Yepper. Since the the OP is merely requesting methods rather than common methods there could be an infinite number. You suggest a four slice banana peel; there could also be a 24 slice banana peel or a painstaking 63 slice banana peel.
(I’m no mathematician, but can’t there be an infinite number of ways to skin a cat, even if there is not an infinite number of cats? Theoretical methods don’t count?)
Potato peeler.
Belt sander.
OK guys, thanks for participating. This is important work. It’s hard to believe no one has attempted to quantify this before. But they probably didn’t have the resources of the SDMB. Hopefully in the future, when you say ‘There’s more than one way to skin a cat’, and someone responds ‘Oh yeah, how many smarty-pants?’ you can fight their ignorance and tell them the actual number.
Now to clear up how different ways are distinquished from each other:
A marsupial has moved this thread from GQ to IMHO. That relaxes the rules a little. So you don’t have to prove you have actually skinned a cat using your method, or seen it done. But it does have to be a reasonable method, or at least humorous. Also, minor variations like the number of banana slices doesn’t distinquish between two methods. That’s just inane. More specific details are supplied below on a case by case basis.
OK, you are still a GQ mod, so you will have to provide better documentation of those methods to have them count. To answer your questions, differentiations between right and left are not topologically different. The distance of the cut from the anus doesn’t matter, and absolute numbers are irrelevant as cats come in different sizes. All methods specifying a relative distance from the anus would be considered the same method. The direction of the cut doesn’t matter on it’s own. The type of tool doesn’t matter, see ‘potato peeler’ and ‘belt sander’ below.
Admittedly unproven on cats, but it sounds reasonable. But if empirical observations show this method does not actually work, it will be removed from the count.
You get credit for two methods. ‘Banana peel’ is obviously distinct if we’re talking at least two full length slices. ‘Barber pole’ would be a double helix, and a ‘apple peel’ a single spiral, differing only in the number of cuts, so that only counts as one way.
Sorry, I can’t count the brute force method. Maybe 2000 years ago there was only one known way of skinning a cat, but this is the 21st century and we have science to prove there are more. That puts the credibility of your source in question.
That is sick. No one in this thread has mentioned puppies or throwing cats in a river either. Go back to your perverted juvenile canine snuff film thread.
This is applied science. ‘There is more than one way…’, not ‘There is more than one theoretical way…’. The correlary to the main principle is: Cat Skinning Limit < Number of Actual Cats.
That is just a specific type of cutting instrument. Are you suggesting removing numerous narrow strips of skin as a method?
I’ll count this under the general category of ‘abrasion’.
Distinct methods of skinning a cat identified so far,** 11**. Potential for 12 based on Really Not All That Bright’s clarification.
Could you reach your hand in through the mouth and scoop out the body with a melon baller? Or, for larger cats, an ice cream scoop?
ETA: Ooh, here’s another: dip it in acid to dissolve the skin.
I would use the tried and true “catfish method”
My daddy taught me this one:
Using a nice big screwdriver, “nail” the (cat) to a tree.
Make a cut around the neck and start peeling with a downward pull.
You may need pliers to hold on to the skin; continue pulling downward.
The skin should come off like a glove…
Right. Zest the cat, as it were.
Will you count “sand blasting” as a distinct method? How about “high-pressure jet washer”? “Capsule-less atmosphere re-entry”?
Other methods:
G-forces. Slit skin appropriately, attach skin to rocket sled, accelerate sled and cause sudden stop. If a high enough speed is reached, excess kitbits will be ejected, leaving skin attached to sled.
Stick blender. Open cat’s mouth, insert stick blender. Pulverize inner catness to pulpy goo, being careful not to harm skin. Pour goo out of mouth or eyes. Serve with parsley.
Twine. Cut a long piece of twine. Run twine through one of cat’s nostrils and out the other. Knot ends. Ensure that cat swallows the rest of the twine, leaving knotted ends outside nostrils. Wait until cat craps out other end of loop. Grasp neck firmly and pull crapped-out twine loop with vigor. Discard inverted catstuffs.
Terror. Screw cat’s feet to floor, slit skin at spine. Show cat a picture of Bob Barker with a cat-neutering implement. Cat will leap out of its own skin.
(Jesus, I hope everyone realizes that I’m actually a very nice person with a sick imagination…)
Felix and Maggie* have a baby and name it Zest.
