Your Hypothetical Guitar Shoppe

Cafe Society
1

So, a genie grants you a Guitar Shoppe. It’s got a wide assortment of good guitars in all price ranges. And you carry a wide assortment of good amplifiers in all sizes and price ranges. You’ve got a good staff and you’re an authorized factory repair center. And you’ve got an nontraditional employee who job title is “Breaker”. He’s not exactly a sales person, but he’s on the floor to help customers get the amps turned on that they’re trying out guitars on. And he collects the chords or supplies the cords for people trying out stuff. And he reaches down guitars from the upper racks for people to try. And here’s the most important part of his job…

There’s a list of song titles prominently posted several places in the store and on the door. And if any customer plays any of those songs on any of the guitars for sale or through an amplifier that’s for sale, the Breaker’s job is to take the instrument away from the customer, hang it up, and then break all the fingers on the customer’s fretting hand. Well, maybe not the thumb, but the other four. :smiley:

So, I thought I’d compile a list of candidates for songs for the list and once there’s enough songs, I’d put up a poll for you to vote for the top 3 or 4. Actually, there could be another poll to see how many songs should be on the list.

Let me start the list of candidate tunes off:

  1. Smoke On The Water
  2. Sweet Home Alabama
  3. Stairway To Heaven
  4. 25 Or 6 To 4

Anyone else? :confused:

2

Iron Man

3

Day Tripper
(I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction

4

Geez, if someone throws in House of the Rising Sun, I’ll have to buy a kazoo.:frowning:

5

Sunshine of Your Love
Louie Louie
I Gave My Love a Cherry

6

You just did! :eek:

Kazoos are in the wind instrument section.

7

If 25 or 6 to 4 is on the list, then Brain Stew by Greenday.
Enter Sandman
Mustang Sally
Browneyed Girl

8

First guitar shop I ever went to they actually did have a sign that said something to the effect of “No playing Stairway to Heaven”.

9

Dust in the Wind

10

On acoustic:

Heart of Gold
Fire And Rain

11

Heh, I know most of these. Gonna have to use them the next time I’m in a guitar shop, while stepping on random effects pedals. :slight_smile:

12

Cinnamon Girl
Tales of Brave Ulysses (if they’re testing out wah pedals)
Theme From Shaft (if they’re testing wah pedals too)
Aqualung

13

Too funny.

I will go with What I’ve Got by Sublime. There’s a fine line between nailing that groove and sounding like a pathetic d*bag.

ETA: It got common for a while, which is why I noticed it. Kind of a stealth entry into the “cool guitar riffs to try”…

14

Smoke on the Water. I realize it’s already been mentioned, but I wanted to mention it again. I’m not sure I’ve ever been in a Guitar Center when it wasn’t being played.

15

Yep, it’s one of THOSE, isn’t it? I think it replaced “25 or 6 to 4” as the “I only know one chord, but I can slide it up and down the fret board and sound like I know how to play guitar” song.

The more I think about it, the ones I hate most are the ones where the riff in the intro is so annoying I don’t want to hear the rest of it. Maybe it’s annoying because it got overplayed when it had radio play, maybe it’s annoying because it’s so simple every neophyte guitarist who hasn’t gotten far enough to know how to change strings wants to try out YOUR guitar and play it.

16

Smells Like Teen Spirit
The Joker
American Woman

17

But Back in Black is still ok for me to demo, isn’t it? Guys? Even if I’m playing it ironically on a Taylor acoustic?

18

If you play it only once, in time, and don’t stumble on the fiddly bits.

I don’t need to hear the intro to Wish you were here anymore either.

19

Zeppelin’s Over the Hills and Far Away

20

Well, thanks a lot, everyone, now there’s nothing left for me to play on guitar. When I come into your Guitar Shoppe I’m going to play The Colonel Bogey March on kazoo and bass drum until the SWAT team shows up.