So I did this on Halloween, too.
April 1st’s version is:
*I’ve been keeping a secret for awhile and I don’t really know who to tell…I saw you were online, though, and figured “What the hell?”.
It’s probably not even that big of a deal, but it will help my own conscience.
Nobody else knows this, I’ve never told anyone…and it was probably very stupid to hide the fact in the first place, but years ago, when I first registered, I just felt more comfortable letting people think I was a guy.
Anyway, again, not sure why I’m telling you, but it’s weird. I feel that if at least one person knows, I don’t feel as guilty.*
Replies (verbatim):
Then I hope I have helped you… despite the fact I don’t really feel like I DID anything. Except listen. And if that is of help, then I hope it’s good for you.
For the record, though, being as all we are to each other is text on a screen… I’m not sure if it really matters.
For what it’s worth, though, I’ll keep my mouth shut about it.
Cool.
One of the great thing about this board is that it allows a certain level of pseudonymity so that you can post however you’re comfortable posting as long as you’re not an ass about it. As you’ve not been an ass, I don’t think you’ve anything to feel guilty about, but I hope that telling helps you if you have been.
(I’m also flattered that you like my posts).
I’m flattered you would pick me to tell; 2) Your story’s very touching but it sounds like a lie; 3) April Fool?
Cool! Two thumbs up!
Hi. I don’t recall interacting with you much or giving your gender much thought. I’m glad you feel comfortable telling me, though. I promise not to reveal it.
I do have to confess some skepticism about this message given today’s date, though. Any chance this is a prank or you left your account open on a public PC?
Best wishes either way!
Very interesting. I’m honored that you’re telling me. I won’t tell anyone. To be honest, I don’t know the gender of most people here, and probably never knew (or thought I knew) one way or the other about you. Are you saying the other moderators don’t even know?
Hi!
Thanks for selecting me as someone you feel comfortable talking to, and I’m glad you like my posts!
Listen, in a hypothetical ideal world, people would not treat you appreciably different on thinking of you as male versus on thinking of you as female. We both know that this ain’t that world. It totally colors how folks perceive us and, nastier, it gets into our own heads and affects how we perceive ourselves. Sociologists call it “altercasting” —being cast into a role by others who perceive it as the role you belong in, and all their behaviors towards you evince from you the corresponding expected behaviors.
You should not feel obliged to feel guilty for presenting as male, whether you chose to do so on purpose (to see what it’s like, to see how you’d be treated and regarded etc) or just sort of fell into it (hmm people seem to be assuming I’m a guy, well, maybe I’ll just let them go on assuming that) or whatever.
I mean, you can, if you wish… as Meg Ryan once said “Just feel guilty. Swim in it. Till your fingers get all pruney.”http://steadilyskippingstones.com/20...y-french-kiss/
… but it seems perfectly harmless to me and you probably learned stuff, about people and about yourself, if this is the first time you’ve passed as another gender.
This is … unexpected. And I’m flatered. Was there something I said recently that inspired you to this revelation?
Or is there something going on or changing in your life that made you feel a need to “confess” as it were?
And I hope you don’t take offense at this, but I’d never made any kind of mental note about what gender I think you are. I’ve done that with others in the past, and frequently found that I was wrong.
Ok, Not sure why you picked me, but I appreciate your confidence in my discretion.
Unless this has something to do with today’s date.
Your secret’s safe with me. I assume all members are guys unless their name ends in an ‘a’ or contains the words Kit, Kat or Kitten. So there’s that…
So, how’s it hangin’ bro?
Your secret is safe with me. I don’t see it as such a big deal though; I don’t think anyone would feel shocked or annoyed if you outed yourself publicly. That said, how did you know i was online? I haven’t posted, and I use stealth mode here. Does stealth mode no longer work now that I’m a guest? Or is it because you are a mod? A lady can’t be too careful, after all it is April 1st.
All the best to you,
April Fools?
I never gave it a thought about you. Some are obviously dudes or girls, some I have it wrong about, and the rest are in the group where I have no impression. You were in the no impression camp.
If you’re fishing for secrets Dopers don’t know, I have a hemorrhoid…
I am of two thoughts here. The first is, whatever makes you happy. Doesn’t matter to me and I would not tell others. The second thought is, and with today bein’ April 1st I’m more led to believe this thought is the right one, I hope you get to “gotcha” lots of folks.
No matter who you are, you’re cool. Oh, and you’re a guy cause you laugh way too much at my juvenile posts on fb not to be a guy.
I already thought you were female, but I have no idea why I thought so.
Have you told your parents? How did the conversation go?
No matter what, I’m here, and I want to be supportive. So don’t worry - I’m told people are born with your condition, and that it is not a choice. Many of them go on to lead happy and productive lives.
You almost had me there for a minute.
I was thinking earlier that no one did anything for April Fools and was kinda disappointed, so thanks! Made my day.
I’m cool with non-gender communications on the internet, so it’s absolutely no biggie to me.
Frankly, I’d never assigned you any gender in my head, based on your posts, so to me you were an amorphous relatively genderless entity anyway.