I would say “Band Name” but that is so passe’.
*Cat on a Hot Tin Roof
I think you should write the Itchy and Scratchy pieces on the Simpsons. On that note, nail the cat’s feet to an escalator and it will be skinned when the escalator reaches the top, or so I’ve been led to understand by the television. This may fall under a general category above.
OK, smarty-pants, are there more or fewer ways to skin a wombat than a cat?
Klondike, I admire your passion. But scientists must remain objective. I suggest starting a new thread in GQ to address that question.
Cats and wombats are topologically equivalent.
Well the pace is slowing. Since we aren’t allowing inconsequential variations to count as a different way, duplicates have popped up, and the most obvious methods have been identified. But we should not dissuade people from offering suggestions, or providing additional input regarding the existing methods. Since I haven’t heard of any other research being done in this area, we are not in a ‘publish or perish’ situation, so there is no reason to finalize the results in the near term. But if any of the dedicated analysts on this board hear of other work in progress, please let us know. I’d hate to see the Nobel for *Scientific Analysis of an American Idiom *go to a Justin Bieber fan site, or some other such fringe-science practioners, simply because we fell asleep at the switch.
Inevitably in scientific research, as facts accumulate, and conclusions are drawn, new questions emerge. We now face the question of the result, not the method. Skinning could be the process of seperating a largely intact skin from the rest of the cat. It could also be seperating the rest of the cat, largely intact, from the skin. It could be the most difficult case, seperating skin and cat, with both remaining largely intact. My research does not show clear precedent for any of the choices. I will contend for now, that either the skin, or the rest of the cat should be largely intact at the end of the process. For the time being, methods that destroy both skin and cat will not be counted. However, feel free to provide reasons why that type of process should be included.
One more note, credit is being given to the person posting a unique way of skinning. But everybody should feel equal acclaim. This is a group effort after all.
OK, ‘Evisceration’ would count. Top notch research Skammer! However, acid would tend to remove the skin, and some of the rest of the cat. Unless you know of a combination of chemicals which would dissolve catskin, leaving the rest of the carcass intact. We don’t exclude
Interesting variation. This is much like the ‘sweater method’ proposed by KlondikeGeoff and Zeldar back in GQ. I will give KlondikeGeoff credit for that now that we are in IMHO. Zeldar gets credit for the ‘evening gown’ method as well. But MTRG adds the use of a fixing the head to a stationary object and removing the skin in one piece. I think that is not only distinct in methodology, but also a method that person with only one hand could use. One handed people who have been denied jobs as cat skinners should file an ADA suit.
Good work MTRG!
This is a tough call. In cooking, zesting would be more like abrasion in the modern usage. But the use of simple slit type potato peeler would produce more distinctive pieces of skin, that could be individually useful. I’ll count the ‘peel’ method. Congrats Really!
Max, I can see you have taken this seriously, and produced a set of methods that run the gamut. I appreciate the effort. Unfortunately, ‘sand blasting’ and ‘water jet’ would go in the category of abrasion. The ‘re-entry’ method would be similar to cremation, leaving no intact part of the cat. I’ll have skip that one too. The ‘stick blender’ would fall under evisceration.
The ‘twine’ method though has a unique quality. Unlike the other evisceration methods, this one inverts the entire cat, so that other methods may be applied on the carcass as opposed to the skin. I don’t think this really is a totally distinct way to skin a cat, but a unique pre-processing step that should be known as the ‘Max Torque Inversion’, and should be noted when combined with other methods.
The ‘scared out of the skin’ method however, does not seem to be reliable. I don’t think the neutering implement is even necessary, the picture of Barker should suffice. Without further confirmation though, I’d have to call it speculative.
All in all Max, a great effort. And I would call the ‘Inversion’ a new paradigm in cat skinning.
Zeldar, as noted, the ‘evening gown’ method now counts. But I don’t see how this qualifies. Please try to remain focused. Don’t let the personal life affect the professional.
This is creative thinking RitterSport. But your description lacks in detail. I think you intended to have one part of the cat connected to the moving escalator ‘stairs’, and the other part secured to a stationary object. If it works, it doesn’t sound distinctly different from MTRG’s method, and the use of additional equipment doesn’t add significant advantage. For instance, one hand is still needed to secure the ends of the cat. I don’t want to presume the results of experimentation, but it might simply cause the whole cat to bifurcate, rather than seperating the skin. Maybe you could flesh this one out some more.
