our keyboards dirty!” If they questioned me further, I would just keep saying, cheerfully, that we preferred our keyboards to be dirty, thanks anyway. I only got to pull that a few times before they stopped calling altogether.

I don’t get many scam phone calls, but I did get a Facebook message from a friend whose account had been compromised lamenting the fact that she’d been stranded at the airport in London after her wallet and passport had been stolen. My brother was, at the time, living in London so I had them on the hook for 20-30 minutes trying to convince them to let me get in touch with him so he could drive out to Heathrow to help “her” out.

I usually just ask them if they want to speak to Mr. Click, and when they excitedly say yes, click. It just makes me giggle.

There’s always the Tom Mabe approach.

Doesn’t do any good when they’re calling from offshore, like Jamaica.

Usually I just ask them to hold and put the phone down until they hang up. But if I have been imbibing… If it is a male, I sometimes say something like “Think about this - your mother’s [private parts]”. Occasionally I get them pissed off enough to threaten me. If female, I may ask them to describe theirs, always results in a hangup. Do not call when I have been drinking.

When I worked in the office we got a lot of obnoxious calls asking to speak to a former employee. I never figured out if they were collections or scams, but I started saying, “Oh, and what was your name? Daveed? Okay, and what is the phone number of your business? Because I will want to pass that on to her, after we google it, of course, company policy to google all calls of this nature…” I never had to ask for the number more than once before they hung up.

Wow, that is funny.

Let me tell you the story of Ms. Releasha Jones.

When I worked for a medical office in Houston (2007-2010), one of my responsibilities was managing the call center. And during times of heavy call traffic, I would take overflow calls myself. For whatever reason, this office got a ton of scam and solicitor calls. The whole gamut: pest control, medical supplies, insurance, business loans, the infamous “toner scam,” legitimate (but still annoying) toner salespeople, everything. It was profoundly irritating, during a rush of legitimate patient phone calls, to pick up the phone and have a barely-verbal cold caller mumble something about, “May I speak to the person in your office who is in charge of ordering the sterile supplies?” or “Hey, this is Jerome over at ‘the office supply company’ and I’m just ‘updating our records.’ Could you remind me what model copiers y’all have over there?” :mad: :dubious:

Usual practice, approved by me, was simply to hang up on these people. Because the hang-up button on our phones said RELEASE, one of my employees, an African-American girl, started referring to hanging up on someone as “transferring to Releasha.” (In Houston, that would have been a not at all implausible name for an African-American woman, so it really was pretty damned funny.)

A few months after the coining of “transfer to Releasha,” I was taking calls on a busy Monday and got a call from a toner salesman. “May I speak to the office manager, or whoever orders the supplies for your printers and copiers?” In a fit of pissed-off inspiration, I cheerfully said, “Sure, that’ll be Releasha. Hold for a moment while I transfer you!” And then hung up. The call center employees who weren’t on calls themselves busted out laughing.

And then it happened: the phone rang again, and it was the same guy. “Yeah, I was just speaking to someone at your office, and he was going to transfer me to Releasha. I must’ve got disconnected.”

Cue lightbulb going off over head. :smiley:

Instantly, Releasha was a thing. A person. A force of nature. There was an ongoing contest (on slow days only, of course) to see who could get a salesperson to call back the most times in a row after being hung up on. (Record: 8.) These people were so used to getting yelled at and hung up on, so desperate at any chance of a sale, that you could string them on for a surprisingly long time with a simple, “I am SO SORRY! Our phone system is being weird today. Let me transfer you to Releasha again.” click

Because these companies latch onto any piece of information they can to get their foot in the door, and because they sell and buy lists of leads, we started getting cold calls specifically for Releasha. Some of these people claimed to be good friends of my fictitious office manager. Examples:

"Hi, I’ve been working with…Releasha?..on some quotes for janitorial services. She told me to call this morning around ten. Could you put me through?

“Hey, I just missed Releasha’s call. Could you let her know Dan from Shitheel Toner Company is on the line?”

“What was…Releasha’s…last name again?”
(This one took me by surprise.)
“Um…Jones.” :cool:

Within six months, Releasha Jones was getting 15-20 calls a week. Within nine months, she was getting mail addressed to her. Catalogs. Flyers. Calendars. Mouse pads. Free samples of OTC pharmaceuticals. I left that company in June of 2010, and over a year later, she was still getting mail. :stuck_out_tongue:

If I’ve got the time, I like to string them along - figuring the more time they spend with me the fewer other people they can bother.

I listen to their schpiel, with just enuff ‘ya’, 'ok’s to keep em going. Then say I gotta switch ears and have them say it again.
Then have em hang on so I can get a pen and paper. This always takes a bit.
Then I have em repeat it again. Slowly. And I mean s l o w l y… because I’m writing it ALL down (ya, rite).

When I’m done, I say my medicine is kicking in, I’ll have to call them back…

If I don’t have time, I just yell (I live alone, so I can actually yell): {name}, you lazy, gox daxx, son of a xxxx, you got a (&#(#_#__@# phone call!!! and put the phone down, usually next to my keyboard so they can hear me typing.

I’ve never gotten an IRS-scam call. That disappoints me; I’m all ready to go with a nice monologue about how Ohio was never properly admitted to the Union and that allegedly official acts under color of a gold-fringed flag with an illegal extra star are therefore null and void.

The best I’ve managed to do is repeatedly belch at Heather From Card Services when she called at lunchtime.