Because the automatic toilets still flush when I stand up.
(emphasis added)
Are you taking this as a position, or simply playing games? What are the rules of your discussion? “What if I told you” no longer counts. Either tell me or not. Then we’ll talk.
Suppose we treat this as a serious philosophical question, and for those who believe in the immortal soul it indeed is.
So let’s think about the Bruce Willis movie, “The Sixth Sense”. The kid says, “I see dead people, and they don’t even know they’re dead.” These are people who are dead, but their soul and mind have somehow (let’s not worry about how) transcended the physical world that we are familiar with and continue to exist. “I think therefore I am” doesn’t help here because Descartes forgot to define what “I am” means.
The tacit assumption of the OP is that “I am” can mean that the mind exists beyond the death of the physical body. If you accept that, then there is really no way to objectively know that you are alive or dead simply be observation.
However, we can reason by induction. Our observation is that everyone in our world who has ever lived has eventually died, except all those who are alive right now. Therefore we are not living in the afterworld filled with people’s immortal souls. Therefore we must all be alive and living in the physical mortal world.
I’m not in Heaven.
Yup, me too! 
A. I’m too damn tired to be dead
B. I’m still getting emails.
C. I’m not Bruce Willis
This touches on a more general, and more well-known philosophical problem than the OP.
To cut several centuries of debate short – we don’t know whether we can trust our senses.
However, for a number of reasons, it makes sense to take reality at face value for now. I feel hungry, I go to get some food. Even if I knew, for a fact, my stomach is an illusion, and I’m not really here, how does that inform me what to do next?
When I Google my full name, none of the results is a death notice or an entry in the Social Security Death Index.
Prior-to-Internet answer: I open the paper, check the obituaries, and if I’m not there, I’m alive.
When what’s-his-name kicked the rock, and shouted, “I refute it thus,” he was not only wrong…but now his foot hurts, too.
I think I’m alive and everyone I know thinks they’re alive. Since the definition of “alive” that you and I are using is defined by the popular conception of the people in our reality, and I’m being asked the question by someone in our reality and answering someone in our reality, our shared acceptance that we’re alive is definitive.
If we were able to correspond with some outer, “living” world, then obviously the people of that reality would disagree with our understanding of the word, “alive”, as we use it amongst ourselves. Rightly so. But once we had secured a line of communication with the outer world and finished understanding one another, the end result would be that we realize that our word, “alive”, means something different than theirs. The answer would be different, if speaking to one of them or if answering someone about the difference between our conception of the word and theirs.
If I am a ghost, then the afterlife is extremely similar to life, so I’ll just carry on as I am. So what difference does knowing that I am or am not a ghost actually make?
I’m breathing, I have a pulse, I’m typing on a keyboard.
Whitey Ford tells this story of when he and Yogi Berra were sitting together at a Yankees old timers day. The names of deceased Yankees players were put on the scoreboard. Yogi turned to Whitey and said, “I hope I don’t live long enough to see my name up there.”
Of course, the second possibility you mention is just as plausible as the first. And there’s even some supporting evidence, in the length of time (longer than we thought) it’s been taking to fight all that ignorance.
That’s pretty much what I was going to say. If I’m dead, then the distinction between life and death eludes me. And if the distinction between life and death is a distinction without a difference, then there’s no reason not to call it all ‘life.’
For the win.
Because I’m on a boat.
You can’t NOT-BE on a boat.
I still bill and the invoices still get paid.
I’m in the middle of a gout attack. I only wish I was dead.
Sounds like someone just had their first freshman philosophy class. I have gotten through life so far by depending on my senses and treating them as real. Whether I’m truly “alive,” or in a simulation that only makes me *think *I’m alive, or a ghost, or an old person with Alzheimer’s merely reliving my past inside my head–none of that makes a difference in how I live my life.
Hugs kayaker, if there’s a way to do that without making the pain worse. Although if we’re not alive, it’s only a simulated hug or ghost hug… sorry.
Great insight. My daughter is right now taking her first freshman philosophy class.