I’m pretty self-absorbed so I may not ever remember your gender in the future! But I’m flattered you chose me to confide in.
Don’t tell my trans female patients that, though!!
It IS weird, because I thought you were female all along. It’s very obvious from the way you write, and of course the username is a huge clue since men don’t ever have idle thoughts.
Since we’re sharing confessions, I am actually quite famous IRL, but choose to go incognito here n the SDMB. It allows me to relax, play word games, contribute here and there…like a regular Joe.
Cheers,
ps Sorry, but your secret is not safe with me. I can’t keep secrets for the life of me!
Well, thanks for sharing.
I’ve seen you around and recognize the name, but never thought about your gender. I try not to make a big deal out of being gay, but every once in awhile it seems relevant or just pops out.
Do you think people would react differently to you?
Well I’m a guy so I don’t know what it’s like to be a female poster on forums. In theory it shouldn’t make a difference, but maybe in practice it does? In any event, if no one can tell isn’t that the point?
Oh, my! That is a shock. I have thought of you as male for so long. Well, it’s not a big deal either way. Welcome to the sisterhood I guess?
Just because we don’t talk doesn’t mean much btw. I don’t “talk” to a lot of people but I am fond of you and always like your posts.
Shall I go shout it on the boards now? (kiddingdon’thitme)
Well, thanks for the compliment and the secret. It’ll be safe with me since I probably talk to less people than you, though your first sentence sounds suspiciously like a song lyric since it rhymes.
I feel compelled to congratulate you on your new girl parts. Use them often!
It’s cool! and I keep secrets.
I know how it is though, it eats at me when I lie, or in this case not even a lie.
I seldom think about gender on the board, and when I do, I’m usually wrong anyway.
Anyway, your secret is safe with me and I think you have no reason to feel any guilt at all.
I really had not mentally assigned a speculative gender to your profile at all. And even if I had, I don’t think that finding out my mental assignment was wrong would even be worth apologizing over – it’s not “hiding something” to just not mention it or correct people who assume wrong.
Hell, half of all posters assume I am female because my username starts with a woman’s name, not realizing that it’s also a man’s name spelled backwards.
Not sure if serious or April Fools…
If serious, I’d no idea if you were a fella or a lass in the first place. I mean how is one supposed to tell without a shortened honorific?
To be honest, assuming a poster on the SDMB is male is my default assumption until they say otherwise. Which probably says more about me than you, but there it is.
Anyway, it’s not really a “secret”, is it? Unless you’re posting to threads about guy stuff as a guy, that is. Otherwise, we reveal of ourselves what we want to reveal of ourselves and other people’s assumptions are, as I implied above, more of their problems than ours.
Lastly, glad I earned your trust, IT. Not too sure why, but I’m glad I have it.
You’re a day late
Hey Idle Thoughts,
I have to say that I’m quite surprised and a little baffled about this confession, especially about the fact that you chose me for that. I’ve always felt that I maintained a low profile here and wasn’t much registered. But anyway, if I can help to reassure your conscience, I’ll gladly do so and won’t tell anybody about your secret.
Of course I’d like to ask you some questions about this, but if you just wanted to telly anybody about it, I won’t go into it. So feel free to respond to this message or else ignore it. Just be assured that I don’t judge you for it; I can imagine much worse things than that to do on a message board.
Cheers,
Not a problem. I won’t tell anyone if you don’t.
I also don’t think it is a big deal, either way. (Although, if you ever get into a squabble with some idiot pointing to you as an example of the superiority of males, you have a very effective comeback.)
Of course, “Christopher Lee” does not strike the eye as a really feminine name, but with my androgynous moniker, I am hardly one to complain
Hey back at you,
That’s interesting. Thanks for sharing and of course I’ll keep that in confidence. I guess I shouldn’t say “of course” because we don’t really know a lot about each other, but trust that I will.
But… yeah, interesting. And yeah, probably not a big deal unless you weigh in as a mod and as a male, depending on the context. Which I am guessing you do not do. Let’s see… you joined in 2003 and that’s how long you’ve been keeping this secret? Hopefully you haven’t been feeling guilty all that time! I’m happy to alleviate some of that guilt for you. It’s also interesting that apparently the other mods don’t know that as well. Not a big deal, as you say. And I’m just typing out loud, thinking aloud…
Nice meeting the “real” you!
I hope you don’t think that I was taking your revelation lightly…but with that being said.
And just for my curiosity, what posts prompted you to tell me and why would you feel guilty?
I um… OK ? I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do with this new information, really .
I guess I’m a lot more curious about why you considered hiding your sex here important at all in the first place (or why it would be such a big “guilty” secret), but I won’t press you for answers or anything like that - just idle curiosity on my part. And hey, if telling me this helped you feel better in any way, shape or form then I’m happy to have been of completely tangential, right-place-right-time help !
And to now have a huuuuge blackmail potential on you the better to pressure you into doing my evil bidding, mwahahahaaa !
OK, not really. Your secret’s safe with me, for whatever it’s worth.
