As a man or woman in a relationship, what percent of the time do you feel you are emotionally present and responsive to your mate. I think I mange about 50% but would be a lot more comfortable at about 20% of the time. By emotionally present I simply mean ready to stop what you are doing at a moments notice and hear whatever your mate has to talk about.
In all fairness, only about 10-20% (WAG) of what’s said in a relationship is worth stopping and dropping everything for. And a big chunk of that is about what to put on the grocery shopping list. All other conversations can be had while prepping dinner, watching TV and getting ready for bed.
I might be below 50% when just living life. I’ve been guilty of forgetting immediately that he tried to talk to me about something, because my mind was focused on a different task. But if my husband told me, “Hey, pay attention to me” I’d stop whatever I was doing, even if it was just so he could show me a dumb video. He’s more important than anything else I do on a daily basis. He’ll do the same for me if I explicitly tell him I want his attention. Being able to say what we want straight out and have it respected goes a long way towards making us happy.
The only thing in my life that can’t be easily interrupted is my work (see Sondheim’s “Finishing the Hat”). My partner respects this, and will interrupt only if it’s extremely urgent. At all other times, we’re both open to each other, emotionally or otherwise. But that doesn’t mean we have to stop what we’re doing, to pay attention to the other’s needs.
Do you mean a 2 minute chat, or 1/2 hour discussion about something.
I was discussing this thread with my SO and found myself drifting off to other things after about 5 min of conversation. She got a little upset and I had to force myself to walk away from the computer where I could finish the conversation. Unless I see something as very important I have a hard time staying focused more than 5 min. The bad part is we don’t always agree on what is important.
That’s the problem for me. I’m almost always emotionally available for my wife, for a short period of time. I frequently ask her if she can wait until later to get into it more since I’m better at pretending to be interested if I can prepare myself ahead of time 