Dress kind of geeky or mildly futuristic. Rush hurriedly into a store, restaurant, or bar and excitedly ask the cashier “What’s today’s date?” After they tell you “March 25th” or whatever, you have to ask them “The year, dammit! What year is it?” They’ll confusedly reply “2016” and you pump your fists excitedly and loudly declare “It worked! It worked!” and run out of the place chanting “IT WORKED!”
Well, it’s better than filling a whoopee cushion with beef gravy, right?
I’m thinking about issuing a change request renaming huge portions of my project to be Doctor Who themed. I need to see if I can work out the details for the various sections.
I used to do temp work for a company that processed Medicare and Medicaid claims. I was in a big room with a bunch of African-American ladies who liked to listen to All My Children on their Walkmans while working. They were also taping the episodes at home and would watch them after getting off work. They’d get excited and start whooping and shout “Oh no she di-int!” when the stories got racy.
I sat at the same table with Belinda, the most vocal of them. One time she started crying. I said “Belinda, what’s wrong?” “It’s Mary,” she said. “She gonna lose her kidneys.”
I decided to have a little fun with this. When I got home, I typed up a letter and put CBS Studios in the letterhead. I pasted a picture I found online of the actress playing Mary and wrote: “Dearest Belinda, thanks for being my number one fan! I can assure you I’ll be all right. The doctors were able to replace my kidneys with pig kidneys and they work great! Now except for an occasional desire to eat slop and wallow in my own filth, I’m doing fine.”
I put the letter in her desk drawer while she was away. I didn’t hear anything from her for days. I kept waiting for her to mention it, but she didn’t.
A few days later, she was listening to her stories and started to tear up again. I said “What’s the matter? Mary’s kidneys still bothering her?” She immediately slapped the table, looked at me with hate in her eyes, pointed at me and shouted “Did you leave me that note?”
I said I didn’t know what she was talking about. She took the letter out of her desk drawer and read it aloud. I feigned ignorance. I don’t know if she bought it, but she didn’t slash my tires or anything.
My six-year old did that to the bathroom last night. My wife pretty much lost her shit in the bathroom when she found it last night. So much so that the six-year old admitted to also spidering the other bathroom AND the paper towel roll in the kitchen.
She also cut out brown construction paper into "E"s and put them in a brownie pan and covered it with foil for later on tonight.
Regular punkd going on at my house, let me tell you.
Urrgghhh, I think the Navy wins the day. Earlier this afternoon they hovered a Harrier Jump Jet over a major road. I drove right under it and was like “wait. That jet isn’t moving. That jet isn’t moving. THAT JET ISN’T–”
Had to go home and google it. Much more sympathy for people who report UFO sightings now.
The managers of Royals Review, a web site dedicated to the Kansas City Royals baseball team, made the site feature stories on British Royalty for April Fool’s Day.
