Dude, you’re hot and you’re smart and you’re a damned decent guy. You can do so much better. Good on you for getting rid of his slimy, excuse-making ass. :
:
That struck me as funny. “Otto, I’m considering dumping you. I’ll let you know for sure by next Tuesday. In the meantime, how about a movie?” Somehow, that doesn’t seem much better.
Seriously, though, that sucks. Poor fool doesn’t know what he’s missing out on.
Now where were you when I still lived in Wisconsin?
Well, I have to agree with everyone else - hottie. 'Course I’m looking through hetero female eyes, but I have a hard time believing you will be single for long. And remember - when that “L” word comes up too soon - run!
And you apparently also developed phone calls he couldn’t return either. What a putz.
You’re better off without him, but you knew that. It sounds like you are well on your way to putting the whole darn mess behind you. Good luck with that.
Well, when you put it that way, I suppose it isn’t much better! I just wonder if it would have been better had the boyfriend said something about leaving rather than ignoring Otto.
Here’s to hoping for bigger and better things, Otto!
Otto, you are a total cutie! Why, if I weren’t a happily married heterosexual female (not to mention old enough to be your mother), I’d date you!
I know it hurts right now, but I sincerely hope that you’ll find a decent guy soon who will help you get over it. {{{Otto}}}
Gosh, y’all are gonna turn my head!
I told a couple of my friends about the break up last night. I think they’re more pissed than I am. There’s talk of revenge, but of course I’m remaining serenely above the fray.
Enjoy some good revenge fantasies, Otto. You don’t have to ACT on them, but it’s sure fun to enjoy thinking them up. I’ve created some truly virulently nasty ones over the years. Never had the nerve to DO them, but ooh, the sadistic joy while nurturing them…
Like what everyone else said, you deserve better! Hang in there, it’ll happen!
Oreo his car. Trust me, you’ll feel much better.
Oh, and I 27th the “Hottie” assessment - no matter what that dude has going for him, you can do MUCH better. 
Seconded. My first thoughts: Oh, isn’t he cute! Lovely!
Best of luck, hon!! {{{Otto}}}
Getting dumped sucks. However, I have a few contrary, unsympathetic things to say.
This guy is not a weasel for breaking up with you if “you have developed feelings for him that he can’t return”. Why should such a relationship continue? Calling someone an ass for ending a problematic, no-future relationship is ridiculous.
Also, know from experience that it is a very bad idea to break up with someone before putting the relationship into the shitter for a week. This way, it wasn’t such a huge shock, and you can feel that you are better off without the relationship (which is true). If he dumped you out of the blue the second he realized it wasn’t going to work, it would have been much worse for you. TRUST ME.
Finally, didn’t anyone notice the “he’d better be amazing in the rack tonight” in the OP? Assuming this is a typo, this is a VERY funny typo.
Best of luck with the future.
No, I said he was being an ass because of the no-call, no-show behaviour of the week prior. Telling me he can’t return my feelings after telling me he loved me a few days in is what makes him a weasel.
And besides, I dumped him, remember?
I never said that he dumped you. I said, “Calling someone an ass for ending a problematic, no-future relationship is ridiculous”.
Which was purely hypothetical. 
sigh you have my sympathies, Otto.
Clearly you were involved with someone who didn’t understand the concept of love. I have faith that you’ll find a better fella - and soon!
Let’s all have a round of drinks for the people who have found themselves recently single. Since I became single just last night, I’m buying the first round.