Before you kill me, I would like to know if you’d like this lovely cake. I’ll tell you the recipe if you let me go unharmed. Will you taste it?
Oh, and do you have a pack of Newports? I’m entitled to a last (and first) cig, right?
Have you figured out how to implement some sort of sucessful pre-hire physical for your henchmen and lackies? In my own exploits into evil villianry I have noticed that most applicants tend to have weak necks that can can be snapped instantly without a sound, or a lack of cushioning fluid around the brains so that they are knocked unconscious at the first blow from behind.
Can’t you tell I’m a scantily-clad amazon vixen of death disguised as a do-gooder? Don’t you even remember that you sent me to infiltrate the liberal bleeding-hearts? Have you forgotten that I ENJOY being tied up and threatened? (I bet you haven’t, honey)
I’m just posting to try to get this thread lined up with Predict the Death of the Previous Poster for an entry in the latest “Sequential Thread Titles of Doom” thread …
Angel Heart - Fool! If you’re looking to die slowly, I have far more excruciating plans than simply giving you a cigarette!
wolfman - Bah! Do you have any idea how hard it is to get rid of incompetant henchmen!? When I take over the world, unions will be the first thing to go! Fool!
So, what’s your entire life story, startinf from three generations back, so as not to miss any important lead-in material? Do you mind if I take notes while we’e discussing this, one last time before you finally kill me once and for all? You don’t? Well, I’ll just let myself out of these costricting ropes, here, so I can write.
So who’d win in a fight, you or Dr. Doom? What about Lex Luthor?
The Dallas Cowboys are 7-2 so far this season - does this mean that hell will freeze over? I must know the answer before I die!
Also, is that a margarita machine you have with you? Ah, good. Bring it on. 
Diceman - Infidel! Dr. Doom didn’t even go to an accredited university! And Lex Luthor uses his family money as a crutch in place of true super-villainry!
Blonde - Ha! It’s not just a margarita machine. It’s the Margarita Machine of Endless Torment! Fool!
Hey, ** Johnny Bravo ** where the hell are those souls you owe me?? :mad: I demand my payment soon.
All right, you foul evil feind. You have me. You win. But before you feed me to your herd of rabid wolverines, answer me just one question. I think I’ve earned that much.
How in the HELL did you manage to break through the QX-47 MagnaLok security door that was protecting Dr. Reinsbaum’s prototype Phobos Quantum laser device? I know you couldn’t have seduced Svetlana, because we secretly had her under surveillance at all times. Unless…yes, you bastard! You must have got to Jenkins! You knew he would be head of the surveillance team, and you got to him. What was it? Did you threaten his wife? His children? Scum! You’re pure scum! I don’t mind my own death, but to take a damn fine man like that and turn him against his own mother country…words desert me. I’ll see you burn in hell yet, you monster!
Man, Johnny Bravo used to be funny, but they changed it and now he’s like evil I guess? And I’m not sure I like it. So my question is are you like an evil Johnny Bravo, or is this like a crazy scheme to get layed? And also, what the hell was that thing?
Yes he does! Yes he does! I demand he shoot me now!
Smeghead - Fool! Jenkins knew that only by working for me would he be able to save his pet radish from excruciating torment. Unfortunately for him, that offer did not extend to himself or his family!
BrotherCadfael - A quick death is too good for you! You, who have managed to evade me week after week, deserve no less than several hours of sweaty anticipation of the torment to come!
There seem to be a lot of imperiled do-gooders you have overlooked. Are you going to get to them, or will they just leave them to escape your evil clutches without a witty riposte?
Don’t mind me, I’m just sweeping the floors … an evil janitor’s work is never done, you know …
Fool? You calling me a fool?
Well, I guess okay then…
(Dons motley, jester’s belled cap, and clown makeup; capers about while giggling inanely)
How’s that?
(Aside)
Dang, ETF, you make for one kewl jester!
Look you are going about this all the wrong way. If someone asks you to explain the key to your evil (and no doubt nefarious)scheme then shoot theme and then say “No.” Never the other way round,ever.
Look, let me show you how’s it done…