In other words, it’s about someone who wants her family to treat him like he’s not a member of the family. If you want to not fully be a member of a family you marry into, it’s your prerogative but it’s also everyone else’s prerogative to think you’re a jackass douchebag.
I want you to call me “Your Royal Highness.”
The problem is easily solved. Tell the kids that he is Mesopotamian and in their language “uncle” is pronounced “fuckwit”.
Practice with them.
In the predominantly African-American community where I teach, no child calls an adult by just a first name. So, Frank from this thread would be “Mr. Frank” or Sir to any of these children if he preferred not to be addressed as Uncle.
He’s within the bounds of propriety to require the children address him this way.
Exactly. Children aren’t real people yet. They should not be treated as if they are or act like they are.
Eh, nothing here most likely but crossed cultural wires. Frank is used to a different level of formality from children (a level that remains common in certain areas of the US) and it isn’t fuckwitted or douchebaggy of him to prefer what he’s used to.
Perhaps in time he will be more comfortable with the way the family generally addresses each other… perhaps he will always seem a bit stiff to them. BUT, absent any other objective sign of jerkishness, asking the children that he doesn’t know to call him Sir is not over the line.
Is “Your Worship” taken yet? I wanna be “Your Worship.”
Because it is polite to call people as they wish to be called, my children would, of course, do the polite thing and call him “Sir” … to his face. Everywhere else, however, he would be referred to as “Uncle Dick.”
You can ask adults to call you “sir” as well. Perhaps you’ve never heard of that, it is considered polite in some circles.
Like **Your Royal Highness **and Your Worship it is my decision that you all shall call me “Mr. The Most Awesomest Thing Since The Great Fire Rabbit Invented Peanut Butter” and I expect you to respect my decision.
I was a little surprised a few years ago when my wife’s sister’s kids - in their early teens at the time - started calling my wife and me by our first names.
I guess I didn’t really care too much, but I thought “Uncle” and “Aunt” showed some amount of respect and affection.
All of the rest of my nieces and nephews - several of whom are now in their 20s - refer to us as “Uncle” and “Aunt.” And I think I always called did the same towards my uncles and aunts.
A part of me feels that as the kids become adults, they could change the form of their address for me. But on the other hand, our kids call us mom and dad, and I don’t see any reason for that to change.
I also remember at one point when I was youngish realizing that I did not make a distinction between the aunt or uncle who was related to me by blood, and their husbands/wives who were related by marriage. Each couple was “Uncle X and Aunt Y” with absolutely no distinction between them.
How old are the kids Shakes?
I could imagine telling my kids that they ought to call people what those people prefer being called, tho I would also probably tell them that it is a bit of a shame that Frank doesn’t want to acknowledge or encourage familial familiarity. And I could imagine asking Frank - or Krissy - what is going on. But I’d much more likely keep quiet about it.
Anyone who abandons their kids for a lover is a fucking cunt.
If I ever got a divorce or for some reason was with someone other than my wife, getting along with my kids is a non-negotiable criteria. I got on horribly with my step-Mother and my Father didn’t really have my back. His wife was not the most stable of individuals and he acted as an enabler rather than a stabilizing influence. I would never let that happen to my kids. I’d rather be a single Father. I’m amazed that her kids are helping this guy for her sake, she fucking abandoned them for this prick.
When my Uncle T married for the second time I called his wife Aunt L and her daughter(from a previous marriage) my cousin. Nobody ever had a problem with it. They were, and still are family to me.
“Sir” doesn’t seem like a replacement for a name. Like, what am I supposed to say? “Hi, Aunt Krissy, how’s sir?” “Dad, sir asked me to bring in a cup of coffee.” Who is this guy, Sidney Poitier?
Plus, as a kid, and as an adult, I don’t/didn’t really call my elders anything. I mean, if I want someone’s attention I’ll say their name but as others have mentioned, I don’t really always say, “How are you, ____? ____, what do you think of this?”
How does sir/ma’am come into that? Are kids meant to say it at the end of every sentence? That’s way too Edwardian for my liking. Are we going to have kids use the service entrance now?
