I find it a bit odd that all these condemnations of the Duggars seem to completely ignore the fact that - as far as anyone can tell - the approach they took actually worked.
[FTR and FWIW, I’m pretty sure I would not report my kid to the police in a situation like this. I agree about watching him like a hawk, though.]
You have got to be fucking kidding. There’s no evidence that he stopped as the girls were most likely shamed into silence. And do you really believe he only touched each girl once?
That (ETA: that he stopped after 2003) would be my assumption, based primarily on the assumption that police would have looked into this possibility when they investigated it in 2006. (Timeline of the story at: http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/acts-of-faith/wp/2015/05/23/a-timeline-of-the-molestation-allegations-against-josh-duggar/)
But I said “as far as anyone can tell”.
This. And although as a parent I’m sure you’d want to help your son as much as possible, there’s no way I could continue to traumatized my daughters in the way they have. Making them only “keep sweet,” serve they’re brother because he’s male and therefore biblically superior, remain silent, assume responsibility for his actions and then allow him to dictate portions of their lives.
Again, the youngest was four when he did this. He was between 13 and 14. It wasn’t just one sister, it was four. And another unrelated minor. It wasn’t once only, it was over a period of time. Finally, often it wasn’t in situations where they could fight back back. Some were asleep or trapped in a small space, like the laundry room. Geesh.
What would I have done? I would have had open, honest, and transparent discussions with my son when he hit puberty about sex - his roles and responsibilities and that of the other sex. This may have taken some of the mystery out of a normal human function, and he may have been able to tell right from wrong from the beginning. That MAY have not occurred in this case.
If my son did perpetrate such an action and it was reported to me, I would definitely seek professional help, for him and any victim, as needed.
I mean, when he did this he was a mal-informed, hormonal teenager and made a big mistake. I hang a lot of this on the necks of the parents, IMHO, for probably hiding the subject from view.
I would definitely NOT spend the next few years profiting from getting all preachy about a wholesome family lifestyle while sweeping all this under the rug.
We don’t know if it worked. They haven’t told us. For all we know, he could still be engaging in such behaviors. He could still be molesting people and we would not know. Because they tell us everything including how much we suck because we aren’t them. But they didn’t tell us this and they haven’t told much since it was revealed other than sanctimonious lecturing and how we need to forgive him and get over ourselves. We know Josh believes he was entitled to take a job where he would very likely look like a complete shmuck if his own creepy behavior was ever revealed. The hubris and arrogance are astonishing here.
First I’d try to ascertain if it was true. If it was, the girls go into therapy. Then, I’d temporarily suppress my objection to child abuse and beat up Josh, like with fists and belts and everything. Maybe kick him in the balls a few times. Then I’d report him to the cops and tell the sheriff, who I’m apparently friends with, to throw the book at him. Lastly, since I have 18 other kids, I probably would just disown him. Also I’d give up my religion and swear fealty to the FSM
One of the girls was not related to Josh. Does anyone believe if a neighbor kid had touched their four year old daughter that the Duggers would have not reported it to the police?
How would you do this?
Little girl: “Daddy, Josh touched my privates last night when he thought I was asleep.”
Daddy: “Josh, is this true?”
Josh: “Of course not! She’s lying!”
Daddy: “I cannot ascertain the truthiness of what you’re saying, little girl. Sorry. My hands are tied.”
I’ve never heard of the Duggars until now.
So I can’t have any good advice since I am determined not to injure this precious ignorance. However I will say I was watching an old film on YouTube, The Brotherhood of the Bell, starring Glenn Ford, when I noticed another old film which I chose to skip:
Finger of Guilt aka The Intimate Stranger
I guess the stranger bit doesn’t really apply here.
Wait, Jim Bob Duggar fingered a stranger ?
People are saying this but I’ve watched the show and not seen this. They are more of a “lead by example” type.
For example their was this episode where they were in New York City and they did things like any other normal family would do - went to a park, ate pizza at as famous NYC pizzeria, saw the sites, etc… they didnt go around pointing out strange people. They were also open about posing for pictures and giving autographs to anyone who asked (including one police officer).
