First things first, “Arrogant Bastard” is my favorite craft beer, made by Stone Brewery. I’m not really an arrogant bastard. If my personality were a fruit, I would be a tomato. 30 on the outside, 20 on the inside. Can speak Arabic, Japanese, and French somewhat fluently. I own about 12 black shirts from American Apparel (with matching black briefs). Once, I overheard a group of girls outside a record store saying that they cannot resist a man in blue jeans and a black t-shirt. I can operate a carriage with horses. My calligraphy handwriting is beautiful, others say. I carry my accordion with me as much as possible. Last but not least, I work with Greenpeace.
Humanist. Hedonist. Hypnotist.
I like to meet women from online dating sites. A week ago, I thought I stumbled upon my dream girl. In her profile pic she was typing on an old school typewriter. I was impressed by her profile. Her favorite band was Blood Orange. She said could make falafel from scratch and she liked to drink horchata. She mentioned that she liked to wear cool hats to cool places, like imitation custodian hats to trivia nights. You probably don’t know what any of those things are, but that’s alright.
I was very disappointed by her Q&A section though. I discovered that she liked to break laws. Apparently, she liked to litter!!!
Two Examples:
Q: Do you ever litter?
A (hers): Often.
Q: What would you do if a passenger in your car tossed garbage outside the window?
A (hers): Nothing. I also toss garbage from car windows.
Holy shit. That’s pretty much a crime confession. I am absolutely disgusted by people who litter. It is also very illegal in most places. She should be punished. How do I go about reporting this woman? I don’t know her name. Please help!
Gather up some 8×10 color glossy pictures of this litter. It will help if they have circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what they’re evidence of.
I really dislike littering, but I don’t know how you could possibly report this in any meaningful way. Just move on. She’ll never end up on the group W bench anyway.
Call the FBI and offer to wear a wire on a date with her. When she gets in your car day something casual like “Sorry about all this litter. I’ve been meaning to throw it away but somehow I never find the time.” I know that sounds a bit like entrapment, but when it comes to really serious law-breaking like this, the feds don’t trouble themselves too much about “the rules”.
Find out her name and then follow her around collecting all the rubbish she throws away. Each night leave it outside her door as a token of your affection.
There is only one reasonable solution and that is for you, from this moment forward to swear an oath to pick up EVERY piece of litter you see. That way it will all balance out and no one goes to jail.
Maybe we can all follow them secretly down the highway in a caravan of rented limousines and take photographs while she throws his clothes out the window?
No judge could deny the collective weight of our combined whatever.
This is excellent advice, but it doesn’t just apply to litter. Find anything she likes and leave it at her doorstep. If she has a pet dog she loves, take a bunch of Polaroids of the dog and leave them on her doorstep. Does she like baseball? Follow her to the game, take a bunch of pictures and leave them in her mailbox.
Maybe the OP should just give it a little time. Littering might be the next big trend. This woman will be able to say she was littering before it was cool but she’s stopped now that it’s sold out and gone mainstream.
Ride your fixie or tall bike down to your city’s Litter Control Board. You’ve probably never heard of them, but I’ve known about them for a very long time. Use an IBM Selectric typewriter to fill out a complaint form, and if the clerk asks you any questions, fold your arms and roll your eyes. You should be all set! Go out an celebrate by complaining about food trucks!
Littering is awful, yo. Seriously, littering destroys the earth. This woman is indirectly committing murder!
Ugh hipsters! So lame. On the other hand, bashing hipsters is mainstream, therefore maybe I’m lame. :smack:
Fixies??? Dude, are you stuck in 2012?
Anyway, I’m thinking about taking a screenshot of her confession and sharing it on facebook. Hopefully it will get back to her through the six degrees of separation. I have a network of a thousand people.
What she stated does not constitute a crime in itself. Your reaction does not seem helpful either (to your health) - I’d suggest looking within first as to how it is affecting you. You may try to contact the dating site, explain the situation and perhaps they will pull her profile/ contact her, she might be violating some terms of service. However I doubt that would change her behavior.
‘Your not worthy’ is the slogan on the Arrogant Bastard Ale beer bottle.
No, she’s not. Throwing trash out the car window is a crime many places, it’s stupid, it’s polluting, etc. but it’s not murder. It’s an insignificant contribution to the destruction of the Earth compared to driving the car in the first place, it’s insignificant in comparions to industrial pollution and industrial land use to feed consumption, it’s insignificant in comparison with flying down to Mexico for a vacation.
What will get back to her? That you have an irrational level of hatred against littering? You can accomplish both easily by t e l l i n g her directly in a message. That lots of people in your network are knee-jerk sharers of shaming stories? I guess you could include that in your message as well.
And by Q & A section, do you mean this is something like OKCupid where you can answer 100s of different questions on all kinds of topics? Or is this is a site with 10 questions, out of which two are about littering? Or did she just write the quoted text herself?