Peggy’s blissful lack of awareness of her mangling of the Spanish language was highlighted on the episide in which Alamo Beer hired her to take calls from Mexican customers who had drunk cerveza that had been contaminated with soap at the brewery. After her shift, Peggy said something on the order of: “Their Spanish was not very good, but I was basically able to understand them.”
Ooh, cornflakes, it only gets better when you toss “sex-ed teacher lady” into that line. Though that might be a different line from the same episode.
From the constipation episode:
DALE: Here’s one that’s guaranteed to work for you, Hank. You take a spoonful of bacon grease –
HANK: I am not eating bacon grease.
DALE: You didn’t let me finish.
HANK: You might’ve noticed in tonight’s episode, there was some brief nudity. Now, as an actor, I only do nudity when I feel the script warrants it. And I thought tonight’s episode only warranted seeing the side of my rump. You can believe me when I tell you the Fox executives were pushing for a whole lot more. If any of you were offended by my body, I’m truly sorry. Good night.
From the focus-group episode:
COTTON: I like the mower. It’s got a lot of curves, like a pretty young woman. Hank’s mower is like a dumpy fishwife.
JONATHAN: Now if we could discuss the electric seat warmer –
HANK: Why would we need our seats warmed? That’s what pants are for! Right, Boomhauer?
BOOMHAUER: I don’t know, Hank…could get naked on this dang ol’ thing…vibrate my…feel good, man.
Oh, god, this site: http://www.geocities.com/arlen_texas/kothquotes.htm is the best thing to come out of Geocities in ages.
One of my personal favorites is from the episode where Bill gets fired as the barber at the Army base. An officer is looking for a decent haircut so he goes into the mess hall and asks if anyone in the room can cut hair. One of the army guys starts to raise his hand and another guy grabs him and says in an exaggerated lisp “Don’t answer, it’s a trick!”
Just a throwaway line, but I laughed my ass off. 
There’s one with the guy from LA and hank says something like…
“I’m going to tie the long hairs on your head to the short hairs on your ass and kick you down the street.”
DALE: Computers don’t make errors. What they do, they do on purpose.
Dale- “I’m the albino buffalo! Deal with it!”
Another Dale-ism- “The ants cover you and sting you all at once. That’s how they killed L Ron Hubbard.”
Hank to Dale- “Dammit Dale, I am your friend! I’m the best friend a weirdo like you’s ever gonna have!”
Buckley’s Angel to Luann- “Jesus says to drop out of beauty school because you suck at it. He gave me a note to read you, He probably put it nicer- ‘Dear Luann, drop out of beauty school. You suck at it. Love, Jesus’ No, I guess He didn’t.”
Buckley’s Angel later in the same ep- “I gotta go. Jesus is having a party at His place. It’s gonna rock.”
Hank to Peggy about Cotton staying with them-
“He’s staying here. Bobby & I love him.”
Peggy- “But Luann & I hate him.”
Hank- “But Jesus loves him- so we win!”
I can’t believe this isn’t here yet (paraphrasing – it’s been a long time):
Luanne: “You should let me dye your hair, Uncle Hank.”
Hank: “Men don’t do that, Luanne.”
Luanne: “Sure they do. Even President Reagan did it.”
Hank: “Now, if Ron Reagan dyed his hair – and I’m not saying he did – it was only to show his power to the communists.”
Same ep:
Hurry up Peg! We need to get to Dallas before the gangs wake up!
After Bobby and Joseph return to their Pee-Wee football team:
HANK: “That was good strategy, bringing Joseph with you. You might make a good coach someday.”
BOBBY: “Thanks, Dad. I’d still want to wear my uniform, though,…”
<Hank reaches up to put his arm around Bobby>
BOBBY: “…and a cape.”
<Arm goes back down.>
[Bobby is about to make his stage debut in OF MICE & MEN]
Dale: Is it alright to send roses to a boy who’s in a play?
Hank: [disgusted sigh] If it’s ‘my’ son it is.
Not a quote but an observation: Any episode with the Manger Babies is a comedy classic on par with Lucy and the chocolates.
Wait a minute … I thought that quote was from the Simpsons porn tape episode, with the judge talking to Homer!
Heck no, that’s pure Hill. Most of the humour of that episode came from Hank being so uptight-- it wouldn’t have worked with an anarchic character like Homer, who’s all about easy gratification.
From hank to Dale and Co. ; "I don’t have an anger problem I’ve got an Idiot problem! "
Peggy and Bobby develop a taste for charcoal grilling (as opposed to propane), and have to keep it a secret from Hank. At one point, Hank finds a piece of charcoal and confronts Bobby (paraphrasing):
“And what the hell is this??”
“Uh . . . it’s drugs!”
Ooh, also:
Kahnie: We can’t do the eighth grade poll this year.
Bobby Hill: Why not?
Kahnie: It turned out last year, the “worst dressed kid” was just really poor.
Peggy has just found an arrowhead in the lawn, and Hank brings it to John Redcorn to see if it’s worth anything. When he gets to the house, Dale’s wife answers the door wearing just a bathrobe, followed by John without a shirt. John first gives some ‘noble Indian’-type spiel about how the arrowhead is a sacred artifact to his people.
Hank: Ok, but how much would it be worth to my people?
John: Mr. Hill, to take that which belongs to another man is…
Dale’s wife from back inside the house: John Redcorn! I am waiting!
John: Uh, yeah… well, food for thought. (quickly shuts door)
BOOMHAUER: [Reads from a legal contract in typical Boomhauer fashion].
HANK: Boomhauer, I didn’t understand a word you just said. Damn legalese!
HANK (to Peggy): Well I picture you at the mower show with me. Like some beauty queen of… yore. With a … fur… coat, and a… gold… hat.
In context:
<someone> “Hey Bobby, let’s go get some butane lighters…”
<Bobby> “My daddy says butane’s a bastard gas…”
D.
Dammit, Dale, this is Texas. It’s already 100 degrees in the summer, and if it gets one degree hotter, I’m gonna kick your ass!
From the episode where Peggy finds out Nancy is sleeping with John Redcorn:
Peggy: Minh, you won’t believe it! Nancy is having an affair!
Minh: Oh my God! She cheating on John Redcorn?!
In another episode, Bobby’s angry Hank won’t let him do something:
Bobby: Why do you hate everything you don’t understand?
Hank: <sighs> I don’t hate you, Bobby.
I also like Dale’s description of him and Bill:
“We’re two beta males on the top of our game”.
There was also an episode where Boomhauer is put in a mental hospital for observation. Bill and Dale are upset that Hank always tells them what to do, because they figure they’re just as competant as him, so they decide to get Boomhauer out on their own without Hank’s help.
After they both get confined there too, they call Hank, he shows up, goes into the administrator’s office, and comes out a minute later.
Hank: Boomhauer, you were in here for 24 hour observation. It’s been more than 24 hours, so you’re free to go. Bill, you checked yourself in, so you’re free to go. Dale, there isn’t even any record of you being here, so you’re free to go.