From Bang: ‘I’ll cut off your nose and shove it up the mouth of your dick!’
Back in college my roommate and I rented a movie called “Attack (or maybe it was Assault?) of the Killer Bimbos”. The only thing I remember about the entire movie was a line from one of the bimbos: “I’ll never be a dancer! I’m too stupid! I should have gone to college!”
From The Tingler, 1959, starring Vincent Price as Dr. Warren Chapin
Isabel Chapin: “The only way Dave Morris will marry my sister is over my dead body.”
Dr. Warren Chapin: “Unconventional but not impossible.”
I remember my brother saw this movie as part of a Saturday morning children’s matinee and it traumatized him. He had nightmares for months, dreaming the tingler was coming for him. I watched it many years later on late-night television, and GEEZ - I can’t imagine showing that movie to little kids. For adults though, Vincent Price delivered quite a few wry one-liners like the one above.
From Invasion Of The Saucer Men: Teenagers accidentally run over an alien. The dead alien’s had detaches and punctures their tire, so they make their way to a farmhouse to report the accident. In the meantime, a drifter finds the alien’s body. The other aliens kill him by injecting him with an overdose of alcohol. Then they start bashing the car. The teenagers surmise that the aliens are angry at the car for killing one of them. It finally dawns on them that they’ve been framed. The aliens damaged the car to make it look like the teenagers hit the drifter. The hilarious like comes from the girl:
‘And we thought they were mad at the car!’
Some of these mentioned aren’t B movies so much as parodies, though those are also often good lines.
Back in college, my roommates sat up and watched a film we’d never heard of called RobotJox. It was the only non-Japanese giant fighting robot film we’d ever seen. It was bad, but we were thrilled to see it just the same. The line we kept coming back to was from one of the bad guys with a German accent talking smack to his competitors in a robot jock bar:
“Do I hear a squick?”
We bandied this retort around for years.
Victor Mature as Samson in Samson and Delilah: “I don’t need that spear. It’s only a very young lion.”
Message From Space (1978), a Japanese “answer to Star Wars” is a dull, predictable piece of film. It is memorable to me because I saw it at the Drive-In with a buncha friends and we got to hear the greatest line ever. When the Evil Emperor rose from his throne, and stepped forward to address his court, and thereby the audience, he raised his arms, and we heard: “The Concessions Stand will be closing in five minutes. In five minutes the Concessions Stand will close!” And with that he flourished his robe, turned and resumed his throne.
I don’t know the title, but it was a Die Hard rip-off with Shannon Tweed and Andrew Dice Clay (oh, you know it’s a winner right there!). She’s an action-movie star trapped in a hotel taken over by terrorists. One of the henchmen describes her thusly:
“She’s like…Bruce Lee, with boobs!”
Two of my “go to” movies:
The Beast of Yucca Flats which gives us these gems:
and the great Robot Monster:
I love the 1953 version of The War of the Worlds but if I drop or knock over something I’m partial to crying
The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai:
“John Valuk is dead, he fell on his head.”
There are lots of great lines in this movie. The character names are even funnier. Just don’t expect anything to actually make sense.
Some of these are awesome!
I guess I should have clarified, we looking for the trash talk one-liners before during or after kickin’ some ass!
Also here is a classic from “They Call Me Bruce?”
50’s movie. COG? Location, secret underground research base.
Dr. Scientist A: We could be attacked by the enemy.
Dr. Scientist B: What damage would result from an atomic bomb?
Dr. Scientist A: First level and above would be destroyed.
Dr. Scientist B: I recommend evacuating everyone from the first level.
Dr. Scientist C: But everybody is at lunch right now!
Yeah, it makes a lot more sense if you read the novel. Also:
“Xello, xoney, I vant to speak to John Bigbooty at Yoyodyne propulsion-a systems!”*
“Laugh while you can, monkey boy!”
- Where ‘x’ is a velar fricative.
“Only a Sith deals in absolutes!”
Hey, to me Revenge of the Sith was a B-movie.
At the end of Dark Angel:
Evil alien, skewered on a steel rod: “I come in peace.”
Dolph Lundgren picks up the alien gun and fires: “…and you go in pieces, asshole!”
Big Trouble in Little China:
David Lo Pan: Now, this really pisses me off to no end!
From the movie Forbidden Zone:
The Midget king of the 6th dimension is talking about his army of zombies and zombie babies.
King Fausto: Just wait until those dead babies start marching, then you’ll be eating your words!
Nitpick: Christopher Plummer.
From Bulletproof
Danny Trejo - "The fuck is this?" Gary Busey - "Your worst nightmare, butt horn."Oh man, do I love getting drunk and watching me some B movies. There was one line I had in my head recently, but I can’t seem to recall it now. Also, “Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man”(?) has a few real gems in it.