aww, I love the floppy feet 
That video is so freaking adorable. Most relaxed baby ever.
That’s why none of my suggestions involved actually doing that. I’m talking about picking her up BEFORE she starts to cry… if she can handle ten minutes in the swing and then starts to cry, instead pick her up at seven or eight minutes (obviously babies are not on timers, so times will vary). Yes, the baby will gradually be able to be put down for longer bits of time as she ages, but if she is being held by one particular person and sleeping directly next to that person nearly all the time, going to daycare will be a very abrupt change and may be quite difficult. September is only a couple of months and change away, so the time to start gently and gradually getting the baby ready for this isn’t something that can be put off indefinitely.
I took this advice and it improved my older baby’s ability to sooth herself and sleep longer and more soundly. She has a soft toy lamb attached to a silky blanket similar to this Carter’s Ducky security blanketthat she only gets access to at naps and night. It only took a few days before she started seeking it out when laid down for sleep.
Cool. Thanks. I’ve got no 6 week old, so I’ve got no dog in this fight.
I remember when my middle kid was somewhat older - had an URI. After a few sleepless nights, our ped had him admitted to an O2 tent - at least one contributing factor was to give US a break. We asked what would happen when he cried, and they said he would cry. But, like I said, he was over 6 wks - probably closer to 9-12 mos.
It is also my opinion and experience that many parents appear to think kids - of all ages - need more “coddling” and are less capable than I believe. And I’m not convinced the combined effect of those parental practices are beneficial over the long run. I’m regularly astounded at folk who ask how to address their 5, 10, or 15 - year olds’ behaviors - and I always wonder what the heck they’ve been doing for the past 5-10-15 yrs.
Also, was just hearing recently about newborns having amazing abilities at an incredibly young age - I think they described imitating facial expressions in their 1st day or so. But I’m perfectly willing to accept 3 mos as a bottomline for self soothing - or likely much other “training”.
It is hard to get my head around an infant not being willing to sleep while not being held. At some point she HAS to sleep, no? How long does she sleep at a time? When you lie down next to her and she goes to sleep, why are you unable to get up and do what needs to be done?
Best of luck.
Moms have to sleep too, you know! She’s probably too exhausted from taking care of the baby to get up and do laundry when it finally falls asleep.
Didn’t read the whole thread, but I just wanted to say congrats, best wishes and good luck! Hope she continues to grow healthy and that you are able to get more rest.
6 weeks I’d definitely too young for CIO/sleep training but I agree that letting her cry for a bit while you get things done is not the end of the world.
If you’re nervous about bed sharing, have you heard of the ‘sidecar’ method? It’s safer (since babby sleeps on outside of the bed with a railing) and gives you more space/ability to get comfy in your own bed.
DoperChic, take it easy on yourself. Laundry, dishes, all of that will still be there next week, next year, forever. Is your baby happy when you are with her? If yes, then you are successfully navigating parenthood. If she wants held, hold her. Every other thing in the world is less important. She’s six weeks into a rough start, she needs you. I’m sitting here now with my 9 month old sleeping on my lap (she’s sick today), looking at the disaster zone that my home currently is. Luckily, the mountain of laundry is in the basement outta sight, outta mind! I have 5 older children AND my house is the neighborhood “clubhouse”. I do not like for my house to look like this, and yet, whenever there is a young baby in the house, it does, and I keep having them. Look, when my body is freely mine and not subject to the needs of an infant, you can eat off my floors. You have a house for the baby, not the other way round, right?
However, it is true that sometimes you just have to pee, or shower, or something else that is difficult one-handed. Sometimes she’ll cry. Its what babies do, yano? Good for their lungs I think.
Anyways, YOU just had a baby, and you are only six weeks into your own rough start. You’re not sleeping right, your body is still adjusting to not being pregnant, and nursing. You’re not %100, so don’t expect to be. Everything will work out eventually, really it will. If your best friend was in your shoes, wouldn’t you be sympathetic? You’re only human! Babies are terribly inconvenient, but they’re so stinkin awesome you can’t hardly hold it against them! Best of luck to you and you family 
Please please read this thread in about a year, just after you see someone with a teeny tiny brand new baby and say something like, Oh I miss those days! I bet a bazillion dollars you will. Crazy, but true.
A couple of thoughts:
- Remember that this will eventually pass, so don’t worry about housework and the like.
- Don’t rush to pick up the baby right away. Whenever my first would make even a small sound I would pick her up right away. Turns out I was interrupting her sleep which made everything worse!
- Remember that this will eventually pass!
I’m glad the baby is healthy and gaining now. I can’t say it enough: take care of yourself. You put on your oxygen mask before you mask your children because your children need functional adults. Put the baby in a safe place for ten minutes if you need a shower or cup of coffee in peace. A few minutes of fussing while you finish dressing, grab a bite to eat, text a friend, start some laundry, or wipe the kitchen counters will do no harm.
My sons loved their Fisher Price aquarium bouncy seats. They had a vibrating feature, music, and white noise. I will add another recommendation for Dr. Karp’s The Happiest Baby on the Block book or DVD. Your library may have a copy. You can search online for “the five S’s” and get a good idea of Dr. Karp’s technique.
You baby will get older and less fussy every day.
About 4 weeks old as I recall.
With our 2nd we did it from night one. Same result.
MY $.02 – Don’t freak about about her sleeping in your bed. Assuming you’re not going to bed drunk with a cigarette in your hand, it’s really not dangerous. Google co-sleeping if you want more reassurance. But don’t let worrying about it add to your stress.
