Ah, okay, antisocial personality disorder seems to fit the bill here. I had read about conduct disorder the other day - something someone said upthread led me there, but its description didn’t describe Brother. Antisocial personality disorder describes him much better.
And… sure thing. She’s blessed to have you both as parents to love and support her in this way.
He definitely does not realize how bad things are. In this, he is like a child who doesn’t understand what went wrong, why he has done what he’s done is so bad, why the family doesn’t like him and talk with him and tends to avoid him. He does not get it.
Wow, t, this is something that I never thought was possible to do. This suggestion really cuts to the quick and is exactly what I should try and remember to do, and to say to the police when they arrive.
Interestingly enough, I am the only family member (other than Brother’s Wife, and maybe their daughters) who has called 911 on him. This is something I’ve been criticized within the famliy for doing, calling the cops on him. But, so be it, it was the right thing to do.
About 15 years ago, Brother was at my ex-wife’s house, uninvited and he was only let inside because Brother’s Wife was visiting and staying at my ex-wife’s place. My ex-wife was at work, it was the middle of the day. Brother’s Wife called me at work to complain that he wouldn’t leave the place. Brother wouldn’t acknowledge the situation on the phone to me, wouldn’t acknowledge that he had to leave, that he was uninvited (or at least, was being asked to leave the premises).
So I told Brother’s Wife that I would come over - again, in the middle of the work day. I told my boss (asked her urgently, anyway) and she was cool about it. My ex-wife lived deep in San Francisco. It’s a small city, but she didn’t live on the outskirts. I worked a full hour away. I told Brother’s Wife to keep trying to get him to leave the place.
I hopped on my motorcycle and rode like a bat out of hell to get there. Lord knows what damage he might be causing. Passing cars left and right, and splitting lanes in traffic, a bike is a great way to get to where my ex-wife lived, especially during that time of day and all The City’s traffic. Ex-wife lived in North Beach in SF and I was coming from Mountain View, if you’re familiar with the area.
I may have made it sound like I was riding like a crazed man. I was not. I was riding assertively, aggressively at times, but at all times I was being safe and emotionally I was under control. I’d be damned if I was going to risk my life for this! I arrived safely. I did make it in record time, however. 
Brother was there when I arrived, sitting cross-legged on the floor in the middle of the living room, not responding to much of anything. Imagine Gandhi doing a sit-in - that was him. He wasn’t agitated. In fact, I remember now that most of what he was saying is something like, “I’m sitting here peacefully, not bothering anyone or anything, what is everyone’s (Wife, me) problem?” I remained calm, never lost my temper although at times I could feel my anger welling up. He had to leave, that was my objective that day. I just wanted him out of there, so I could get back to work. I did not want Brother at the house when the ex-wife came home from work or when my kids came home from school - their elementary school was, literally, around the corner, 150 yards away.
Me using words like trespassing didn’t faze him. He wasn’t moving. Me telling him that if he doesn’t leave, I am calling the cops on him didn’t get a response other than “I can’t believe you are going to do that to me.” I was clear to him on this, and very clearly and calmly stated that he had the power over whether the cops would be there or not. Several times, I said these things to him.
Enough bullshit, I called the cops. By that time I’d been at the house maybe 15 minutes when I called. When they arrived I explained the situation. They talked to me, to Brother, and to Brother’s Wife. None of us owned the home - it was my ex-wife’s place, and she wasn’t there. They quickly assessed the situation and asked Brother to leave. He did. The cops asked me if I wanted him arrested for trespassing. I said no, as long as he left that was good enough for me.
To this day that incident sometimes comes up in discussions, although much less so now that it’s been so long, from Brother who still can’t believe I called the cops on him, from some family members who also are baffled I’d do such a thing to Brother.
t, thank you, your suggestion is so very on point. I must remember to say these things:
Tell them that he is in another explosive rage.
Tell them he is not taking his medication.
Tell them I fear he is a danger to others.
Tell them I fear he is a danger to himself.
Ask that instead of taking him to jail, they take him in for a psych evaluation.
I must remember these magic words, for next time. Next time will come, although at this point because of how far Brother lives from all of us, it might not be for several years.
But it will come, I’m willing to bet on that.
Thanks for this great advice, t. And no, I didn’t take it as criticism. It was helpful criticism, if anything.
Here’s some more information. My family tried to get another member of the family committed and were unsuccessful. Said family member is adept at masking the symptoms when its inconvenient to express them. The assessment period is very short - Rosenhan showed how dangerous it was to have false positives in evaluation and indefinitely extending the evaluation until symptoms show is impractical. I hope the intervention (if you decide to take such a path) is successful. I’m not sure if recording his outbursts would be considered admissible for evaluation purposes, but I doubt it.
I don’t think the important point is that he hasn’t physically hurt anyone yet (the psychological damage he’s done to his wife and kids is quite extensive, I imagine), but that people who know and love him are afraid of him (and I think you’re right to be afraid of him).
I’m truly sorry that he has ended up like this, and your relationship with him has all but ended. I do think you’re doing the right thing, though - when someone is drowning and refuses to get help, staying tied to them just pulls you down, too.
Like your family member, my brother is adept at masking his symptoms and for the most part is controlled. But his buttons are often pushed when he’s around family (sound familiar? isn’t that often the case?) - but when his buttons are pushed, all hell can break loose. (Sigh, oh well…)