As a general note: Methods that work on cartoon cats would be eligible, so long as that method would reasonably apply to real cats. Itchy and Scratchy cartoons are more complicated, because they are cartoons contained within the Simpsons cartoons. In that case, the method would have to reasonably apply to a real cartoon cat, as well as a real cat.
Ways of Skinning a Cat > 13 exclusive of variants using the Max Torgue Inversion.
Gentlemen, this is an educational thread. Klondike, you could address this in GQ as I suggested, and collect evidence to support your stance. But if you or Gary just want to trade barbs, try GD or Cafe.
It sounds like you don’t need the skin to be intact. How about cutting the cat into “steaks” (call 'em 1" thick slices). Removing the skin from each slice then becomes an easy matter of sliding it off.
We appreciate your input.
We are currently working on the assumption that either the skin or the remainder of the cat must remain largely intact. If you have rational arguments explaining why neither is required under a reasonable definition of skinning a cat, feel free to edify us. Your method would probably be easily recognized as a method of skinning cat steaks. But I cannot find an idiom that refers to cat steaks. Perhaps you could start a thread in GQ asking if such an idiom exists. It would certainly impress the Nobel committee to see that we had addressed such related theories.
I am impressed with your ambition to contribute to this project. Think about it more. After all that’s why it’s called ‘re-search’. Really Not All That Bright had to try more than once to find a distinct ‘way’ and I hope that GiantRat and RitterSport will demonstrate the same determination and come back with more formalized hypotheses. I myself am still trying to work out an explanation for why one can’t have a cake and eat it too. It seems to defy logic. Last week I had a cake and then I ate it too. But wisdom is only achieved through the passage of time and the exertion of effort.
The video demonstration I saw showed a cat with its feet nailed to the escalator. Upon reaching the top of the escalator, as the moving stairs moved back into the general mechanism, the feet remained attached to the escalator, dragging the body under the top of the escalator. The skin remained behind, on the outside of the escalator. It was peeled off by the moving escalator.
After circulating through the escalator innards, the body pops out on the bottom. During this time, a wealthy mall patron bought the fur to use as a muffler. However, the body, showing unusual determination, rides back to the top of the escalator and grabs the skin back. The cat body wraps itself with the detached skin, like a sweater wrapped around ones shoulders.
Upon leaving the mall, the cat is attacked by fur protesters. While I don’t know if this method would work for a real cat, I’m confident it would work on Tom of Tom & Jerry.
I think the second and third paragraphs above are not relevant to cat-skinning methods, but are provided for further color. As I mentioned before, this method may already be covered by one of the more general methods.
Well RitterSport, you’re dedication has paid off. What you are describing is a unique way of skinning a cat, by ‘extrusion’. It would be more difficult than the cartoon portrays. You’d have break all the bones, and soften up the body some, but it seems likely that you could then extrude the rest of the cat leaving a mainly intact skin using something like a wash ringer. Congratulations!
We aren’t getting much more information here, now that the work is getting harder. I’ll leave the thread open for a while longer, then produce a formal document detailing the results of the research. I’d still like to hear from GiantRat with more details on the ‘fire’ method. I think that one has possibilities. I think Wombat might come up with something to. Zeldar contributed much before getting distracted, perhaps we will still hear more. Whatever happens, I want to thank everyone who contributed. Your efforts will surely be remembered by all those in the future who will no longer have to use the highly imprecise version of the idiom.
I hasten to point out that rather than being “distracted” I was merely explaining how “Zest the Cat” might be the legitimate offspring of those paragons of Cathood, Felix the Cat and Maggie the Cat, even though they are of differing species, and how Zest the Cat, while the scrapings by-product of one of the more flamboyant methods described above, might become a new cartoon superhero if some would-be adventure writer wanted to elevate the equivalent of floor sweepings to some anthropomorhic concoction that went around saving civilization and the like.
Also, I wanted to allow other participants to expand and elaborate some of the more open-ended methods before trying a new tack of my own.
The invitation for more examples will coax my creative juices to flow, I’m sure.
If it isn’t obvious, I cherish this thread as a return to the nonsense level I enjoyed my first year here!