I’m pretty sure “Don’t start an ‘Ask the criminal mastermind about to take over the world’ thread on an Internet message board before you’ve actually taken over the world” would be pretty high up on that list, though. That pesky Legion of Do-Gooders has undoubtedly hacked up your IP address and triangulated your phsyical location by now, and a team is heading your way at high velocity even as we type.
It is amusing, isn’t it? Did you notice the cooling tower that Ingrid the Ingaevonic had to retrofit onto her lair at the last moment? Not that it did her any good. The overarching Power of the Sun is nothing to sneer at.
Most lairs seem to use self-generating power soiurces, whether magma taps, fusion reactors, or quantum-mechanical receptors. But these are all problematic when it comes to reliability. Magma cools–or erupts–unpredictably. The structure of fusion reactors becomes irradiated. Quantum technology exhibits unexplaned side effects. All of these events lead to high expenditures (training and rehabilitation of henchpersonnel, replacement of facilities). Not to mention the chances of unplanned attention being drawn to the lair.
Why not power your lair through the inexhaustible bounty of the Sun? Sunspace Megathermic Industries can place a simple junctor at the heart of your powerhouse that will provide all the heat, electricity, and plasma you can use, all for pennies a gigawatt. Call us today!
Sorry, my fault. It was actually supposed to my cousin, Leroy the Skull Splitter. He’s got a thing for… well, I’d rather not get into it now. I’ll just tell him you have it, and he’ll be over to pick it in no time.
I’m a mercenary, I’ll feel however you want me to feel, if the price is right.
Little Evil OverPrincess Person, if you even think about taking over the world before the New Orleans Saints are eliminated from the playoffs I’ll turn you over my knee.
After football season, eh, I don’t care so much, and may be available for hire.
Did the the time loop method of securing your existence, eh? Very clever. I went with the “removing myself from history” angle myself. I literally have no ancestors. Do your worst!
I can see you’re a smart cookie, but this isn’t the first time I’ve had dealings with a chrono savant super-villain. I suggest a one on one fight with no monkeying around with time travel. My organisation for freedom and justice against your minions of evil and debauchery. Lets make a fair fight out of it… well, as fair as a fight with a super-villain can be. What do you say?
PS. I promise not to try to convert you to the side of good if you promise not to give me the “we’re not so different you and me” speech.
Of course.
Will tummy tucks be covered in our new universal health care plan?
You know, looking from the outside, you guys aren’t so different.
Q. What do you call an Indestructible Man’s torso, floating in a vat of liquid nitrogen?
A. Bob.
Q. What do you call an Indestructible Woman’s torso, floating in a vat of liquid nitrogen?
A. Floe.
[sub]Does that make me Evil?[/sub]
Minions, you need minions.
I have seen mention of the need for henchmen several times, but you are also going to need minions and lackeys. There is a whole corporate structure to a proper world dominion.
I might be willing to be a minion depending upon the 401k match.
Don’t need to. Uosdwis R. Dewoh kindly volunteered.
I was born to greatness, of course, but there a lot of career paths for gifted people such as I. Look at some of the posters in this thread. I knew I was cut out for the Dark Side since I was nineteen, though.
Babby is formed when a mommy stork and a daddy stork love each other very much.
Know any philatelists?
Indeed. They’re six minutes late, actually. I hope they show up and spring the trap before my dinner gets cold.
Do you do giant death robots? I’m looking for a way to cut down my evil android emissions.
You may not know what you’re getting yourself into. Then again, it’s your intestines. I’ll need you to keep an eye on the little devils (not to be confused with Tasmanian Devils, who like to plot but never get past the committee stage). I an assure you you won’t be bored.
Exactly how do you define “as fair as a fight with a super-villain can be”? In my book, that’s sorta like saying, “as dry as a bucket full of water can be”. Tell you what- I’m going to tell you in advance that I always cheat. Be seeing ya.
No, but nose jobs will.
Talk to Steve. He’s my Chief of the Minioning Department. He’s also going to be handling Lackeys and Toadies until I find someone. >Hint to anyone looking for a job.<
I expect nothing less. I’m talking about the well established rules in arch-villainy. No tearing down the fabric of the universe. No destroying the Earth out of spite. It’s okay to want to destroy life on Earth to make way for your superior beings, but doing it just because you lost, that’s just petty. Also, no sending your best henchgirl to seduce me. Not only is that tacky, you just know she’ll betray you after she develops “true feelings” for me. Hero - henchgirl relationships never last anyway. You’d save me a lot of headache if you didn’t go down that route.
And don’t hire from Goons-A-Plenty please. Those guys are rank amateurs, strictly regional villain stuff. I know their low rates and no money down offers sound great, but they cause a lot of unnecessary collateral damage and half the time get their own clients dead. Beneath the consideration of any serious up and coming international super-villain.
Goons-A-Plenty? Pfff. I already told you in post 38, I get mine at Mooks-A-Million. And fear not, I have no plans to destroy the world- how would I rule it?
Let me guess- you don’t think your sidekicks will fall for my henchgirls, either?
Maybe for a henchguy. My sidekicks are pretty fabulous. Where do you think I got this snazzy uniform (no cape)?
Mooks-A-Million are great. Affordable rates, good service, great upgrade options when you get in the groove of things.
And here I was going to use my lesbian henchgirls for your female followers… curses, foiled again!
Are you going to be one of those Talking Villains Roger Ebert has mentioned? Where you have the hero at gunpoint and instead of dispatching him immediately, you laugh, sneer, explain your motives, goals, hopes, wishes, and fears? Because that will just give him time to come up with some plan of action, escape, and/or blow up your fortress, with your minions running around like ants from an anthill.
I do indeed gloat, pontificate, and monologue, once I have vaporized them with my 1920’s style death ray. It gets things off my chest, and who knows, maybe their ghosts are listening and slapping their ectoplasmic foreheads.
Once you complete your takeover, where exactly will your headquarters be?
And can I come visit sometime?
Depends on how giant they are.
SMI’s junctors are not particularly large; the smallest model is about the side of a domestic fridge and masses only a couple of tonnes. The power-transducing equipment they are connected to can be sizable, however. We have not seen many successful installations in devices or vehicles much smaller than a medium-size warship. Of course, that’s with conventional tech.
We provide specs and APIs for installing our junctors, connecting to them, and controlling them. You handle the rest; you know your tech and its capabilities best.
I’m Chris from HR, you called for a heartless soul crusher?