And the people spoke. “Amen”. And it was good.
-Clowns 13:69
When hanging the bundled leaves that cleanse thine nethers
Care be given to thine dwelling’s creatures of clawed foot
For over and beyond shallt thou hang it
Else bearance of shame of unravelled comforts shalt thou face
- Provisions 3:17
Thusly spake the LORD to the holy child:
“Verily in thine waxen script am I pleased,
For I see thine dwelling
For I see thine cloud
For I see thine animals
In joy do I hang thine script on the root cellar door
With lodestone do I afix it”
-Homeworks 4:23
(couldn’t resist another one…)
Thou shalt not comfort thy rod with thy staff.
I think it’s the eleventh commandment.
Not mine, but I don’t know to whom to give the credit.
Beyond the gates and among the pastures do I strive for my daily bread; yea, I do toil like the oxen for my sustenance. Yet I need not fight to shew mine truth to others, nor do I seek the forgiveness of man. Weep not, then, let not thine eye be raised to the heavens, for it is but the wilderness of youth.
The Book of Daltrey, Chapter 5 Verse 15
I roused me in a wine-shop doorway, yet the watchman knew my name. Spake he, “Slumber abed this night, if thou canst raise thee from thy shame”. Who art thou, O, tell me who thou art.
Archaic:
James 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
Modernized:
Jerry 5:16
Therefore confess your sins to each other on my syndicated talk show and betray each other so that your crassness may be revealed. The payer of TV ads is powerful and infective.
And the lions shall lie with the lambs and the forsaken lambs shall covet the oxen.
And whosoever may doubt the wisdom of the concerned lawyers of the lions, lambs and oxen shall be assured that the prenuptial agreements of the thrice named shall be voided and cast unto Hell.
Book of Calculus - 17:21 after two quarters.
When playing cards, or board games, I often remind people:
“Trusteth not thine opponent, for he bears false witness.”
“Be fruitloops, and multiply by 42, thenceforth divide by pi.” - Boomshakalaka 22:20
Thou must consume all of the meats and grains set before thee, else thou may not partake of the honeyed fruits.
Mothers 19:63
And thou shall enter the Holy Land bypassing New Jersey entirely.
Dalmatians 4:33
I wasn’t going to use it but one I remember from hearing it back when I was a little kid:
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away
Which seems to maketh the Lord an Indian-giver
Forget where it was originally from.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls - unless ye haveth a hearing aid.
LOL! Good one!
But, what if the truth happened to be they were only joking? What then?
Forsooth!
You do?
Well … I liketh large black parts - especially those on the chests of large black women!
Jesus Slept, so what?
Or was that Jesus Wept? If so, so what!
Skywalker 2:3-7
And all went to be taxed, everyone unto his own City. And the people lamented crying “Where is the Tea Party that shall deliver us from this unjust burden?”
And Joseph went unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem. And he sought knowledge of accommodation through the words of TripAdvisor.
And Mary his wife was great with child. Which displeased Joseph, for he had not known her. And he was troubled by this and sought to speak with a Wise Man whose name was Springer.
And so it was while they were there that she should be delivered. Yet this too troubled Joseph, for medical insurance had he not.
And she brought forth her first-born son and laid him in a manger, because there was no room at the Inn. And Joseph spake harshly to the Inn-keeper, saying “I shall write a bad review and this shall haunt ye, yea even unto the tenth generation. No hen parties shall ever cross your threshold, nor any convention. Instead they shall all travel into the desert, to the city known as Vegas.”
"Do not wear the Undergaments of Uncleanliness, in case one should be stricken by the Omnibus of Fate and taken, yeah verily, to the Healing House’.
Mothers 19:72