Both of these things are characteristics of arranged marriage.
This would not be arranged marriage, then. Arranged marriage, by definition, means that someone else arranges it, nit that they just introduce you to people.
It is not racist just to marry someone of your own ethnic group, obviously, but it is racist to forbid your children from marrying outside that group.
That’s not arranged marriage. That’s just introducing people.
She insisted that she be able to sleep with other people but that her husband could not.
Why can’t it also fit into arranged marriage, since people doing it are the ones using that term?
Because it doesn’t meet the definition of arranged marriage. Nothing is being arranged. It doesn’t matter if they use the term. It just means they’re using it wrong (or so watering down the practice that the term no longer applies).
People may make arrangements to find you someone based on what you want in a partner (finances/job, personality, good family background, etc.). It’s just that if you don’t hit it off or want to pull out, you can. Maybe you’re thinking of forced marriage.
No, I’m thinking of arranged marriage, as in marriages that are arranged. If they’re not arranged, then they’re not arranged. Simply introducing people is not arranging anything (thought it still does involve those racist parameters I was talking about).
Forget it, Jake. It’s Doggy-knees.
Yeah, right. It’s me that’s being obtuse, not the people changing definitions of words.
I was thinking of more the forced kind when I wrote that. I have a friend from India who was in just such an arrangement. His folks and his wife’s folks basically arranged the whole thing (they didn’t ask the kids what they thought at all). He says he didn’t even really know her when they got married. And he was completely miserable, since she was not a very nice person (and as stupid as a rock IMHO).
Anyway, in his situation I would say that adultery would not only NOT be wrong, but possibly the only thing that could keep him sane (not that he seems to be taking my excellent advice…of course, my excellent advice involved dumping her and moving to the US where I could hook him up with a job and he could find a mate here. I’m not a homosexual and even I think he’s incredibly good looking and just a great guy).
The point I was making though is that circumstances are going to impact whether something is ‘good’ or ‘bad’, and the assessment of ‘good’ or ‘bad’ is going to be highly dependent on the person making the call, their view point, and level of involvement. If the OP has highly rigid morals then I’m not sure what the point of this ‘debate’ even is, since nothing is going to sway him or her from that stance…just as I think it’s going to be a hard sell to convince most of the other folks in this thread that adultery is ALWAYS wrong (unless one of the participants is raped, in which case it’s ok, though still adultery…to be sure…:rolleyes:)
-XT
See, Dio, there are people right now, like today, October 27th, marrying people that they met recently, have known very briefly, and who were screened for suitability by their parents. These marriages are called “arranged” by almost all English-speaking people, but the marriages do not work like the ones in your fevered imagination.
In particular, both participants are entering into the marriage with very different expectations than you might think. I know several people who married in this way and have successful marriages. Admittedly, I have met others who had arranged marriages that failed, but then I know plenty of non-arranged marriages that failed.
How do you know? How do they work in my fevered imagination?
I know what the expectations are and am familiar with how it works. I know that sometimes the marriages are happy. It’s still a backwards and racist paractice. Call me crazy, but I kind of believe in free choice.
Starting off from the aphorism “If you’re not a liberal when you’re young you have no heart / if you’re not a conservative when you’re old you have no brain”, I’m getting a bit concerned about **Curtis LeMay / Qin Shi Huangdi **. He’s kind of far to the right of Alex Keaton, if you know what I mean - is he going to have an epiphany and change his name to Timothy Leary or what?
Getting back to the topic, I’m still bugging at this:
There isn’t anything to excuse since the rape victim didn’t do anything. The fact that it even enters your mind as something to excuse or forgive is really creepy.
Back on topic, I would not consider it an immoral act if a spouse A commits adultery in the case of spouse B refusing any intimacy, even if spouse B would be hurt by it. In this case spouse B is acting somewhat immoral by putting unrealistic limits on the marriage by basically saying, “you can’t sleep with me OR anyone else.” I would also say it’s not immoral for spouse A to hide the adultery in the case I submit.
It’s (almost) always immoral to lie to people. In this case, spouse A should say to spouse B “Honey, you refuse me intimacy and you refuse to allow me to get it elsewhere. So I’m giving you the choice: allow me to be intimate with others or I’m leaving you.” Or even “I’m going to fuck other people. Do what you want with that information but I’ve already made my choice.” What’s wrong with that?
Even when your actions are not wrong, it is still wrong to lie about it to relevant parties. Let everybody involved know what’s up so they can make informed decisions.
Even if Spouse A thereby exposes Spouse B to STD’s (assuming sex ever resumes between them)? or becomes pregnant by (or impregnates) the extramarital lover?
As for whether “spouse B is acting somewhat immoral by putting unrealistic limits on the marriage,” that depends on why they’re doing so. What if Spouse A has decided to give up bathing and other personal hygiene? What if Spouse A is such an abusive asshole that Spouse B feels no desire for him/her? What if Spouse B is constantly exhausted and Spouse A won’t do anything to help?
If Spouse B is denying intimacy to Spouse A, there’s something wrong in the marriage… but you know what they say about two wrongs not making a right.
I once told my wife that she didn’t hold a monopoly on “the pussy”.
It went over like a ton of bricks but It did accomplish it’s goal.
I guess it all depends on what you hold sacred, if it’s the “ideal” that marriage purports to hold then it may be immoral. Otherwise, I don’t attach morality to adultery as a means to an end unless that end is to cause hurt.
Depends how you define “adultery”. I’d define it as “Consensual sexual contact with a partner outside of the marriage without the consent of the spouse.” So in that case, yes adultery would always be unethical since it is assumed that the act, by definition, is breaking all ground rules in the relationship and demonstrating a profound lack of respect for both the relationship and the spouse. Anything else would be consensual and thus not classified as adultery.
Your definition of adultery, and what constitutes sexual contact will vary.
Agreed. They should either work it out to a mutually agreeable solution or go their separate ways.