I don’t think you have anything to feel guilty about. I wouldn’t give it a second thought. I think most people would understand a woman on the internet not wanting to deal with the attention that this status brings. If that bit of fiction allowed you to participate more freely on the board then it was a good decision. This isn’t the kind of place where that “should” matter unless it’s a fundamental part of your board persona.
I’m not sure why you chose to tell me either but I’m glad you did. It makes me realize that my posts are doing a pretty good job of representing who I am. Believe me, on a board this size it’s hard to get noticed without trying to be noticeable. It’s especially hard when I tend to get to threads late and anything I would add has already been said. It’s good to know that my paltry contributions have been noticed and not in a bad way.
Lastly, gonna be honest myself. I never check profiles and I’ve always thought you were female. I wouldn’t have bet on it or anything but I wasn’t really shocked by your revelation.
Oh, man. If I hadn’t had a meeting between getting this PM and responding to it, I’d have absolutely fallen for it. Luckily, during the extra thirty minutes I had to think about it, I remembered what today is.
Well played, sir, well played.
Hi Idle Thoughts,
I’m sure you realize your message was a bit out of the blue so I can’t completely discount the idea of a hijacked account. But assuming it’s all on the up-and-up, then I’m glad you decided to share and a little flattered you’d share with me. I can understand that it would be a bit…oppressive? guilt-inducing?.. to feel like you’re pretending to be something you’re not.
But I wouldn’t sweat it too much. Some people’s gender is obvious from their user names (like mine); others, not so much. Except in very limited circumstances, gender isn’t too important in threads here. With most users, I don’t give it much thought, and I think that’s true of most people here. Remember, on the internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.
This isn’t to discount it from your perspective - I know it’s a big deal to feel like the person with a secret. I’m just saying, if you decide to share with others, it won’t be as big a deal to everyone else as it is to you. If you drop it casually into a thread as part of a conversation without making it a declaration, most people probably won’t even notice. And if you don’t tell another soul, you still don’t need to feel any guilt. An anonymous message board is the perfect place to be someone a little different - you aren’t attacking anyone or playing with people’s emotions under the shelter of an alternate identity.
Again, thanks for sharing.
P.S. You like “most of my posts?” Which ones were bad??
I actually can’t see why it would matter. There are a number of posters who’s gender I’ve wondered about (you aren’t one of them), but I figure it’s their (and your) business, not mine. So, thank you for the confidence. I will not tell anyone.
Is the guilt for not having a wingwang or for making us think that you have a wingwang?
Or is it for all those posts where you berate women for not having wingwangs and not understanding the awesome responsibility that comes with having a wingwang?
Speaking of wingwangs, have you seen the latest development in wingwangs?
But don’t worry about it. I’ll still consider you to be in the wingwang club.
Well, I don’t know what to say. I’m glad you like my posts; I mostly just like to have fun on this forum.
It doesn’t really matter that you’re female - like the cartoon says; on the Internet, nobody knows you’re a dog.
Grrr. Shakes fist at Idle Thought . And think I couldn’t be pranked today, but I let my guard down after arriving home and not expecting anymore conversation for today. But nice :).
I’m still getting a lot of replies, so I’ll update this thread with new ones that I get in that time in a couple hours.
Hey, there’s my response!
And I thought someone liked my posts!
You had me for a few minutes while I tried to think of a reply. But then I remembered the date and thought to check for a thread like this.
And to me, you’ve always been a girl.
cmyk
April 1, 2015, 5:51pm
8
coffeecat, I’ve been keeping a secret for awhile and I don’t really know who to tell…I saw you were online, though, and figured “What the hell?”.coffeecat, and just wanted to get it out to someone.
It’s probably not even that big of a deal, but it will help my own conscience.
Nobody else knows this, I’ve never told anyone…and it was probably very stupid to hide the fact in the first place, but years ago, when I first registered, I just felt more comfortable letting people think I was a guy.
Anyway, again, not sure why I’m telling you, but it’s weird. I feel that if at least one person knows, I don’t feel as guilty.
I’ve never really thought of “being a girl” as something that needs confessing.
cmyk
April 1, 2015, 5:54pm
10
Only if you are already, in fact, a girl.
Hamlet
April 1, 2015, 5:58pm
11
Burned…
I really need to pay more attention to the date.
There’s nothing quite as funny as having someone you know decieve you and violate your trust, is there, Idle Thoughts ?
Took me about 2 minutes to figure this out after I wrote my reply. I must be getting slow(er).
Shit - I didn’t even notice I had a PM until I read this thread.
I missed out on last time, so was 1) not only thrilled I was included this go around, and 2) really glad I don’t take myself so very seriously that a silly, little joke would affect me much.
I didn’t fall in the floor in hysterics, but it brought a grin to my face. Well played, IT , well played.
Thank fucking goodness. My wife was getting ready to kill me over this.
“Who the fuck is that? Why is she sending you a PM? What have you been up to? I knew that bunch of Dope heads was trouble. … continues for another ten minutes, with a lot of bad words …”.
Thanks a lot.
Reported for being insensitive to the trans people around here.
carnivorousplant:
That was tacky, dude.
Translation: carnivorousplant fell for it.
