It’s not all that clear to me whether this Krissy woman is your aunt or your kids’ aunt.
Whichever is the case, if she’s Aunt Krissy to your kids, then he should be Uncle Frank.
But maybe in his family, the degree of the actual blood or marriage relationship has an influence on the terms used to address a person. Maybe aunts and uncles are defined as the siblings of the parent of the kid in question. Maybe aunts of Mums and Dads get called Mr and Mrs X and maybe the spouse of blood aunts and uncles also get called by the formal term of address.
If that is the case and Krissy is going to meet his nieces and nephews and ask to be called Aunt Krissy, rather than Mrs Frank, his family is going to think she’s an arse. Same as you, as a member of Krissy’s family think he is.
The bottom line is that it’s up to his wife to explain the family nomenclature as used in your family and if he’s not an arse, he should respect it. And the same goes for her.
Have you mentioned any of this to Krissy? She’s the key.
In a related story, I know some kids who (at least for a time, if not still to this day) were told to address their grandmother as “Aunt Jane,” because being called “Grandma” made her feel old. Not enough :rolleyes: in the world.
Sure he’s their uncle. If all your blood aunts and uncles are married, their spouses are just as much your uncles and aunts as the blood relations. There’s no “you’re not really my uncle because you’re not a Smith” or whatever.
She’s their aunt. If he’s married to her, then he’s their uncle. Period. As soon as my Aunt Katie got engaged, I started referring to my now uncle as “Uncle Bill.”
I vote major, stick-up-the-ass prick. Sir?
(How did your kids react?)
The only way I can think of in which he might not be their uncle is if “Aunt Krissy” was their aunt by marriage (i.e. Shakes brother marries Krissy and later dies; the children have known her as “Aunt Krissy” since they were little and thus continue to call her that; Krissy later marries Frank who prefers not to be called “Uncle” (to some extent) out of respect for his wife’s late husband (the children’s “real” uncle).)
This is the situation in my family and my cousins (my mother’s sister’s children) don’t call my step-mother Aunt First-Name. (I think they refer to her as First-Name, but I’m not sure; it’s been a while since those two branches of the family tree crossed paths.)
That being said (in the absence of this kind of details) it sounds like Frank is just a prick (especially given the preference for Mr. Last-Name or Sir over Frank from the kids.)
I’d talk to the aunt and see what’s up, but damh, he seems too uptight, which is too bad because there are fewer simple joys in life than being a favorate uncle.
Uhh…yes, he is their uncle, whether he wants to be or not. Your aunt’s husband is your uncle. It’s an in-law situation, but there’s no such thing as an uncle-in-law.
Really? If your dad refused to let you call him “dad” or even “father” and insisted on “Mr. Antinor”, that wouldn’t be wrong to you? Neglectful of family obligations?
I connect with people pretty well, and I do the same thing you do. I think it’s odd to use someone’s name as you’re talking to them, unless there is a good rhetorical reason (e.g., trying to get them to calm down by saying “(So and So), it’ll be alright. They’ll find the rest of your ear.”)
A bit of a prick. Not a huge one, but still a prick. You marry someone’s aunt, you are their uncle, no ifs, ands, or buts.
Then again, I hate the idea of calling someone who’s supposedly a family member “sir” or “ma’am.” That’s what I call customers at work, not folks at home.
That would certainly be strange, but ‘sir’ isn’t that an unheard of way for kids to address their fathers. (which was one of the two options in the situation presented)
But this isn’t about a father, it’s about a man who married someone and prefers her extended family, in this case nieces and nephews, to not use the term uncle in regard to him. I can understand his position although it’s not one I would have myself.
If any of you were my kid and you failed to call an adult “sir” or “ma’am” I’d tear you a new one. Uncle Mike can still be “Sir”, and it’s how kids are to appropriately address their elders. Don’t let me catch you saying “yeah” or “huh” again, or I’ll take a switch to you.
Similar to Markxxx, I was raised to never address anyone old enough to be my parent by his first name, but with one major caveat: If I referred to someone as “Mr. X” or “Mrs. Y,” and was told "No, no, just call me by “Z,” then that was what I called them. The first rule of good manners is to make interactions comfortable. Unfortunately, it still feels uncomfortable to me to refer to people older than my generation by their given names, so I usually cop out and avoid names when possible in that situation.
But, as others upthread mention, this may be a fairly regional thing. I’m from the southeastern US, and this seems to be the home base for the “Mr. X” or “Mrs./Ms./Miss Y” thing. I have at least one honorary auntie (long-time friend of the family, to whom I refer as Aunt Brenda, even though we’re not related,) who has been widowed and has remarried. I always referred to Aunt Brenda’s late husband as “Uncle Pete,” but I call her new husband Mr. Jack. I don’t know Mr. Jack well enough to call him “Uncle,” and it would seem pretty weird at this late date to start doing so.
And yes, my kids (ages 9 and 12) default to calling everyone “Mr. or Mrs. First Name,” unless otherwise directed. They also use phrases like “Yes, sir” or “No ma’am” (and “Please” and “Thank you” and so forth.) They refer to my first cousins as Aunt or Uncle, just as I still refer to my parents’ and grandparents’ cousins. In other parts of the world, this may seem pretty old-fashioned, but I just consider this to be basic good manners.
But he is their uncle. Your aunt’s husband is your uncle. In this case he is, strictly speaking, their greatuncle.
My aunt’s second husband has never wanted to have anything to do with any of her family, including her two children. When she moved in with him, she left her children (then 14 and 10) at the tender mercies of the Grandparents From Hell, because His Lordship wasn’t interested in children. He now has cancer; at one point recently, my cousin was helping him with something he can’t do by himself anymore, and he said “would you do this for me if your mother had died first?” “of course not. You’ve never been interested in doing anything for me, so what do you think I owe you?” It may be a jerkish thing to say, but then, that’s a point in which I consider him a jerk.