Newborns in the ICU have a different rubric for priorities, though. While it’s nice if their folks can come in and cuddle them for hours (called “Kangaroo Care” in NICU lingo), if they can’t, then our first priority is making sure everyone is breathing and no one is bleeding. The nice thing about crying is it lets you know they’re breathing! Then there’s a list of other physical needs that all still come before psychosocial needs like feeling comfort.
Micropreemies just don’t cry much. They’re too weak, or not wired for it, or something. We just really don’t know. It’s the babies closer to term who are more likely to cry, and swaddling, pacifiers and infant positioners are used to help soothe them. The noise of the NICU seems to help, too. New parents rarely believe this, but most babies are really disconcerted by quiet.
That being said, some nurses are more hands on than others, and crying triggers stress in nurses just like in everyone else, so they do try to minimize it by holding when they have to and they can. It’s not uncommon to see a nurse holding a baby in one arm and charting with the other while she does a funny little hop skip dance in front of the computer.
While it’s certainly worth bringing up to the pediatrician, the pediatrician’s advice is only great for those babies who agree with the pediatrician! It’s nice to get a range of responses and suggestions, as long as you’re the kind of flexible parent who can switch techniques when one isn’t working.
(not picking on you, lots of people have said the same, yours was just easy to quote. )
Seriously, how many nursing bras did y’all own? 'Cause I had like, three, which meant I *needed to do laundry at least once a week or I’d start to smell like rotten cheese! It’s all well and good to say, “leave the dishes, they’ll be there in the morning!” until you get up in the morning and there are no &$#@ cereal bowls clean! Yes, move housework down on the list of priorities, and accept help in doing it (even if the person helping doesn’t do it exactly like you would) but at some point, yeah, it *does *have to be done, and you can’t put it off any longer! I found it far easier to do one load of laundry a day than try to do seven on Saturday. YMMV.
As a man, this thread is so educational. Thanks to all Mothers…your job is far harder than I imagined.
Yes to this! I would get very frustrated when people would say things like “let the laundry and dishes go!” If a mother was worried what other people thought of the condition of the house, then sure, remind them that other people can mind their own business. But I get stressed out when I’m digging around for clean underwear, or knocking over dirty dishes because they’re covering every surface of the kitchen. I wanted a clean house for my own sanity, not for keeping up with the neighbors.
You are entirely correct, of course. I would say three things to you
1.dishes-do yourself a favor next time you’re at the grocery and buy paper plates, bowls, plastic cups, and plastic silverware they will make your life easier. In fact, that is my standard gift for new moms, with a variety of disposble wipes (bathroom cleaning, dusting, glass cleaning). Pitch it in the trash, call it clean, and smile
2.laundry-bras in particular- really? people wear them at home? on purpose? eh, no one’s gonna die from reusing a towel or wearing a piece of clothes again
3.and thats what fathers are for. I think it may be hard to find a relationship with more “traditional” gender roles than my husband and I in many ways. He works long hours at a physically demanding job six days a week, but when we have a needy or sick baby, or I get otherwise overwhelmed with kid stuff (as often happens with 6 of them) he is capable and willing to throw a load of laundry in or whatever else needs done. Without exception, he does not do things to MY liking, but I like that it is done all the same. I will say that I usually have to ask, as he genuinely does not know when I want help. cooperation is a 2 way street
Hang in there. You’re in the bootcamp phase of parenting. Try to recruit other people to do some chores for you (“Thanks for offering to hold the baby, but the best thing you could do is run a load of laundry and put it away for me!”). Do not take this to mean “it’s easy, it should come naturally,” but it is normal for a baby to be like this. I know our culture says they should sit quietly in a swing or bouncy seat, but lots of babies don’t tolerate that. At all. And that is perfectly normal. You are not doing something wrong because your baby advocates for her need to be held.
That said, you do need to attend to your own sanity. James McKenna has some great information on safer bed sharing. I don’t think you need to have your mattress on the floor and invest in squared-off pillows necessarily, but things like a firm mattress, few, light bedclothes, keeping baby away from pillows and sleepers other than mom, and of course no impairing substances or smoking, can make it perfectly reasonable. All those studies that proclaim bed sharing unsafe include people who are drunk, sleeping with a baby on a couch, using a heavy duvet, letting a sibling sleep next to baby, and so on.
I’m not aware of any reputable professional who advocates sleep training for babies before about 4-6 months old. New babies have constant physical needs, not just for feeding, but actually for contact with another human and help regulating temperature, sleep, and emotions. I personally also don’t see why you need to try to “train” your baby to accept daycare conditions before daycare starts. You really can’t train new babies to have new skills. You wait for them to mature and they develop new skills. To the extent that making her wait to be held will get her used to not being held, that can happen at daycare, right?
Over the next month or two, you will feel at the end of your rope. You’ll feel like you’re the only person on planet Earth who’s awake at 3am. You’ll feel desperate and fatigued. If you can, seek out other new parents who will commiserate. Try to hang on and survive the present moment, and know intellectually (if not at a gut-level) that it will get better and you can get through it. And don’t let people tell you “enjoy every minute!” Screw them. Not every minute is enjoyable, even if it’s all worth it.
I wish I could find it, but I recently saw a fantastic co-sleep baby bed. Same height as the adult bed, completely enclosed on three sides, the fourth side open. Designed to securely align / attach to the adult bed (I think by some part that fits under the adult mattress) The baby is directly next to you, yet safely “apart”, if you can picture it.
We make lovies for our NICU – two-ply flannel squares the parents can wear around under their clothes (like tucked in Mom’s bra) to pick up their smells and then leave with the baby for comfort when the parents can’t be there.