Yes, “Sir” seems to me to be appropriate in two contexts:
(1) When you don’t know the name of the person you are addressing.
(2) When you are addressing a superior with formal respect, e.g., a student addressing a teacher or an junior member of the military addressing an officer.
It doesn’t seem appropriate for addressing a family member when you know their name.
I thought “sir” when not used directly speaking to someone was accompanied by a name anyway.
Worf: “Sir, the Romulans are firing chihuahuas into the neutral zone!”
vs.
“Do you think Sir Ian be reprising his role of Gandalf?”
So is the prick supposed to be known as Sir Frank? No, wait. "Sir in that case is referring to an honorific for having been knighted. Sir Frank (presumably) has not been knighted. Oh, ehll, as an adult, I think I would start calling him Sir Frank and bowing whenever I addressed him. Just until he really blew a gasket.
Did he want to be called Mr. FirstName or Mr. LastName? From the OP, I thought it was Mr. LastName.
I’ve got no problem with making kids say “sir” (e.g., “yes, sir”, “no, ma’am”), but expecting them to use it rather than a name is a bit much. The only people I’ve known to do that were assholes.
I’d have no problem with “Mr. Firstname” instead of “Uncle Firstname”. That’s a fairly common form of address for an elder. Insisting on “Mr. LastName” for family members is a bit precious.
So my guess is, he’s an asshole.
Not that I wouldn’t require the kids to call him whatever he wanted. That’s just polite. But he’s still an asshole.
We use “aunt” and “uncle” for close friends as well as actual family. I know a number of kids who see a lot more of the non-related “aunts” and “uncles” than the they do of the real thing. And generally, once an aunt or uncle, always an aunt or uncle.
In my family, we even apply “aunt” and “uncle” to cousins who are of the parent’s generation. My mother’s first cousins who are all 25+ years older than I am are all “Uncle Jimmy” and “Aunt Judith” and so on. (The few who aren’t that much older than I am I refer to just by first name, but they call my mother “aunt.”) My best friend’s children call me Aunt T.R. following on the tradition of my mother’s best friend being Aunt Joyce and her mother’s best friend being Aunt Lynda. My mother’s business partner’s son calls my mom “Auntie.”
Being an aunt or uncle, IMO, is a mark of honor. It’s a recognition of having a place in a family as a respected elder. That this guy is rejecting that honor says everything you need to know about him. The false formality he’s trying to impose upon the family that is attempting to welcome him in as a newcomer is to his detriment. Tell the kids not to call him anything. He wants to keep himself at arm’s length, then he loses the courtesy of being addressed in a personal fashion at all. He’ll just be that guy who gets talked around, ignored and treated exactly as he’s asked to be treated – like a stranger. (And this would further extend, were this my family, to things like “no birthday/holiday gifts for strangers” and so on, but I’m petty like that.)
Since people are asking:
My sons are 11 and 14. So it’s not like they are going to lose any sleep over it. As a matter of fact, they only way I know of the whole “Sir” incident was when we were on our way home. The kids kept mockingly referring to each other as “Sir” (while doing the military salute) Every other word out of their mouth was “Sir.” (followed by giggles)
So I finally asked my kids to let me in on the joke. That’s when they told me about the whole “don’t call me uncle” thing.
Damned smart-assed kids. 
Sounds like their uncle managed to get all the respect he earned.
If the Mr. really bugs you, we have the “reciprocity rule” in our house. People who have earned the title (teachers, doctors) get addressed by title - and within context (two of their teachers are neighbors, and they are on a first name basis with them on the street, but in school its by title - and our ‘doctors’ are all nurse practitioners now who tend to go by their first name professionally) - but age doesn’t do it alone. The neighbor wants to be Mr. Miller, its a two way street. If I’m on a first name basis with you, you are on a first name basis with me. If you aren’t comfortable with me using your first name, I don’t really want you using mine.
We’ve only needed to pull it out once. A friend of a friend insisted the kids call her Mrs. Peterson as a sign of respect. I said “great, you’ll show the same respect to my children then.” That was the last time we saw that friend of a friend.