Poll in a moment. And no, I’m not including options for people who are not currently married, because that would be stupid. But I’m also not gonna define marriage, because that would be too much work.
Yes. 37 years and counting.
Second time’s the charm.
Yes. I thank my diety of choice every day for this, and for the fact that I have a healthy and happy kid.
25 years this year, still very happy.
Deity. De-it-y. First syllable homophonous with “day.”
This is your last warning. Next time I shoot Legolas in the face.
Third time for me. And I’ve never been happier.
I could have sworn it said “shoot Legolas in the fact” a second ago. 
What do you think “fricking Gaudere” in the edit explanation meant, burlapan?
That was just one of the typos in the unedited post. There were so many I considered leaving them all there as a meta-comment, but I couldn’t make myself.
Anyway, the usual threats.
Posted before I saw any edit explaination. 
You have to move fast, if you want to avoid meta-mockery.
:: points shotgun at Legolas’s face ::
Sadly the previous warning was only about the word “deity,” otherwise the extra “i” in explanation would allow me to murder the elf right now.
For the love of diety, just shoot Legolas already!
I warned Malthus, not you. Wouldn’t be cricket to shotgun Legolas unless Malthus misspells deity again.
That said
:: points Sig-Sauer at Galadriel ::
Legolas is not my only captive.
Yes, 26 years in, separated for the last 4. Happy to be separated, not happy to be married.
Yes, almost 5 years.
Wouldn’t a “diety” be a cute kind of diet? And yes, the right diet can help in a marriage 
Sing it, my friend.
Yes, 4 days and everything has been great so far.
This is my advice for those of you that have only been married a short time (minutes or hours) and want to know how to make it as long as I have:
1 - Stay alive - if you have a pulse you can probably make it this long
Typically, if you can distract your new spouse long enough to get beyond the annulment phase, it can really help to discourage them from leaving. I have reminded my wife often, much to her chagrin, that there are no refunds or exchanges. Sucks to be her.
My first marriage was to a fantastic man and I loved him wholeheartedly.
My second marriage is even better.