What are your favorite ways to keep spam callers on the phone? If I have nothing happening when they call, I figure if they’re talking to me, then they aren’t scamming some sucker. Plus, it makes me look forward to the call – it’s a game to see how long I can keep them on.
One way that’s pretty successful is to pretend that I’m an old guy – try for my best Grandpa Simpson voice, give them made up information, etc. Another way is to talk about how I already got that deal (whatever they’re selling) from their mom/dad the night before. That usually gets them so pissed off that they hang around on the call so they can insult me and curse me out.
I’ve had some success acting all confused, asking them to repeat what they’ve said, answering the wrong question, but they usually don’t bother hanging on the phone for that.
If you try engaging with spam callers, what has been successful for you?
I probably did it once or twice, but then I grew up and realized that I accomplished nothing. The guy I’m talking to isn’t evil - his company is. This guy is just trying to get a paycheck. Does anyone really think that by wasting this guy’s time, the company will give up and close shop?
Just trying to do my part – In hopes of persuading them to quit their scamming jobs and find ones that may actually do something useful I tend to say things like “Do you have big boobs?” or “You have a really small dick, don’t you?”
I apologize. In penance, I’ll tell what I used to do on those occasions when I did want to screw with those guys.
I found (as others did) that if I went off-topic and got personal, they’d hang up on me. So instead, one must really get into it, playing the part of an interested and prospective - but still undecided - customer. Ask them a gazillion questions about the thing they’re selling. Some people would want innocuous stuff like “Is it imported?” or “Suitable for vegans?” But my preference is to focus on their bloated advertising claims. Prove to me that your product is really so great! This will give them (and their bosses) the feeling that their time is being spent very well, and they will work hard to reel you in – which makes it that much sweeter when you finally hang up. Or even better, when you convince that that their own product is crap.
I hate to spoil the game, but these guys know your phone number. And likely your name and address. They can ruin your life. Calls 24/7, odd packages, re-routed mail, utilities turned off, etc.
Do you know any of those things about them? No.
“Don’t bring a knife to a gunfight”- and don’t come unarmed to one either.
Threads like this one make me almost consider answering my cellphone. I have no landline, and my cell is set to send any non-contact number directly to voicemail.
We do get one or two salespeople a year who ignore the “PRIVATE ROAD NO TRESPASSING” sign. I take pictures of the person and the vehicle, specifically the license plate, then I call the local police. The salesman (it’s always been a guy) drives off, muttering, but when the cop arrives I file my complaint.
The town requires a permit to sell door to door, and nobody bothers to get one. The police use my trespass complaint as cause to pull them over, request to see their permit, and fine them for not having one.
Once or twice I’ve been tempted to torment the “Automobile Warranty Is Running Out” callers. But my “Reject Caller” stats are impeccable, so I try not to ruin my streak.
For those, I act interested and then say my car is a 1939 Sherman Tank or something. “Do you have any other cars?” Then, 1915 Model T. “Any other cars?” Then, I’ll say some later model Kia or something, just to keep them on the phone.
So I’m supposed to worry some jerk from some call center is going to “get me” by spending an hour on hold with some other jerk at my cable company’s call center?
I have enough trouble getting all of that stuff done legitimately with my utilities and whatnot and I actually know my phone number, name and address.
I play along as long a possible, and when it gets to the transaction side, and I need to go get my credit card, I grab my cell phone and play an obnoxious song my children love (Narwhals Swimming in the Ocean) into the receiver. When I get an audible reaction prior to them hanging up (sighing, swearing), it brightens my day more than it probably should.
The best was the non-native English speaker insisting he was calling from Customs and Boarder Control about a suspicious package. I demanded to know if it was my heroin or cocaine they intercepted. He then claimed the SWAT was coming to get me. I let him know I didn’t care who brought the drugs as long as it arrived by 4:30.
A friend of mine got one of those calls saying his Windows system had a virus and they needed to connect to his computer. He feigned shock and said he’d be glad to help. They told him to go to the “Start” menu…and my friend said his Windows doesn’t have a “Start” menu. The scammer didn’t believe him, but my friend said that he has a new version of Windows called Black Dildo: “Google it, if you don’t believe me.”
Apparently the guy wasn’t happy with the results of his Google search.
Of course it doesn’t accomplish anything, but I didn’t ask for the call either. If he wants to waste my time, I will waste some of his. I get a chuckle, he gets his paycheck, the world keeps turning.
I had some guy on the line for a while with something about a cruise I had won. I let him do the talking for a long time and just responded with very short, unenthusiastic “Yep, okay, nope.” When he finally caught on he asked “Mr. Hampshire, you don’t sound very excited about this free cruise.” I just said, “My relatives all perished on the Titanic so I don’t think I’m really interested” and hung up.