We’re talking about groping and touching right?
Private counseling for my daughters to help them understand and cope. Therapy for the bad son. Reporting him to the police would be a last resort. It’s one of those parent moments that there is no definite rulebook. You have to go with your gut feelings. How bad is the bad son? Will his behavior change with therapy? I’d want to protect my daughters and do everything possible to help my son too.
it’s not an easy decision.
Rape is another matter. He’d be very lucky if I didn’t go after him with a baseball bat. Hopefully I wouldn’t and just let the police drag his sorry ass to jail. He’d never be welcome in our home again.
I’m not even sure I would take the victim kids for therapy. Besides for the fact that therapy in general is not necessarily effective, there’s also a serious risk IMO that by doing so you would magnify the significance of the incidents in their minds and by this itself cause them all sorts of trauma that might be avoided if you used a lighter approach.
I would definitely speak to the kids about it and let them know if they were troubled by what had happened we could get help from professionals, but if they seemed fine with parental reassurance that they had nothing to feel bad about then I would probably leave them be.
You think this is a minor thing? A five year old gets molested and you think it’s nothing?
Do you really believe the parents will reassure the kid to not feel bad? That’s part of their whole schtick is that sex is awful, sinful, filthy and a direct road to hell and it’s all the fault of those tempting women. Especially the toddlers.
I (again, having been there) actually agree with this to a point. Far more damage was done to me by the adults freaking out and telling me I “must be” damaged/hurt/scared/fucked up than was done by the abuse itself. Dragging me against my will to therapists for months did *not *help; there I was told that I was being too brave and hiding my pain and would have to keep going back until I felt it. When the grown-ups keep telling you you’re doing it wrong until you start crying, and then praise you for your tears, it sets up some really destructive emotional and behavioral habits.
But I think that was a lousy application of therapy, by parents and therapists who were doing their best, but didn’t do it right.
I would still take the victims to a decent, well trained therapist with experience in child sexual abuse and incest (if I could find one) for an evaluation. I’m not an expert in “fine”. If the kid didn’t want to go back, I wouldn’t necessarily push it, but I’d do it at least once to get an expert evaluation, same as I would get an x-ray if my kid fell and hurt his arm. It might be broken, it might be bruised, but I don’t have the tools to tell the difference.
And the parents and perp definitely need counseling. No excuses there. Something is broken in the household, and it lies with the older members, not the younger victims.
No need to exaggerate here. I didn’t say it was “nothing” and I can’t think of a legitimate reason for you to pretend that I did.
What I do think is that a big portion of the trauma that abuse victims feel is the result of connotations created by society and culture, and to the extent that the matter is highlighted as a Terrible Thing it would tend to magnify that aspect. IMO. Feel free to disagree without pretending that I’ve said five year olds getting abused is “nothing”.
You seem to be a bit confused here. I was discussing what I might do if I found myself in the same situation as the Duggars. I myself am not the Duggars, so your comments here are moot.
I’m glad you’re not my parent. Kids are eager to please and for everything to be okay, so they repress things. I don’t think a 5-year-old is capable of determining if they are “fine.” Even if they seem fine, those memories could catch up to them later on in life and be absolutely devastating. I would get my kid in therapy right away and let a licensed professional make that determination.
This seems to match my observations, the people I know that have mentioned inappropriate sibling sexual behavior were raised in fairly strict Christian households.
Also living in a big family in a rural area might be a factor. If you are a curious 12 year old and live in a rural area you aren’t surrounded by friends and classmates, the nearest house (with or without kids your age) might be miles away.
None of this excuses what happened, but I see it as more of a family matter than a criminal one.
Now how do I convince my kids to use a little more of that approach to life? 
I said “if they seemed fine”. I meant to the parents.
I’m not saying this is the perfect approach and guarantees no trouble. What I’m saying is that it needs to be measured against the potential downsides of therapy, in addition to the fact that therapy itself has a far-from-perfect track record as well.